Okay, so I've been having this problem with undiscriminating horndogs tryna hit this. I love getting drunk and fucked up with my guy friends; it's fun to play video games, get fucked up, joke on playas, grub out, etc...I just really enjoy it so I'm not one to always turn down a chance to chill. Anyway, even at my most unfeminine, there's almost always at least one guy who, at the end of the night, makes his move. I suspect this happens to all females, and it's normally not a problem, but sometimes it makes me feel bad. It makes me feel like I've been leading some guy on just by hanging out with him and that he probably wouldn't have hung out with me in the first place if he didn't think he could hit it.

In some instances, I've straight up told guys beforehand that I'm not interested in the S-E-X. It's pretty pathetic that I do that. And they always laugh at me like I'm being silly for assuming that they're angling for the action, but every fucking time they still go for it anyway, like they forgot my preemptive NO THANKS.

1. To the ladies who also have this problem, what do you do about it?
2. Fellas, if you hang out with a girl, are you just tryna hit that?
3. Are there any signs that a guy is just interested in sex?
4. Why do guys lie? I'm a practical gal who handles upfront/assertive men better than sneaky pussies who try to lie to and manipulate me.
5. Fellas, when you pretend to be all hurt/upset after the ladies turn down your advances, you're just pretending, right?
6. Is this just something the ladies have to deal with? I refuse to demand respect and be all lady-like...does that mean I'm shit out of luck when it comes to being treated with "respect"?

Anyway, I appreciate all the thoughts, suggestions, comments, whatever y'all have. This thread isn't just for me...I think lots of people are dealing with the same thing. Please remember this is the Lounge.

7/24/2006 4:00:51 AM

#2 Most guys really like a girl who can hang out have brews, drink a proper amount, you know kick it with the boys etc. Most of the time it’s a situation were they would like to/wouldn't mind having sex with said girl. However, sometimes it can be a situation were you know its just friendship, but usually the girl leads the guy on somewhat (or the guy mistakes it as wow she wants me) because she likes the attention of being one of the fellas in said friends crowd.

#5 Most of the time it's just BS, but occasionally you fall in love with your best friend that’s a girl. If this happens and advances after a long time of knowing each other are declined, the guy might be seriously hurt.

#3 I could answer, but decline
#1,4, and 6 are not relevant

[Edited on July 24, 2006 at 4:17 AM. Reason : good luck]

7/24/2006 4:16:02 AM

By the way, I numbered the questions in order to organize my thoughts. By no means do I expect everybody to reply in that format. It's cool if you do, but general thoughts are cool too.

[Edited on July 24, 2006 at 4:19 AM. Reason : ^Thanks!]

7/24/2006 4:19:19 AM

are you talking about you and a single dude chillin or you and a group of ppl chillin?

7/24/2006 4:20:27 AM

^ very good question

7/24/2006 4:22:20 AM

Taikimoto, both situations.

Perhaps I hang out with the "wrong" guys?

7/24/2006 4:24:03 AM

I ask cause usually whenever a girl said "hey lets hang out and drink a few" it usually meant "hey lets get drunk and have crazy spider monkey sex"

if it was a dude in a group of ppl trying to spit game all you need to do is just turn around and start talking to someone else, he will get the msg.

7/24/2006 4:24:10 AM

If its a single guy and he buys you ANYTHING he wouldn't mind popping you from multiple angles, and unless you have been a friend with the guy for a while any drinking/smoking/chilling that he or you suggest he's probably thinking about hooking up.

[Edited on July 24, 2006 at 4:29 AM. Reason : .]

[Edited on July 24, 2006 at 4:33 AM. Reason : ..]

[Edited on July 24, 2006 at 4:50 AM. Reason : Get it]

7/24/2006 4:29:04 AM

im not quite clear what your trying to say, maybe one more edit.

7/24/2006 4:53:28 AM

this thread is worthless without pics

7/24/2006 7:38:35 AM

Quote :

"In some instances, I've straight up told guys beforehand that I'm not interested in the S-E-X."

they might not have been either, but seeding that thought in their head + drinking = the situation you described.

7/24/2006 8:36:25 AM

wanna come over for sex?

7/24/2006 8:37:41 AM

Quote :

"Are there any signs that a guy is just interested in sex?"

he's breathing

7/24/2006 8:41:39 AM

hey i wasn't interested in sex. i just wanted a place to crash that wasn't the floor. its ok though, i finally found a place to sleep.

