Hay guyz. So for the first time in quite a few years, I'm having sex on a regular basis. And I've come up with quite a few questions/ponderings that I'd like to hear you guys' input on. (I'd also like, incidentally, to hear you people's own musings on all things sexual: your favored techniques, certain pitfalls you've encountered, and any other observations you've formulated about sexual intercourse that you think might be worth sharing.) And I figure we might as well discuss sex, anyway, because it's fucking interesting.

So, some points...

1. Woman orgasming when man is on top
When having sex, I'm all about getting the girl off. That's my goal, really...for whatever reason, I dunno, maybe I'm altruistic, maybe I'm insecure, but whatever, I want the girl to cum.

But ladies, do you even EXPECT to cum when you're on the bottom? And what's the most effective way for a man to get the woman off when he's on top? Hard thrusting? Deep thrusting? Steady, rhythmic thrusting? Clitoral contact? Just having a big fucking dick? Does it vary based on the woman's vaginal architecture and/or the man's penis size? Is there a good universal strategy for this?

2. Woman coming when she's on top
Usually, when a girl cums with me, I'm just lying on my back, not even moving, and she's flailing around on my cock. I never cum from this position, but it's a way for her to get off, so I'm totally content with it.

I dunno, though...I guess where I'm getting at with this point is, it seems quite a shame that the position that's most pleasurable for the girl does next-to-nothing for me, and the position that does most for me (missionary) does least for her. I guess this is a fundamental attribute of sex, to some extent; but I don't know how rigid it has to be.

3. How long should a man last
Usually, if I'm on top, I can contrive to last about, like, 60-120 seconds, say. If I'm just thrusting all-out, I can cum a lot faster than this, but I've learned to draw it out. (P.S. Actually, lately my anti-anxiety meds have affected my ability to ejaculate, so I can pretty much thrust forever without cumming, which is kind of awesome but also kind of terrible.)

But I wonder, what's the standard period for a man to last, if he's on top? What do you expect, women? And if the man pulls out or takes a breather so he doesn't cum, is that permissible?

4. Second rounds
Usually, after 15-30 minutes or so, I'm ready to go again, but my wanker is never as rigid as it was the first time. Usually in this case the girl can cum if she gets on top of me, but I can never bring myself to spluge again, from any position. So is it even worth doing this?

5. Fingering
I fucking suck at fingering...I have a very crude, heavy touch. Just the other night, I tried to finger my girlfriend, and failed. (I've never successfully fingered a woman, actually.) I infer that clitoral contact is key in this pursuit, and I've even heard that the clit is so sensitive that you have to just BARELY touch it, you can't go smearing it. But anyway, what's the best technique here (if such a complicated, participant-specific question can be answered in such generality)?

Also, I fear that fingering (and to a lesser extent, sex in general) requires a "knack," a certain spontaneous and intuitive knowledge of where to touch, how and at what moment and in what succession, which is very hard to acquire if you don't already possess it/aren't born with it. But maybe that that's not correct: maybe sexual prowess is a thing that can be learned to some degree. (I'm a terrible, terrible dancer, incidentally, if that matters. I have no innate sense of rhythm.) Thoughts?

6. Eating out
Same considerations as 5, basically.

Everybody please feel free to chime in on all these things.

By the way, I always wear Trojan Enz Lubricated condoms.

Feel free to ask your own questions, or offer your own theses or observations. But this is the Lounge, bear in mind, so please don't attack my sexual prowess or lack thereof, or my inexperience (which is, admittedly, considerable...I've only had sex with three women, and my longest relationship has been like 3 months.)

Also, this is not meant to be a "Help JeffreyBSG improve his sex life" thread..it's meant to be a "Discuss the nuances of sex and help everybody get better at fucking" thread. So indulge your own discussions, too, you fucking nymphomaniacs.

2/18/2014 9:03:35 PM

communication. talk with your partner and do things she likes, and things that you like.

2/18/2014 9:20:14 PM

penis

2/18/2014 9:20:50 PM

Ladies can cum when they're on top because they are free to just do what works for them. It's pretty awesome.

But communication, improvisation, adaptation, etc are key. Try stuff, do what works, if it doesn't switch it up.

Also, rhythm.

2/18/2014 9:48:03 PM

The lounge ----->

2/18/2014 9:55:15 PM

in chit chat now. lets all rate the creepiness level of this thread from 1 - 10.

solid 8.

2/18/2014 9:59:58 PM

I don't think you should be allowed to move topics like this to Chit Chat without the OP's consent.

2/18/2014 10:00:42 PM

[Edited on February 18, 2014 at 10:07 PM. Reason : wrong thread]

2/18/2014 10:06:45 PM

8-9

2/18/2014 10:06:58 PM

Seriously though, congrats on the sex. That's awesome.

