How do you tell someone (a new friend) that they should wear deodorant? They are new to the area and not origianlly from the US. They have lived in the US for at least 10 years though. Is there a polite way to tell them that they really have to wear deodorant or is this something you really can't say tactfully?

6/27/2007 9:05:36 AM

esgargs?

6/27/2007 9:11:24 AM

mail them some, anonymously...be prepared to play dumb.

6/27/2007 9:14:55 AM

Buy them a "gift bag" or "care package" and include travel-size toiletries, etc., with several little mini-deodorants. It's a nice gesture, and they will likely get the message. I hope.

6/27/2007 9:26:31 AM

just tell them to put some on.....might be awkward for a second, but it'll save everyone trouble in the long run.

[Edited on June 27, 2007 at 9:31 AM. Reason : ^^^^did you go to hickory high school?]

6/27/2007 9:30:30 AM

if you were guys it would be no problem. just turn around say, "dude you reek - put on some deodorant"

6/27/2007 9:32:07 AM

^^^that's a good idea

^^ that's what my boyfiend says....i'm pretty sure at some point this summer someone will end up saying something like someone smells like ass and then she'll feel bad..more than likely it will be him, that's one of his pet peeves


^^no didn't go to Hickory High...went to Foard.
[Edited on June 27, 2007 at 9:33 AM. Reason : ^]

[Edited on June 27, 2007 at 9:34 AM. Reason : .]

6/27/2007 9:33:03 AM

MAKE HIM GET AN HONESTY BOX LOL

6/27/2007 9:40:10 AM

It's a girl? That makes it worse....but also easier. Just throw some nail polish and girly things in the care package.

[Edited on June 27, 2007 at 9:45 AM. Reason : sss]

6/27/2007 9:45:21 AM

lol where is this person from? Being blunt can be the best way sometimes. But depending on what culture the person is from, it might not work well.

6/27/2007 10:29:53 AM

Being blunt with a girl could cause worse problems.

6/27/2007 10:34:11 AM

who wants to be friends with a stinky foreigner????

6/27/2007 10:36:59 AM

tell him straight up

6/27/2007 10:48:54 AM

Quote :

"Being blunt with a girl could cause worse problems. "

True. Coming from a guy especially. But girls could probably pull it off.

6/27/2007 11:01:12 AM

Don't pussyfoot.

Ask her to come to Target with you. Tell her she NEEDS to wear deodorant, and give her some recommendations.

I'm also curious as to where she is from.

6/27/2007 11:15:40 AM

Some people just DO NOT LIKE to say something this blunt to a friend. It may help the problem, but it's almost not worth it to embarrass or make a friend feel bad, even for a few minutes.

6/27/2007 11:21:01 AM

So?


She's been in the country ten years. Either no one has had the balls to say anything, which I find unlikely, or someone pussyfooted, and the importance of personal hygiene didn't take hold in this chick's head.

So...don't pussyfoot.

Also, I would hope
1) an adult could handle something like this...without hurt feelings
2) both parties would recognize this not as an attack, but as help

Someone is going to say something again someday. Either [user]sweetheart[/user] can do it, and make it as easy as possible, or some uncaring, brusque stranger can. And if it's the latter, this immigrant may wonder 'why haven't my friends said anything if this is really something I should have been doing?'

[Edited on June 27, 2007 at 11:34 AM. Reason : ljs]

6/27/2007 11:33:17 AM

What's her email address? I'll send her a link to this thread.

6/27/2007 11:34:24 AM

is it worse for her to be embarrassed for a few minutes because a friend tries to help her or for quite awhile when someone in public tells her and isn't nice about it?


you'd want a friend to tell you there's spinach in your teeth before you went out, wouldn't you?

