My dad, for instance, loved to shoot bottle rockets out of his dorm window in college. He was also about to be bitten by a rabid dog when he was 3 until a cop pulled out a gun and shot the mutt dead right in front of him.

8/14/2007 9:39:36 PM

my dad got hit in the head with a crutch by a black guy when he was in high school

8/14/2007 9:41:50 PM

my dad used to sell homeing pigeons as tumbling pigeons.

8/14/2007 9:47:15 PM

My Dad hitch-hiked from NC to FL, got arrested for having long hair, and when he got out the next morning his friend knocked himself out with a coconut. He threw it full force into the pavement, and it came back and smacked him in the face-knocking him out cold.

8/14/2007 10:00:08 PM

redneckaleigh

8/14/2007 10:10:16 PM

My dad told me about when they were kids, he and his brothers would climb the trees in my granddad's orchard and shit out of them.

8/14/2007 10:15:43 PM

^hahahahahahahah

8/14/2007 10:18:46 PM

my dad also told me about his gay cousin.

When they were younger and would have a club and they would pick president, vice-president, ect. Well the cousin who later came out as gay, always wanted to be the decorator, and would sit and knit curtains while the rest of them would pretend to shoot each other with guns. And beat trees with sticks

8/14/2007 10:19:21 PM

I am totally at a loss as to who this Walter may be... I mean, he must be a n00b since he is an 18 year old freshman!

8/14/2007 10:24:24 PM

I also heard about how my dad, when he was really young, went around calling people whores.

8/14/2007 10:41:43 PM

When my dad was about 20 or so, him and a friend were so drunk drove to the jack in the box sat confused in the drive thru for 20 minutes before finally ordering two of everything on the menu.

he was also a member of some group of guys who had lifted trucks called the "mighty high", but i think theres more to that story he wont let on about.

8/14/2007 10:47:01 PM

My stepdad & his brother used to cut down fresh bamboo poles and while standing on the ground tap the other end against the power lines. Apparently there was just enough water to conduct a charge and give them a nice, harmless, shock.

8/14/2007 10:50:02 PM

my dad would run his windshield wiper fluid hose to the grille instead of the cowling and squirt people with in when they walked in front of his car

8/14/2007 10:57:46 PM

we have our church van rigged up to do that... those big 15 passenger vans will spray a good 10-15 feet too

8/14/2007 11:28:09 PM

Dad calls me late at night to ask me a question when im out with some friends, conversation goes:

Dad: What are you doing
Me: Drinkin' Moonshine with my friends
Dad: What? What are you guys trying to do, fuck a fat girl?

This has thus become a staple whenever we mention moonshine between my friends.

8/14/2007 11:42:09 PM

my mom told me a story about how she went to florida once and noticed the jews are all over there

8/14/2007 11:43:04 PM

bttt

8/15/2007 2:42:28 PM

Dad told me that he and 3 other dudes did shrooms, watched Wizard of Oz, and all of them sang every song together

8/15/2007 2:55:12 PM

my mom and her cousins used to shoot each other with bb guns in the fields where they grew up. i imagine it would be a lot like paint ball... except with bb's

8/15/2007 3:00:36 PM

My dad went to a baseball game with a bus full of guys from work back before I was born. They had a keg or two on the bus and got tanked. Some dude got a hooker, but was so drunk that instead of having sex, he went down on her and she gave him his money back.

CHICKEN HERPES!

8/15/2007 3:07:24 PM

my dad bought some gay porn as a prank for one of the guys he worked with at the firehouse. . . well, he lost it and never found it even after we moved out of that house.

i always wondered what the peoples faces were like that moved into our house and found it.

8/15/2007 3:09:06 PM

My pops bought his first car when he was stationed in Cuba. It cost $50, and could only start if it was rolling down a hill.

One time he was stationed in Mynot, North Dakota, it was really cold outside and he brought a TV to his guard post to watch it. He had to open the window a little bit to stick the back of the TV out of, and apparently the heat differential was enough to make the TV completely shatter after he watched it for a little bit.

8/15/2007 3:10:19 PM

Snow, uphill, both ways.

8/15/2007 3:13:54 PM

When my dad was about 9-10 he stole his mom's car with a friend of his and wrecked it into a pole. He ran back home and snuck into his bead and put the keys back. His mom and dad reported the car stolen. They came into the room to tell him about the stolen car and saw fresh mud all over his shoes and he was busted right there.

