Does it work? I mean obviously it depends on the situation, I'm just curious to hear some other experiences.

7/30/2006 9:23:16 PM

Don't try it until you are fucking someone new.

7/30/2006 9:24:47 PM

nope, i've never been friends with any of my ex g/f's..if we break up, that's it..i move on; i dont care how long we dated for or how close we were

7/30/2006 9:28:47 PM

no

7/30/2006 9:31:51 PM

no, not worth it unless you've been life long friends and she didn't cheat on you

7/30/2006 9:32:28 PM

Quote :

"Don't try it until you are fucking someone new. "

7/30/2006 9:34:38 PM

depends on the relationship and the people. if youre both mature people, were friends and not just lovers, and both of you dont like each other more than friends yes. but if one of you feels stronger, it will be hell on said person and the friendship.

7/30/2006 9:34:57 PM

What do you honestly think?

7/30/2006 9:35:27 PM

Depends on the relationship and the people, honestly. One ex was hurt and didn't speak to me for months but we've since become friends again. Another ignored me for years before getting over it and deciding to be friendly. In both cases I was always interested in remaining friends because I'd been friends with them for a long time before and while dating.

7/30/2006 9:37:32 PM

it's possible in some situations.. most of my ex's im friends w/ now.

then there are others who piss me off which was part of the reason for the break up.. all depends on if ya can really let go, and if they let go.. and dont have unreasonable expectations.

7/30/2006 9:39:27 PM

i have a feeling this will turn into a five page thread where everyone re-hashes what has already been posted 10 times

7/30/2006 9:45:52 PM

You gotta give it a good amount of time before you even attempt it. It's also going to depend on the level of resentment built up. If you dated for a while and things didn't work out, fine. But I think that if you do the on-and-off thing with the continuous arguing it's going to be really hard to be friends when it's finally all over.

7/30/2006 9:46:04 PM

Don't have a single ex that I can't talk to today.... Most I talk to at minimum once a year, more than not - every few months, and a couple on a weekly or monthly basis.

I have no problem with it, their current girlfriends have no problem with it/me...

I have no desire to get back with any of them, and in 4 cases have been invited to their weddings.

Clearly, I'm not the 'norm' and I get that.....

7/30/2006 9:47:40 PM

The only person it's ever worked with me is my ex who is gay.
The rest of them...I still imagine what I would do given enough time and a rocket launcher.

7/30/2006 9:55:10 PM

Quote :

"Don't have a single ex that I can't talk to today.... Most I talk to at minimum once a year, more than not - every few months, and a couple on a weekly or monthly basis. I have no problem with it, their current girlfriends have no problem with it/me... I have no desire to get back with any of them, and in 4 cases have been invited to their weddings. Clearly, I'm not the 'norm' and I get that....."

That's because the "norm" is having psychotic/heinous breakup episodes, "hooking up" up to a few years later, and [baby momma drama].

7/30/2006 9:58:54 PM

i think its possible, but you have to ask yourself:

1) IS THE PERSON IS WORTH IT??? (i mean, drinking buddies are a dime a dozen, hahha... thats where most people fuck up by trying to stay friends with an ex that really wasnt a friend. look at your situation, you know the difference)

2) are anyones feelings going to get hurt by this? if one person still wants the relationship, they can hide their feelings all they want, and they can say they'll "be fine with it" all they want -- or "i want to be with you, but i respect you so i won't bring it up" -- avoid those! eventually that person is going to ge crushed... and you shouldnt ever want the other person to feel that way if they passed the criteria for step 1

it is possible, but you have to be mature. its stupid to stay away just cause you dated and it didnt work, but its also stupid to throw someone out of your life that you truly trust and understand. cause those people AREN'T a dime a dozen. and part of maturity is realizing this. that said, i've only dated 2 girls EVER that i considered REAL FRIENDS.

