As I've mentioned on here recently, I'm moving back to FL to be near my daughter. I filed a petition with the courts to get joint (50%) physical and legal custody, and also for a corresponding reduction in child support. Right now I pay $1020/month, but that was set when I was a brand new 1st Lt. Now that I've been a Captain for several years, I make a good bit more money, so I'm afraid that my child support amount will not go down a whole lot, even if I have my daughter half the time.

Her mother actually (amazingly, given past experiences) has pretty much agreed to everything, except that she wants me to continue paying her $1020/month.

I'm going to see if the statute-ordered amount turns out to be significantly less, but I'm afraid it'll still be $800/month or something, and it might not be any less at all. I'm still hoping to be pleasantly surprised (relatively speaking) and see a number like $500/month.

At any rate, what I'm considering is at least trying to get her to agree to not having any (or at least very minimal) child support, but me paying solely for all of our daughter's expenses except for stuff like food, clothes, and incidental expenses that her mother spends during the time that our daughter is with her. I'd pay for daycare, health insurance, dental insurance, soccer league, swimming lessons, etc., plus the day-to-day stuff when she's staying with me, of course.

Before I volunteer that, though, I want to make sure I'm thinking of everything...I know what everything costs for a 4-year old, but that still leaves 14 more years to go.

-daycare
-health insurance
-dental insurance
-recreational sports leagues, swimming lessons, etc
-school tutoring, as needed
-cell phone and car (?) as she gets older

What am I forgetting?

Is there anything that could really be expensive?

7/16/2011 3:12:18 AM

sounds like you have a pretty good handle on what to expect

but if she's really good at something (sports/music/dance/dressage?), prepare to pay through the nose until age 12-14 or so, when people interested in her professional potential will start paying for you

7/16/2011 3:22:26 AM

Yeah, that's something I've thought about...impossible to plan for, though. At least with that kind of thing, (a) it wouldn't be mandatory--I could decide how much to spend, and (b) I'd be footing that bill no matter what, because her mom doesn't make enough money for funding an extravagant vocation. If I could keep from gving her mom quite so much child support, I could make sure more was actually being spent on our daughter instead of mom's car payment.

[Edited on July 16, 2011 at 3:37 AM. Reason : ]

7/16/2011 3:35:16 AM

Might as well throw orthodontics in there. That's $texas. And if she doesn't end up needing braces you can put that money in her college fund

7/16/2011 9:40:20 AM

-vehicle insurance to go w/ that car
-school fees, trips, clubs, books...
-an allowance

7/16/2011 9:54:06 AM

Quote :

"Yeah, that's something I've thought about...impossible to plan for, though. At least with that kind of thing, (a) it wouldn't be mandatory--I could decide how much to spend, and (b) I'd be footing that bill no matter what, because her mom doesn't make enough money for funding an extravagant vocation. If I could keep from gving her mom quite so much child support, I could make sure more was actually being spent on our daughter instead of mom's car payment."

Not to be argumentative or anything, but if a court orders you child support, part of the calculation does include house payment and sometimes car payment (if reasonable). The idea behind it is they need to pay for the room your daughter stays in/seat she rides in etc, so don't be taken aback if they do it like that. I don't know the rules for Florida, but I do know in NC it's not hard for the court to waive the child support obligation standard. But that's the minority in the country. Some states will not waive it at all. Did you originally bring the child support/custody action in Florida?

As far as additional expenses, you're going to want to think about:
-allowance for her, she may want to go to the movies, etc.
-hair cuts (as she gets older it'll get more expensive),
-eventually the make up will start and more expensive acne facewash,
-girly accessories (sunglasses, purses, swimsuits, jewelry)
-a computer (some high schools even require it),
-college extraneous expenses like interviewing materials, transportation to the college, dorm bedding, etc.

Some of these are much further in the future, and some are optional/can be reigned in obviously.

7/16/2011 10:13:58 AM

Probably the most 'serious' thread on TWW, in one sense of the word?

Good luck dude!

7/16/2011 10:54:41 AM

You realize that all that stuff adds up to more than the amount you're paying now right? At least for me it does.

The daycare/preschool my 4yr old goes to is over $200/wk ($226 if I remember right). Granted thats a 5-star place, but daycare is $Texas

[Edited on July 17, 2011 at 12:02 AM. Reason : ,]

7/17/2011 12:02:28 AM

No way, not even close. Daycare is about $500/month, so yeah, it's a big one, but by the time most of the other big ones kick in, the daycare won't be a factor anymore.

