http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/nc-man-drinks-gasoline-jar-lights-dies-15812128#.T06i0vHeDAM

In summary:

NC man mistakes a jar of gasoline for alcohol.
Drinks said gasoline.
Realizes it was gasoline and spits it out all over himself
Then decides to enjoy a cigarette
Sets himself on fire
Dies of burns at UNC burn center.

2/29/2012 5:15:37 PM

THE 2011 DARWIN AWARDS

You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the 2011 Darwin Awards:

Eighth Place

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

HONORABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER IS....

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Sh** happens'


IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.

2/29/2012 5:16:59 PM

Quote :

"Origins: In the summer of 1998, this entertaining "news item" appeared in the Weekly World News, a publication not known for adherence to strict journalistic standards. Fantastic stories invented cut of whole cloth regularly appear in its pages, and this pachyderm tale is but another of that ilk. Photo or not, the story is a fake. There is no zoo in Paderborn, Germany, and a check of that town's phone book fails to reveal listings for either the victim Riesfeldt or detective Erik Dern. Moreover, no reputable news agency carried the story of the unfortunate Friedrich Riesfeldt's demise. "

Anyway, this dude is from my home town, but I don't know him

/coolstorybro

2/29/2012 5:20:28 PM

this part of the OP link doesnt make him seem like the dumbest person ever

Quote :

"City spokeswoman Diane Miller said investigators believe Banning was at a friend's apartment when he apparently mistook a jar of gasoline sitting by the kitchen sink for a beverage. After taking a gulp, he spit the gas out and got some on his clothes."

the cigarette part does though

2/29/2012 5:22:03 PM

A) how could you not know, upon putting the jar close to your face, that it wasn't gasoline?

B) why was there a jar of gas in the kitchen?

C) regardless of how much you may have spit and gargled, why would you smoke a cigarette after ingesting gasoline?


he definitely wins

2/29/2012 6:04:52 PM

I wouldn't even put gasoline guy second. metal "bungee" cable guy gets second, and revolver-in-mouth guy wins, in my book.

you're all saying how stupid this guy is for putting gasoline in his mouth, not any dumber than a loaded pistol

2/29/2012 6:09:12 PM

i mean i could see it happening being jacked up after drinking moonshine all day or something

2/29/2012 6:09:34 PM

Here's the real story from local news:

Quote :

"A man is dead from severe burns after authorities say he accidentally drank gasoline and later set himself on fire. Dead is Gary Banning, who neighbors say was visiting a friend at an apartment on Roosevelt Road in Havelock. Police say they got a call around 9:55 p.m. and found the 43-year-old man with severe burns. He was transported to the Jaycee Burn Center in Chapel Hill where he died Tuesday morning around 6:00 a.m. Police say they learned Banning had accidentally drank gasoline earlier in the day. He spit it out onto his clothing, but never changed clothes. Later in the evening, police believe Banning was smoking a cigarette, started to doze off when the fire accidentally erupted. Havelock police say alcohol was involved and drugs possibly involved. They say earlier in the day someone at the apartment was using gasoline to clean grease off their hands and left a glass jar containing gasoline on the kitchen counter. Police say their investigation is ongoing."

[Edited on February 29, 2012 at 6:15 PM. Reason : http://www.witn.com/home/headlines/BREAKING_NEWS__Man_Dies_After_Drinking_Gasoline_140758213.html]

2/29/2012 6:15:01 PM

Quote :

"I wouldn't even put gasoline guy second. metal "bungee" cable guy gets second, and revolver-in-mouth guy wins, in my book. "

The metal Bungee guy can't be ranked (hence the Honorable mention) b/c he's ALIVE!

[Edited on February 29, 2012 at 6:29 PM. Reason : .]

2/29/2012 6:28:48 PM

the metal bungee guy can't be ranked because that never happened.

kiwi posted a list of mostly made up bullshit.

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/darwin06.asp

2/29/2012 6:43:00 PM

ugh...now I just want to kick kiwi in the taint several times

2/29/2012 6:47:05 PM

Quote :

"Sixth Place While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital."

lies

2/29/2012 8:53:11 PM

this.... this is pretty much fireworks safety 101

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/07/05/man-dies-after-attempting-to-shoot-fireworks-from-top-of-head/

7/5/2015 5:22:26 PM

Did the shell malfunction and blow up in the tube?

[Edited on July 5, 2015 at 6:05 PM. Reason : V you're confusing burning with an exploding...and i doubt that was it ]

7/5/2015 5:56:42 PM

^the explosion that launches the mortar could have killed him

http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/04/us/texas-alligator-attack/

A man who apparently mocked alligators, then jumped in the water -- despite warning signs -- is dead after being attacked in Texas.

Orange County Police were called to Burkart's Marina near the Louisiana state line early Friday morning after reports that Tommie Woodward, 28, and an unidentified woman were swimming in a bayou and had been attacked by a large alligator.

Woodward's body was found several hours later. The woman was not injured.


Orange County Justice of the Peace Rodney Price told CNN affiliate KFDM that Woodward ignored verbal warnings and a posted "No Swimming Alligators" sign and seemed to mock the deadly creatures before going in the water.

