Only for 20 minutes or so. The ideal candidate has that innocent, nerdy, professional look. You won't have to do anything but come over to my house and sit here.


Apply within.

1/8/2023 6:38:23 AM

I feel like I got the stated qualifications, but I don't live anywhere close to you.

1/8/2023 7:26:39 AM

Yeah, it would be easier if you're in the DMV

1/8/2023 7:29:29 AM

Send me your address

1/8/2023 8:59:01 AM

What's the ideal penis size for your candidate?

I'm not doing this for free. My time as a white person is valuable.

1/8/2023 10:53:30 AM

I'm in.

1/8/2023 10:55:35 AM

Are towels provided?

1/8/2023 11:40:58 AM

You trying to get your house appraised for a fair value?

1/8/2023 1:08:40 PM

Yeah, appraiser comes Tuesday at 11

1/8/2023 1:10:54 PM

A white person should do this for free.

1/8/2023 1:26:25 PM

The last time I made a white person stay in my home without paying them, the police got involved.

1/8/2023 1:34:21 PM

They should pay YOU!

1/8/2023 2:04:01 PM

You did take down all the Action Jackson posters, right? Get the purple drank out of the fridge?

1/8/2023 2:40:24 PM

I know it's a joke, but yeah...

Since before the house went on the market...before any photos were taken...before anyone but the realtor saw the house...

We removed any pictures, personal care products, or decorations that might hint that black people own this house. We even debated taking all of the spices out of the spice cabinet except for salt, pepper, spite, and envy.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/02/realestate/racial-bias-home-appraisals.html








By the way, I contacted LunaK about this, because she lives in the area. She was of no help. She'll probably vanity search in some point in the future, and find this thread. Please shame her when she does show up, because I most likely won't be here to see it.

1/8/2023 4:20:24 PM

Rent to own?

1/8/2023 7:15:41 PM

^^ it's total bullshit, but you have to do it. If I were in the area, I'd totally hang out for a few to halp out. I'd even drop a deuce in your toilets. America seriously sucks ass sometimes.

1/8/2023 7:43:01 PM

you should try calling up J'Biden

1/8/2023 8:48:48 PM

Sleepy Joe? It ain't like he doin anything

1/8/2023 8:54:44 PM

Quote :

"Please shame her when she does show up, because I most likely won't be here to see it."

Uh oh. EMCE, plz. Are you OK?!

1/8/2023 10:12:11 PM

I meet all the qualifications and am conveniently located in the DC suburbs.

1/9/2023 10:31:32 PM

But do you smell of patchouli? Also, the smell of Benin is still about you. Bad plan

1/9/2023 10:42:28 PM

Please wear this to EMCE's house

1/9/2023 10:52:10 PM

Yovo yovo

1/9/2023 11:09:23 PM

Alas, in this faithless and dissolute era of "middle age," I possess not one set of matching Benin clothes, all of the pants having been destroyed by various means. I smell of quality beard oils and financial security. In the Benin years, I could happily sit in the back of a station wagon with three other passengers for hours, waiting for the driver to find two more people to cram in the front to maximize his fare. Now, I throw a hissy fit if the Turkish Air Lounge tells me that they're too crowded to honor my PriorityPass access. What has become of me?

1/10/2023 8:37:56 AM

Man I hope you're not having it appraised for a refi or a move. I mean unless you have to move for work or something. These rates blow right now.

1/10/2023 9:55:11 AM

So how’d it go? You get a far valuation?

1/10/2023 11:11:19 PM

1/11/2023 8:13:38 AM

Have you thought about going the White Chicks route?

1/11/2023 9:33:47 AM

EMCE strikes me as more of a Chuck Taylor man:

1/11/2023 11:16:40 AM

The buyer postponed the appraisal

1/11/2023 12:31:22 PM

That's racist!

?

1/11/2023 2:04:45 PM

Is this still available?

1/11/2023 8:15:33 PM

Seriously though White Chicks House Staging LLC would make a killing in the DC area. Come in and stage places with the most basic Karen shit ever and fake family photos and live laugh love paraphernalia.

Tagline "Make racism work for you!"

1/12/2023 4:07:23 PM

I've thought about putting stock photos of you people on the cloud so I can ave them cycle through the Amazon Echo.

1/12/2023 4:59:22 PM

our white real estate agent sat in our house during the appraisal. I thought it was really weird of them to volunteer for this, but in retrospect I realize now they were looking out

1/20/2023 11:54:51 PM

Looking out for their commission

1/21/2023 9:41:34 AM

I just left the house empty while the appraiser was here.


Definitely de-blackified my house beforehand by getting rid of all colorful things. My house looked tapioca as fuck.

2/1/2023 9:51:00 PM

White people can detect cocoa butter from two miles away. I hope you accounted for that

2/1/2023 10:25:53 PM

^lol

2/2/2023 12:00:43 AM

House appraised at the anticipated value.


I left a few subtle clues around the house.
- a hand written recipe on the fridge for Zucchini Casserole
- Irish spring in the shower
- hung a picture of a Schooner on the wall
- love, live, laugh paper board sign
- Candle scent: Laundry Detergent
- Left a pair a Birkenstocks in the closet

[Edited on February 8, 2023 at 4:49 PM. Reason : h]

2/8/2023 4:40:41 PM

^
LOL!

Double LOL if you actually did that.

And also, I'm sorry on behalf of white people if you actually did that.

2/8/2023 7:09:10 PM

Sorry brah, all of my whites are booked up through May.

2/8/2023 7:53:42 PM

I sold my home today.

https://redf.in/2J6Ha6

2/24/2023 6:53:15 PM

Congrats, MC

2/24/2023 7:39:54 PM

Congratulations! Get the money! Dolla dolla bill, y'all!

Next level big brain move staging all those electric guitars. They would never suspect a black person had lived there.

2/24/2023 7:40:01 PM

I luv 2 slappadabass

[Edited on February 24, 2023 at 10:58 PM. Reason : low end 4 lyfe]

2/24/2023 10:57:26 PM

Hey man lemme borrow $500,000

2/24/2023 10:58:35 PM

2/24/2023 11:07:21 PM

Quote :

"Alas, in this faithless and dissolute era of "middle age," I possess not one set of matching Benin clothes, all of the pants having been destroyed by various means. I smell of quality beard oils and financial security. In the Benin years, I could happily sit in the back of a station wagon with three other passengers for hours, waiting for the driver to find two more people to cram in the front to maximize his fare. Now, I throw a hissy fit if the Turkish Air Lounge tells me that they're too crowded to honor my PriorityPass access. What has become of me?"

Jesus buddy just make a substack please. Subscribe me to your paid newsletter.

2/25/2023 12:12:06 AM

I see emce meant walter white lol

2/25/2023 12:18:06 AM