7/24/2006 9:23:42 AM

2. If a guy is talking to you and pretty much hanging around with you (unless he is already a friend of yours) he wants you, plain and simple. It kind of reminds me of that Chris Rock routine when he was talking about it... "Everytime a guy does anything for you, he is trying to get laid. He holds a door open, he is thinking 'Would you like some dick?' he pulls out your chair for you, he is thinking 'Would you like some dick?' even if he just says 'You look nice tonight', he is really saying 'Would you like some dick?' " or something along those lines.

3. A guy is ALWAYS interested in sex. If he says that he isn't, then one of the following is true:
A) He thinks you are ugly
B) He is gay
C) He is lying (most likely so he can come across as a "nice guy" so he can hit it later or has another plan he is working on)

5. Not hurt/upset as much, but moreso disappointed

7/24/2006 9:26:02 AM

i think you need to hang with guys who actually get some on occasion if they are hitting on you.

7/24/2006 9:33:32 AM

BURN!

7/24/2006 9:35:38 AM

^^thats what i was thinking...i was like if she doesnt want dudes to fuck her, hang out with dudes that either already have a girlfriend, or already fuck on a regular basis

[Edited on July 24, 2006 at 9:38 AM. Reason : .]

7/24/2006 9:38:33 AM

Why don't you just bring a "boyfriend" (or girlfriend ?) to hang out with you. That'll quell the advances.

7/24/2006 9:45:05 AM

You shouldn't have to do anything more than let the guy know you're not interested in sex. Beyond that, it's his responsibility, and if he gets hurt, it's his fault, not yours. It's a risk we all take when we tell someone we're interested in them sexually, and we all have to deal with rejection at some point or another.

Now, if the guy's a real trooper, he'll realize that most of the time friendship lasts a lot longer than anything sexual ever would. If he values you as a person, and not just as the sex object many women are fine with being, that should be totally ok with him.

If he actually has romantic feelings for you, maybe he should ask you out on an actual date before trying to get in your pants.

7/24/2006 9:53:35 AM

Quote :

"n some instances, I've straight up told guys beforehand that I'm not interested in the S-E-X. It's pretty pathetic that I do that. And they always laugh at me like I'm being silly for assuming that they're angling for the action, but every fucking time they still go for it anyway, like they forgot my preemptive NO THANKS."

I've had this happen to me before and I quite honestly wasn't even trying to hit it with the girl. In this case it was the girl that was known as the "group whore" of my friends. She had had sex with 3 of my friends, hooked up with several more, and ended up drunk and topless at a few parties I had thrown. I had no interest in her sexually, but one night as one of my parties was winding down I found myself sitting with her alone outside my apartment so I decided to talk to her to see if there was anything to her at all or if she was simply "the group whore".

After a few minutes of talking, nothing of which even remotely glanced the topic of sex, she just abruptly stopped the conversation and said "I'm not going to have sex with you just because you're talking to me"

Well before that night, I would have thought that my opinion of her couldn't have gotten much worse, but that pretty much so did the trick. I suppose it's possible that every single male that has ever talked to her in the past was only doing so because he was trying to have sex with her, and that I truly was the first person that tried to have a conversation with her, but somehow I doubt it.

My advice to you in regards to this story is this. If you act as though the only thing that you are good for is sex, guys will pick up on that. If it's not too late with this group of friends, try to change your attitude towards sex. If you don't want to be the group slut, then stop acting like the group slut. It sounds like what you're saying is that if a guy is up front and aggressive about wanting to have sex with you, there's a pretty decent chance you will let him. Sounds like to me the only problem is you don't like being the late night, "last call" girl.

Lastly, if you constantly find yourself in situations where you are too drunk to say no to sex...well, do I really need to hand out advice for that one?

7/24/2006 9:59:33 AM

1) The best way to avoid being approached at the end of the night is to avoid being in a one-on-one situation. Many guys won't make a move in front of other folks because it's: a)gross, tacky and/or b) they don't want to get shot down in public.

This can be a problem when you're too drunk to avoid being the last person there. However, there's a lot that can be said for not being the drunkest person at a party/get-together. It's easier to stand by your convictions when you're not completely wasted. Guys will use alcohol to get laid (girls do it too), so just be aware that there are sometimes other intentions.

3) One sign that a guy is just interested in sex: everything you do involves alcohol. He's trying to loosen' you up to go in for the kill.

4) Guys lie for the same reason girls lie: the truth doesn't sound as good. Why lie if not to make yourself look better?