"He removed his shirt, removed his billfold ... someone shouted a warning and he said 'blank the alligators' and jumped in to the water and almost immediately yelled for help," Price said.

7/5/2015 6:01:00 PM

the gators left the unidentified woman alone because she didn't verbally disrespect them

7/5/2015 7:26:34 PM

I never submitted it for a Darwin award (though I should have) but years ago a coworker I did not know came into work with a long knitting needle stuck in her hand in between her index finger and her thumb. Her story was that she was working on a project for her kid's craft day at school that morning, it got stuck and she didn't want to be late for work so she came in with it jammed in there like some sort of pull up antenna on a hand.

She resisted pleas from her coworkers to go to the doctor all morning until she was essentially told by her boss to go or she would be fired. People offered to drive her but she declined by saying she drove in with it and had no issues. Well she promptly got in a wreck in the parking deck on her way out. She eventually made it to the doctor who removed it and gave her a tetanus shot and put a big bandage around her hand and forearm.

She went on a smoke break that afternoon and when the wind blew her hair in her face she reached for it with her only good hand...which held the cigarette she was smoking and resulted in her lighting her hair on fire (it was put out quickly and she was okay).

7/5/2015 7:52:18 PM

hahahaha

7/5/2015 7:53:47 PM

^^lol damn

7/6/2015 10:36:43 AM

^^^that isn't a darwin award candidate. you have to die or render yourself unable to procreate in order to be eligible for darwin awards.

that lady can still pass on her stupid.

7/6/2015 3:22:17 PM

i hope that guy's head exploded

7/6/2015 4:43:49 PM

http://gawker.com/fuck-that-alligator-man-killed-seconds-after-mocking-1715887134


^ http://heavy.com/news/2015/07/devon-staples-calais-maine-fireworks-accident-man-put-shoot-fireworks-off-head-killed-dead-photos-facebook-4th-of-july-fourth/

[Edited on July 6, 2015 at 5:35 PM. Reason : ]

7/6/2015 5:29:10 PM

The firework story doesn't sound believable. Sounds like the guy was being really dumb and his friends are covering for him. I hope they all got their story straight.

7/6/2015 5:54:36 PM

^for every action equal and opposite reaction. those mortars use an explosion to launch hundreds of feet in the air. that would have to be at least as much force as getting hit in the head with a baseball bat that of course could be fatal

7/6/2015 7:42:40 PM

At best he was going to get the worlds worst burn. How much alcohol does it take to get a person to set off an explosive on top of their head?

7/6/2015 7:46:23 PM

Rapelling down an extension cord. Nice.

http://www.wlos.com/news/features/top-stories/stories/man-killed-fall-high-rise-21803.shtml#.VZr5bvlVhBc

7/6/2015 7:53:17 PM

http://www.beaumontenterprise.com/news/article/Men-claim-they-killed-gator-in-Friday-s-death-6369166.php?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter



Bye bye gator

7/7/2015 10:48:17 PM

7/7/2015 10:52:45 PM

If any of y'all that don't live in ENC and listen to 95.1 they do a segment called Darwin Award Nominees. During the school year I'm able to hear it about 5:50 in the morning. It's hilarious, it's a nice way to help me wake up because half the time I'm laughing my ass off at how stupid people can be.

7/7/2015 11:52:57 PM

Quote :

"those mortars use an explosion to launch hundreds of feet in the air. that would have to be at least as much force as getting hit in the head with a baseball bat that of course could be fatal"

Did you take physics in college?

7/7/2015 11:58:42 PM

^^^poor gator

7/7/2015 11:58:58 PM

gator gator gator gator gator gator gator gator gator gator gator gator gator gator gator


okay, now the word gator is weird.

7/8/2015 1:07:41 AM

The BLAAAAZZZZEEEE

7/8/2015 1:32:39 AM

https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/22/us/science-channel-mike-hughes-dead/index.html

2/23/2020 1:18:24 AM

^ I guess now we'll never know the truth about the Earth: Is it flat or is it round?

2/23/2020 2:34:46 AM

Quote :

" It was always his dream to do this launch, and Science Channel was there to chronicle his journey," the Science Channel said in a statement."

if they gave him money the science channel effectively paid him to kill himself. not cool

[Edited on February 23, 2020 at 5:57 AM. Reason : x]

2/23/2020 5:54:49 AM

Idk seems pretty cool to me

2/23/2020 6:41:06 AM

Gnsp

[Edited on February 23, 2020 at 7:21 AM. Reason : Because i suck]

2/23/2020 7:19:38 AM

is this the flat earther rocket guy?

2/23/2020 8:57:26 AM

Gee Ricky I'm sorry your mom blew up

2/23/2020 11:15:25 AM

Here’s the video. No gore.

https://twitter.com/justindchapman/status/1231336002175717376?s=21

[Edited on February 23, 2020 at 9:36 PM. Reason : ]

2/23/2020 9:35:38 PM

he was using flat earth Wile E. Coyote physics

[Edited on February 23, 2020 at 10:06 PM. Reason : .]

2/23/2020 10:02:43 PM

looked like he had a parachute but it accidentally deployed on launch?

2/23/2020 10:09:48 PM