My fiancee and I are getting married in July and as of right now she is wanting to invite about four times the number of people that I am inviting. Something seems a bit odd about it, what would you think if your significant other was wanting to invite alot more people than you?

11/21/2005 9:36:38 PM

What sorts of people is she wanting to invite that may not be on your list? Does she have a large family? Are there many close friends of the family? If she's from a large, inclusive family where relationships with people outside the family are important, her list may be longer than yours. I know that I've never been to a Thanksgiving dinner where there was anywhere close to enough chairs or tables for everyone to sit down...while other friends have a classic "eight people around a table" scenario.

I would look at the "who" relationship difference between your lists, not the number difference.

11/21/2005 9:42:27 PM

Quote :

"what would you think if your significant other was wanting to invite alot more people than you?"

That he's friendlier than me.

11/21/2005 9:46:05 PM

constovich, the very first thing you need to understand about the wedding..........It is hers and her mothers. remember that and everything else will be easy.

11/21/2005 9:51:06 PM

as long as you dont have a problem with the person it should be fine and there would be no need to worry about it. more gifts too.

11/21/2005 10:12:47 PM

thanks for the advice. if her family is not larger, it is at least closer than mine is. I do have to take that into consideration. Plus, underPSI you are right too. She should enjoy herself and not wish one of her friends is there. I think I do have to draw the line somewhere though...like her mom inviting people from her work that neither of us know when I am not even inviting anyone from my work.

11/21/2005 10:20:46 PM

her mother is doing that for gifts for you




they probably wont even come anyway, but folks are touchy about not being invited to weddings




there is much about weddings that guys will never understand.....................if guys understood, the world would stop spinning... leave the cosmos alone plz :-P

11/21/2005 10:39:47 PM

where are you guys having the ceremony...I am searching.

11/21/2005 10:48:24 PM

dude, let her and her mom invite whom they please. I'm assuming the brides parents are footing most of the bill. Don't be a control freak.

11/21/2005 10:57:43 PM

Quote :

"there is much about weddings that guys will never understandif society and moms didn't overhype the "importance" of a perfect fairytale wedding to their little girls.....................if guys understood, the world would stop spinning because girls would be more equipped to deal with the world... leave the cosmos alone plz"

11/21/2005 11:08:25 PM

Having recently helped organize a wedding... if you don't have a planner... stick to no more than 75 people. If you want 20 and she wants 150... welcome to the wonderful world of compromise... but words of advice. She's right when it comes to the wedding. Guys don't usually care as much, so let her have her moment of princess-dome.

Cuz if you don't... 10 years down the road you'll hear "we WOULD have had more people but he didn't want to...". We went with the "she's right" deal and she has 0 complaints. She only brags about how awesome it was.

11/22/2005 12:43:20 AM

she's a chic... chics do shit like that

11/22/2005 2:37:42 AM

Quote :

"where are you guys having the ceremony...I am searching."

We are having the wedding and the reception at the hall in a local park.

11/22/2005 4:55:18 AM

Just ask for the time and date of where to show up. Tell your best man he's responsible for getting your ass there on time. Fagetabut the rest of the details.

Simple. Clean. Effective.

11/22/2005 8:43:45 AM

Quote :

"her mother is doing that for gifts for you"

Fuck that. People never give a better gift than what it costs you to have them to attend. THe reception we have planned right now is about $65 a plate so fuck some people that neither I nor my fiance know attending. Hell, you know they are just gonna buy like a spatula.

11/22/2005 8:53:23 AM

If her parents are paying for it, you really have no say.

If you're paying for it, or even part of it, then you definitely have a say in this.

11/22/2005 10:03:41 AM

^^Those people that you don't know most likely won't attend. It's like when you graduate from high school and college. You probably sent a good amount of announcements to people that you barely know and that you knew would not be attending graduation, just for the money/gifts. That's how weddings work. People usually won't feel comfortable at a wedding for someone that they barely know and so they typically won't show up...they'll just send a gift.

11/22/2005 10:20:32 AM

Are you worried about the numbers because you're sitting the bride and groom guests on separate sides? At my aunt and uncle's wedding, her side was MUCH larger than my uncle's and it looked a little awkward. At my wedding, we had designated spots for the parents and grandparents, but everyone else was put wherever.

Other than that, I'd say it really doesn't matter about the number difference.

11/22/2005 1:24:00 PM

Quote :

"the very first thing you need to understand about the wedding..........It is hers and her mothers. remember that and everything else will be easy"

[quote]If her parents are paying for it, you really have no say.

If you're paying for it, or even part of it, then you definitely have a say in this.[quote]/

[Edited on November 22, 2005 at 1:37 PM. Reason : .]

11/22/2005 1:28:35 PM

and let me clarify what I said to

if you're paying for part of it, and your cost is directly affected by the number of guests, then you have a say.

So if you're just paying for the limo or something, you've got no leg to stand on.