6) Not all girls have to deal with it. Many do. Girls who have a lot of guy friends will face it at some point because it's difficult for guys and girls to be just friends. If there is any bit of attraction there and alcohol is involved, SOMEONE WILL make a move. Sure, girls and guys can be friends, but there's a fine line between friendship and attraction. We're drawn/attracted to our friends for some reason-- we find something attractive about their personality. Sometimes it's difficult to separate platonic and physical relationships because there's something really great about having a partner that you can talk to AND get physical with.

Anyway, you're not SOL-- just be aware that your guy friends will continue to try to hook up with you when alcohol is involved. Not much you can do except tell them to fuck off if they cross the line.

7/24/2006 10:04:15 AM

It is something that will happen but I feel it is better to gently let the guy down that you aren't interested in hooking up and yes I think it is that disappointment so they play it off. Like someone else said bring a friend to chill with your group that way it can detour those advances. Plus it gives you a good no thanks excuse of I came with my friend and I have to leave with her/him. Or perhaps when it starts to break up leave out with a few of the guys you know so your in a "crowd" type situation and not alone for some guy to come up and make his move as you are leaving.

As far as guys and lies I've come to the conclusion they do it because they can. If it seems they can get away with it without getting caught then there goes the lies. Not saying all guys are like that.

7/24/2006 10:10:29 AM

girls lead guys on, then shit all over everything

7/24/2006 10:45:09 AM

.

[Edited on July 24, 2006 at 11:08 AM. Reason : .]

7/24/2006 11:07:40 AM

If you are hanging out with guys one on one, there is a much greater chance that he is into you and wants to hit it or potentially date you. If you are getting drunk with him, that is his cue to make a move. If you want respect, show some responsibility. If you want to strictly be friends, drop VERY CLEAR signals. "I look at you like my brother" will stop a sane guy in his tracks. If a woman told me she wasn't interested in "S-E-X" without advances, I'd probably laugh in her face and never speak to her again. That's very rude and implies you are a slut.

The situation completely changes if you attempt to be one of the guys and hang out in a social group. Guys have completely different levels of attractions for girls, but if they aren't hideous, they'll be likely to make a move in a drunken situation. If you reject them in this situation, it only hurts their pride, but they probably didn't have any genuine feelings for you in the first place. Regardless, it shouldn't be hard for you to remove yourself from these advances by following some of the other advice in this thread.

7/24/2006 11:28:55 AM

talk about your "boyfriend" alot. There is nothing more annoying than a girl who is stag @ an event that won't stop talking about her boyfriend.....you might not have any guys talking to you @ all, but your problem is solved.

7/24/2006 11:38:24 AM

Quote :

"2. If a guy is talking to you and pretty much hanging around with you (unless he is already a friend of yours before he hit puberty*) he wants you, plain and simple. It kind of reminds me of that Chris Rock routine when he was talking about it... "Everytime a guy does anything for you, he is trying to get laid. He holds a door open, he is thinking 'Would you like some dick?' he pulls out your chair for you, he is thinking 'Would you like some dick?' even if he just says 'You look nice tonight', he is really saying 'Would you like some dick?' " or something along those lines. 3. A guy is ALWAYS interested in sex. If he says that he isn't, then one of the following is true: A) He thinks you are ugly B) He is gay C) He is lying (most likely so he can come across as a "nice guy" so he can hit it later or has another plan he is working on)"

basically.
* qualification

[Edited on July 24, 2006 at 11:45 AM. Reason : ]

7/24/2006 11:40:22 AM

my gal friends arent attractive for me to want to have sex with them..drunk or sober

7/24/2006 11:42:01 AM

guuuurrrl lemme get up in them guts gurrrl

7/24/2006 11:47:13 AM

any idiot should know that the best way to make a girl want to have sex with you is to act like you have no interest in hooking up with her

7/24/2006 11:48:57 AM

^ftw

7/24/2006 11:51:06 AM

Quote :

"any idiot should know that the best way to make a girl want to have sex with you is to act like you have no interest in hooking up with her"

7/24/2006 12:01:34 PM

Quote :

"In some instances, I've straight up told guys beforehand that I'm not interested in the S-E-X."

And the guy thinks, in response, "Hmmmm, there must be a reason she is saying that. It's probably because she's a major slut and has given it out one too many times and is taking a week off to recuperate. In that case, I'll just have to push extra hard and she'll surely crack by the end of the night."

Quote :

"2. Fellas, if you hang out with a girl, are you just tryna hit that?"

