So heres the deal. I just accepted a job as an analyst with an IT company. Everyone seems to be very cool and accommodating, except for the main guy I work with. Hes a bit of a 26 y/o hobbit (Im 24) and pretty much despises me. The problem is that he is the data guy and we'll be working together for the foreseeable future. He needs to give me all my data, he needs to tell me how things work, etc. But he never talks to me, sends about 1/4 of the data I ask for, and consistently makes jack ass comments to me. We can go six hours without him saying a word outside of work material (well, he can, I try to be friendly). He seems to have a real gripe that I just 'came in' and got a higher up position, seems to despise my grad degree, and generally tries to avoid me. While hes a total weirdo on the whole, you can tell he tries to love everyone except for me....so, what the hell do I do? Ive only been there for 3 weeks so its not like I can find out if hes really a douche, is intimidated by me, or does this to the new 'data guys'.

Quick example, just to prove his worthlessness, he refuses to go to the company cookout for an army fundraising thing. Someone else invites him, he says OK. Of course they invite me to so I say yes. We get there (3 of us, douche/inviter/me) and the inviter talks to someone before we get our food. My buddy ol pal says 'you may as well get your food since Im waiting on (inviter)' in the middle of me talking to the douche. What the hell is that? Also, if we ever disagree or I say something doesnt make sense, he goes 'that might be the academic way to do it'...ugh. I never talk about school or anything like that, he just seems to have it out for me.

Anyways, what do i do? He seems rather vital at work for me and everyone else (only one who gathers the data), so suggestions?

4/18/2009 2:38:18 PM

what do others say about him?

who knows how long it'll take but it seems like once you prove yourself to him (not that you should have to perhaps while you're still picking things up/learning there) he'll settle down

4/18/2009 2:56:20 PM

first of all, thats sucks. having workplace personality clashes can make for some tricky relationships

you're doing the right thing by being nice to him, keep doing that for sure. especially since you'll be working together. kill him with kindness.

be cool with the other people at work (im sure you're already doing this) that way when he goes to bitch about you to other people, they have nothing negative to say

him: "gah that new guy is such a know it all"
coworker: "um, he's pretty cool, doesnt seem like a jerk to me"

get the coworkers to be your advocate by being nice to them

i have a nack for making friends with the people in the office everyone dislikes. they're usually misunderstood. if you have an opportunity to take his side on something at work, do it. dont let it show that his attitude bothers you.

eventually he'll get tired of being the only hater and will, at the very least, tolerate you

4/18/2009 3:02:52 PM

I cant really tell what others think. He is (way) nicer to others so Im not sure they can really tell how obnoxious he is around me. He has a bit of a limp also which makes 'hey guys, is he really a douche' even worse.

Yeah, I usually try and be extra nice to him in groups. Just to show I have 0 problem with him, and so people realize if there is an issue Im not at fault. But everyone else is cool at works and I have no problem with anyone..except this guy. Its just unfortunate that (a) im around him so much and (b) my job depends on what he sends/explains to me. I figure my only chance to complain is when my boss asks 'hows that whatever coming along' and i can say 'doucher hasnt sent me the data yet, ive asked for it a couple times'. That way Im still being nice but his neglect is being noticed.

[Edited on April 18, 2009 at 3:10 PM. Reason : 8===D ~~~~]

4/18/2009 3:02:58 PM

Buy him some ice cream.

4/18/2009 3:23:11 PM

you arent going to get along with everyone

but contact either your supervisor or HR department if your workin relationship is affecting your performance

be civil


thats it

4/18/2009 3:35:21 PM

I agree with NCSUwolfy's advice on this winner. I would add that being friendly and civil to people will get you way
more friends and allies in this environment, and keep you mentally sane, than trying to really be friends with this guy.

He seems pretty insecure about himself and his job to be generating such negativity. You can't fix his issues for him, but you can teach him some social manners. I would suggest being 'compassionate and graceful'. Always be patient in addressing him even if you want to stab him in the head, ask him for things directly, and if he's really being a dick, you have free reign to confront him in a dispassionate manner "Hey ___, what you just said to me was incredibly rude and I don't appreciate being confronted in such a manner".