6/27/2007 11:37:00 AM

^^^^would you rather think you're embarassing him for a few moments, between just the two of you, or would you rather anyone in close range constantly think to themselves "holy shit this motherfucker is dirty and smells like shit"



[Edited on June 27, 2007 at 11:38 AM. Reason : ^,^^^yeah exactly]

6/27/2007 11:37:46 AM

It can backfire, so just be ready for them to never talk to you again. I have a good friend who is 1st gen American born whose parents are indian. they adapted. we had a guy in business school from india who stunk like holy hell. they were in the same study group and when my indian buddy told him, he got pissed - i mean outraged. never talked to him again. sad thing is he never used it and companies who came to school to interview ALWAYS remarked on his poor personal hygeine - he had to go back to india to get a job.

6/27/2007 11:44:37 AM

tough shit for him

all i know is if my friend was over at my place a lot stinkin it up, he damn sure better improve his hygiene habits

6/27/2007 11:47:08 AM

Just throw a stick of deodorant at her and say "You know, you might not be acustomed to this, but it's pretty much necessary."

6/27/2007 11:50:17 AM

This thread makes me gag.

6/27/2007 11:53:01 AM

sounds like Sweethart is just too nice of a person

6/27/2007 11:55:18 AM

Quote :

"What's her email address? I'll send her a link to this thread."

HAHAHHAHAHHAHA. I like this problem-solving.

6/27/2007 11:56:14 AM

You could always do something like...after you guys are outside or something smell yourself and be like "DAMN, I stink! I hate it when it's hot out, I really start smelling. I'm going to roll on some deodorant, you want some too?" Maybe they'll feel less self-concious and give into the peer pressure too. Otherwise you could always trick them..."How high can you raise your arms over your head" and while they do it, slap some of the spray stuff on them.

6/27/2007 1:07:02 PM

if anyone ever offered me their deoderant, i would punch them in the nearest genital area.

seriously, you think that's a good idea?

6/27/2007 1:27:30 PM

^if you stunk for 10 years straight i think it would be a different story

6/27/2007 1:31:02 PM

sign them up online for a bunch of free deodorant samples

6/27/2007 1:32:23 PM

Honestly, I don't have friends who stink, and I'd find a tactful way to tell them if they did.

6/27/2007 1:42:19 PM

^^

or just walk up and spray them with febreeze



[Edited on June 27, 2007 at 1:55 PM. Reason : j/k]

6/27/2007 1:45:25 PM

Depends on the culture. Some cultures don't flinch at stuff like "you have really bad acne" or "your neck is long like a giraffe" - either that or they are just hiding their rudeness under the guise of a cultural norm.

6/27/2007 1:51:10 PM

The pussyfoot way to handle this is to get a deoderant sample and say that you got it in a care package and don't need it.

Or you could just tell them that they need to wear deoderant. Put it out there and leave it alone. Don't be all hey let's go to the store and shop for your stank ass, they'll come to you if they want help or continue the conversation right there.

6/27/2007 1:55:09 PM

Quote :

"the importance of personal hygiene didn't take hold in this chick's head"

Quote :

"remarked on his poor personal hygeine - he had to go back to india"

Quote :

"he damn sure better improve his hygiene habits"

hy·giene
n.
1) Conditions and practices that serve to promote or preserve health.


I hate to be "that guy",
but as long as she, (or anyone for that matter,) bathes daily, including their armpits, their body odor is not unhygienic.

body odor ≠ bad hygiene

There is absolutely nothing necessarily unhealthy about body odor.

Ridding the body of odor, (assuming it's natural body odor and not that resulting from uncleanness,) is cosmetic, not in the promotion or preservation of health.

Some people just have different natural (not unhealthy,) body odors.....

I think you need to stop whining about this.

In fact, one might suggest that you are even being culturally insensitive.
(Remember, America is a multicultural society......)

I'm not saying she shouldn't wear deodorant,

I'm just saying that the reason that she might decide to should be more along the lines of practicality in spite of employment and friendship standards being unfair because our society is fucking spoiled, not because she aledgedly has poor hygienic practices.



