Recycling.
http://thingsihate.org/article/219/two_and_a_half_allnew_conspiracy_theories

Quote :

"A shadowy faction of the government (or maybe just the Masons) invented and/or encouraged paper recycling to make it more pleasant to dig through people's trash for evidence. It's much nicer to look through a bag of receipts and letters when you don't have to worry about running into rotten fruit or hairballs. Why didn't they make recycling mandatory, then? Simple: they don't give a damn what the average, patriotic American writes down. So now that recycling is established as a possibility, and what an earth-friendly person should do, they subtly make it harder and portray it in sit-coms as "out there." This ensures that only leftist hippie freaks, the ones the agency wants to keep an eye on, will separate their paper from the rest of their trash. A bag of paper to be recycled will thus be as rich with subversion as possible, saving our tax dollars and hours of spypower. "

It's a pretty solid theory. If they made it mandatory they would only get information from good americans, but by convincing people it helps the earth they can spy on hippies.

Quote :

"Soda pop. Soda pop is caffeinated, not out of concern for taste but to make it addictive and popular. The government doesn't regulate this caffeine like it has all other recreational drugs. Most diet soda tastes awful, keeping people drinking the regular, sugary pop, but even diet soda still contains acid to rot drinkers' teeth. Paranoid atheists, patriotic fundamentalist Christians, wild-eyed and wild-haired anarchists, nobody wants national identification tattoos. But what is even more permanent, and can be used to identify even a skinless skeleton (or perhaps an X-ray)? Dental work! "

We should look into the dentist lobby, in this state we know how they can be

Quote :

"Hats. The increasing popularity of baseball caps worn backwards can mean only one thing: the receiver in the dish-like brim is more effective in the back, aligned with the pineal gland, than in the front. By collecting cosmic rays and stimulating the pineal gland to grow, while keeping the head from expanding with its tight band, the cap drives the wearer slowly insane. Subtle variations in broadcast tones teach the victim to channel his mania into drinking beer and watching athletic competitions. The flaw in this theory is that the regular gimmie caps, worn brim-forward, don't seem to have done much to the tractor-driving demographic. "

makes sense to me

4/10/2006 6:41:09 PM

remember

he gets one "conspiracy theory" per week

4/10/2006 6:44:10 PM

Blatant parody of salisburyboy.

Suspend.

Lock the thread too.

4/10/2006 6:46:20 PM

4/10/2006 6:56:26 PM

i don't understand the point of the caffeine thing

4/10/2006 6:56:29 PM

so wait
any time someone posts something absurd it becomes a "blatant parody" of salisburyboy?

that says a lot about what they let salisburyboy post, eh?

4/10/2006 7:00:05 PM

If you don't realize this as a blatant parody, then you're too stupid to read the Soap Box.

Being too stupid to read the Soap Box is probably the worst insult ever.

4/10/2006 7:09:16 PM

i believe this

4/10/2006 7:12:28 PM

Bucket.

4/10/2006 7:14:20 PM

I spy on my neighbor's recycle bin. All the empty wine bottles tell me that the wife is a total lush.

4/10/2006 7:14:53 PM

4/10/2006 7:18:14 PM

he says he believes it

thats good enough for me

who are we to tell someone that they have stupid beliefs

4/10/2006 7:37:28 PM

100% proven fact.

4/10/2006 7:45:52 PM

only an edomite would be clever enough to think of this

4/11/2006 4:28:36 PM

JonHGuth:

I think I've made it clear that this shit isn't gonna fly. Consider this a direct warning to not post this sort of stuff--you and I both know that this isn't serious, and it's just you throwing a fucking tantrum about me allowing salisburyboy his weekly thread.

If you make another thread like this, I'm going to suspend you.

I'm not going to absolutely stop salisburyboy from posting. If you, Woodfoot, and a few others can't deal with him having a couple of threads--and then not being able to post in other threads, then I suppose that I could eliminate the double standard and allow him free reign to post whenever and wherever he wants.

Stop being crybabies. salisburyboy isn't hurting a damn thing, and if he ever starts to, I can take care of that pretty easily. Actually, he's yet to be anything less than totally cooperative ever since we agreed on his compromise. THIS, on the other hand, is a pain in the ass.

4/11/2006 6:43:19 PM