I've done this technique on some real assholes and it can be the social wake-up call they need to be more positive.

Good luck!

4/18/2009 4:48:56 PM

I've experienced almost this exact same scenario

I worked there for a whole year and it never really changed, he would never ever talk to me unless it was work related and he absolutely HAD to, any time I tried to shoot the breeze with him he would be as short as possible and try to end the conversation immediately if possible. I never said anything rude to him even once, yet he was still rude to me relentlessly and was ultimately the reason why I quit.

4/18/2009 5:20:12 PM

Sounds like one of the guys I work with. It was tough at first but then I started finding other routes to get the info I needed and only asked him for help/advice when I absolutely ran out of options.

4/18/2009 5:39:04 PM

hmmm sounds like he would fit in very well with all the IT monkeys in Tech Talk

4/18/2009 6:13:21 PM

If you have to present your work and he is around, give him credit and thanks for helping you out. He is threatened that you will show him up, so you have to disarm him by showing him that he is still getting his due.

4/18/2009 6:14:47 PM

personally, i'd give him a beat down in the parking lot

4/18/2009 6:25:33 PM

^I get the vibe that he thinks Im some fancy pants grad school new guy who hasnt worked for anything. Which I can understand, but dislike the position or the hire, not the guy that gets it. Its not my fault I got the job or was assigned to this group. I had to make some survey for the entire call center, some girl helped me, he walked in for 3 minutes and bitched about something. But, I still gave him credit for helping in the mass email, yet no thanks or any mention. I realize part of my success depends on this guy and I go out of my way to be nice due to that. Its unfortunate but Im just crossing my fingers that it gets better over time.

He always whispers to some girl that sits by him (very nice girl), so if this persists for a couple more weeks I might subtly drop a question to her.

4/18/2009 6:25:54 PM

I bet there's a message board post somewhere about some new guy at work who thinks he knows everything, and keeps asking dumb questions

4/18/2009 6:55:20 PM

are you his superior? from the description i'm guessing not, but you mentioned that you were above him.

4/18/2009 6:59:04 PM

Quote :

"If you have to present your work and he is around, give him credit and thanks for helping you out. He is threatened that you will show him up, so you have to disarm him by showing him that he is still getting his due. "

good advice

4/18/2009 7:05:10 PM

Im not sure if Im his superior or not -- there isnt a clear hierarchy. I have an office and he has a large cubicle thing (surely part of the hatred) but he is out there with his secret whisper buddy (so I dont know if he wanted to move into the office). But, he is clearly involved in more projects than I and I think were too separate to have one above or below the other. He is primarily the data guy. He collects, find, gathers, and reports. Im an 'econometric analyst' so they want me to do some projects with the data. Since I have no idea how call center pricing/staffing/metrics work, or anything about the people/desks/legal agreements, he will be with me for a while. And when he doesnt have to hold my hand, Ill still have to go through him to get my data. Hes been there a couple years, used to be a call center guy, got promoted to the supervisor of his desk, and now is the data guy. So hes involved in a couple things, while I primarily have math projects.

Anyways. I can see why he would dislike whomever took the job. But, it was his boss who made it, I just applied/got it/went to work. I wouldnt mind if his bitterness was about the job or something (may or may not be?), but Ive been nothing nice to him. All I really want is to have a cordial relationship and not have him hold me back through not getting data (as he seems to be the only contact point for data...i dont want to get screwed over, which looks the case now).

But, Im always friendly, never call him out, and give him more credit and respect than he deserves. Bleeeeeh.

4/18/2009 7:13:29 PM

People who work in IT usually have a chip on their shoulders. That SNL sketch wasn't created out of nothing.

4/18/2009 7:18:43 PM

This is a little off topic but congrats on getting the new job during the current sluggish economy.

