Recently got engaged, and was planning on having my best man be my best friend.

My brother (who I asked to be a groomsman) called and informed me that it would be a slap in the face of my dad if he wasn't asked to be the best man.

Apparently around here that is tradition. That's the first I've heard of it.

Best man: should it be dad, brother, or best friend?

4/28/2010 11:37:09 AM

Best friend... southerners do stupid shit

4/28/2010 11:37:46 AM

whoever you want it to be. has nothing to do with being southern.

[Edited on April 28, 2010 at 11:38 AM. Reason : in fact, I've never been to a wedding where the best man wasn't the best friend]

[Edited on April 28, 2010 at 11:40 AM. Reason : does the maid of honor have to be the bride's mother? no. ]

4/28/2010 11:38:13 AM

I went against the grain and got my best friend to be the best man. My brother had our dad as his best man. Dad didn't seem to care, in fact I think he was glad he didn't have to stand up there.

4/28/2010 11:38:29 AM

i had my best friend as my best man and my dad wasn't in my wedding at all

my brother got married last year and i was his best man and our dad was the only groomsman

if i could do it over again i'd have my brother as my best man and my best friend as one of the groomsmen

4/28/2010 11:41:14 AM

^^ yeah my Dad said he wouldn't want to do it anyways, he'd rather sit with my mom


I have seen it a lot though, the few I've been to have all had the dad as the best man

[Edited on April 28, 2010 at 11:41 AM. Reason : .]

4/28/2010 11:41:21 AM

I don't even see why your brother is an option...he's not your first choice and he's not even endorsing himself.

So it comes down to your dad and your best friend.

I think your dad is going to be involved enough in the wedding regardless...go with your friend here.

If this is the first you've ever heard of it, it can't be that big a tradition anyway.

4/28/2010 11:41:55 AM

It is a big thing in the south--and actually, every wedding I've been to, the Dad has been the best man. BUT that's if you've got a good relationship with your Dad and you want him there and he wants to be there. (By there, I mean in that position). But you could always ask him. And you have to think about other things too--will your best friend now still be your best friend in 5, 10, 15 years?

Ultimately, it's your wedding, and while it may be a big tradition, you choose who stands next to you, and no one else.

4/28/2010 11:47:08 AM

i've never been to a wedding where the best man is the father

4/28/2010 11:51:11 AM

Keep in mind the bachelor party... I don't if I'd want to be hanging out with my dad if I were out going nuts and hanging out with strippers and stuff.

4/28/2010 11:52:00 AM

choose whoever you want

my dad is gonna be my best man in a few weeks

4/28/2010 11:53:42 AM

It's YOUR wedding not your father's, so you shouldn't feel guilty about any decision you make. Your dad and brother should respect that. If they don't, then they're pricks.

4/28/2010 11:56:02 AM

I honestly have no idea who I'd choose. Any one I picked would offend someone else. But if you do pick your dad and you don't want him to run the BP just designate one of your best friends and/or a groomsman to run it. Maybe have a tamer BP that your dad/uncles/etc can attend or have them out for dinner earlier in the night of the BP. Either way it's your wedding do what you want and the people close to you should understand. If not. Fuck'em.

4/28/2010 11:58:02 AM

I have no brothers and my dad died 2 years ago, so I just have to pick between my friends. I have 2 really close friends that are like brothers to me, so I have to choose between them. I joke with them that if I ever get married then I will have to put together some sort of competition and they can just fight it out for the slot.

4/28/2010 12:01:51 PM

I've lived in the south all my life (except for deployments, etc) and I've never been to a wedding where the best man is the father.

4/28/2010 12:10:15 PM

Come to think of it, neither have I. The father is almost always a groomsman, but never the Best Man.

4/28/2010 12:34:55 PM

i've never seen a father as a groomsmen either... but i'm not a southerner, so maybe that's why

4/28/2010 12:36:37 PM

I am leaving an empty space in my group of groomsman for my pops.

4/28/2010 12:37:20 PM

^we laid a single calla lily on 2 chairs on the groom's side (for his sick grandma/grandpa who couldn't attend) and a single calla lily on 2 chairs on the bride's side (for my grandma and cousin who had passed away). we also put a dedication in the program on the back page, telling everyone who the flowers were for.

i think the flower on the chair is a better dedication than an empty spot in the line of groomsmen. it is sincere and thoughtful and kind, but i'd be concerned that it would just look weird and not everyone will understand (unless you say something in the program about it).


also, my best friend's wedding had the groom's father as best man, but that's the first (and only) time i've seen it like that.

more often than not, it's a sibling or a best friend.

go with the best friend.

4/28/2010 12:42:02 PM

I'm not really concerned with how it will look or who will/won't understand.

4/28/2010 12:47:25 PM

I'm just saying there's other ways to say what you're trying to say.

4/28/2010 12:48:30 PM

i'm having two best men because i have two brothers

*shrug*

4/28/2010 3:03:21 PM

I was my brothers best man and our dad wasn't in the wedding.

Although my first roommate had his dad as the best man and his brother, myself, and a couple of friends as his groomsmen.

