I was awoken this morning by the RPD - my neighbor took his life last night leaving a wife and multiple children. I feel absolutely horrible and plan on bringing something over to the house but I'm not sure when or what is appropriate. any suggestions?

5/8/2008 4:10:43 PM

A meal, like a deli tray or something... stuff that's reasonably healthy and normal and complete so they don't have to deal with that too...

tissues

Don't hang out,
don't say you know how they feel or anything like that
don't talk about it, let them talk about it if they want to.
Flowers sucks, they die quickly

[Edited on May 8, 2008 at 4:17 PM. Reason : (my grandfather died recently... those are the things that come to the top of my mind)]

5/8/2008 4:14:41 PM

wow....


how did he do it?




I feel really badly for the wife and children. How can someone do that?

5/8/2008 4:15:33 PM

money, for realz

5/8/2008 4:15:40 PM

sorry.

[Edited on May 8, 2008 at 4:17 PM. Reason : .]

5/8/2008 4:15:58 PM

^^not chitchat asshole

5/8/2008 4:16:33 PM

^^this is the lounge

[Edited on May 8, 2008 at 4:17 PM. Reason : .]

5/8/2008 4:16:55 PM

Quote :

"A meal"

thats what i would do or you could ask the wife if there is anything she needs done or taken care of. a kind gesture will go just as far as a gift.

5/8/2008 4:17:24 PM

Flowers and homemade food seem like the standard course. I'd almost suggest something like a $50 domino's gift card. I'm not sure about that idea, itt seems a little crass, but then again its that many fewer times they have to go out of the house right now and deal with a lot of people, and kids always like pizza. Offering to help out, pick up groceries for them, or mow the lawn or anything of the everyday things that will be harder now could be better than any gift.

5/8/2008 4:18:01 PM

[Edited on May 8, 2008 at 4:24 PM. Reason : .]

5/8/2008 4:19:29 PM

nvm

[Edited on May 8, 2008 at 4:22 PM. Reason : ...]

5/8/2008 4:19:31 PM

^ I think his carats were misplaced

5/8/2008 4:19:57 PM

good idea on the gift certificate for pizza - thanks.

5/8/2008 4:23:39 PM

From experience, we really appreciated someone bringing over loaves of bread, deli meats and cheeses, bags of chips and some good deli cookies. Or a tray of subway sandwiches, something that can last a few days and be eaten when they choose.

5/8/2008 4:53:44 PM

If they live in a house I'd offer to help out cutting grass or doing yard work or anything like that

5/8/2008 5:02:28 PM

a gift certificate for pizza? seriously?

5/8/2008 5:07:16 PM

^^ I definately WOULD NOT do that right now. Maybe in a month or 2, but the last thing they want right now is some neighbor trying to "take their dads place" Obviously you are not, but this is what it is going to feel like. They want to be left alone, not pitied. If you notice their grass getting long, just mow it one day while they are gone. Don't make a big deal about it.

And no gift cert. for pizza. bad idea.

[Edited on May 8, 2008 at 5:09 PM. Reason : .]

5/8/2008 5:07:36 PM

Quote :

"And no gift cert. for pizza. bad idea. "

Why?

With a GC even if it's to a place they don't like, it won't get wasted.

Right now their family and friends are going to flood them with food. They can hold onto the GC until that's over with instead of having more food they don't like that's going to go bad.

5/8/2008 5:20:53 PM

Personally, if you don't know them well, I wouldn't do anything except leaving them a card or a hand-written note telling them you are available if needed. They are going to want to be left alone for a long time. They'll probably move in a month or so, esp. if he committed suicide there. Too many bad memories. I'd be surprised if they are there now...

5/8/2008 5:25:15 PM

Quote :

"Right now their family and friends are going to flood them with food. They can hold onto the GC until that's over with instead of having more food they don't like that's going to go bad."

Having lost multiple members of my immediate family, I would have to say that this statement is right on target. We had to practically beg people to take food and flowers away because we were overwhelmed. A lot of it really just ends up going to waste because there is just no where to put it and it would take a veritable army to eat all of it before going bad. I really do think that something like a gift card though untraditional would be appreciated.

