So my ex just sent me an email alert he got today from his community homeowners association:


Community Alert of 1-28-08

A disturbed person has intentionally defecated in the spa several times in the past few weeks. This fellow referred to himself as Dr. X in a unibomber-type letter found last Friday night, in which he said he would do it again. He seems to think it’s a game. So for the time being, we must ask you to watch for suspicious activity.
Scottsdale Police have been contacted and they have a lot of evidence to work from. They have advised us that we can prosecute for criminal damages, and we will. If you have information, call Executive Director ***** ******* at (***) ***-****. Or just hit reply.
The Board and management take your safety and general welfare seriously. We’ll keep you informed as this case progresses. [the community name] has always aggressively maintained and treated the spa to the highest standards. If [the community name] leaves the spa open, it’s safe.
Maricopa County conducted a surprise inspection on Friday, the same day we got the Dr. X letter. [the community name's] pool and spa passed with flying colors.

1/28/2008 7:55:54 PM

602 or 480?

1/28/2008 7:58:19 PM

Quote :

"they have a lot of evidence to work from"

1/28/2008 7:59:07 PM

480....it's the number for the community dir, not the PD I don't think

1/28/2008 7:59:37 PM

phoenix reminded me of raleigh in that sense. except without as many people and area codes

but with all the carys and wake forests and knightdales and garners and all that shit

1/28/2008 8:01:30 PM

^huh?

1/28/2008 8:02:04 PM

scottsdale, tempe, chandler, surprise, mesa, peoria, cave creek.

all without really leaving the same area.

1/28/2008 8:03:50 PM

i saw this thing about phoenix on pbs

looks like a huge ecological time bomb because everyone thinks they should have unnatural grass lawns in a desert

it also gave the impression that all these little suburbs were walled off from one another

[Edited on January 28, 2008 at 8:13 PM. Reason : +]

1/28/2008 8:04:03 PM

ah....I'll tell you though, I'm glad I'm not there this weekend because they've got the Superbowl AND The Phoenix Open and the Open has turned into a whorefest. Chicks wear heels and shit on the green during the day and get shit faced.

1/28/2008 8:05:45 PM

aint shit in tucson but tucson and marana

and oro valley is cary, and catalina is fuquay

^^ you know, i watered THE FUCK out of my plants while i lived there, and they grew up nice. lots of cool dr seuss trees and shit. but the water bill was never high. i think they snaked their way into that colorado river thing.

[Edited on January 28, 2008 at 8:07 PM. Reason : /]

1/28/2008 8:05:58 PM

^^^well there's the one type of folks who come from the midwest and the east and they can't get enough of the cactii shit. Personally, I hate that kind of landscaping but meh.

Also, for a city that supposedly is so well planned out, they fucked up somewhere because my parents mailing address is in Phoenix, the school district is in the Scottsdale School District and their water and power is in Paradise Valley.

[Edited on January 28, 2008 at 8:09 PM. Reason : ]

1/28/2008 8:08:48 PM

1/28/2008 8:09:42 PM

Quote :

"folks who come from the midwest and the east and they can't get enough of the cactii shit."

you cant seriously look me in the face and tell me that THE MIGHTY SAGUARO is not one of the most awesome things you've ever seen (sober).

plus its like a felony to steal one of those fuckers, i put an ad on craigslist wanting one, and the replies blew my mind. hundreds and hundreds for babies

[Edited on January 28, 2008 at 8:12 PM. Reason : /]

1/28/2008 8:11:54 PM

everyone go watch rob and big season 3 premier



what you need is a net gun

1/28/2008 8:13:42 PM

On a semi related note:


So my best friend's husband is from Italy and while he speaks English fluently, every once in a while he comes across a word that throws him. So one day he's walking in their complex and he gets back to their place and asks his wife, 'What's a fehkeys?' And she's like, 'WTF?' and she asks him where he saw it and he said he saw it on a sign on the gate by one of the pools. So she asks him to spell it and so he says, 'F E C E S'.

