I know this isn't the best place to come, but maybe there will be a couple gems in the shit that's going to be slung at me.
Anyhow, my bf broke up with me Wed. We've been having problems, and at first it was "I want to move out, I need my space, I'd like to still date," to now it's just "I'm moving out, let's be friends".
Anyhow, this is the first time a guy has done the breaking up with me. I'm having difficulty dealing with it, especially the being friends thing. I still have alot of feelings for him. I know its for the best, and I can probably find someone better, but I still want to be with him, near him. He said he still wants to hang out with me, and still has feelings for me as well, but says we need some time apart to come to terms.
It just hurts and is hard to resist calling him or trying to be with him. And it hurts thinking he might be dating other girls soon, tho of course he claims he'll probably be single a while.
I've already been looking around on match, but I've just got no drive to even try to contact strange guys.
I just want to be with him.

11/18/2007 2:30:05 PM

crazy bitches

11/18/2007 2:31:13 PM

let me guess, you put on some weight?

11/18/2007 2:31:33 PM

dont come to tdub with this please

11/18/2007 2:31:33 PM

if weight was the issue, he would have dropped some hints, I'm sure.

11/18/2007 2:36:38 PM

Is this a joke?

11/18/2007 2:37:16 PM

^^no, not necessarily. Most likely he's just been cheating on you for a while, chubby

[Edited on November 18, 2007 at 2:38 PM. Reason : .]

11/18/2007 2:38:31 PM

Quote :

"if weight was the issue, he would have dropped some hints, I'm sure."

so you have gained weight

11/18/2007 2:39:49 PM

this is probably how 134% of breakups are

11/18/2007 2:39:51 PM

I am breaking up with you.

11/18/2007 2:40:34 PM

Umm, don't go looking around for another guy right after you break up. First the guy will know you're on the rebound and it's an easy fuck.
Second, if your ex decides that he'd rather be with you and it took the break up for him to know this, he isn't gonna wanna get back with you if you've already fucked another guy
Third, learn to be single

11/18/2007 2:49:45 PM

/message_topic.aspx?topic=498858

did not see this coming.

11/18/2007 2:50:20 PM

Quote :

"Umm, don't go looking around for another guy right after you break up. First the guy will know you're on the rebound and it's an easy fuck. Second, if your ex decides that he'd rather be with you and it took the break up for him to know this, he isn't gonna wanna get back with you if you've already fucked another guy Third, learn to be single"

11/18/2007 2:50:43 PM

bwn?

11/18/2007 2:53:58 PM

thats some good solid advice ^^

11/18/2007 2:54:43 PM

Maybe you shouldn't have moved in together.

11/18/2007 2:57:49 PM

I knew I'd get at least one gem...

yes, thats good advice, but it doesnt stop the hurt right now...

^he's the one who moved in with me. I was urging him to, but he had a choice.

[Edited on November 18, 2007 at 2:59 PM. Reason : sdf]

11/18/2007 2:58:04 PM

i'll stop the hurt

11/18/2007 2:59:29 PM

11/18/2007 2:59:43 PM

Quote :

"I've already been looking around on match"

lawl




Sorry bout you and your boyfriend

11/18/2007 3:01:43 PM

I'm mostly trying to reassure myself that there are options out there...

but match has some pretty slim pickin's :/

11/18/2007 3:03:51 PM

lol. you'd be better off looking on tww than match.

11/18/2007 3:07:58 PM

or you could go out and meet people the old fashioned way.

you know, in person. seems to have worked for 99.99% of the time mankind has been around

11/18/2007 3:09:07 PM

Quote :

"He said he still wants to hang out with me, and still has feelings for me as well, but says we need some time apart to come to terms."

lies.

they never actually want to be friends.

11/18/2007 3:12:27 PM

hes gonna break up with u if he wants to

so really the best u can do is let him know u wish u could work it out and if not ok, we can be friends

but really u have to resist being around him. be civil if needed but really stay away and u have to be able to not need him, think of him, and want to associate with him.

but really just have fun with friends
dont go looking for another guy
and stick to staying busy

11/18/2007 3:12:29 PM

you have difficulty being apart/just friends
you have a lot of feelings for him
you want to be with him
you want to be near him
you are hurt
you find it hard to resisit calling/seeing him
you will feel hurt to see him with other girls

BUT

IN JUST 3-4 (maybe within 1?) DAYS YOU ARE ALREADY LOOKING FOR GUYS ON THE INTERNETS???

WTH???

SHIT DON'T MAKE SENSE.

11/18/2007 3:15:17 PM

wth is not a valid internet acronym

11/18/2007 3:15:45 PM

WatTH???

11/18/2007 3:16:27 PM

you're moving backwards

11/18/2007 3:16:43 PM

crazy bitches

11/18/2007 3:16:46 PM

wth is a pussy version of wtf.

11/18/2007 3:17:50 PM

i think this kind of emotional confusion is normal. don't be afraid of what is to come, though. you really just have to realize that time is the only thing that will soften this blow- and make a new life for yourself. Whatever reminds you of him- just do something else, listen to different music, watch different tv shows, buy new sheets or something.

