How was it for you when you 1st moved in together? What were the issues? etc etc

Mine has been staying over and such, but not all the time (kid and such)


Any advice is helpful..Wont happen till August/September...just getting a heads up.

1/15/2012 11:29:17 AM

I've been living with my girl for about a year and a half now... It's going really well!

Somethings that really help: I have my own bedroom/office with my own shower/bathroom. We sleep together each night, but I have my own space that I call my room where I keep all my clothes and stuff. I think this makes a big difference.

We have set roles that we help each other out with... I take care of the trash, heavy lifting, dishes if she cooks, feed/take out the dog in the earlier morning. She cooks, does most of the cleaning and does the laundry.

She owns the place so I pay her rent and half the utilities each month. We split purchases that benefit us both.

1/15/2012 11:35:16 AM

I'm pretty sure I remember a thread that was quite lengthy.... not gonna look for it, but there might be plenty of advice, etc, in that thread

1/15/2012 11:38:03 AM

I've moved in with my SO in all but name and books only. It'll be definite after my lease is up in April. The biggest issue we have had so far is that I think she's too unselfish and won't ask for help when she needs it, lol. After her previous relationship, she's been used to doing all the work.

[Edited on January 15, 2012 at 11:38 AM. Reason : -ly]

1/15/2012 11:38:06 AM

@Flying Tiger...I am having the same issue, she will damn near kill herself before she even thinks to ask me for help. Same with the reason being the previous relationship. Thats the lone frustration I have, but its understandable.

1/15/2012 11:43:10 AM

^ if you haven't told her then maybe you can? I have that issue and I apologize too much according to my SO. But he brought it up one day and I have been more aware of it. I think she will ask for help more once you guys get into a rhythm.

I definitely think it helps to have space for each person, and to establish when one person seeks out alone time, it is not because of the other person.

Depending on how much time she wants in the bathroom, you can manage sharing a bathroom fine. I would recommend cleaning it often, especially if when you shave, and she will hopefully reciprocate by not having her stuff exploding all over the bathroom.

Also you will probably want to start getting creative with your time together, eventually you guys will get really comfortable and stop doing romantic things. So make dinners together and still plan things, this is important after the first year has gone by.

Surprisingly me and my SO do not fight a lot, but occasionally we have a blow out. For us, and I am thinking most people, it is going to happen, but it really helps if you both communicate.

also make sure you learn their pet peeves and teach them yours, eventually someone will freak out one day when you are leaving shoes everywhere or whatever..

1/15/2012 12:06:27 PM

Having a division of space somewhere in the house is helpful: we have two bedrooms, so we split it up that way (we sleep in the same room, but he has his own room for his computer, clothes, bathroom stuff, etc).

And I think how you divide chores is a personal thing you'll have to sort out between yourselves (as an example, we actually still both do our own individual laundry). But it's good to talk about it and figure it out before you move in together.

1/15/2012 12:45:37 PM

I have lived with bf for 5 years. In my case, having two of everything for stuff that matters to you helps a lot:

1) Separate rooms for your shit. My sewing projects have a tendency to stupidly explode all over the place,
as do his engineering/music projects. His bike generator project at the moment has taken over our breakfast nook and the bike room, but it will be awesome when done.

The real point is having an area unto yourself. Personal space is good. I have seen too many relationships
fail because the couples did not give each other enough space to be healthy, relaxed and creative.

I love my boyfriend, but I'll be damned if I want to see him every minute of every day I'm home.

2) Separate entertainment/work stations. I can be watching Netflix and he can be playing Quake Live, or working on school stuff or whatever, and there's no fighting over laptops for work or school.

3) Separate bikes. Nothing is more irritating than running out the door and needing to adjust everything because your SO got bored and took your bike out. (Ok, n/a for most of you).

4) Petty shit doesn't matter. Does it matter that he only vacuumed once a week instead of twice? No.
Does it matter if he pays his share of the bills and treats me well? Absolutely.