At least in some regard, yes. We might actually like hanging out with you and having fun, and while that's good and all, we are still thinking about sex. It might not be 100% of our interest (sometimes it is, but not always), or even the majority of it, but it's most likely always there, at least a little.

Quote :

"4. Why do guys lie? I'm a practical gal who handles upfront/assertive men better than sneaky pussies who try to lie to and manipulate me."

Because when we tell the truth, we get girlfriends. When we lie, we get laid. My level 26 paladin with 120 hit points who deals 50 damage with the hammer of argoth isn't going to get you into bed with me, so I have to come up with something better.

Quote :

"5. Fellas, when you pretend to be all hurt/upset after the ladies turn down your advances, you're just pretending, right?"

I just gave you our 100% best shot, and you shot it down like I'm the most repugnant guy in the world, and you think I'm pretending to be upset?
Will it ruin my life for the next month? No, but it will make the next 15 minutes pretty shitty.
The guy is thinking, "Sex is fun. I like it. I know that she has to like it as well (heck, she confirmed her sluttiness earlier this evening by claiming she's not a slut). I want sex tonight. She has to want sex tonight, but apparently I'm just too hideous to even consider. I know as soon as I leave she's going to call up her ex-boyfriend and fuck the hell out of him. God, why did you make me such a terrible person? I'm going to kill myself."

7/24/2006 12:09:50 PM

Quote :

"Girls who have a lot of guy friends will face it at some point because it's difficult for guys and girls to be just friends. If there is any bit of attraction there and alcohol is involved, SOMEONE WILL make a move. Sure, girls and guys can be friends, but there's a fine line between friendship and attraction. We're drawn/attracted to our friends for some reason-- we find something attractive about their personality. Sometimes it's difficult to separate platonic and physical relationships because there's something really great about having a partner that you can talk to AND get physical with."

Tons of truth to this. TONS. Men and women really do have a hard time being friends, though a lot of this tapers off a little as we get older and the hormones don't rule us like they used to.

It's part of instinct for men to act the way they do about sex, women, and the man-woman friend factor. If driven hard enough by his physical need to have sex and his mental and emotional needs to assert himself as a man and as the dominant sex of the species, a man will have sex by whatever means possible. And that does include lying, cheating, deception, and in rare cases, physical assault. Hey, you're attempting to sell yourself to the opposite sex...and we've seen just how ruthless and unscrupulous salesmen can be...so can the rest of us.

I personally think that different people have varying degrees of the needs mentioned above; along the same lines, intelligence and self-cognizance often play a larger part in rationalizing and consequently dealing with the instinct in a beneficial way.

But still, it's extremely difficult many times to transcend the sexual issues between man and woman and achieve a platonic relationship, even for those who are intelligent and self-aware, and especially if they ain't gettin' laid all the time.

I'm reasonably comfortable with not getting laid all the time, though I have my moments. However, I'm not going to go there...in my opinion, it's a lot better for me to hold true to my own moral convictions than to try and bag whatever I can. Been there, done that, and I don't feel good about it. I'd rather have no sex than deceptive sex.

All the same, I don't think it's a really good idea for women to try to be "one of the guys" with their guy friends. The dynamic just isn't the same for lots of reasons, and often a woman's attempt at fitting into this social dynamic is totally misconstrued; her motives are misinterpreted, and often it's pictured that she's got self-esteem issues and is an easy lay.

And of course, we all know how much more uninhibited we all get when drunk...sometimes to the point where we'll go where we wouldn't in a sober state of mind.

7/24/2006 12:17:27 PM

i agree with Zxa

[Edited on July 24, 2006 at 12:34 PM. Reason : .]

7/24/2006 12:33:45 PM

if someone hits on me i just never talk to them again.

7/24/2006 12:35:57 PM

7/24/2006 12:47:59 PM

^^What do you consider as being hit on though? Some girls will think you are hitting on them just because you are talking to them a lot.

7/24/2006 1:01:32 PM

Quote :

"Some girls will think you are hitting on them just because you are talking to them a lot. "

Those girls are best left alone.........self glorifying, and stuck up.....thinking that everyone must be hitting on them b/c they are so great.

7/24/2006 1:08:59 PM

Quote :

""Are there any signs that a guy is just interested in sex?" he's breathing"

beat me to it...

7/24/2006 1:43:53 PM

Quote :

"Because when we tell the truth, we get girlfriends. When we lie, we get laid. My level 26 paladin with 120 hit points who deals 50 damage with the hammer of argoth isn't going to get you into bed with me, so I have to come up with something better. "

This is the funniest thing I've read in a while.

