I hope everything is going well, or as well as it can for a slowly dying forum. I feel bad because we used to talk a lot but lately that hasn't been the case.

It's my fault, really; life got busy fast. I got a job - my first real job - selling American animal semen. Well, not really selling it, per se, more like helping to sell it - lubricating the process, if you will. It turns out American semen is in high demand. Farmers all over the world want our seed and my job is to give it to them. And if some countries try to say they don't want our hot bull batter, my job is to make them take it. Make them take it all.

OK, that's a slight exaggeration, and my job touches on many other products, but animal semen occupies a disturbingly large proportion of my day. Between a job with a web filter and a three hour commute, I don't have the time for wolfwebbing that I once did.

Also, I proposed to my longtime girlfriend. Immediately after, we both got crabs. Then she flew across the country. It's OK, though. She said yes, the crabs were delicious, and she eventually flew back.

Even though it's only been a couple of weeks, the wedding planning is already an impenetrable web of conflicting demands, possibly because we are very different people. She hails from a family of West Coast Jews. I am from a pack of North Carolina pork enthusiasts. Her parents met at Harvard. My grandfather didn't know how to read. She went to UC Berkeley and now Johns Hopkins. I went to NC State twice. So, basically, this is a geographic and cultural clusterfuck. But it will work out because our genitals are very compatible and we have many shared interests, including a mutual loathing for Paul R. Ehrlich. (Seriously. I believe I decided to marry her more than three years ago, when on our first date she spontaneously mentioned hating him)

So anyway, that's my life. What have you been up to?

[Edited on January 11, 2017 at 9:20 AM. Reason : plurality]

1/11/2017 9:19:37 AM

I hope you find true happiness and she isn't pulling some sort of Pygmalion long-con on you.

May your commute not drive you to madness and your bovine jizz be bountiful.

1/11/2017 10:36:22 AM

The rest of my life will be decided in July.

Very anxious till then, but trying to keep busy as much as possible so as not to be down.

Good luck with the wedding and wedded life!

1/11/2017 10:37:30 AM

Is tww invited to your wedding?

1/11/2017 10:59:24 AM