Post 'em here. Here are a couple from another thread, I'll add more as I remember them . . .
2/27/2008 4:12:42 PM
eww, nigga--you gay
2/27/2008 4:18:17 PM
2/27/2008 4:26:30 PM
The best I have is when I first moved to wolf village, lived with eahanhan and dating zorthage. I was hardly EVER at WV. I'd swing by for books, clean clothes, and all-nighters. Sometimes breakfast.During move-in, I forgot to initial one place on a single piece of paper. All fall semester, and part of spring, Eddy would come by our apt, looking for me to sign it. Always in the evenings. And every time, emily would tell him I'm wasn't there, rarely am, and to email me if it's that important. Apparently, he kinda blew up at her once (I guess he thought she was lying?) about it, because SHE emailed me with "You need to email Eddy because he's losing his shit over something you didn't sign". Of course, I email him, and don't hear back She's got some doozies about the nasty-ass roommates she was assigned after I moved out...she even made a thread once, complete with pictures ]
2/27/2008 4:30:01 PM
My first roommate got so wasted at a frat pledge event that he peed in both closets, on the floor, and in a plastic desk chair. I moved to another room a week later.
2/27/2008 4:33:20 PM
This one time my roommate came in and was like "Hey" and I was like "sup"It was pretty wild.
2/27/2008 4:34:21 PM
My old roommate decided to start dating the 18 year old pizza delivery boy (she was 22). They got pretty serious, and then all the sudden she starts packing her stuff, and tells me that she's moving to Colorado with him.2 months later I get a text message that he knocked her up
2/27/2008 4:36:10 PM
^College is like a mother fucking fairy tale.
2/27/2008 4:38:25 PM
I had a roommate in Lee who got trashed, woke up in the middle of night, left our room, went into the room behind us (they were asleep), and pissed on one of their desk chairs. They were not amused.
2/27/2008 4:40:22 PM
So at spring break last year, there were about 20 guys and 10 girls sharing a beach house down in Savannah. Anyways, this other team was hosting a party down the strip of houses so the vast majority of us went down there to enjoy ourselves, and we all got really hammered. Anyways, one of our members started puking in their toilet, and when he finally finished we found him laying down and we walked in. He looked up at us, drunk as a skunk, and said to the guy next to me "D-Rock, you can go ahead and just have your way with me." It was hilarious.Anyways, later on in the night we were trying to carry him out of the house, and they had a bunch of stairs, a landing, and then a bunch more stairs. I guess he wasn't quite finished puking and he puked all over the landing. We continued on down the stairs, and we got a little ways down the street when we here a slipping noise and a crash. Totally not realizing it was his puke, this guy turns to us and goes "huh huh, sounds like someone just slipped in some puke."That SAME night, another one of the guys was so drunk that he decided to pee in a closet, on all of our coats. And the next morning someone opened the closet and shut it really quickly. He then runs into the kitchen where we were all eating and says to us, "Guys, I'm not sure, but I think... I think some one peed on the coats. I mean, I don't know entirely, but I think someone peed on all the coats." It sucked/was hilarious at the same time.
2/27/2008 4:43:08 PM
ha, my roommate dated this guy and she used to tell me how his dick was freakin huge. I joked about wanting to see it bc id never seen one that big. One day she called my name, so i walked out of my room and her boyfriend was butt-nakid with a hard on in the hallfirst reaction, wholy cow im sorry i just saw you nakidsecond reaction, wholy shit, my best friend convineced you to show me your cock! mabey you had to be there
2/27/2008 4:47:52 PM
2/27/2008 4:49:52 PM
^ It was funny because of the similarity to the Dane Cook joke. Other wise it wouldn't of been funny.
2/27/2008 5:00:48 PM
hey guise i hid in bushes and kicked down a door for fun and peed on some coats
2/27/2008 5:01:56 PM
some of these are great...