8/15/2007 3:16:33 PM

sadly, my parents were normal.

8/15/2007 3:18:10 PM

my dad was struck by lightning.

8/15/2007 3:19:02 PM

a sad/depressing story

When my dad found out my mom was pregnant with me he freaked out and left her for 3 months. Then he manned up and they got back together and have lived happily ever after since.

Just goes to show that parents were normal at one point and not all married right out of high school

8/15/2007 3:20:37 PM

My dad hit some honkey in the head with a crutch.

8/15/2007 3:33:58 PM

my dad told me that when he used to work at this car dealership they would always play pranks in the office. One time someone was in the bathroom and there was a small area underneath the door of this one stall bathroom. they threw a lit firecracker under the door and it started going off. they could hear the guy in the stall going "oh, oh oh shit" and trying to stomp the thing out with his shoe. It was hilarious watching my dad tell the story because he practically started crying cause he was laughing so hard at the memory.

[Edited on August 15, 2007 at 3:35 PM. Reason : d]

8/15/2007 3:35:14 PM

my dad told me that when he was younger, in one evening he once ate 17 sammiches

8/15/2007 3:43:15 PM

dear lord do I have a lot of "my dad" stories.

Kick it off with this one.

My dad got in a fight with his older brother when they were 9 or 10. Old brother hit him with a bat, so my dad grabbed a hammer and nailed him in the back of the head. Uncle still had a big dent in his head and they never had a physical confrontation after that.

8/15/2007 3:45:08 PM

i've got a bunch too.

one of the first was my dad and his three brothers stole a pack of matches from my grandmother and went out in this wheat field down the road (empty farm town) to play with the matches and try to start a small fire. My eldest uncle ended up catching the entire wheat field on fire and it took the fire department more than a day to control and extinguish it.



i've got several more stored way about various shit, i'll think when i can break from this work.

8/15/2007 3:52:49 PM

This particular event happened one summer on my uncle's farm in Virginia. My brother and I had just finished cutting a field of hay and were enjoying the evening meal under the shade of an elm tree. He went down for water by the creek and when he was gone, I took a bowl that was filled with delicious plum pudding and placed into it, not one, but two large pieces of sheep shit. When he returned I encouraged him to taste the plum pudding... And as sure as Im standing before you, he did! He ate it all. Shit Pudding!

Oh yeah. To be perfectly honest with you sir, I have no brother. It was me. I ate sheep shit! Swear to God.

8/15/2007 4:08:34 PM

my dad grew up with 3 brothers.

they all had (and still do) an amazing ability to do the towel/rag pop thing where you whip it and snap it back.

he told me this story about how they used to have wars out in the barn, using rags their father used for cleaning shit and the like. until the day the 2nd oldest brother got the idea of dipping his rag in gasoline.

several skin lacerations with gasoline in the cuts later..

someone got their ass kicked

8/15/2007 4:14:24 PM

my dad was a hippie who was rode his motorcycle all over NC and SC. Met my mom, ran down to SC and get married.

8/15/2007 4:15:29 PM

my dad and his cousins made a boy that they didnt like pee on an electric fence

8/15/2007 5:19:59 PM

My dad had one of his brothers throw a bottle at him when he was in his early teens during a fight. Well, the bottle shattered into his shin, cutting several muscles and leaving his foot partially paralyzed. Well, when it came time for the Vietnam draft, the medics told my dad they could fix it for him and then ship him off. Of course, he declined.

8/15/2007 5:30:50 PM

my dad hitch-hiked for 2 years after highschool. he said one guy stopped and said that he'd give him a ride if he'd shoot up a syringe of air in his arm, and the driver proceed to chase my dad.

8/15/2007 6:04:24 PM

Me:Good morning dad

Dad:I peed in your mothers butt last night

Me:

8/15/2007 6:11:47 PM

my dad and his frineds used to steal the lights off police cruisers

8/15/2007 8:28:46 PM

Damn, my dad and his identical twin were ALWAYS getting into some shit when they were growing up, I still hear new stories from time to time.

One my mom tells me (that my dad would never admit to, he's humble about these things)...They were walking to lunch one day when they were in their 20s and rounded a corner to see these two assholes holding kittens by the tail and beating them against the brick wall of a building. She watched him sprint over to them, grab the back of one guy's head and smash him face-first into the wall and turn around and beat the shit out of the other guy...not sure how the kittens fared, but GO DAD!

