Good God Almighty, I'm free at last!

Just broke up with the girlfriend -- woohoo!

Any advice on how to handle the fact that up until today we shared an apartment would be much appreciated

10/29/2007 12:52:44 PM

kick her ass to the curb

10/29/2007 12:53:17 PM

her apt or yours?

10/29/2007 12:53:33 PM

Fuck that, I don't wanna live here, I hate this fucking town (Chapel Hill)

^In both our names

[Edited on October 29, 2007 at 12:53 PM. Reason : ]

10/29/2007 12:53:46 PM

hurry up and get the deposit back on the lease

10/29/2007 12:53:51 PM

move out, let her have it.

10/29/2007 12:54:17 PM

Well, yeah, I get that part

But I don't know how to go about getting my name off the lease, I'm not even sure they'll let just one person be on it. And while I'm glad we're through, I don't want to leave the girl in a situation where she's gonna be homeless

[Edited on October 29, 2007 at 12:55 PM. Reason : since she can't pay the whole rent by herself]

10/29/2007 12:55:18 PM

lol is this the same girl form a few years ago?

10/29/2007 1:01:14 PM

when you sign you sign and you are stuck, unless you have a buy out on your lease that you can afford. other than that you can always sacrifice a few beacon score points.

[Edited on October 29, 2007 at 1:02 PM. Reason : asdf]

10/29/2007 1:02:03 PM

just put up a wall in the place, split everything 50/50

10/29/2007 1:05:47 PM

sublease your side to some 40 year old queer

10/29/2007 1:07:12 PM

Keep in mind that you could come home one day and everything could be gone. She could take everything and you would have little recourse other than civil court--have you kept all the receipts for your clothing? Or much of anything? I didn't think so. BTW, I've seen this happen.

Change the locks--immediately. Let her coordinate with you to schedule times for both of you to be there while she's moving out. Better safe than sorry.

10/29/2007 1:07:50 PM

^ damn thats scary

never thought of that

10/29/2007 1:08:43 PM

you need to man up and deal with your aftermath long enough so that you don't fuck up her's/your credit in the move out process - it may take you a month to get completely financially detached, but everyone around you will respect you more for doing things the right way. do teh right thing here. help each other get new accommodations, and part ways as amicable acquaintances.

10/29/2007 1:10:13 PM

Quote :

"Keep in mind that you could come home one day and everything could be gone."

I'm absolutely not worried about this, if only because she's largely financially dependent on her parents, who will pull the rug out from under her if she pulls anything of the sort.

And again, I'm moving out, not her.

Quote :

"you need to man up and deal with your aftermath long enough so that you don't fuck up her's/your credit in the move out process - it may take you a month to get completely financially detached, but everyone around you will respect you more for doing things the right way. do teh right thing here. help each other get new accommodations, and part ways as amicable acquaintances."

Oh, I'm doing all of that. I'm going to pay her half of the rent until the end of 2007, and over time her mom will pay me back for that. And no, I'm not worried about the mom screwing me over, she's on my side.

[Edited on October 29, 2007 at 1:12 PM. Reason : ]

10/29/2007 1:10:48 PM

^ yeah thats sooooooooooooooooooooo easier said than done in a situation like this

10/29/2007 1:11:01 PM

breaking up a long term living together situation isn't suposed to be easy. I get the idea that GrumpyGOP doesn't want to just cut and run like some of the assholes here have suggested.
you'll be fine, it'll just take a while - coordinate with her parents right away, since they are the $ she will be using.

10/29/2007 1:13:22 PM

My real question is, how difficult do we expect it to be for me to be able to sever all of my financial ties? Ballpark figures, etc. would be appreciated

As part of another stupid move, the utilities are in my name. Yes, I know, bad call, won't do much good to point it out to me now, though I know you will.

[Edited on October 29, 2007 at 1:14 PM. Reason : ]

10/29/2007 1:13:44 PM

i agree, but how often does this ever happen? unless both are willing to work this out, it ain't gonna happen.

you are just going to have to man up and pay up in a situation like this. hate to sound like an asshole, but you should have thought about this before the break up, then broke up with her.