5/8/2008 6:06:32 PM

You are overwhelmed with food at first and flowers. I would go over, offer condolencese, and then in a few weeks, come over with a small gift.

Maybe some gift certificates to the movies would be okay since there are kids involved. Not sure though..

5/8/2008 6:16:59 PM

offer to cut their grass.

5/8/2008 8:16:35 PM

bake them a cake !

5/8/2008 9:00:44 PM

Flowers are worthless. Get them a tree or something that will live more than a few days.

5/8/2008 10:22:15 PM

If they have young children who still need to continue going to school and whatnot (not really old enough to understand what's going on) it would probably be a great help to the mom if you can help them with homework, taking the kids where they need to, letting them play, whatever.

In family that I was a nanny for freshman year, the mom passed away from cancer, so being able to help the dad out with the three children (one 7, one 3, one 13 at the time) like I was already doing (but even more so the two weeks surrounding this) was a huge help for him and all the family were around.

5/8/2008 11:42:45 PM

why did he kill himself

5/9/2008 12:26:11 AM

68's are always bad, so traumatic for the family member who finds them

5/9/2008 1:30:08 AM

same with 69s

sorry.

I agree with the pizza gc, all the food and platters is overwhelming and do not last very well. Plus they will probably not want to be going out to eat anytime soon.

5/9/2008 9:33:34 AM

make a donation to a charity in their name... that is the sweetest gift i can think of.

5/9/2008 11:46:25 AM

just mow their grass the next time you mow yours, don't ask just do it

5/9/2008 11:48:28 AM

^^ OR.... probably the worst gift anyone could ever give..

[Edited on May 9, 2008 at 11:49 AM. Reason : t]

5/9/2008 11:49:09 AM

They will be moving soon enough, if they haven't started already.

5/9/2008 12:06:07 PM

Food is traditional, but it often piles up. I have known people who brought paper plates, plastic cups, etc... so they don't have to wash dishes or worry about running a dishwasher.

5/9/2008 9:56:21 PM

Food. Preferably a home cooked meal.

5/10/2008 12:11:16 AM

I think it would be nice to receive the gift of maid service at a time like that. Most people don't feel like cleaning, but it's nice to be in a clean place when you are grieving.

Though, depending on how the person committed suicide, or where, it may be tacky. Like, if it happened in the house, that might be weird. Your call.

5/10/2008 12:56:09 AM

I don't know if I'd want some stranger up in my business for like an hour cleaning.

5/10/2008 1:35:38 AM

Bring snack foods that will last a while (chips, drinks, packaged cookies, etc.). While someone might not have time or feel like eating a huge meal, they definately will grab a pack of cookies or chips while doing something else.

5/10/2008 9:38:47 PM

my grandma died last week


people brought over food

5/11/2008 12:12:02 AM

Giftcards are not a bad idea.

pizza, or blockbuster so mom can entertain the kids later whenever they feel back up to it.

I would not do the maid thing just because even if it didn't happen in the house, I know when my grandmother died last week all i wanted while I greived was to be left alone, or only among my closest of friends. Everyone else even if well intentioned, just annoyed me because I didn't want to have to smile and put on a public face for them. A stranger in my home would have really been unwelcome.

5/11/2008 12:49:47 AM

The blockbuster gift card sounds like a good idea.

5/11/2008 6:28:30 AM

i like the maid service idea

5/12/2008 7:06:31 PM

Constantine on dvd

5/13/2008 9:11:20 AM

food/a meal

5/13/2008 9:16:23 AM

I know one thing my mom usually does is take some food that will last and then after all the flowers have come and gone, she'll give like a plant or something that will grow and last.

5/14/2008 9:40:30 PM

when my dad died, we were really appreciative when people brought over frozen food. Someone brought a stouffers frozen lasagna and another type of casserole thing so that we would have food after all the perishable stuff was gone. Believe it or not, after about a week and after the services, everyone will go back home and sort of "forget" about the family. Having stuff to use like frozen premade meals are really helpful.

5/14/2008 11:18:57 PM

Maids, however, are $$$$$.

5/15/2008 6:56:12 AM