4/18/2009 7:37:11 PM

Quote :

"I would suggest being 'compassionate and graceful'. Always be patient in addressing him even if you want to stab him in the head, ask him for things directly, and if he's really being a dick, you have free reign to confront him in a dispassionate manner "Hey ___, what you just said to me was incredibly rude and I don't appreciate being confronted in such a manner"."

This, especially the last bit, is good advice. Sometimes when people have a dickish attitude, they don't actually realize they're doing it. Like with the food thing, it would have been entirely in your right to say, "I found that very rude. Please don't address me in that manner in the future," or whatever. 50% of the time the person will continue being a dick. The other 50% will mull over what you said and go, "Huh, I have been kind of a dick lately," and somehow amend their actions.

4/18/2009 8:29:10 PM

If he's legitimately dragging ass on the information you need to do your job, start keeping a log. An excel file with:

Date Requested
Information Requested
Date of Response
Information Sent

I was in a similar situation with a worthless cunt of a coworker who doesn't pull her load. She has the audacity to try to break my balls in front of the CEO concerning my schedule, and I shut her down by attaching my documentation of her habitual slack performance/working hours/behavior.

4/19/2009 12:40:26 AM

^ ha, already done. My boss gave me a 1/2 dirty look when I said I hadnt looked at one of the accounts yet (which I never received). So I began keeping a log at that point.

4/19/2009 12:52:19 AM

Flaming bag o' poo?

4/19/2009 1:21:31 AM

Quote :

" PISS IN COFFEE "

4/19/2009 10:59:02 AM

The best advice I have is to THOROUGHLY document all of the work related hardships his behavior causes. It is advisable to confront him and let him know that you find it hard to work around some of his behavior but realistically, you may end up one day becoming frustrated to the point of trying to take it up with management and if you don't have concrete evidence or lists of problems, either you or management will find the complaints petty and not end up taking it seriously.

I have been involved in this type of situation before, and people tend to let things simmer for too long and they get REALLY shitty before they do anything.

4/19/2009 12:46:32 PM

documenting everything is great, but i would confront them about. simply having documentation or going over their head could reflect poorly on your ability to communicate and work with others. so while you may not be the one with the problem, it could cast you in a negative light.

4/19/2009 12:51:59 PM

I'm not familiar with the more complex IT positions/interrelationships, but do everything in your power that you could have done at that point, and as you said, document it. Nothing looks better for you than to show you tried damn near everything and anything short of choking the data out of that jackass to get what you needed to do your job.

One thing about this is, don't let him be the downfall of you. Don't quit because of him and don't go apeshit on him and put a staple in his head or something. If you really enjoy this job and plan on being there for a while, be civilized and cordial but firm and fair in your reviews of him and let it be known that there is/was a problem that you're willing to work through. The day the axe falls on you because your boss thinks you've been slacking is too late to let him know it wasn't your fault.

4/20/2009 3:07:21 AM

I would first off argue to stop trying to be social with him. He wants to keep things just work-related, fine, keep your conversations about work. The log is the best idea on this thread, because that is the only part that will actually effect your output. Just realize that you don't have to like the guy or even know anything about him, just how good or bad of a worker he is, so stop trying to engage him in anything other than work. To some people, it's not "friendly," it's off-topic and annoying.

4/20/2009 3:35:38 AM

both people sound male, so ^^ is bad advice.

4/20/2009 4:04:46 AM

I would ask him "hey man, have I done something to piss you off?" It gives him a perfect opportunity to release his nerd rage about some grad student being given a better position than him and might get everything out on the table.

If he says everything is cool and continues acting like a douchebag, then maybe he just has one of those type of personalities. That is when I would say shit like "that was rude, don't talk to me like that" and make a confrontation out of it.

4/20/2009 9:16:38 AM

Quote :

"i would confront them about."

i would too. i would ask the guy what his problem was and explain that you aren't there to step on any toes but to just do your job. your job depends on him and if he doesn't do his work effectively and the results hurt your performance then fuck him

4/20/2009 9:16:58 AM

4/20/2009 11:57:27 AM