2/18/2014 10:08:49 PM

^ thank you it's been too long.

2/18/2014 10:09:24 PM

Dafuq?

2/18/2014 10:10:43 PM

this thread IS the internet

2/18/2014 10:13:14 PM

2/18/2014 10:41:30 PM

Dude...

2/18/2014 10:43:40 PM

Wait, is this copy pasta like inside sales or something.

2/18/2014 11:00:43 PM

Dafuq is a condom?

2/18/2014 11:03:14 PM

[Edited on February 18, 2014 at 11:13 PM. Reason : misread the name]

2/18/2014 11:12:15 PM

I, too, have had sex.

2/18/2014 11:16:42 PM

2/19/2014 8:25:46 AM

You sound like you think wanting the girl to get off makes you less of a man.

2/19/2014 8:33:11 AM

^
I guess I kind of do. I subconsciously feel that an alpha male would just take his pleasure from a woman and be indifferent to whether she enjoyed it or not. That's probably way wrong, though, now that I think about it.

2/19/2014 9:12:00 AM

dude, nothing gets me off more than watching the girls experience their orgasm. If i happen to get off first I usually feel like a chump and try to make it up to them in other ways. I still get it the way I want it, if that means a certain position or something else, but in the end I want them to get off because it makes it that much better for the both of you.

2/19/2014 9:19:13 AM

Quote :

"Dafuq is a condom?"

2/19/2014 9:31:31 AM

^^ well good...I'm glad you sympathize/agree. this is kind of the reason why it's hard for me to find good porn, incidentally: what I want to see most of all is the woman getting off, and in most pornos she's either faking it or not all that into it.


[Edited on February 19, 2014 at 9:32 AM. Reason : ^]

2/19/2014 9:32:02 AM

^

2/19/2014 9:32:04 AM

Up your oral game(s) gentlemen. Seriously.

2/19/2014 9:34:15 AM

Quote :

"Up your oral game(s) gentlemen. Seriously."

this...though if you don't LIKE going down on a girl, there's not much you can do...if you like it, get more practice

2/19/2014 9:35:35 AM

i love going down. i'm always slightly weirded out by girls that don't want it though. like, you literally have to do nothing, just sit back and chill.,/]

2/19/2014 9:39:21 AM

you put way too much effort into this thread OP. just poundtown it

2/19/2014 9:40:13 AM

yay, girls get off by using JeffreyBSG's dick as a dildo and ignoring the rest of him. so chivalrous. he's certainly not anticipating the ego surge of being able to think 'girls get off on me'. oh no, it's all for the ladies' pleasure.

you need to get a couple different types of lube, trim your fingernails til there's nothing left, and then figure out how to ACTIVELY please your woman. she's gonna get bored of doing aerobics.


and figure out some new positions already. missionary is horrible, most women prefer it from behind.

[Edited on February 19, 2014 at 10:24 AM. Reason : ]

2/19/2014 10:21:48 AM

imma disagree with the lube part

2/19/2014 10:23:21 AM

well from the description of his crude rough touch, he's likely to turn off the waterworks before he gets anything going. lube can definitely help with that. I recommend silicone, because it doesn't dry up all of a sudden.

and forget about the 'knack' or what you think you know about clits. every woman's clit is different. some are so sensitive that you can't touch them, and some like them rubbed very vigorously. if you make ASSUMPTIONS without asking your partner repeatedly what she likes and what she wants you to do, great way to make her uncomfortable and/or bore her.

2/19/2014 10:28:14 AM

what do you need the lube for? my experience has always been that unless you're ignoring foreplay (or if fingering IS foreplay, then fore-foreplay), lube is largely unnecessary

obviously all women are different, but i would assume the standard is self-lubrication from effective foreplay

2/19/2014 10:29:47 AM

Talking about likes and dislikes is good, but also try not to constantly ask "do you like this?" when you're doing stuff because that can be awkward. Imo it's better to talk about sex when you're not doing it, and then when you are, try to go by the sounds she's making. Moans are good. Silence is bad. Do more of the moan-producing things.

2/19/2014 10:32:41 AM

not every woman gets wet enough to accommodate rough non-penile objects. why is this news?