7/30/2006 10:04:57 PM

^that's deep son

7/30/2006 10:21:18 PM

not much of a point

7/30/2006 10:25:06 PM

Absolutely, but it takes time. It takes time to be completely over any romantic feelings you had. So, the longer the relationship, most likely the longer it will take to be friends with them.

It's not easy, and it's very easy to compromise. Which is why, most of the time, people just don't bother

7/30/2006 10:26:56 PM

There's seriously no point, what are you gaining anyway?

Meh

7/30/2006 10:29:26 PM

I guess I just never got in a relationship with someone I didn't respect and want to know on a deeper level than what is in their pants... If they weren't worth it, I would have never considered dating them in the first place. (In no way meant to be offensive towards Travis).

Just because we aren't going to get married doesn't mean you stop caring about them and their lives, unless you were with them for the wrong reasons in the first place.



If you're in it for boy sees girl - boy likes girl - boy wants to fuck girl - boy succeeds....... girl is psycho and follows boy around until they're in a relationship - boy has to change phone number and email addy b/c said girl won't leave him alone.... clearly the friends route isn't for you.

Quote :

" it is possible, but you have to be mature. its stupid to stay away just cause you dated and it didnt work, but its also stupid to throw someone out of your life that you truly trust and understand. cause those people AREN'T a dime a dozen. and part of maturity is realizing this. "

Agree 100%



[Edited on July 30, 2006 at 10:32 PM. Reason : ]

7/30/2006 10:30:53 PM

Quote :

"i have a feeling this will turn into a five page thread where everyone re-hashes what has already been posted 10 times"

7/30/2006 10:34:14 PM

I've heard stories of this happening, but I've never actually seen it.

7/30/2006 10:40:57 PM

no girl that I've dated ever wanted to talk to me again

7/30/2006 10:41:58 PM

I've never seen it either. Ultimately, one of the individuals involved will never see it the same again or is holding out hope for the relationship to be rekindled. If that feeling is there at all, it seems to cause problems. I suppose there may be exceptions but that just how I have seen it go down.

7/30/2006 10:42:56 PM

It's possible, unless you've been deeply scarred.

But I always dated people whom I truely valued as friends before dating, so it was a lot easier to make the transition. 'Cause really, if you liked the person enough to date them, doesn't that imply that you valued them as a person at some point? And unless they've burned you badly (through things like cheating, etc), I think it's worth a shot.

7/30/2006 10:45:23 PM

Quote :

"If they weren't worth it, I would have never considered dating them in the first place. (In no way meant to be offensive towards Travis)."

hahaa i hear ya, im just saying that ive dated girls before that were fun to party with, and were basically worthless as far as anything else went. of course i respected them all, and wished them the best at the end... but there were only ever about 2 that i cared about enough that i would do anything for them.

Quote :

"There's seriously no point, what are you gaining anyway?"

hell, i guess im off topic, i'm just running my mouth because lots of my friendships have been put to the test in the past month, and ive discovered who my real friends are.

but its not about gaining anything, its about doing things for the right reasons and not using/abusing people

7/30/2006 10:48:17 PM

One of my ex-girlfriends is now my best friend. We broke up, didn't speak for awhile, then saw each other at a function, and decided to continue speaking. Ended up going to each other's sr. prom. I wanted more, but she was content with just being friends. We separated briefly after a disagreement, and then I came to my senses. I liked her outside of our relationship, so I swallowed the pill of never dating her again and accepted her friendship. Having her as a friend has been nothing but a blessing; a relationship just wasn't in the cards for us.

All of my other exes hate me with a purple passion. Their loss.

7/30/2006 10:52:06 PM

nein

7/30/2006 10:53:40 PM

Quote :

"Don't try it until you are fucking someone new. "

crass, but damn good advice

seriously

7/30/2006 11:24:59 PM

My husband and I tried being friends after breaking up and well. . .now we're married.