5) Communicate, because if not I will guarantee dumb stuff will build up and you'll be wasting your time
fighting instead of sewing or playing Quake Live.

1/15/2012 12:48:29 PM

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1/15/2012 12:48:39 PM

My fiancee and I moved in together when we had only been dating for 6 months. We have a 3 bedroom place and we obviously share our bedroom with adjoining bathroom and closet (yes we share a closet and there are no issues). He uses one of the bedrooms as an office because he works a lot at night. It's also his video game room. The third bedroom is a guest bedroom/my office for when I work from home. There is a jack and Jill bathroom that connects the 2 bedrooms that we use as a guest bathroom.

The two biggest adjustments for us fell more on me. My fiancee had roommates before so he was used to sharing space but I had lived on my own for 6 years so learning to share food was a new concept for me also figuring out the cleaning schedule of the house. My condo was half the size of our place now so it obviously takes me much longer to clean, plus I am cleaning up after another person and animals. But now we have a good system down.

My suggestion - prior to moving in, sit down and talk it all out. Where each of you stand financially, how much each person is going to contribute to the house, chores, space, etc. What works for one couple might not work for another. For us, we don't mind sharing the bathroom and closet - maybe because both are really big so we don't feel crowded. You guys might have to go back and adjust things a bit but you also have to give it time to make sure it's going to work. Sometimes in the beginning it's just a bit bumpy.

1/15/2012 12:52:34 PM

the thread I linked above is the long one from about a year ago and is full of good information. I've lived with my girlfriend for 10 months after only moving in 5-6 months into our relationship. Some people say x amount of time is too soon, but it differs with everyone. It just felt right, we were already staying together every night so why delay the inevitable?

I'm lucky that we both enjoy the same TV shows and things like that. She doesn't mind when I play video games because it gives her time to piddle around the house or do her own thing for a bit. And she works nights a few times a week so we both have our own solo time at home which we both covet.

1/15/2012 1:18:07 PM

We are going to be getting a 4-5 Bedroom house so we have extra rooms. She is going to be going to school for her doctorate so financially its going to be interesting. Her dad is helping out.

I have never shared a room with anyone, but separate bathrooms is a must, she refuses to go in mine, but that's only because I hate cleaning bathrooms. She just uses my guest bathroom now.

We have 2 dogs also, so we are getting them used to each other.

she likes cleaning and cooking and doing laundry...so bonus for me, but I would never put that all on her. I see how much it stresses my mom out when my dad does it to her. I like cooking too.

I am really excited about this. haha

1/15/2012 3:01:13 PM

Be able to escape without it being a big deal. Biggest mistake I ever made was moving in with an SO who lived in Chapel Hill, where I knew NOBODY. So if things were getting tense, I didn't really have anywhere to go unless I wanted to drive all the way to Greensboro or Raleigh. Meaning I didn't go anywhere, I stayed with the tension until it blew up into a full-blown shit-storm. Which it did, and often.

1/15/2012 3:12:58 PM

We would be moving to Bainbridge Island, WA. Its 30 mins from Seattle, WA. She is "from" here, where I am just stationed here. I pretty much know nobody but work people. ha

1/15/2012 3:16:19 PM

My boyfriend got a job in a small town two hours away from my family and friends. I don't know anyone here and we pretty much just hang out with each other or the dogs/cats, unless we drive to Raleigh or have visitors. Been here for over a year now and so far so good. Our work schedules aren't exactly the same, so we get our alone time which is nice. We have a guest bedroom and an office, but we rarely use either of them. I kind of wish our house was smaller actually. 2 bedrooms would be plenty. Also, our "tester" was living in my small, shitty apartment for a couple months with little room and a roommate. I figured if we could survive that, then we could survive anything.

I think the main thing that makes this work is that we like spending time together and neither of us really like going out that much.

1/15/2012 4:20:07 PM