1/28/2008 8:15:42 PM

BUT I POOP from there

1/28/2008 8:16:20 PM

Quote :

"you cant seriously look me in the face and tell me that THE MIGHTY SAGUARO is not one of the most awesome things you've ever seen (sober). plus its like a felony to steal one of those fuckers, i put an ad on craigslist wanting one, and the replies blew my mind. hundreds and hundreds for babies"

Honestly, I've seen enough cactii to last a life time. I mean I know those fuckers are protected. You get in deep shit if you're caught fucking with them. A few years back some high school kid died when he drove his car into one.

1/28/2008 8:18:23 PM

20 million dollars says it happened on tangerine road

good jesus

(and i wasnt there long, plus it had been a dream of mine for years, so i liked it a lot)

[Edited on January 28, 2008 at 8:19 PM. Reason : /]

1/28/2008 8:19:19 PM

hah....no, it happened in Scottsdale, off Frank Lloyd Wright if I recall.

1/28/2008 8:20:12 PM

i like how he adopted an evil scientist name for his nefarious schemes

1/28/2008 8:20:50 PM

the scary thing, is that this is something I wouldn't put past my ex doing. I'd say it was him, but I know for a fact he'd never use the community spa so....

1/28/2008 8:23:21 PM

did i ever tell you about the time i got a flat at the corner of oracle and tangerine (in the valley of GOLD).. oro valley pd stopped like 6 times in the first hour asking me what my deal was

then i locked my keys in my trunk after i realized i had no spare (yes i drove all the way to arizona with no spare)

so i had to wait out there all day, got some transportation back into town, bought a tire on grant/1st, then went way the fuck back out there and got a locksmith to meet me. changed the tire. 10 seconds after he got there i was in and ready to go

i really really really wanted to shoot myself that day, probably the closest ive been to wishing i had an actual gun

1/28/2008 8:26:52 PM

damn...you spent a lot of time in the north part of Tucson huh? My last year in college we lived at La Paloma but that was the farthest north we would go. I mean occasionally we'd go on drives but the majority of my time was spent between Broadway to the south, Prince to the north, 4th Ave to the west and Country Club to the east. At least that sounds about right. Although to be more specific I probably spent most of my time at [insert frat house here].

1/28/2008 8:30:38 PM

what i thought was going to be tucson turned into BARELY inside pima county. like the pima county cops turned around at PENIS county right up the road

i lived in what was officially CATALINA. by the old folks neighborhood up on the hill.

it was a good 20 minute drive to the st marys/'A' mountain area, where i went most days. and i had to leave really fucking early so i could beat the sun. cause my car wouldnt work once it got over 105 (at 8am haaaaaaa)

1/28/2008 8:39:16 PM

1/28/2008 8:40:43 PM

So an update on the Poop sitch....

Some of you may or may not remember a thread I made (which wasn't THAT long ago, but apparently it was long enough ago cause I can't find it) about whether or no you can get DNA from a piece of shit. I'm not sure what the TDUB verdict was but if I recall, it was that no, it couldn't be done.... Regardless, my ex calls me last night to inform me that the 'word in on the street' is that the resident self-proclaimed 'detective' named Joe SomethingItalianSounding (he's supposedly a retired Chicago cop who spends his retirement making life unpleasant for his neighbors) has taken that piece of shit and had the DNA testing done on it and also claims he can tell a person's age from said piece of poop.

Now, regardless of whether or not it's possible to do a DNA test on shit, I just have to point out that I recall watching a news item where they were talking about thousands and thousands of cold case murder and rape cases that remain cold because of how high the costs are to do the test.... So really Joe? Really? You took this piece of shit to the authorities who decided that finding out who put a piece of poop in a gated community spa trumps 1,000 rape/murder victims? And I think it goes without saying that the only way to actually FIND the person with the DNA is to already have them in the system...and I'm gonna go ahead and guess that the chances of that are slim to none.

2/26/2008 3:10:32 PM

lol, this is so, stupid. that guy actually spent time and money on this?

[Edited on February 26, 2008 at 4:28 PM. Reason : hilarious though]

2/26/2008 4:28:22 PM

Sometimes, even I need to relax in the spa!

2/26/2008 4:33:02 PM