7/30/2006 11:59:18 PM

I have kept it civil with all of my exes


although I haven't heard from any of them in a long, long time

7/31/2006 12:02:22 AM

it can work, believe it or not thomas i'm actually fine with a couple of mine... i just don't normally talk to any of them... mostly because theyre not really around and there's not sense in starting up trouble with you know who... that and i don't really care that much...

in your situation.. it's gonna be a little while if at all dude

7/31/2006 12:04:05 AM

7/31/2006 12:14:42 AM

I was best friends with THE EX for a year after we broke up (even though we were still hooking up). We were honestly better when we had no title than when we had a title. His new girlfriend entered the picture, I was jealous, and because of that, I lost him as my best friend. I have accepted it though...because I can't blame him for trying to make a love of a lifetime work versus a friendship.

I am close friends with a lot of guys that I dated. It took a little bit of time apart for some of them, but overall, I'm lucky with that.

If the two of you have a LOT of history, it could very well be difficult for one of you to move on. As was mentioned previously, it clearly depends on the situation.

7/31/2006 12:18:25 AM

i'm at least civil with all of my exes, and friends with a few.

7/31/2006 1:55:33 AM

Quote :

"Don't try it until you are fucking someone new."

Wisdom.

7/31/2006 9:44:43 AM

I hate them all

7/31/2006 9:46:16 AM

if you dont see them having value for you in the professional world down the road, ditch em. Why keep something that has a declining/zero value?

7/31/2006 10:10:45 AM

1-nope
2-were friends at first but i haven't talked to him since he moved for law school
3-and not at all...apparently he's cool now that we could sit in the same room if we had to, but we'll never be friends again

7/31/2006 10:17:17 AM

1-I have no way to get in touch with her nor her with me
2-doesn't talk to me
3-doesn't talk to me
4-doesn't talk to me
5-friends don't allow her to talk to me
6-won't talk to me
7-can't talk to her
8-doesn't talk to me
9-friends don't allow her to talk to me
10-doesn't talk to me

etc, etc, etc.

7/31/2006 10:35:42 AM

I'm close friends with ALL of my exes except for one who moved away after getting married, and just lost contact.

I never did the hateful bitter psycho breakup things.

but I'm not fucked up like most of you are.

7/31/2006 11:00:19 AM

if the breakup was just a difference of opinions, of course i'd still stay friends. if they hurt or offended me in any way, or tried to navigate me, absolutely not. that goes for regular friends too, if i'm in any way told what to do, insulted or navigated, i just never talk to the person again. it's made my life about 1000 times better.

7/31/2006 12:00:35 PM

"tried to navigate you?"
what does that mean seapunky?

7/31/2006 12:01:28 PM

either manipulated me or told me how to live my life

7/31/2006 12:03:17 PM

no matter what people say, it doesn't work really, i mean you will be able to hang out maybe in like 3 or 4 years, but not in like a month

7/31/2006 12:11:37 PM

i find this thread amusing

7/31/2006 2:51:39 PM

If it can't work with sex, how is it going to work without sex?



Seeing how a boy and girl can't really BE friends in the first place, w/out the whole sex subject coming into play, I don't see it truly working out down the road. If it's a strickly online thing with no real physical contact then maybe. It's only really worth it if, like someone said earlier, you can use her or him as a professional contact.

7/31/2006 3:06:06 PM

It really doesn't work. I have tried this with so many of my exes, and it doesn't work. You either get jealous/hurt when they find someone new, or you start being fuck buddies and shit just gets more complicated. And then everyone in your groups of friends is like "Uhhh, I thought y'all broke up?", and you have to explain to them why you're still friends and shit.

"Let's still be friends" is a line guys use when they dump a chick to get the guilt off their backs. The girl believes it, and the guy is pretty much like "fuck you" and moves on to the next Fuck of the Month.

7/31/2006 3:06:15 PM

it works when both parties are mature - most people in college aren't mature enough to handle something like this though

7/31/2006 3:08:10 PM