2/27/2008 5:02:41 PM
Lord, do I have roommate stories...One roommate was a super prude. Like, shed get mad if I made an off color joke. I came home early once, the door was unlocked, and she was riding some random guy like a pony. When I yelled at her for not putting something on the door like I do when I have company, she denys it. She moved out a week later.The next roommate was really weird, so I stayed out of the room as much as possible. I would come home and her and her friend would just be laying on the floor of the dorm, passed out all afternoon. And then would be up all night. She also invited her "fiance" to live in our DORM ROOM when he got kicked out of his house. Took me all of five seconds to rat her out to the RA, even if I am not there very much, my stuff is.Had another roommate who had a LOT of problems. Didn't have to share a room with her, but... damn. She always wore fake hair ponytails and would spend hours laying in bed staring at the ceiling. She also didn't shower, and pissed all over her bathroom. Her mom had basically gotten sick of her and sent her off to Disneyworld to work and be someone elses problem. We had to intervene. She didn't stay long.Had a roommate who refused to sleep in the room when I was there. We worked opposite shifts, so it wasn't too bad, but it was way awkward if I would come to take a nap and she would actually get up to go sleep on the couch.Had a roomy's boyfriend come in drunk and get in bed with me... nude.One of my ex's roommates was addicted to hardcore porn. Like, thats all he did. And he didn't have his own computer, so he would use the one in the living room. He also didn't clear the history and kept logged in, so we had to see... Some of it was pretty tame- big butt stuff, black dick white chick stuff... and then it went weird. He actually had paid subscriptions to GILF and midget sites.There was the girl who asked me how to make out (she was 22 and had never been kissed.)Six foot tall 200 pound latina who like boys who looked like Peter pan and carried around a Stich doll.Man, my roommates now are boring. Ones kinda an asshole, but nothing big.
2/27/2008 5:05:02 PM
Oh hellI didn't even think to include the roommates from before college. I'll have to make this post after things calm down at work.
2/27/2008 5:12:37 PM
You're gonna post stories about your parents? Can't wait.
2/27/2008 5:13:21 PM
Oh, no.Group homes and pysch wards.
2/27/2008 5:13:43 PM
Holy shit! That sounds awesome!
2/27/2008 5:14:20 PM
group homes and psych wardswowit does sound pretty awesome... so go on. im intrigued [Edited on February 27, 2008 at 5:15 PM. Reason : x]
2/27/2008 5:14:51 PM
OkBaptist Children's Home, Pembroke, NC: I got kicked out so I was only there a short while. I had a roommate who pissed her bed every night. She never washed anything - in part, because she was afraid to ask to use the washer. Yes, she'd have been punished for admitting she peed the bed. We could only do laundry every two weeks, so you had a two week cycle of increasing stench. Somehow, despite sharing a closet, and her urinated pajamas always being in there...my clothes never reeked.IIRC, I was 14 here?The group home in Kinston wasn't bad at all. Didn't have roommates at Holly Hill. --At Dix, where I was twice, I once had three roommates, and once had four. I remember once waking up in the morning to the naked asscrack of a black roommate roughly twice my current size now about 6 inches from my face, held open. I knew better than to let her know I was awake, afraid she'd plant it on me, so I buried my nose in my pillow and pretended to be asleep. Another roommate (who I have been in contact with, as she was relatively sane, and lots of fun - she's a mom now, at UNCA, and making dean's list every semester) and I would keep an eye out for third shift staff, as we read under the covers with flashlights her folks had smuggled in for her. It wasn't the flashlights that were contraband...it was the batteries. I slept against the wall that divided our room from the common area, so if we were feeling overly paranoid, I'd pretend to thrash about in my sleep, and they'd come check on me. Then they could mark that they'd made their 30min check on our room. Because they were lazy, they'd check the other rooms too, so our nighttime reading was in increments of 30.Candace was a batshit crazy motherfucking crackhead who would, when I'd talk in my sleep, take it personally and try to fight me. I cannot tell you how many times I woke up to YOU WANNA FIGHT BITCH HUH YOU WANNA FIGHT and staff running to haul her ass to the 'quiet room'That was pretty much it for Dix. Despite being kinda crazy, I was NOT the worst off, and they kinda roomed us by levels of funtionality, and had two rooms for us (one of 4 girls, and one of 5). If two high-functioning girls didn't get along, they were separated. If someone got along with no one, they went into