Inspired by a boner I had last night. Below is a small sample of my boners from 1996-2008.

1996- Spanish Class. Every day I sat across from a girl named Janelle. See, Janelle always wore a short dress and didn't cross her legs. Every morning during roll call I would stare at Janelle's crotch and her sexy panties and imagine the naughty things my 16 year-old body would do to her. Then we had to stand to say the pledge and I was always at full allegiance.

1997-Driving with my grandpa to play golf somewhere. Had my shirt tucked in and got a completely spontaneous blue-veiner. Grandpa told all his friends and he still tells the story to this day.

1998-Grinding with a girl in a TJ nightclub. I had a full roll of Mentos in my pocket to combat beer and cigarette breath. Got really excited and was almost full-staff by the end of the song. She looked at me very puzzled, I pulled out the roll and offered her one.

1999-2007- Too drunk to get boners

June 8, 2008-Phone rings and it's the husband of my wife's best friend. His wife walked in on a home robbery while holding her newborn son. Robber dashed past her and cut a six inch gash across her face. Wife is hysterical and goes in the bathroom for 20 minutes, comes out and I'm laying in bed. She is only wearing panties and she wraps herself around me. She is sobbing, begging me to take care of our son if something is to happen to her. I have to put my hand between my boner and her thigh, praying she doesn't feel me throbbing.

This thread is about boners only, so girls can post but it better not be about juices or sensations.

6/9/2008 4:10:29 PM

Quote :

"blue-veiner"

[Edited on June 9, 2008 at 4:13 PM. Reason : wow]

6/9/2008 4:12:20 PM

juices or sensations

LOL

6/9/2008 4:12:39 PM

Quote :

"I had a full roll of Mentos in my pocket to combat beer and cigarette breath. Got really excited and was almost full-staff by the end of the song. She looked at me very puzzled, I pulled out the roll and offered her one."

bwahahaha. now thats what you call getting out of a sticky situation.

10/10

6/9/2008 4:45:36 PM

6/9/2008 4:46:03 PM

i hate when you get random sit down boners. then the bell rings and your like hmm gues i have to wear my bagup front

6/9/2008 4:48:16 PM

yea the random boners that just came out of nowhere, even when you werent thinking of girls, were annoying as shit

[Edited on June 9, 2008 at 4:50 PM. Reason : fsd]

6/9/2008 4:50:10 PM

when i was down in chile, we had to take a few multi-hour bus rides across relatively bumpy and unpaved roads...road wood is a pain in the ass when it lasts for HOURS and there's nothing you can do about it

6/9/2008 4:50:55 PM

^^were you thinking of guys?

[Edited on June 9, 2008 at 4:51 PM. Reason : .]

6/9/2008 4:51:00 PM

Quote :

"praying she doesn't feel me throbbing. "

What the fuck dude? You might as well duct tape your shit behind you. Chics love the throbbing, don't ever shy away from it.

6/9/2008 4:51:51 PM

^^ haha


but in all serious those are pretty bad. Just paying attention in a class ready to get the fuck out because theres only 5-10 minutes left and bam! fucking boner out of nowhere, and you're sitting there trying to think of the nastiest tranny looking fat chick you've ever seen to make it go away.

[Edited on June 9, 2008 at 4:53 PM. Reason : +^]

6/9/2008 4:53:06 PM

"tuck rule"

6/9/2008 4:53:33 PM

yeah, no

Hold your dick for a while and once you assure her youll do whatever and got her calmed down THEN do it "Im upset and all you want to do is fuck... bla bla bla" haha

6/9/2008 4:54:29 PM

"tuck rule"


fuck yeah.

6/9/2008 4:54:42 PM

Never wear sweatpants to class.

6/9/2008 4:54:54 PM

Quote :

"What the fuck dude? You might as well duct tape your shit behind you. Chics love the throbbing, don't ever shy away from it."

Probably wasn't the most opportune time for a diamond-cutter though.

6/9/2008 4:56:06 PM

ahahah the terms being thrown around in this thread are epic

6/9/2008 4:57:34 PM

Wife: <Sob> <Sob> "Wait, why are you hard?"

You: "I'm a guy, this is how I roll."

I'm not saying you were thinking about banging her at the moment, I've been in that situation with an upset girl with very little clothing on both parties. It's what you say that matters, she'll know whether or not you are sincere and care. Then she'll be like ooh there's a nice throbbing, that'll make me feel better...profit.

My point is never shy away from your boner, especially if you are in a long term relationship or married.

[Edited on June 9, 2008 at 5:01 PM. Reason : a]

6/9/2008 4:58:04 PM

i remember when i first discovered the tuck back in middle school

i thought i was the next einstein

6/9/2008 4:58:21 PM

Quote :

"I had a full roll of Mentos in my pocket to combat beer and cigarette breath. Got really excited and was almost full-staff by the end of the song. She looked at me very puzzled, I pulled out the roll and offered her one."

haha. now that'd be a funny Mentos commercial.

6/9/2008 4:59:30 PM

Yeah, I really don't know how these Emo kids tuck it in their tight pants, would've been utterly impossible for me to hide one in a pair of those.

6/9/2008 5:00:09 PM

Emo kids have so much estrogen flowing through their pansy ass veins I bet the only time they get anything near a boner is when they take a shit after eating spicy food.

6/9/2008 5:03:16 PM

put it in the waistband

then put your shirt over it.

6/9/2008 5:03:40 PM

what exactly do you think we've been talking about andy?