[Edited on October 29, 2007 at 1:16 PM. Reason : zsdfg]

10/29/2007 1:14:39 PM

[Edited on October 29, 2007 at 1:16 PM. Reason : Fcv]

10/29/2007 1:16:00 PM

So far she has seemed perfectly willing to work with me. I realize that could be a front and it might change, but at the moment I have no particular reason to suspect as much.

Quote :

"hate to sound like an asshole, but you should have thought about this before the break up, then broke up with her."

Oh, I did think about it, at great length. This kind of shit kept me in the relationship longer than it had any business doing. And no matter how big a pain it is, I'm better off. I just want any advice/information/etc. that might help streamline the process.

[Edited on October 29, 2007 at 1:17 PM. Reason : ]

10/29/2007 1:16:16 PM

^x10 It only takes one time of coming home looking at bare walls for it to sink in. Think of it: TV, stereo, CDs, microwave, guns, clothes, food, money, everything--gone.

And don't tell me she's not that kind of person. 'Cause if everything was going so great with you two, you probably wouldn't be breaking up in the first place.

BTW, this did not happen to me--I've had some stuff trickle out, though, before I changed the locks. It did happen to this guy I knew, and he was one lost-looking fucker when he was telling me about it, too--he said there wasn't a goddamned thing left in his place.

Just a word to the wise.

[Edited on October 29, 2007 at 1:17 PM. Reason : .]

10/29/2007 1:16:28 PM

you can change the name for the utilities, i did that when i moved out of richmond. they would've charged like 15 or 25 dollar bucks but i decided to keep it in my name and my roommate would send in the checks.

just call the utility company and tell them what's up

10/29/2007 1:16:53 PM

she has another man, thats why she is so willing to work this out

10/29/2007 1:16:56 PM

it's really not that complicated... it sucks butit's more emotionally traumatizing than litigiously.

just call each with her and transfer the names over should take 10-15 minutes each. if they ask if you're married say yes.

10/29/2007 1:17:00 PM

not too hard - unless you have mutual *debt* it shouldn't take more than a month, and every utility will just have to be put in her/her parent's name, and the process to do this is already in place. the big question to ask before you get too deep into the utilities part is: will she continue staying there after you move? if so, it's harder than if she moves out with you. remember, her parents $ help will aid in your extraction regardless of whether she stays or goes, so you really lucked out there.

10/29/2007 1:17:03 PM

Quote :

"Think of it: TV, stereo, CDs, microwave, guns, clothes, food, money, everything--gone. "

Most of what's in the apartment is secondhand, and/or is either hers to begin with or something I don't want. Aside from my computer (which I am packing up as soon as I leave and taking with me, along with some other valuable items), there's little here that would cause me much distress.

Quote :

"And don't tell me she's not that kind of person. 'Cause if everything was going so great with you two, you probably wouldn't be breaking up in the first place."

She wouldn't have to be a vengeful psychotic harpy for me to want to break up with her, you know.

Quote :

"she has another man, thats why she is so willing to work this out"

I'm pretty sure this is not the case, since one of the big points of friction is that she's around the apartment literally all of the time. She's never gone anywhere long enough to cheat and I'm around often enough to know she's not having guys over here.

[Edited on October 29, 2007 at 1:21 PM. Reason : ]

10/29/2007 1:21:23 PM

I do sincerely wish you good luck with all this. But a couple more things: (1) Don't count on her folks remaining on your side--if they were ever on your side. And (2) brace yourself for some kind of fucking--financial, emotional, personal property, or something. More than likely such will happen.

^ Yeah, Grumpy, I know--you've got an answer for everything. Well, this is one time that I genuinely hope I'm wrong about the things that could happen.

[Edited on October 29, 2007 at 1:25 PM. Reason : .]

10/29/2007 1:23:03 PM

So when did she leave the pet pad?