the room of 8 girls - there was never any peace in there.And FYI, Dix is actually a pretty nice place to be off your rockers --In Greensboro, I had a morbidly obese, (borderline?) retarded roommate named Sandy Parker. I still do doubletakes when I think I see her, and she is a constant running joke between my parents and I ("She as dirty/crazy/stupid/icky/whatever as Sandy Parker?"). She wouldn't shower. She'd masturbate furiously ANY TIME SHE COULD - which included at the dinner table. She'd start shit with someone for breathing "her" air. Once, I was using the bathroom, and I heard her starting shit with the staff, and charging into the bedroom, so I put my brand new eyeglasses in the cabinet underneath the sink. She heard me shut the door, and started yelling "SHES GOT A KNIFE AND IS GONNA KILL ME. Y'ALL SHES TRYING TO KILL ME THAT CRAZY BITCH I'M GONNA KILL YOU"About two weeks after that incident, I snapped. That's when she thought it'd be funny to trap me in the closet. I remember asking her to please let me out, and then I remember a staff member pushing me down onto my bed. Apparently, I went into a rage, and managed to force the door open, throw her down (I was 155lbs, and she was 260+) onto the ground, and started choking her with a hanger. That girl did so much I could keep going on and on and on. --I lived in downtown Goldsboro for a bit, in a "therapeutic" foster home - basically a tiny group home. Two grandparents, their worthless grandson, me, and another 'foster' kid. Nothing much there worth noting, except occasionally getting drunk with one of the two (I was a freshman, and they were Jrs/Srs at high school. Of course, despite being in the Goldsboro HS district [a very shitty school], the grandson was driven daily to a 'white' school farther out). I pierced my ears there one night watching Boy Meets World. That's where I was living when Floyd hit.--In Raleigh/Cary, I lived in a group home, too. That's how I came to graduate from Millbrook, despite my parents living near campus. I asked my folks to do my Sr year at Raleigh Charter (I HAD A FRIEND THERE OH MY GOD), but that would have made 6 HSs for me to go to, and they were convinced I couldn't get into college already, based on that alone. Never mind a 1310 on the SAT and a high class ranking. The only reason this is worth noting is because I have since seen two roommates from this place around Raleigh: one hooking, and the other working at the CookOut on Western, and living off Greenleaf. Pretty sure she was addicted to something. At 17, she'd already had two kids, when I was living with her.There are other crazies, but I'm not in the mood to type any more
2/27/2008 7:18:13 PM
i hate how retards masturbate in public, it's funny and you wanna see if they do it the same way, but then you realize you're watching a retard masturbate and you're like..... whoa now i'm better than that.
2/27/2008 7:22:25 PM
anytime you get more than two one girl living in the same vicinity as another girl, there are bound to be strange interactions. and a lot of fighting.
2/27/2008 7:50:29 PM
^^^
2/27/2008 7:54:24 PM
I went to 4 high schools and I got into college.
2/27/2008 8:01:01 PM
2/27/2008 8:06:22 PM
2/27/2008 8:07:25 PM
One night after a hellacious night of drinking I get up to take a piss. Our friend Tim, the ex-marine sniper, is passed out in the bathroom (unbeknownst to me). I open the door but it only opens an inch or so. I get frustrated and start throwing all of my body weight into the door trying to get to the toilet. It finally opens another inch or two and I look in the mirror and realize that I had been bashing Tim in the head with the bathroom door. I ended up going out on the deck to piss.The next day he complained about his headache and I just reassured him, "Yeah, well it makes perfect sense. You did drink a lot last night."------------------Another time I went to the gun show with 2 roommates. One of the wanted an airsoft gun and we decided that we would all have to get them to maintain peace via mutually assured destruction. That didn't last long at all. We came home drunk that night and had a shoot out. Over the next semester we destroyed pretty much everything in our living room that could be damaged by airsoft pellets. I only mention that because I was thinking of Tim drunk. One night I came out of my bedroom and he shot me from the hip directly in the sternum with the airsoft gun. I went back in my room and took my shirt off because it hurt like hell. When I walked back out he hit me in the exact same damn spot.----------------------Another time I was trying to get my roommate Chad to go out drinking with me. He didn't want to but I finally talked him into it by agreeing to buy all of his drinks for him. I ended up getting him non-alcoholic beer poured into a draft glass whenever I went to the bar. At the end of the night I was pretty hammered and I asked him how he was feeling. He said he wasn't too drunk. I told him "Thats because you've drinking NAs all night. Now drive me home."