Nicely?

So I asked my "bestfriend" to be in my wedding and she's been terrible. Here's what she's done.

1. Tried to skip out on wedding dress shopping, which she agreed to do, because a guy she was interested in MIGHT call her that day to go out.
2. Complained about that the bridesmaid dresses were too much ($160), and that I was being a "pushy bitch to force her to spend her wel earned money on my extravagent whims" (BTW, I'm paying for her hair, makeup, a night at the hilton before the wedding, and the shoes) and tried to get the other bridesmaids to buy cheaper dresses and tell me to deal with it (They refused)
3. Sent me a nasty e-mail because I asked my bridesmaids to contribute $100 for a week at the beach (to cover food costs) for the bachelorette party. I already put down 4k of my own money for the place, and thought i'd be nice for them to have a week to relax in a private beachhouse on the beach.
4. Picked out a new dress for the bridesmaids ($150..BIG DIFFERENCE) because I was a wimp and gave in, and she called to complain that now it doesn't fit right.
5. Yelled at me that I am jealous of her and her new b/f and am purposly ruining their relationship because I don't want her to get married and overshadow my own wedding...because I invited the bridesmaids for a brunch and told them no dates, just the girls.

I'm sick of this. How can you politely kick someone out of the wedding party and still retain some sort of friendship?

6/6/2008 1:57:27 PM

you can't if you want to keep the friendship.

6/6/2008 1:59:04 PM

It doesn't sound like you'd want to keep the friendship with this person. Tell her she's been completely unreasonable throughout the whole process, and it's time for her to get cut.

6/6/2008 2:00:06 PM

you can't if you want to keep the friendship.

6/6/2008 2:00:11 PM

Wake County Courthouse
http://www.wakegov.com
316 Fayetteville Street Mall, Raleigh
(919) 835-3141

6/6/2008 2:00:43 PM

Haha, my mom suggested "Kick that bitch in the cunt and tell her to stay away."

I want to retain the friendship because we've been friends for so long, and it'd be a damn shame to lose it over her being a twat over dress costs.

6/6/2008 2:05:27 PM

tell her that the way she has been acting is bothering you. if she can't play by your rules for you own wedding, she's not much of a friend.

6/6/2008 2:08:20 PM

I can't imagine why you'd want to keep this friend

unless you hate yourself

then it makes sense

And regarding 5), is this the same guy she skipped wedding dress shopping for? So within the time you've planned your engagement, she's met a guy, and already wants to marry him, and is furious she can't bring him to a "girls-only" lunch?

6/6/2008 2:08:23 PM

Quote :

"It doesn't sound like you'd want to keep the friendship with this person. Tell her she's been completely unreasonable throughout the whole process, and it's time for her to get cut."

6/6/2008 2:08:55 PM

Seems like the story of my life. I would just tell her straight up. If shes going to be an ass about it, fuck her, shes not worth it, seriously. My husband and I decided to run off and get married because I didn't feel like putting the money into a wedding since I hate my husband's family and my family is picky as shit and would want me to have a wedding in a church and I of course am far from religious. My best friend knew I was going to get married, and after we got married, she flipped the fuck out because she wasnt a bridesmaid and I didnt buy all this pretty shit for her to be in and blah de blah. So she was pissed that I didn't have some big wedding and wanted to do things privately - also, another thing we argued about were dresses for the wedding (which was the reason why I decided to get married at the magistrates office) - I dont like white dresses, I fucking hate white dresses, and my favorite colors are burgundy and black, so if I was going to spend thousands on a wedding, I was going to wear something I would enjoy. So yeah she got pissed about the fact that I wouldnt wear a white dress in a wedding and that she would have to wear burgundy or black, which she didn't like. I pretty much told her to fuck off since it was my decision and we didn't talk for about a year and a half but then one day she called me and apologized for her stupidity - kind of a different story but if people are going to act an ass and cause problems, dump them, its a waste of time to have to deal with drama, one day they will look back and say, hey i was an asshole, maybe i should do something about it


[Edited on June 6, 2008 at 2:13 PM. Reason : ]

6/6/2008 2:09:06 PM

You could try reminding her that you would do the same for her if/when she gets married.

6/6/2008 2:09:14 PM

Its your wedding....just ignore her completely and have fun!

btw, Congrats

6/6/2008 2:09:24 PM

If she's been such a pain in the preparations, I doubt she'll change her attitude for the big day. She's gotta go. She doesn't sound like a good friend anyway.

And there's no "how" about it. Just tell her she's no longer invited.

[Edited on June 6, 2008 at 2:10 PM. Reason : .]

6/6/2008 2:09:33 PM

Quote :

"And regarding 5), is this the same guy she skipped wedding dress shopping for? So within the time you've planned your engagement, she's met a guy, and already wants to marry him, and is furious she can't bring him to a "girls-only" lunch?"

Yes

6/6/2008 2:10:18 PM

I never knew MeatStick was a female until this thread.

