spending a lot of time with an older man. He's a good number of years older than me and has kids. Three of them, 19, 16, and 11. Their mom is deceased, so there wasn't really any way around his introducing me to them eventually. His daughter is 16 and she and I spend a lot of time together, we go shopping, she calls me about boys, we're kind of close (is this something I should allow to go on)..I'm really starting to enjoy them, and my relationship with him is getting stronger I just don't know where it is going. Its confusing. He has asked me to travel with them over New Years, what should I do? How should this be handled? I don't really know if I should get out, or just let things be and enjoy them.

12/11/2005 3:30:13 PM

wait

carlyanne = cddweller now?

12/11/2005 3:32:07 PM

Hes not that much older...he's 40.

12/11/2005 3:33:21 PM

STEVE MARTIN DID IT.

12/11/2005 3:33:51 PM

A 14 year age difference is not that much when we're both adults.

12/11/2005 3:34:17 PM

wait

carlyanne = cddweller now?

12/11/2005 3:35:50 PM

if you're happy with where things are going or seem to be going, then go with it. If you have reservations about it, what are they and why do you have them? Are they caused by how you feel, or perhaps by how you think others will feel about the situation? Just some things to think about

12/11/2005 3:36:17 PM

My relationship with him is awesome, he works with me and he acts like he's younger than I am sometimes. He also looks great so people generally perceive us as an other normal couple. I'm not really worried about what others think.

I'm mainly just concerned about my relationship with his kids, and what they think.

12/11/2005 3:37:40 PM

alias

12/11/2005 3:39:30 PM

12/11/2005 3:43:03 PM

From what you've said, you're already pretty close with one of the kids, and he really isn't that much older. If you're that concerned about how they'd feel about it ask him to talk to them about it. Or talk to them yourself. Biggest thing i can think of is just be yourself with them, and don't try to replace their mom (that mostly goes for the eleven-year-old ). I don't have any personal experience with this sort of thing, but my grandparents were a similar situation, so i'm going by how they handled things.

12/11/2005 3:44:19 PM

Thanks, that actually helps a lot. The 11 year old is the biggest problem, because he's a boy, the 19 year old is away at college, so I only see him when he comes home, and he tends to just be really cool about the entire situation.

They are great kids, and they are defintiely fun to be around. I think i'm just kind of nervous about coming into the "instant family" situation.

12/11/2005 3:46:14 PM

Is this about the kids or about your feelings for the guy?

12/11/2005 3:50:21 PM

I'm not really sure, I know where I stand with my feelings for him. We're really close, and his kids were in Vancouver this weekend visiting their grandparents and well now I definitely know how I feel about him. I guess the issue is how I feel about the kids, and our situation. I mean, what rules do I follow, do I let myself stay the night over there? How do you handle dating..when basically i'm dating an entire family.

12/11/2005 3:52:39 PM

are you trying to get married to the guy?

do you want to have kids with him?

you do realize that the kids will hate your kid because it will get all of his attention.

12/11/2005 4:01:51 PM

We haven't been seeing one another long enough for me to even CONSIDER marriage. So I haven't exactly thought about that.

12/11/2005 4:04:14 PM

i didn't know women this old and complicated bank on this site..until now.

12/11/2005 9:58:22 PM

hey is he rich?

12/11/2005 10:31:38 PM

wait

carlyanne = cddweller now?

12/11/2005 10:43:54 PM

He makes a decent living.

12/11/2005 10:56:48 PM

fuck that old weine until it comes off.

12/11/2005 11:36:14 PM

Just be aware that you are not just getting involved with him, but with everyone.

It doesn't really matter what your feelings are for each other, those kids are the ones who have the final say, either directly or indirectly.

So if you aren't prepared to be a mom in whatever respect you are needed to be, you should do the responsible thing and move away from it now. If you two continue dating, and things don't work out after you have formed a bond with those kids, having a second female leave their lives is going to be bad news for them going forward, especially the two kids still living at home.

12/11/2005 11:59:11 PM

your step son would only be 7 years younger than you.

thats a smaller age gap than between you and your husband

12/12/2005 12:03:30 AM

Banging a coworker who's 14 years older and also a single father of three = WHORE.

12/12/2005 12:09:37 AM

wait

carlyanne = cddweller now?

12/12/2005 12:12:13 AM

wait

carlyanne = cddweller now?

12/12/2005 1:06:25 AM

Quote :

"he acts like he's younger than I am sometimes"

perhaps this is why he is divorced

Quote :

"He makes a decent living."

I'm sorry, but 40+ immature single father of 3 barely getting by just says to me "RUN"

Quote :

"your step son would only be 7 years younger than you"

.. and has a much lesser chance of ED in the next 20 years.


I say if you're looking for drama, keep dating this guy. You might get a good LT relationship as long as you aren't planning on kids, because his kids will resent your kids with him. Otherwise, give up.

12/12/2005 2:01:34 AM

wait

carlyanne = cddweller now?