Good on you mate.

10/29/2007 1:23:08 PM

fyi, i was just joking about the other man part

10/29/2007 1:23:31 PM

she just wants closure, if i read this right...her parents will be grateful that you are not* jsut ducking out/changing the locks/etc. because that* is more on the asshole/illegal side of things.

10/29/2007 1:25:11 PM

i would really be scared for my stuff if i were in this situation, but i do have all receipts and i paid with my debit card! and i have renter's insurance, which covers theft!

10/29/2007 1:26:44 PM

Quote :

"eah, Grumpy, I know--you've got an answer for everything."

Well, yeah, I kinda do

I'm not the sort to make big decisions without a great deal of thought and consideration from every angle I can conceive of.

After a couple of weeks of pondering, I've decided, among other things, that the risk of subsantial retaliation on her part is minimal

10/29/2007 1:28:00 PM

you date the wrong women if you are worried about them stealing your stuff when you break up with them, and that is your own fault.

you should have to make 5 phone calls

electric
cable
water
gas
your apt office - the only one that will have to be in-person at some point...the rest should be signing paperwork through the mail at most.

10/29/2007 1:28:45 PM

vindictive whores can turn into thieves in a matter of seconds

10/29/2007 1:30:56 PM

Alright, I'm logging off 'cause I gotta break down the computer, partly just to be sure and partly because I'm gonna want it tonight at home

thanks for what useful advice has been given

10/29/2007 1:31:09 PM

you're welcome

10/29/2007 1:31:38 PM

Don't forget the last pity fuck.

10/29/2007 1:36:52 PM

So....what's her number?

10/29/2007 1:59:44 PM

do you have a roommate for her in mind?

10/29/2007 2:02:32 PM

Quote :

"And no, I'm not worried about the mom screwing me over, she's on my side."

If her mom is on your side, I wanna know the story behind breaking up.

10/29/2007 2:05:44 PM

this is a good example to wait until marriage to live together

10/29/2007 2:17:44 PM

Quote :

"this is a good example to wait until marriage to live together"

10/29/2007 2:18:29 PM

or, a perfect example of how trial relationships work. I mean, this would be a lot more complicated if they were married when he decided this.

I'm not saying that either one is right . . . I'm just saying.

10/29/2007 4:04:54 PM

Yeah, I'd rather live with someone before marriage and have it not work out than go through all this after getting hitched.

10/29/2007 4:07:21 PM

or do the whole Tim Robbins / Susan Sarandon thing.

10/29/2007 4:14:08 PM

Quote :

"vindictive whores can turn into thieves in a matter of seconds"

True enough, but like I said, she's not a vindictive whore as far as I can tell (and I base this on a fair amount of observation)

Quote :

"do you have a roommate for her in mind?"

None whatsoever.

Quote :

"this is a good example to wait until marriage to live together"

You know what? I based my decision to live with her in part on the experience of my mom, who married her original partner before living together, and also in part on the similar experience of her mom. Both of them married their partners before living together. Both of them ended up divorced. I'm going to go ahead and consider breaking a sacrament before God to be a bigger problem than living together and breaking up.

Still, though, feel free to spew your sanctimonious and, above all, useless bullshit to me. I really take it into account quite heavily.

I am unwaiveringly faithful in the existence of a Christian God, and I don't believe my current situation is a result of my having pissed Him off by cohabitating.

I hope that if you get married before having the experience of living with a person that it turns out alright. I really do. I just find it incredibly unlikely. You may think that you are special, immune to the reality of divorce statistics as they currently exist. You are not.

Quote :

"If her mom is on your side, I wanna know the story behind breaking up."

The short version is that things started fine and she went progressively more insanse, eventually alienating her whole family and, after that, myself.

[Edited on October 30, 2007 at 3:47 AM. Reason : ]

10/30/2007 3:46:27 AM

Someone pm me when the nude ex girlfriend pics start to show up.

10/30/2007 4:05:10 AM