(actually, I think the daycare she currently goes to in FL is even less).

medical stuff is free as long as I'm still on active duty. by the time i have to pay for healthcare/health insurance, she won't need daycare anymore.

7/17/2011 2:04:30 AM

damn, daycare must be cheap in FL.

i'm paying 895 a month, and it ain't even highroller shit like primrose or anything.

7/17/2011 11:03:30 PM

Damn, need to remember not to knock up any anti-abortion chicks

[Edited on July 18, 2011 at 12:37 AM. Reason : .]

7/18/2011 12:37:23 AM

if she's awesome at a young age at something start posting youtube vids and maybe she'll get on oprah or something... lol

7/18/2011 10:18:47 AM

If her mom is a loser who spends too much on a car, then you may just have to pay more on your own to make sure your daughter gets what she needs. And, if you did get her mother to agree to this new payment system, beware that there is a big chance it will be more than $1,000 some months, but at least it'll be more money that gets spent in the right places.

before/after school care
summer camps!!!
memberships--pool, gym?
legal fees
car repairs
another car
therapy
rehab
major surgery
vacations/trips/travel

[Edited on July 19, 2011 at 2:50 PM. Reason : Less uppity.]

7/19/2011 2:35:56 PM

Quote :

"damn, daycare must be cheap in FL. "

I was thinking the same thing. Maybe it's one of those in-house type places? Even in the 90s daycare wasn't that cheap in Raleigh

7/19/2011 3:20:28 PM

monthly contribution to college fund

7/19/2011 4:49:39 PM

Quote :

"therapy rehab"

not everyone is going to turn out messed up like you.

message_topic.aspx?topic=615687

Quote :

"Generally, people who get touched and moved by shit are annoying"

7/20/2011 8:00:24 PM

AHA, I was just trying to think of costly things that might get overlooked. I shoulda put "grandchild" on the list, too.

And lots of people see therapists...I don't see how that makes a person "messed up."

[Edited on July 20, 2011 at 10:22 PM. Reason : ]

7/20/2011 9:55:28 PM

you don't go to a therapist to tell them how awesome your life is.



[Edited on July 20, 2011 at 10:37 PM. Reason : .]

7/20/2011 10:36:19 PM

Yeah, but talking to someone still doesn't make a person messed up.

It's not an either-or (awesome or messed up) situation. Right?


Also, this is like the second time you've sort of directed a comment at me in like forever, and it's weirding me out. And both comments have been relatively recent: this thread and then the thread about Community... So, yeah, TWW must really suck big time if we're interacting. I gotta quit this site.

7/20/2011 10:58:15 PM

Duke,

when you moving?


i'm pretty sure i saw you at the Gold's on Kidaire Farm Rd. it was getting close to closing to time, and i still had to hit some more sets, otherwise i was going to stop and say hi.

7/20/2011 11:17:11 PM

yeah, that was probably me. I go to the Kildaire Gold's when I'm up around Raleigh. I'm moving in a few weeks.

7/28/2011 11:48:29 PM

daycare in florida = dropping kids off at an old folks home.

7/30/2011 6:46:54 AM

why would you have to pay the mother anything if your daughter is living with you half the time?

i would assume in that case the price of things that you mentioned would be split evenly.

and then day to day expenses would be taken on by the person who the kid was staying with at the time.

[Edited on July 30, 2011 at 3:53 PM. Reason : ]

7/30/2011 3:51:25 PM

i hope you get shared (or even primary) custody.

but don't go chopping her up and dumping her body in a creek in texas if you don't get custody.

7/30/2011 5:51:58 PM

you'd be way* better off just paying $1020 at first glance.

7/30/2011 8:01:30 PM

^^^ Yeah, that would be fair, wouldn't it?

...but no, I suspect that I'll have to pay her $500/month at an absolute minimum, and then we'll essentially split the expenses.


^ No way that'll be cheaper...and once she doesn't have daycare anymore, it'll REALLY not be cheaper.

7/31/2011 5:32:32 PM

you mentioned insurance, extra curricular activities, etc. - I guess I rounded up a bit too much.

7/31/2011 5:59:37 PM

I don't know a lot about Domestic Law in Florida...but do you feel confident about getting child support reduced?? That doesn't happen very often.

8/1/2011 7:26:24 AM

Yeah, there's a provision for adjusting it if it would change by a certain threshold amount.

In my case, being awarded joint physical custody would also cause the support amount to be calculated differently, and to be substantially reduced. On the other hand, though, that will be partially (or maybe totally) negated by the fact that my income has gone up a good bit since the original support amount was set.

8/1/2011 8:54:47 AM