Lost my brother in law last night and my sister has been pretty much on lock-down - the phone line is disconnected and after calling my parents, my father told me that my mother is staying with her. I want to talk to her and I can't, and I have been spending pretty much the past twelve hours in unspeakable agony. I'd like to drown it in alcohol and was wondering if anyone on here had any advice on what someone in my position could do to deal with something like this while the rest of the family is keeping mum.

I just don't want have my mom call me up and invite me over there when my sister is ready to talk, and be drunk.

8/14/2007 12:47:45 PM

**backs out of thread slowly**

8/14/2007 12:58:36 PM

How'd he pass?

Losing a loved one is one thing that would crack me.

8/14/2007 12:59:36 PM

You can't go over there and be with your sister now... why?

She doesn't even have to talk to you, but knowing that you're there (and not drunk, I might add) might help a lot.

8/14/2007 12:59:45 PM

Just be there for your sister when she needs you


That's all you can do

8/14/2007 1:00:53 PM

My dad just died last month and I was the same way. I didn't want to talk to anyone. She might appreciate you to just show up, bring her some lunch or coffee and sit.

[Edited on August 14, 2007 at 1:06 PM. Reason : No alcohol btw. bad idea.]

8/14/2007 1:06:01 PM

That's the thing, our mother asked me to not try and call or visit until she gives me the green light, so to speak. Of course she didn't say it like that, but that was what she wanted me to get out of our conversation. She just wants some time alone with her daughter, which I totally understand. I'm just trying to find out what someone in my position could do in the meantime to keep from cracking; I've been crying for over twelve hours now and want nothing more than to drink, I don't know how else to cope. I've been in touch with our aunt in California and that has been the only family member I've been able to openly discuss this tragedy with.

8/14/2007 2:58:11 PM

Can you talk to your dad about it? You definitely need someone, even preferably someone outside the situation, who you can vent to. Don't drink; you'll feel worse.

8/14/2007 3:00:39 PM

sorry for your/your sister's loss.

8/14/2007 3:04:02 PM

My dad has been alienated with both my sister and myself, I doubt he would have anything comforting to say to me other than "Get out of that house and move back home before HE dies too" or something.

>.<

[Edited on August 14, 2007 at 3:06 PM. Reason : Thanks for all of your support.]

8/14/2007 3:06:13 PM

Oh shit.

8/14/2007 3:11:57 PM

sleep/naps, walk/excersize, I dunno, I can understand a feeling of helplessness/no control over stuff as well as a feeling of just not wanting to do anything...

my sympathy's for your family.

8/14/2007 3:15:14 PM

Cracking open a half gallon of Smirnoff.

Gonna stay off TWW for a while.

8/14/2007 3:21:20 PM

Alcohol never drowns your problems. They always seem to float.

~Droog

8/14/2007 3:22:10 PM

sorry for your loss.

talk to someone. what about his parents? bf?

don't kill yourself with alcohol.

8/14/2007 3:40:18 PM

Sorry for your loss. I dont know how your relationship with your sister is, but I would go over there. Dont have to say anything or do anything, just be there for her....let her vent

8/14/2007 3:59:58 PM

My dad died in June and it's torn up most of my family.

The best thing you can probably do, though, is leave your sister until she needs you. Deal with your grief and be there for your sister when she wants it. Even when family members mean well, they can really be in the way.

8/14/2007 6:06:10 PM

im sorry to hear about this.

i hope you and your family will all be okay.

8/14/2007 6:12:44 PM

Are you religious at all? You can always go to a church. I guarantee there's somebody willing to listen to your thoughts. It might be more rewarding than drinking yourself silly. :E

8/14/2007 6:48:39 PM

Quote :

"talk to someone. what about his parents? bf?"

Dead.

Quote :

"leave your sister until she needs you."

She called me up this afternoon and I kept from slurring; she asked me over tomorrow for when they pick out the casket. I'll be there to help her and am so grateful she called me... Tony told me to keep from counselling at any rate unless she were to ask me, so I'll keep my mouth shut except to offer her my condolences.

Quote :

"Are you religious at all?"

We all are except our dad (I was raised atheist and converted around 19 y/o). It's kinda funny that Vanessa's brother in law is my boyfriend's high-school buddy; they're going to the same church that I'm going to and apparently they were key in getting everyone networked and on the same page as to the news about Steve's passing.

Quote :

"I guarantee there's somebody willing to listen to your thoughts."

I'm looking forward to getting some freetime with the pastor and his wife in the weeks to come.

Right now I just can't help but drink.

8/14/2007 7:41:03 PM

I would go over to Lake Johnson and take a long walk in the morning. That will help you way more than drinking will. I think that is the only way my Mom got through my Dad dying last month was to take an hour every morning to herself to breathe.

8/14/2007 9:00:57 PM