-ZiP!-

12/12/2005 2:02:56 AM

Quote :

"I'm sorry, but 40+ immature single father of 3 barely getting by just says to me "RUN" "

He's loaded. But that was irrelevant to why i'm with hiim, so I didn't exactly want to lay that out here.

My relationship with his kids is also pretty good, except the youngest.

He is an older cowoker, but he doesn't work in the same division in our company, and he doesn't even work in the same building. He's actually kind of a contracter, and I didn't even meet him at work that turned out being a coincidence.

12/12/2005 2:24:24 AM

So let me get this straight.







carlyanne = cddweller now?

12/12/2005 7:16:41 AM

this situation depends on what you want out of the relationship........just good friendship or a possible future...

and making sure he knows your intentions in this relationship.

if you want a future with him, you need to think about and discuss certain things like if you want children. if you do, you have to talk to him about that. he has older children and may not want to start over again. make sure not to rush this relationship. its hard to lose a wife, and a lot of men whose wives die sometimes want another woman to feel the void.

my sister actually married a man who is 8 years older than her. his wife died in a car accident 2 years prior. and she instantly obtained 2 step children. shes 31 now, and the step children are 14 and 15. they were married when she was 22. their marriage was really rocky at first (i think because they rush into the marriage), and it still has its times. she gets along with the kids great, too, but i think she can be a lil slack on the discipline area since she is closer to their age than their father. yes, you will never be their mom, but if u marry him, you will have to discuss if you have the right to discipline his children. and IMO, you do have that right, because it will be your house, too.

12/12/2005 8:02:53 AM

^ AGree

12/12/2005 8:08:23 AM

wait

carlyanne = cddweller now?

12/12/2005 9:01:12 AM

its ok

i had leftover subway for breakfast

12/12/2005 9:16:13 AM

Did this guy have his oldest when he was 21?

Anyway, that has to be strange if you're only BARELY 7 years older then the kid. I know that would be strange for me if I was his age. I mean whatever... I'm not going to judge but you better be sure..

12/12/2005 9:28:12 AM

wait

carlyanne = cddweller now?

12/12/2005 9:30:15 AM

Quote :

"perhaps this is why he is divorced"

she said his wife was deceased, so he's a widower, not divorced

[Edited on December 12, 2005 at 9:34 AM. Reason : for ActOfGod, despite his godly powers, he cant read for shit]

12/12/2005 9:34:28 AM

i just want to at this whole thread

12/12/2005 9:38:01 AM

even though i think you're an alias

you may want to scale back your relations with the daughter

chick has lost her mother (i don't care if it was 1 year or 10 years ago)
so she is obviously looking for that type of influence
so if you become a mother figure for her (even if you're only 8 years older than her)
and you decide you can't handle being with her father, you're going to be putting her in a position that draws on her memories and feelings of losing that mother figure again

something you would never want to do to anyone

alias

12/12/2005 9:40:01 AM

A good friend of mine is my age (30) and she is married to my roommates dad (58). Before you go eww. They have been married for almost 11 years now. She was wonderfully accepted into his family and visa versa.

She doesn't consider herself his kids "mom" but more their friends. I think that's how you should approach this is you want to continue.

Most importantly talk to him about your concerns. Let him know what you are worried about and if you feel that it can work, and that the kids like you... ASK the kids what they think? Especially the daughter. If they are all cool with it, go for it!

Love is a wild and wonderful thing. I look at Kristina and Thomas and I see one of the happiest couples I've ever known.

12/12/2005 9:48:07 AM

dude

30 + 58 is a lot more normal than 19 + 47

belee dat

(but i'm sure they are happy)

[Edited on December 12, 2005 at 9:50 AM. Reason : `]

12/12/2005 9:49:26 AM

this thread is a gem... i'm gonna check back later

12/12/2005 9:59:15 AM

my policy: never get laid where you get paid.

Dangerous grounds, Carly Anne!

12/12/2005 10:12:34 AM

Being only 7 years older than his son is weird, I mean i'm dealing with it, but its my relationship with his daughter I'm worried about, we spend so much time together that I feel like she is either looking at me like a mother or a big sister, both would be hard to lose again, but I know she needs someone to talk to, shes dating, and things in her life are changing and being in a house with all men has to be difficult, so I try to be her outlet, she spends the nights with me sometimes, and Idk, maybe I should take a step back from my relationship with her.

12/12/2005 10:17:21 AM

The only responsible way into this relationship is marraige. breaking up with this guy at any point now is going to be damaging to the the kids.

12/12/2005 10:17:28 AM

you ever read Oedipus Rex?

12/12/2005 10:19:58 AM

Dump that zero and get yourself a hero

12/12/2005 10:36:28 AM

blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blahblah blah blah

12/12/2005 10:57:24 AM

Hey man, you did a nice job waiting on us last week.

I didn't pick up the tab or I would have hooked you up.

12/12/2005 10:59:19 AM

at stonewood? what group were you with

12/12/2005 11:00:31 AM