I mean, you really just have to snap yourself out of the habit of wanting to be with him. Anytime you really quit something- it's the habit, the comfort, the familiarity that makes something appealing. You have to get yourself in to a new comfort zone. And I recommend that comfort zone being focused on yourself rather than somebody or something else like it seems to be.

11/18/2007 3:18:39 PM

^^ well, I am talking to a girl...!

11/18/2007 3:18:58 PM

don't worry about being friends


that takes a while


go have fun


learn to be single


you're gonna have to learn to be ok being alone

11/18/2007 3:20:13 PM

Quote :

"he's the one who moved in with me. I was urging him to, but he had a choice. "

Uh, okay. Don't see how moving in together could be anything other than consensual. Should have been more assured that you could stand each other first.

11/18/2007 3:20:16 PM

^^ MEN AND WOMEN CAN'T BE FRIENDS... DIDN'T YOU GET THE MEMO?

11/18/2007 3:20:53 PM

^^^ ^^ more good advice, thank you.

Quote :

"I'm mostly trying to reassure myself that there are options out there..."

to answer:

Quote :

"IN JUST 3-4 (maybe within 1?) DAYS YOU ARE ALREADY LOOKING FOR GUYS ON THE INTERNETS???"

We've been having trouble, and it was completely devastating at first because I had totally let down all my walls for him. I was almost panicking because I couldn't imagine what I'd do without him, so I had to start building back up those walls and realizing life could go on without him, and part of that was making sure there are still fish out in the sea

[Edited on November 18, 2007 at 3:24 PM. Reason : sd]

[Edited on November 18, 2007 at 3:25 PM. Reason : stupid ^]

11/18/2007 3:24:33 PM

you need to go do things you did by yourself before you were with him

learn to be by yourself, for at least 6 mos or a yr

this doesnt mean you cant date, but just dont get into a relationship

cut all contact with him, phone calls, texts, emails, bank accounts, credit, sex, lunch dates...

remove him from the situation

learn how to have fun

11/18/2007 3:26:18 PM

there are always options out there


people seem to forget that

11/18/2007 3:26:54 PM

Quote :

"and part of that was making sure there are still fish out in the sea "

there are 3 billion fish in the sea... you don't need to check the internets for that!

11/18/2007 3:28:45 PM

once I read

Quote :

"Umm, don't go looking around for another guy right after you break up. First the guy will know you're on the rebound and it's an easy fuck. Second, if your ex decides that he'd rather be with you and it took the break up for him to know this, he isn't gonna wanna get back with you if you've already fucked another guy Third, learn to be single"

I skipped reading the rest of the thread just to post that this is the only useful advice you're going to get out of this. the rest you'll just have to figure out for yourself...but that is damn good advice, coming from personal experience

11/18/2007 3:34:30 PM

Quote :

"or you could go out and meet people the old fashioned way. you know, in person. seems to have worked for 99.99% of the time mankind has been around"

or I could meet them on the internet, because i'm not going to find fellow introvert geeky bookworms at bars and clubs.

And yeah, I should be single a while. But going on dates is nice, and I don't mean to get into relationships, but they just happen sometimes

11/18/2007 3:35:01 PM

^^thats not the best advice


why in the hell would you want to be with, or get back with... someone that doesn't want to be with you


fuck that

live your life, have fun... and the ex can fuck off... trying to keep him from being mad by not doing what you want to do is giving him power that he doesn't need nor deserve

[Edited on November 18, 2007 at 3:37 PM. Reason : the object is to cut the problem, not let it grow]

11/18/2007 3:35:31 PM

maybe it's not that he doesn't want to be with her, just that he has his own shit he needs to work out before he can be completely committed to her

not saying that's be case with him, but it happened to me

11/18/2007 3:38:44 PM

well, he did tell me it takes him a while to "let someone in"

the biggest reason we broke up was because he felt I wanted too much commitment from him. I wanted to be with him and do things with him alot more than he wanted it.

ex: he works a 2nd shift job so only really saw me on weekends, and he was fine with that. He also wasn't big on phone communication, so got annoyed when I called him to stay in touch during the week

11/18/2007 3:39:34 PM

So technically you pushed him away, he did not break up with you?

11/18/2007 3:41:14 PM

sounds like you got pimped

11/18/2007 3:41:31 PM

ahhh ok


you gotta learn that there needs to be space

11/18/2007 3:42:11 PM

offer yourself as a FWB

[Edited on November 18, 2007 at 3:45 PM. Reason : r]

11/18/2007 3:44:20 PM

I tried to push him into spending more time with me --changing jobs, or his schedule or something-- this pissed him off, he clammed up, so I get insecure and start making snide comments to try and get him to tell me what the problem is or at least reassure me that he still wants me/thinks I'm sexy/something! but this just pisses him off further, makes him more distant, which makes me more insecure, etc etc.

11/18/2007 3:45:07 PM