The OP said he SUCKED at fingering and COULDN'T get his girl hot that way because of his big oaf hands. so therefore, his foreplay is ineffective, and he needs to try lube. There's no mystery here.


skwink, i agree that constantly asking is awkward, but they're a couple, not just randos, and he needs help getting better at something specific. so I think he should ask her to tell him what she likes, show him what she likes doing her own thing, and then maybe guiding his hand and giving him directions. sounds like not everyone's boyfriend is an experienced Fareako in bed



[Edited on February 19, 2014 at 10:38 AM. Reason : ]

2/19/2014 10:33:43 AM

I get that. I just think that the experience of "I'm not very good at this, so help me learn" in the bedroom is a little awkward in and of itself. So when you're constantly stopping what you're doing to ask about it, to me, that just increases the awkwardness and makes it less likely to be pleasurable. There are nonverbal ways to communicate in that environment, so I'm just suggesting to try relying more on those than words when you can. ymmv.

and I get that lube is sometimes necessary, I just have apparently developed a stomach-turning response to thinking about it for some reason

[Edited on February 19, 2014 at 10:44 AM. Reason : I don't know why]

2/19/2014 10:41:32 AM

while i'm all for natural lube and wetness i find after a few sessions that it's necessary. no matter how wet she gets it can be beneficial for both of you. plus it could help you last longer.

2/19/2014 10:42:48 AM

Quote :

"The OP said he SUCKED at fingering and COULDN'T get his girl hot that way because of his big oaf hands"

I didn't mean I can't get a woman hot/wet by fingering (I can do that); just that I've never brought a woman to climax that way.

Jeez, you don't need a deft touch to get a woman wet...just stick your fingers down there and move them around a little bit. Lube is not a necessity here.

2/19/2014 10:53:39 AM

2/19/2014 10:54:40 AM

yeah, ^ that

2/19/2014 10:55:07 AM

stick your thumb in her butt. that's sure to help.

2/19/2014 11:05:10 AM

I've found that women like to be humiliated, degraded, and made to feel generally incompetent. Have you tried any of these things? Maybe spitting on her will work, or possibly putting a lit cigarette out on her back? If all else fails, rest your beer can on the top of her head while she is suckling your dangly parts.

2/19/2014 11:11:17 AM

Quote :

"60-120 seconds"

Wow. I mean, I'm no marathon man, but this was a huge boost to my ego. I think the 1-2 minute range is considered premature ejaculation status.

2/19/2014 11:11:46 AM

I don't know if I've missed it already, but women are very different in bed. So GREEN JAY can say that women love it from behind while your girlfriend might get little pleasure out of it. A former girlfriend would mainly get off while being on top while my current wife gets off mostly when I'm on top. One ex squirmed if I even got close to going down on her while another ex would have been fine with only oral.

So while listening to all of this "great advice" from t-dubbers might seem like a great idea...take most of it with a grain of salt. Listen to this, however:

Quote :

"communication. talk with your partner and do things she likes, and things that you like. "

And you should be golden.

2/19/2014 11:33:58 AM

^ this

I've been with girls that could only get off on top, girls that could only get off with me on top, girls that could get off from behind, girls that couldn't get off from behind, and some girls that could only get off from oral.

As long as she can AT LEAST get off from something, you should be good to go. Just make sure to do that something more often than not.

2/19/2014 11:36:45 AM

^ x 3 that. But I assume the 1-2 minute thing is the result of his long dry spell. I think 15 minutes or so is pretty normal.

Also if you want to know how she likes to be touched see if she will let you watch her go solo. Also when you do it, take cues from her body language/breathing to get an idea of what is or isn't working.

[Edited on February 19, 2014 at 11:47 AM. Reason : ninja]

2/19/2014 11:46:23 AM

^^^
thank you. that rings very true. I don't anticipate inviting any Tdubbers to fuck my girlfriend and figure out her preferences about sex, so I'll have to figure them out for myself. but it might be advantageous to view sex (besides viewing it as fucking awesome) as a relaxed cooperative learning experience and practice session, rather than a test that I must pass or fail every time.

^
actually, no...to be honest, I've never lasted anywhere near 15 minutes. I mean, I've talked to friends, too, who say they that if sex is good, they seldom last more than 2 minutes. I mean, maybe 3-4 minutes of thrusting is my best. maybe shameful, but I thought this was the norm.


[Edited on February 19, 2014 at 11:55 AM. Reason : 7i6]

2/19/2014 11:49:54 AM

I'd say 5-10 minutes is about average for me. But we do a lot of other shit leading up to penetration.

2/19/2014 11:57:58 AM

Quote :

"Also if you want to know how she likes to be touched see if she will let you watch her go solo. Also when you do it, take cues from her body language/breathing to get an idea of what is or isn't working."

the girl i'm currently sleeping with says she isn't into masturbation, just can't self gratify. on one hand that is kind of bizarre to me because no ones what makes them feel good more than themselves. but on the other hand it makes her sexual appetite insatiable

2/19/2014 11:58:24 AM