8/15/2007 9:06:59 PM

my dad once got ran over by a motorcycle and his skull was crushed but when he was younger he said he used to sneak out of the house and was smoking..I think he started when he was 13

8/15/2007 9:08:22 PM

hmm, i remember now my dad telling me that back when he was a sophomore in college (1962. he's old) around 4th of July some random sketchy dude tried to sell him illegal fireworks (my dad lived in NY). well my dad gave him money and the guy said he would be right back with the fireworks and he never came back.

Dumbass.

8/15/2007 9:45:15 PM

My dad was a night manager at Darryl's on Hillsboro back in the 70s and one night closing up a limo pulled up. Andre the Giant got out with three girls and so my dad opened back up for them and served Andre long island iced teas with four shots in each. When Andre was leaving my dad tried to help him back to the limo, but admitted he couldn't have done anything but back away if Andre started to fall. My dad's still alive, so Andre didn't fall.

8/15/2007 9:57:52 PM

bttt

10/25/2007 8:52:19 PM

All the kids in my dads neighborhood used to play a complicated version of hide and seek with chess pieces. One of the rules was you could hide anywhere EXCEPT for your own house.

My dad and this other kid hid in an unlocked car. The other kid was like "Dude, I really have to go number 2". My dad said "Just go back home and do it". Kid says "I can't wait", drop his pants, and shits in some random persons car. Then they run away.

10/25/2007 9:04:46 PM

when they were kids, my dad and uncle were out chopping wood, and since my uncle is older, he was the one with the axe and it was my dad's job to put the wood on the chopping block. Well, somehow, they got pissed off at each other, and my uncle hit my dad in the head with the axe, making a nice gash in my dad's head. After they came back from the hospital, dad was still mad, so he shot my uncle with a bb gun. My uncle turned right around and shot my dad in the legs with a shotgun (it was only bird shot). After the second trip to the hospital, they both got their asses kicked by my grandpa.

another time was when my dad, uncle, and a few of their buddies decided to steal a 5 gallon bucket that used to have gas in it, with the bright idea of throwing matches into the bucket to see if it would explode (ya know, cause an awesome fireball cuz of the fumes). The problem was, the matches were going out during the arch of the throw, so my dad (the smart one lol) decided on lean right over the bucket, and drop a match straight in. The resulting (by my uncle's words) "goddamn huge fireball" proceed to burn my dad's eyelashes, eyebrows, and hair off. Not to mention burn the hell out of his face, neck and lungs. After that trip to the hospital, my uncle got his ass kicked for letting my dad do that (uncle was the older one, he should have known better-according to my grandpa).

when they were real young, my dad and uncle would climb trees and see how many times they could jump from tree to tree without falling to the ground. on this one, my dad always won (so he says).

shit like this is funny, b/c new stories come out at every family gathering, and my grandfather, in his mid 70s, never ceases to tell my dad and uncle that he can still "whip your ass at any time I want to, so don't go gettin out of line, you hear?" and promptly gets a resounding "yes sir" from both dad and uncle. its awesome. of course, my great grandmother says the same shit to my grandfather too. lol

this thread is awesome and I hope it never ends.

10/25/2007 9:16:44 PM

My dad punched Rick Flair and knocked his ass out... Apparently Rick was hitting on my mom and my dad didn't like it too much.

10/25/2007 9:39:59 PM

Quote :

"My dad told me about when they were kids, he and his brothers would climb the trees in my granddad's orchard and shit out of them. "

That is good stuff.


Looks like that fascination with pooping may be genetic!

10/25/2007 9:41:58 PM

my husband grew up on a really big farm (1000+ acres) and one of his uncles secretly grew about 3 acres of marijuana. No one knew anything about it (his grandfather thought it was weeds (no pun intended) growing in the corn) until some helicopters flew over the land it was growing on and saw it because it was taller than the corn plants it was growing around. My husband's grandfather knew nothing about it until about 10 cop cars came racing to his house.

My mom told me a really funny story about my dad after he died (he took it to his grave because he was so embarassed). Once when I was in high school, my parents were convinced I was on drugs (which I wasn't). So, they found a baggie with a green substance that smelled like weed in my room. Obviously they thought that's what it was. So my dad, being the bright one, said "bring me a coke can, I'm gonna find out for sure." He proceeds to craft a bong out of a coke can and, after getting it set up, takes a big hit off of the substance. My mom said he started coughing and choking and said "holy hell! That's fucking catnip!" (which it was )

10/25/2007 10:47:03 PM