7/24/2006 4:03:08 PM

Man, you think you could tell the guys hey let's not fuck, you're sounding like you end up, on the "end up". If you can't hang like a dude, don't hang you're shit out like a dude, you can't piss in an arc, anyways

7/24/2006 4:20:24 PM

Quote :

"any idiot should know that the best way to make a girl want to have sex with you is to act like you have no interest in hooking up with her "

7/24/2006 4:31:01 PM

I am impressed with the responses here.

Basically everyone is right. Either deal with the fact that every guy friend you have would hook up with you given the chance, or don't hang out with them.

The EASY way out of this issue is to get some token dude to be "dating" so it will put you out of contention. That way they don't hit on you, but he isn't your "boyfriend" so you can keep your options open to anyone you do want to get with.

Or hang out with more guys who have steady girlfriends, they will be able to chill without trying to get all up in your guts.

7/24/2006 4:56:58 PM

alcohol makes people horny. if guys and girls are "hanging out" it usually means that one or both of them are attracted to the other in some way or have been in the past. the alcohol tends to bring it out. i think it goes with the territory and doesnt necessarily say anything positive or negative about your guy friends. it confirms the existance of balls.

7/24/2006 5:03:33 PM

Yea, ive hooked up with a few of my girl friends because we were both drunk and it just happened, it definitely happens

7/24/2006 5:06:33 PM

Don't worry about any guy who acts upset when you shoot him down. If he really is upset then you should be glad that relationship was over before it ever started. Imagine how needy that pussy would be if you actually gave him any attention.

On a similar note, I hate it when I try to be friends with a girl and then I find out she is just after the D.

[Edited on July 24, 2006 at 5:10 PM. Reason : s]

7/24/2006 5:07:13 PM

hahah no you don't, unless she's ugly

7/24/2006 5:09:08 PM

Most of the responses to this thread have confirmed my idea that we're not making much progress in the man/woman arena. Some things were offered up as practical advice so I am definitely not trying to criticize people for their suggestions...

1. The idea that I should constantly talk about having a boyfriend isn't right. We see that as being practical, but if you look at what it really means, it goes back to some bullshit ages ago when men would court a woman and after a while, one of them would win (basically win ownership) and the others had to back off.
2. The suggestion that I should bring a male friend with me to just be with me or pose as a boyfriend isn't right. Again, that goes back to a time when women had to have escorts to make sure everybody behaved. Basically, a father owns his daughter and needs an escort to protect his investment until he can sell her off to the highest/most suitable bidder, and then she becomes the responsibility of her husband.

Quote :

"underPSI: i think you need to hang with guys who actually get some on occasion if they are hitting on you."

1. This is The Lounge. You were the only person who lacked self-control and had to take it to the insult level.
2. Learn to read. First sentence of my first post: "undiscriminating horndogs"

Quote :

"firmbuttgntl: Man, you think you could tell the guys hey let's not fuck, you're sounding like you end up, on the "end up". If you can't hang like a dude, don't hang you're shit out like a dude, you can't piss in an arc, anyways"

I've looked at it that way too. And, like I said, I normally have no problem saying, "Whoa there, stud! Homey ain't interested." It's when they break form and start getting all upset and spewing bullshit emotions at me that I start to wonder if I've done something wrong, even when I'm pretty sure that it's all part of their game and not real at all.

Quote :

"DaBird: alcohol makes people horny. if guys and girls are "hanging out" it usually means that one or both of them are attracted to the other in some way or have been in the past. the alcohol tends to bring it out. i think it goes with the territory and doesnt necessarily say anything positive or negative about your guy friends. it confirms the existance of balls."

This is another problem I have. I'm a horny girl, always have been. I could walk into a party and look around the room and probably pick out ten guys that I find attractive enough to have sex with (that's before they open their mouths and stupid comes out). Anyway, guys who know that I find them attractive get all weirded out when I won't sleep with them. They don't understand that there's simply not enough time in the day for me to knock boots with every man I find attractive, or they do understand that but they pretend that they don't because, again, it's part of their game.




Anyway, the general vibe that I'm getting here: This is a fact of life that I can help avoid by changing my routine (a routine I enjoy). If I'm not willing to change my routine, I should just be prepared to deal with it and not feel bad if dudes pretend to be all hurt or won't stop pushing the issue (and I should consider not hanging out with these guys). Not only is my preemptive NO SEX thing not working but it may also be hurting the situation.

[Edited on July 24, 2006 at 5:30 PM. Reason : sss]

7/24/2006 5:27:58 PM