6/9/2008 5:07:24 PM

ahahaha

6/9/2008 5:07:39 PM

Quote :

"Yeah, I really don't know how these Emo kids tuck it in their tight pants, would've been utterly impossible for me to hide one in a pair of those."

I have suspected for a while that this was sort of the point of the girl-pants phenomenon.

6/9/2008 5:09:12 PM

when i was in 9th grade we were reading romeo and juliet in class and the teacher had assigned us parts. This guy matt was reading romeo and i look over at him while he is reading and notice he was sporting a huge boner. That was the first time i had ever seen a guy sporting one in public

and i just thought his voice was all shaky and stuff because he was dorky and didn't like to speak in class

6/9/2008 5:21:43 PM

this thread is why i still come back to this black hole of a site.

10/10

6/9/2008 5:23:59 PM

Quote :

"yea the random boners that just came out of nowhere, even when you werent thinking of girls, were annoying as shit"

i still get these all of the time. i swear i have the raging hormones of a 17 yr old.

6/9/2008 5:29:57 PM

Quote :

"road wood is a pain in the ass when it lasts for HOURS any amount of time and there's nothing you can do about it"

6/9/2008 5:31:38 PM

gym short boners ftl! someone bump that thread

6/9/2008 5:34:17 PM

Quote :

"imagine the naughty things my 16 year-old body would do to her"

I do this in class all the time...nobody knows. One thing that rocks about being a girl.

6/9/2008 5:34:40 PM

Quote :

"This thread is about boners only, so girls can post but it better not be about juices or sensations."

[Edited on June 9, 2008 at 5:35 PM. Reason : BONERS ONLY]

6/9/2008 5:35:30 PM

Pretty damn impressive to get a boner while the girl is crying and has a huge cut on her face. She must have an amazing body. If that is the case, then alright.

6/9/2008 5:38:32 PM

lol. i think the friend's wife was the one that got robbed and the op's wife was upset about it.

6/9/2008 5:44:08 PM

Quote :

"I pulled out the roll and offered her one. "

mentos, right?

6/9/2008 5:46:22 PM

^^haha yep

^I'm guessing you've used this trick before

If I was 18 again I'd keep a maglite in my pocket for the same reason and think of a corny line

6/9/2008 5:53:11 PM

something about a black man's tool

badumching

6/9/2008 5:53:55 PM

TRUE STORY

in like jr. high/ high school at our lunch table, boners were oft the topic of discussion

the girls couldnt believe the sheer quantity of boners the dudes claimed... hell we were like 15, it's bonerrama.

one day they devised a new scheme, and handed us all those tiny spiral notebooks, labeled with our names and "boner-log"

requested to log time, location, and duration of said boners, in exchange for sexual favors

they didnt make with the sexual favors

6/9/2008 5:57:38 PM

I have such a crazy schedule I usually just take a nap on my lunch break instead of bothering to eat. Then I have to go back into work every day with a fresh case of the "morning wood." It's annoying as fuck. If it weren't for the tuck back I don't know what I'd do.

6/9/2008 6:01:02 PM

Fuck, I wish I had made a boner-log. I'd love to look back at that and see if I remember any of the specific ones, ahaha.

6/9/2008 6:01:30 PM

I read a post on another message board where this kid said he would crawl around like a cat after making out to disguise his boner. It's like wtf, a post-makeout boner is normal - pretending to be a cat is weird

6/9/2008 6:03:45 PM

i just get boners and roll like nothing is happening

6/9/2008 6:07:19 PM

Quote :

"what exactly do you think we've been talking about andy?"

I just figured ya'll were some kind of MacGyver style fags or something.

[Edited on June 9, 2008 at 6:09 PM. Reason : ]

6/9/2008 6:08:43 PM

I've got one, give a bit.

6/9/2008 6:11:45 PM

ahhh.. the book bag on the front trick.

Brings back memories

6/9/2008 6:15:20 PM

thread of the day right here

Quote :

"requested to log time, location, and duration of said boners, in exchange for sexual favors they didnt make with the sexual favors "

and the cat story and the "blue-veiner"..... all gold

6/9/2008 6:18:42 PM

One week before my chemistry final freshman year-

My ex-gf(who was a senior in hs)'s psycho-bitch-mother found a used pregnotest that wasn't negative. She never wanted to see my face again. My ex hid this from me and I would continue to come over to flabbergasted stares and slammed doors (from mom).

Night after chem final -

Came back to pick up gf, honked the horn (I didn't want to go inside anymore), greeted by the father who sat in my car and basically told me how fucked I was. He went back inside, I went after to "steal" my ex away, only to be greeted by a hulk-mode mom. Her anger evolved into a form of hate so pure that I still get the shivers thinking about it, today.

Having never had to deal with a life-threatening situation before, fight-or-flight mode put me into a lying-out-my-ass-mode I have yet to top. She bought it, burst into tears, and went to hug me.

Bonertime-

The talk of my ignorance of subject of sex somehow throttled a massive boner to biblically scale so large, only Mary Magdalene can contest. It was so solid that it would surely have speared her in the abdomen if I hadn't acted quickly. I arc'd my ass back, swung it back, and squeezed my thighs to "grip the shit" and was able to recess it seconds before her mother fell sobbing, heavily, into my arms.

6/9/2008 6:40:56 PM

^ i want to hear what you said to the parents

6/9/2008 6:45:17 PM

what happened to the little JChill

6/9/2008 6:48:32 PM