4/28/2010 3:13:29 PM

My best friend was my best man. Not my father. To each their own.

4/28/2010 3:19:43 PM

I have never heard of this. I am close with my dad, but my best man and groomsmen were all guys and my dad sat with my mom up front and no one said anything about it.

4/28/2010 3:32:04 PM

my best man was

no one

this way no one is upset

bam

4/28/2010 3:32:57 PM

Maybe your brother is salty he wasn't asked to the be best man, and instead of saying that he's pissed, he's saying that your dad would be?

4/28/2010 3:37:08 PM

My dad was the best man at my first wedding. That marriage didn't "take."

Best friend was the best man at my 2nd wedding. This one's awesome.

Lesson - go with your best friend.

4/28/2010 3:39:48 PM

Maybe, but in that case, I'm glad I didn't pick him, because if so, he needs to grow a pair.

4/28/2010 3:39:51 PM

very interesting to read all the responses here....

i've been involved with or attended 8-9 weddings (that i can remember) and the father was the best man at every single one.

sounds very polarizing... either people have been to weddings where the best man is always the father or they have been to weddings where he is never the best man

4/28/2010 3:45:48 PM

The only wedding I've been to where the father was a best man or groomsmen was a southern wedding.

4/28/2010 3:47:03 PM

Quote :

"Best friend... southerners do stupid shit"

4/28/2010 3:51:33 PM

I've been to a lot of weddings in the South, and I've never seen one where the dad was a groomsman or best man. Sounded like a weird concept to me.

Then again, my best man was a woman, so

4/28/2010 3:58:06 PM

That makes sense, woman makes the best man.

4/28/2010 3:59:19 PM

ive heard of people doing this but ive heard of just as many people in the NE corridor and everywhere else doing it as in the south. personally if i get married my brother will be my best man, that's already been established. my dad wouldnt want to be involved in all of that anyways.

4/28/2010 4:00:13 PM

I've been to a ton of weddings. I just got back from one this past weekend. And I can only think of one wedding where the father was the best man.

4/28/2010 4:06:20 PM

I've never been to a wedding where the best man wasn't the father. That is tradition..

4/28/2010 4:42:15 PM

tradition for who?

4/28/2010 4:42:51 PM

I've never heard of that tradition. Besides, like I said earlier, the maid of honor isn't the bride's mother, so likewise the best man isn't the groom's father. those two already have places: mother of the bride and father of the groom. Best man = best friend (and if it's your father, then so be it)

4/28/2010 4:46:21 PM

I'm North Carolina born and bred and this is the first time I've ever heard that it was "tradition" for the groom's father to be the best man. And now that I think of it, I haven't been to a wedding where the father was the best man.

4/28/2010 5:20:01 PM

maybe if its a shotgun wedding the father (of the bride) will be the best man (holding a shotgun to the groom's back); but other than that, best friend = best man.

4/28/2010 5:45:32 PM

I've seen both, but in most cases the dad-as-best-man thing seems pretty dumb to me. Best Man is in charge of the bachelor party, right? You want your dad in charge of that?

I do have one friend who just got engaged whose mom died when he was a baby, so for most of his life it was just him and his dad. I can understand that one. But it was still funny when I got told, "You're the unofficial best man. You don't have the title, but my dad's super religious and doesn't drink, so you have all party and hangover-related duties."

And I've got another wedding this week where I'm in charge of the bachelor party and have to give a speech at the wedding, but am not so much as a groomsman. But he's Indian so who the fuck knows what they do.

[Edited on April 28, 2010 at 6:27 PM. Reason : ]

4/28/2010 6:25:17 PM

+1 for having dad as best man in my wedding

4/28/2010 8:14:19 PM

I've seen it both ways... if you're closer to your dad, have him as your best man. If you're closer to your best friend, have him be the best man. Who gives a shit what other people say, it's your decision.

4/28/2010 8:48:48 PM

think for yourself

jesus

4/29/2010 2:03:31 PM

I had never heard of this either until my wedding. I made my dad my best man and am glad I did

4/29/2010 2:26:34 PM

Quote :

"I don't even see why your brother is an option...he's not your first choice and he's not even endorsing himself. So it comes down to your dad and your best friend. I think your dad is going to be involved enough in the wedding regardless...go with your friend here."

4/29/2010 2:32:33 PM

And let's be honest, is it really that big of a deal? It's her day after all.

At the worst, it certainly isn't your father or your best friend's day, so they'll get over it.

4/29/2010 2:41:31 PM

definitely needs to be your brother. if u has baby with you new wife, don't genital mutilation.

4/29/2010 5:17:17 PM

I've been to about 10 weddings that I can remember actively paying attention at that kind of stuff...5 weddings the dad was the best man (one being my bro and the other being our wedding), 4 a friend, and one a brother

it's ultimately your decision...

and think about who will plan the best bachelor party and be on top of that.

and no, my dad nor my husband's dad planned their bachelor party even though they were the best man (as they didn't feel comfortable doing so; my dad didn't go to my brother's and my husband's dad only went for one night)...my brother's other groomsmen took the role of planning the b-party and my husband essentially planned his own

4/29/2010 5:29:50 PM