6/6/2008 2:15:17 PM

She's being a bitch, but she wasn't always like this. I just don't want to throw away a 6 year friendship over her possibly going crazy because of this guy, or jealousy, or hormones, etc.

I guess this is a no win, though.

6/6/2008 2:17:35 PM

Quote :

"You could try reminding her that you would do the same for her if/when she gets married."

Be careful giving advice like that. We don't want another OMFGPlzDoMe situation on our hands.

6/6/2008 2:19:07 PM

^
what situation?

6/6/2008 2:23:49 PM

If she's been like this since you've known her, why would you be friends with her?

6/6/2008 2:24:57 PM

^^http://www.thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=526154&page=2#11657144

6/6/2008 2:25:54 PM

Drop her.

6/6/2008 2:29:03 PM

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU

6/6/2008 2:31:14 PM

check on theknot.com and some wedding websites, they've always got articles about how to handle situations like this.

just tell her that in order to preserve the little bit of friendship you ahve left, and your sanity, that you'll have to ask her to step down as a bridesmaid- that you want somenoe who's supportive of your relationship and this special time in your life and you don't get that from her, so she's no longer invited to be a part of the wedding. don't ask her to step down, tell her that's how its going to be.

6/6/2008 2:38:05 PM

Quote :

"I guess this is a no win, though."

Doesn't look like you'll lose much, if you ask me. Tell her she isn't invited. I know it hurts to think of losing a friend you've had for a long time... but really, does a friend pull that kind of bs when it's your wedding? NO.

[Edited on June 6, 2008 at 2:45 PM. Reason : and there's no asking to it, like ^ said, tell her.]

6/6/2008 2:44:47 PM

There is no polite way to de-bridesmaid someone, however, that does not necessary mean it is wrong.

Just a few devils advocate points to kind of help you understand how she might feel:

You invite them to the beach for a week, then ask them to pay for food. I personally have no issues with this, but is it ok if she can't stay for the whole week because of family/work obligations? She may feel that you expect her to drop what she is doing to spend a week.

She is just having major issues and projecting them on to you. I might would talk to her and say you feel like she is upset with you over the wedding and ask her what is wrong. Tell her it is important to you that she be there for you on that day, but you get the vibe that she is not happy with anything. Just listen and see how it goes from there. She might not realize she is being a bridesmaidzilla.

Also, she may have already decided that she does not wish to be your friend anymore post wedding. I would try a calm conversation with her in person.

I had a friend de-bridesmaid me recently. She said they did not have enough groomsmen, but I think it was other silly issues. Had she cared about our friendship, she would have wanted me in her wedding. I guess we are still friends, but it will never be the same.

6/6/2008 2:52:33 PM

Quote :

" is it ok if she can't stay for the whole week because of family/work obligations? She may feel that you expect her to drop what she is doing to spend a week."

Yes, totally. 1 other girl can only stay for 4 days, and I said it's cool if she just toses in like $50 instead. So she knows there's options, and that I'm being flexible.

She complains to the other girls about me not trying hard to maintain our friendship, so I'm assuming it means she still cares. I just have no idea what I'm doing. I've invited her to dinners, parties etc and she's bailed on every event because her "B/f might want to do something that night".

6/6/2008 2:58:50 PM

People just get weird. Granted, I am old, but I can't believe she sits around waiting for her BF to call. I would tell her how you feel about that.

Is it possible to double date?

6/6/2008 3:02:13 PM

Quote :

"Is it possible to double date?"

Hells no. They are annoying together. Like...at my gradation party, infront of my family and relatives and friends of the family...she literally gave him a lap dance and he put his face in her tits and motor boated them. And got made when I pulled her aside and said that was inapproriate.

The guy is an ass too. You can ask him a question "how is work going" or something equally as innocuous and he'll just look at you and walk away. Or he'll be a dick and say something completely annoying (He made fun of my fiance for being a mechanical enginner because it's "a dorky math career") I can't stand him, but I have been very pleasant to her about him, and try my best to try to start nice convos with him.

6/6/2008 3:05:00 PM

sounds like she is an awesome friend.... i can see why you like her and stuff.

6/6/2008 3:07:14 PM

Never mind.

"Hey - you're not a bridesmaid anymore. If you like, you may come to the wedding, but you may not bring [jackass]"


I suspect she won't show up to the wedding as a guest

[Edited on June 6, 2008 at 3:08 PM. Reason : ldj]

6/6/2008 3:07:32 PM

She used to be very sweet before this guy (he's her first b/f, so i'm trying to be understanding). She was the type that if you were sick, she'd come over with soup and movies. Or if you had a bad day, she'd rush over and bring you flowers and hugs. So I want to save the friendship in hopes of that friend comes back.

6/6/2008 3:08:37 PM

she used to... she also used to be in the wedding.

Move on and be happy

6/6/2008 3:10:10 PM

Quote :

"sounds like she is an awesome friend.... i can see why you like her and stuff."