[Edited on June 27, 2007 at 2:27 PM. Reason : ]

6/27/2007 2:08:44 PM

"personal hygiene" does also mean "grooming" in america, whether it's in a dictionary or not. Just one of those things.

Quote :

"In fact, one might suggest that you are even being culturally insensitive. (Remember, America a multicultural society......)"

If it were one or two people...that'd be a viable argument. Much like regular bathing, combing one's hair, keeping dirt from under one's nails, and brushing one's teeth are all expected in american culture, so is wearing deodorant. When it's something a vast majority of society does and expects, you can't call it culturally insensitive.

If you wanna play the devil's advocate, at least recognize that the dictionary's definition of something will likely never, ever be complete and all-encompassing, and then don't base your argument entirely on a dictionary's definition of a word.

Quote :

"she might decide to should be more along the lines of practicality in spite of employment and friendship standards being unfair because our society is fucking spoiled"

If she wants to reap the benefits of living in America, she can at the very least, follow the small rules that make life more enjoyable for other people.

6/27/2007 2:27:17 PM

what about girls that don't shave their legs, is that as gross as not wearing deodorant

6/27/2007 2:40:57 PM

^There is only one reason a woman should shave her legs:

…because she wants to, despite persuasion from others.


^^

Quote :

"personal hygiene" does also mean "grooming" in america"

No it doesn't.
They are, in fact, two different, non-overlapping things.

Quote :

"When it's something a vast majority of society does and expects, you can't call it culturally insensitive."

Yes I can. The vast majority of society has been wrong PLENTY throughout history. There is very little that is more overrated than the practices and expectations of the majority.

Quote :

"....that make life more enjoyable for other people"

all I'm hearing is "spoiled"

Employers should force people to get plastic surgery and wear makeup, too, right?

don't apologize for or defend America's bullshit pride




[Edited on June 27, 2007 at 3:16 PM. Reason : ]

6/27/2007 3:01:14 PM

and realize too, that there are medical conditions that cause bad body odor.



Deodorant doesnt help those people.

6/27/2007 3:22:40 PM

^, ^^

6/27/2007 3:32:57 PM

people with that medical condition must all hang around centennial campus

6/27/2007 3:35:26 PM

well, i guess we know that 392 is one of those intolerable, idealistic hippies that just won't go away.

6/27/2007 3:35:30 PM

to me, shaving legs and wearing deodorant are on different levels. given the situation (class or something) i dont have to look at a person's legs sitting next to me.

6/27/2007 3:40:59 PM

more like 39zzzzzz

6/27/2007 3:51:51 PM

Quote :

"that just won't go away"

the truth will never go away

6/27/2007 3:58:55 PM

^what's that have to do with you?

I would write a carefully worded note saying that something like "blah blah I hate to do this, but i'd be a bad friend if i didn't blah blah blah other people have mentioned it as well. I believe it's in your best interest if you changed your grooming habits.

6/27/2007 4:14:35 PM

if a girl doesnt shave her legs, thats not going to cause me to smell stank must for 15 minutes if i'm riding the bus and sitting next to her

6/27/2007 4:23:18 PM

i have a friend who never wore deodorant until our boss told him he smelled too much. now he wears it just when he is at work. all he ever does it bitch about how he hasn't been laid in 2 years...

6/27/2007 4:35:20 PM

i smelled a little must on me the other day and you know what i did? i put some (more) deodorant on

its just common courtesy

i think Sweethart is too nice

6/27/2007 4:46:42 PM

Quote :

"where is this person from?"

She's from Armenia. At first I thought maybe it's just really hot out today, but then her twin sister came to visit and she was the same way. So it must be a culture thing.

I think this is a good idea...

Quote :

"after you guys are outside or something smell yourself and be like "DAMN, I stink! I hate it when it's hot out, I really start smelling. I'm going to roll on some deodorant,"

...although I don't think I'd offer her any...just give her a hint...

we'll see how it goes. I don't want to be mean, but she's single and talks about how she's lonely...this could be a reason.

6/27/2007 6:44:18 PM