---------------------From my random thought thread:Back in college I had some bitchy neighbors who kept feeding a stray cat. One day I was at Walmart and saw these big 2'x2' patches of fake white fur in the fabric section. We bought two of them and spray painted on some black spots to match the cat, then wrapped it around a whole chicken from Harris Teeter that we had stuffed with ground beef and old condiments. Then we set it out in front of their house and ran over it.They came out and were horrified that someone had hit their adopted cat. After a few tense minutes the real cat appeared and most of the crying stopped. They tried to have us arrested but couldn't think of any laws that we had broken. After a day or two of rotting meat in the parking lot they told us to clean it up or they were calling the cops.------------------Sophomore year I lived with a hardcore southern baptist from Lenoir who had been dating a born again virgin since the 7th grade, apparently they used to fuck all the time but freshman year of college she decided that she wanted to wait until they got married. Bitch. Anyways, I always had to send files to him on IM to print them I didn't have a printer. One day he wasn't there so I sent it over myself and then started looking for it. I ended up finding a bunch of folders within folders with weird names like ; and >. I finally got to the end of the folders and found some of the weirdest and raunchiest hardcore porn movies that I had ever seen, and believe me, I've seen some shit. It was over a gig, which was huge back in 2001. One video that sticks out in my memory is the one of the girl getting cornholed while the guy holds her head in a toilet.I told some of the guys on the hall about it and they immediately called bullshit. The next time that he left town for the weekend I got on his computer to share my find. The folders had been deleted but some porn was still on his recent documents tab. I ended up going through his CDs and finding one labeled "The Wonder Years" that contained all of the porn. We had a viewing party that weekend, but no one ever said anything to him. Occasionally I would play Joe Cocker on the stereo to fuck with him.
2/27/2008 8:48:04 PM
^every story made me chucklethe first one made me laugh because i've done something like that too.
2/27/2008 8:53:50 PM
^^ haha, yeah MAD doesn't work when MADD doesn't get their way. Ok, that is quite possibly the worst pun ever.My roommate senior year went out for his 21st, I can't remember why I didn't go with him, but he comes stumbling in around midnight, and falls down on his bed. I look over at him, shrug, and get back to whatever I was doing at my desk (probably on AIM with my girlfriend at the time . . . lame, I know . . . she was a hip lady though). Anyway, about fifteen or twenty minutes later I hear my other roommate get up and turn the faucet on. I'm thinking, WTF is Erik doing at the sink at 1am? I look over and I realize the faucet isn't on, the noise is coming from the other side of the room. My roommate is pissing his bed so hard its pouring onto the floor That wasn't the only roommate pissing story though. I had someone kick in my door on the third floor sophomore year after he saw my roommate pissing into the courtyard. He said when he first looked up, he thought someone was pouring a 2 liter of Mountain Dew out.
2/27/2008 8:59:59 PM
I used to go out with my buddy Nathan in Chapel Hill after I graduated. He lived right behind Breadmans on Rosemary and got stuck with this asshole roommate. The guy was just a condescending prick who always acted like a douche to me. We came home one night hammered and said something to the effect of "Hey, is your fag roommate home?" Obviously I wasn't trying to say anything about his sexuality, I was just commenting on him being a prick.Well, the roommate came out of the closet a week later and told Nathan that I couldn't come over anymore because I made him feel threatend.That roommate is the same asshole who stole "The Gournal"* when he moved. The Gournal was a nice notebook that stayed on the coffee table that we would always write in when we were hammered. The book was full of hilarious commentary on the 2 year bender that happened when all of us lived together.We actually started a new Gournal when Nathan was in town 3 weeks ago. It's been a great success.* Go watch Wet Hot American Summer to get the reference.
2/27/2008 9:13:54 PM
Wait....that first part sounds oddly familiar. Nathan who?
2/27/2008 9:26:12 PM
its been posted before, i recognized it
2/27/2008 9:27:58 PM
I've got some random ones about a roommate that I hated going streaking one night and having the smallest dick I've ever seen...and the biggest, hairiest nuts ever.And him coming out with his homosexuality a few weeks later.