6/6/2008 3:12:45 PM

Send her a copy of this thread and be like, "See, bitch, you're the crazy one. Not me."

6/6/2008 3:14:51 PM

sneak some ex lax in her food the day before.

6/6/2008 3:15:48 PM

^

[Edited on June 6, 2008 at 3:19 PM. Reason : chi-chat? ]

6/6/2008 3:19:31 PM

This was your "best friend"?

Jesus, thats terrible. What a shitty situation to be in.

For the sanity of everyone involved, you might want to give her an ultimatum and see if she can live up to it. If you kick her out, be prepared for her to try to sabotoge your wedding, and talk shit about you for at least the next few years. Especially considering how crazy she's been so far, that shit could blow up in your face.

There are other ways of taking care of this situation. Cutting her off after the wedding until she sees the error of her ways might be the safest way to go about it.

[Edited on June 6, 2008 at 3:35 PM. Reason : 2]

6/6/2008 3:34:36 PM

my best friend from grade school through the better part of high school turned out to be a self-centered prick. we had a lot of good times together over so many summers, but i had to separate myself from him when he couldn't stop talking about himself 24/7. i know thats a bit different than your situation, but it comes a point in time where your friend isn't being so friendly anymore, and you just have to draw the line somewhere.

its tough

6/6/2008 3:37:25 PM

I talked to her on the phone and tried to tell her how her actions have really hurt me and makes me think she doesn't care about the wedding or my feelings.

She called me a self-centered bitch, and that if I could look past my "fucking wedding" I'd realize she's been upset the last week, and that I should understand she just needed someone to vent at and a "real friend would suck it up and understand." (Her b/f went to lunch with his married ex-g/f who was visiting from Kentucky)

I'm going my mom's route. I'm putting on some sharp stilletos and kicking her in the cunt. That or have the other bridesmaid do a "you are a bitch" intervention

[Edited on June 6, 2008 at 3:41 PM. Reason : ..]

6/6/2008 3:40:58 PM

FUCK YEAH! That's the spirit!

6/6/2008 3:48:01 PM

girls are dumb

6/6/2008 3:48:24 PM

my fiance had to do this. she did it over txt message

6/6/2008 3:56:07 PM

Just tell her it isn't going to work out for her to be in the wedding. She seems like the selfish bitch here, and you shouldn't want anyone in your wedding or life who would treat you so badly.

6/6/2008 4:04:01 PM

^^ That's how my old dorm roommate broke up with his girlfriend!

Quote :

"That or have the other bridesmaid do a "you are a bitch" intervention"

This might work. Peer pressure will probably cause her to submit and change her ways. No doubt she feels like she can be superior/win the argument when it's a one-on-one over the phone, but when you are not involved and there's a bunch of other girls saying "WTF are you doing? Why are you throwing your friendship away over some drama that's YOUR problem and trying to make everybody's life hell over it?" That would be exciting, like a reality show.

[Edited on June 6, 2008 at 4:06 PM. Reason : ^]

6/6/2008 4:06:34 PM

just let her come to your wedding but she has to give up her bridesmaid duties

6/6/2008 4:06:47 PM

Quote :

"I'm putting on some sharp stilletos and kicking her in the cunt. That or have the other bridesmaid do a "you are a bitch" intervention"

i think both may be required.

6/6/2008 4:33:22 PM

Haha, it took less than two hours to go from "I really want to save this friendship" to "I'm putting on stilettos and kicking her in the cunt"

6/6/2008 4:51:25 PM

kick her in the cunt

hell, ill come do it for you

6/6/2008 5:00:27 PM

my wife kicked her maid of honor out of the wedding, and they're still cordial, but no longer hang out

6/6/2008 5:01:51 PM

Quote :

"You could try reminding her that you would do the same for her if/when she gets married."

exactly! more than likely, this girl is eventually going to get married herself and if yall continue with your friendship and get through this, then who's to say she won't have picked a more expensive bridesmaid gown than you have?

i'm sorry this girl is causing you issues when this is supposed to be an exciting time in your life but you have to remember that for yourself, this is about you. my suggestion is that you tell her that she needs to either quit bitchin or you're cutting her from the bridesmaid list.

my thing is, if your friend was low on cash (and possibly was too embarrassed to mention it earlier) she should know how expensive being a bridesmaid can be and politely decline or at least mention she is tight on cash but is going to work hard to make sure YOUR wedding is how you woul like it to be.

honestly, i think you're being too nice here. i would have told her to get lost a long ass time ago. i dont have time for people like that and you shouldnt either. you have work, your fiancee, your wedding, your career, plus 50 billion other things probably going on which is enough to stress you out. you'll probably feel a lot better if you just cut ties. maybe she'll come back around and realize how she's been acting and if she doesnt, then she wasn't the kind of friend you thought she was.

6/6/2008 5:23:49 PM