Mr. Grenade is not our friend.

http://www.neilsimpson.org/neilsimpson.org/Blog/Entries/2007/8/26_WHEN_THE_PIN_IS_PULLED%2C_MR_GRENADE_IS_NOT_OUR_FRIEND.html

12/27/2007 11:15:13 PM

Yes yes, these are all quite wonderful.

Front towards enemy is also a good one. From the claymore mines.

12/27/2007 11:21:51 PM

i can't tell if you're mocking me or being serious.

12/27/2007 11:36:38 PM

I'm being serious enough.

12/27/2007 11:37:19 PM

cool.


this is also a good one

Quote :

"‘A slipping gear could let your M203 Grenade Launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.’"

12/27/2007 11:38:58 PM

Friendly fire isn't, Indirect fire is

If your main parachute fails to open, you have the rest of your life to deploy the reserve.

12/28/2007 6:09:05 AM

Which is approximately 8 seconds.






These are all variations on Murphy's law. I find the Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) to be equally humerous:

1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

2. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

3. Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

4. Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

6. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

7. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

8. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

9. Navy Surface Warfare: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

10. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

11. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

12. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

13. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.

14. Quartermaster: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

15. CH-47 pilot: Receives anti-snake equipment, sling leg breaks in route causing equipment to fall from aircraft and crush snake, crew chief uses dead snake as replacment sling leg. Continues mission.

16. F-15 pilot: Mis-identifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.

17. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but get direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too dry with Rain, Unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multi-million dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs.

18. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

19. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

20. ICBM crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.

21. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

22. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

23. Signal: Tries to communicate with snake...fail repeated attempts. Complains that the snake did not have the correct fill or did not know how to work equipment a child could operate. Signal Officer informs the commander that he could easily communicate with the snake using just his voice. Commander insists that he NEEDS to video-conference with the snake, with real-time streaming positional and logistical data on the snake displayed on video screens to either side. Gives Signal Corps $5 Billion to make this happen. SigO abuses the 2 smart people in the corps to make it happen, while everybody else stands around, bitches, and takes credit. In the end, General Dynamics and several sub-contractors make a few billion dollars, the 2 smart people get out and go to work for them, and the commander gets what he asked for only in fiber-optic based simulations. The snake is forgotten.

24. Navy SeaBees: Build snake elaborate rec room, complete with secret still.

25. War Correspondent. Decides snake is patriotic nationalist agrarian reformer being molested by imperialist U.S. forces, asks snake for directions to nearest bar. If bitten by snake, charges U.S. troops with neglect of duty to protect freedom of the press.

12/28/2007 6:36:39 AM

^
ahaha at

Quote :

"11. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost."

12/28/2007 4:56:32 PM

I'm pretty sure that most of the stuff on that link pops up on CoD4 from time to time.

12/28/2007 4:59:40 PM

i saw this and thought of you yosh...

12/28/2007 5:04:25 PM

^

^^that's what lead me to search for these.

there's actually an awesome quote i saw on COD4. something along the lines of:

"In war, it doesn't matter who's right.... only who's left"

or something like that. shit's deep, i like it.

[Edited on December 28, 2007 at 5:05 PM. Reason : ]

12/28/2007 5:04:58 PM

when your job is the ruthless murder of your fellow human beings, it's always best to have a sense of humor about it

12/28/2007 5:41:28 PM

There are no "fellow human beings", only targets and objectives.

12/28/2007 8:39:58 PM

whatever allows you to sleep better at night

12/28/2007 8:44:49 PM

The deaths of mine enemies does just that

12/28/2007 8:51:48 PM

ha ha, as much as i hate to see my e-friends go down, troop wins with that last comment. well put.

12/28/2007 8:58:54 PM

10/10 on this thread.

12/28/2007 9:06:12 PM