2/27/2008 9:30:30 PM
Ok, one story... and then my TWW break is over...Roommate and I were cooking breakfast one morning, still drunk/fucked up from the night before (and we had started drinking again when we woke up). I lived in those shitty Landmark apartments over off Lake Boone trail, so we had pretty much trashed the place the night before. I was cleaning a bit in the living room while she was making bacon on the stove. I hear her say, "Um, Cass, the kitchen's on fire," in a completely calm voice, as if she was telling me she was going to make coffee or go grocery shopping or something. When I looked up from the living room, I could actually see the reflections of the fire on the kitchen window - she had somehow started a grease fire! So I run in there with the fire extinguisher, and I pull the pin to spray the shit, and the flames were high enough they were licking the bottom the kitchen exhaust. She knocks the extinguisher out of my hand and yells, "NO! You'll ruin the bacon!!" We just watched it for a few minutes and allowed the flames to die on their own. That place was filled with smoke, and the fire alarm never went off
2/27/2008 9:39:41 PM
lol
2/27/2008 9:40:56 PM
not the bacon!!! lol
2/27/2008 9:41:04 PM
2/27/2008 9:43:21 PM
you kids and your urination
2/27/2008 9:51:02 PM
I lied... one more story (since ^ said the thing about urination)My boyfriend/roommate from a while ago (same apartment as the previous story) had a bad habit of getting really fucked up on pills and booze, and then peeing in things he shouldn't when he was half asleep. Usually it was the sink, once it was the coffeepot, once the dishwasher, etc. But the best/worst was the trash can. We had one with the flippy lid like but not so fancy. Well, I wake up, and he's in the kitchen peeing on it. Since he's peeing so hard, the lid is swinging around and slinging his piss back on his face. He looked at me with this pissed off/confused look, and screams, "WHY IS R2D2 SPITTING ON ME?!" I turned right back around and let him pass out on the floor. I sure can pick 'em
2/27/2008 10:06:09 PM
AHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHA OMG that is definitely one of the better drunk stories i've ever heard.ahahaha
2/27/2008 10:08:32 PM
I have to get this shit out of my system now, mostly because I just ran into this woman the other night, and we're no longer wanting to set each other on fire.But, okay, I had a crazy room mate. Like, bipolar with PMDD, and off her meds. New Year's Eve, two years ago. She decides she is so pissed at her boyfriend that she gets drunk and pulls HIS OWN GUN on him. She proceeds to have the world's loudest screaming match while she's holding a Kimber .45 at him. He, for his part, is remaining absolutely calm, and I have never seen this man so soft-spoken in my life. Eventually, she puts the gun down, no shots fired. Every room mate but me and the bf moved out the next day. (When you are at the point of having no place to go so bad that you have to stay with the woman that just pulled a gun on someone, THAT'S when life sucks.)
2/27/2008 10:10:59 PM
2/27/2008 10:15:40 PM
my very first roommate used to always wake up to an alarm, proceed to put on a pair of pants, then fall back asleep for a few more hourswe referred to it as the pants alarm
2/27/2008 10:35:34 PM
2/27/2008 10:40:34 PM
haha. the R2D2 shit had me rolling. This thread has potential.
2/27/2008 10:54:00 PM
my freshman year, had a guy from one of those hispanic countries, where the drinking age is 18he walked into the lobby of UT with an open container, and got ticketedthen i introduced him to a female friend of mine, he proceeded take her hand and, kiss her on the cheek, to which she was like "WHAT THE FUCK!!!"he also had the habit of coming in really drunk, and puking all over his stuff, but one night, he gets off the elevator on the wrong floor, walks to the room below ours, opens the door and pukes all over the girl sleeping on the bed (i had to go get him too, me and the guys next door still talk about this first when we see each other)then the real kicker, his mom sent him chocolates in tins (how they beat customs, ill never know).he was a real bitch about letting people have any, even though he didnt eat hardly any of themso one of my buddies (who still posts, ID yourself if you so choose) decided to take a shit into one of his tins. we waited about a week, then really pressed him about giving us some chocolatesthe smell when he opened the thing....
2/27/2008 10:57:31 PM
i used to live with mrfrog, and then suamme1 after that. i'm sure they can tell some wonderful stories about me.
2/27/2008 11:08:22 PM
2/27/2008 11:08:43 PM