11/22/2005 1:30:09 PM

without reading reponses... i don't see the issue. i invited WAY more people than my husband. but my family is ALOT bigger than his. and we had the wedding in my home town rather than his (we live in LA, had the wedding in NC, and his family is from TX).

our wedding was on friday night. had 75 guests. dinner reception afterwards. out of the 75 guests, 6 were from his side. we invited about 30 more from his side out of courtesy but those are the ones that could come (his family is TINY compared to mine).

next day, we had a bbq with about 250 people, again 6 of which were from his side.

11/22/2005 1:34:55 PM

a suggestion

if you go along with this

and you should, because she is the boss

make a suggestion that you do away with the seating idea of "brides side" and "grooms side"

if you don't, you will have $texas and $rhode island

11/22/2005 2:04:18 PM

didn't read any other posts but ... at our wedding, my husband's side was a LOT larger than mine mainly because his family is a lot larger, and more of them live in the area. He also had lots of friends he wanted to invite, and I only had 2-3 close friends. Sometimes it just happens. Don't look at it as "my side" versus "her side." Instead, look at it as the total count ... if the total count is going over budget, then you need to cut back regardless of whose side is whose.

11/22/2005 3:11:58 PM

maybe you should ask her first instead of tww. you are getting married after all, and if you can't communicate about stuff like this now, it's not going to be pretty later.

11/22/2005 3:33:51 PM

I completely agree with setting things up as a parents table... and then free for all. It makes more sense. People get along at weddings even if they hate each other.

11/22/2005 3:35:08 PM

Maybe you are too young to get married!

11/22/2005 4:27:22 PM

Quote :

"If her parents are paying for it, you really have no say. If you're paying for it, or even part of it, then you definitely have a say in this."

Exactly. My wife's side of the family is huge and we were having the wedding in her hometown so her people outnumbered mine by about 5x. I will admit that it was a little bit annoying at first because her mom was inviting people that neither I nor my wife even knew, it ended up not being a big deal. They were paying for everything, their choice. Besides, we ended up getting alot of gifts from it.

11/22/2005 4:33:45 PM

Quote :

"If her parents are paying for it, you really have no say. If you're paying for it, or even part of it, then you definitely have a say in this."

11/22/2005 4:37:00 PM

Quote :

"there is much about weddings that guys will never understand.....................if guys understood, the world would stop spinning... leave the cosmos alone plz :-P"

LOL

My brother married this super rich girl from up North and her parents paid for just about everything. They paid 40k for their wedding (yah your read that right)- included an 8k diamond ring that my sister in law "absolutely could not live without" (in fact told my bro she wouldn't marry him w/out that exact ring) and a complete silk wedding dress with real pearls (6k). She got to invite 125 people and my bro got to invite 75. My parents were FUMING. (Here's my point- newsflash) They said it shouldn't have to do with who is paying for what, it has to do with respect for our family and that this wasn't a good way to start off a relationship with your in laws.

I say this, KEEP IT IN PERSPECTIVE- a wedding is one day out of your life, but a marriage is a lifetime.
My brother and sister in law are miserable now. It's a miracle they are still married. I think they should have taken the time and money they spent on the extravagant wedding and worked out some issues first. But......I digress.

[Edited on November 22, 2005 at 4:44 PM. Reason : ..]

11/22/2005 4:43:34 PM

Quote :

" They paid 40k for their wedding"

For a wedding with 200 guests, $40k isn't all that extravagant. Especially up north. My wedding was about the same size and totaled around $30k.

11/22/2005 4:48:55 PM

^ This was back in 1991. That was extravagant back then!

11/22/2005 4:49:40 PM

oic

11/22/2005 4:50:39 PM

man...I hope my bride to be likes the 200 dollar plane trip to vegas and the $50 happy hour wedding special and the two bums I paid $10 a piece to be witnesses.

Otherwise...tough shit.

11/22/2005 4:55:40 PM

^ Man I hope you like cheapskate girls or used up whores. (Fyi, not implying one equals the other)

11/22/2005 7:46:36 PM

Quote :

"what would you think if your significant other was wanting to invite alot more people than you? "

My guest list: about 30 people. Maybe.
His guest list: almost 200, and threatening to grow larger.
Conclusion: none of my family is close, he's Greek, and most of his friends live where we're going to have the wedding. I'm not thrilled because I don't want to do the whole big wedding thing. But it's what he wants. And I already had my tiny wedding with no family.

Quote :

"constovich, the very first thing you need to understand about the wedding..........It is hers and her mothers. "

This assumption really kills me. My mom COULD NOT POSSIBLY CARE LESS about my wedding. I'd be really surprised if my parents even got us a wedding present.

[Edited on November 22, 2005 at 9:11 PM. Reason : .]

11/22/2005 9:08:54 PM

it really depends on whos paying here
as long as her family is paying, and theyre not telling you you can only invite x # of people when theyre inviting y # of people, then just let them do it
just dont seat people by bride and groom, do it evenly and itll look fine

[Edited on November 22, 2005 at 9:17 PM. Reason : ^^^my mother would SO not go for that, id get killed]

11/22/2005 9:15:23 PM

have one less chair in the chapel than people that RSVP.

11/22/2005 9:18:40 PM

first off, I don't want a big wedding. I don't even really want one, and I've asked my fiance to talk to his mom about the idea of us getting married in a courthouse.

One thing my dad told me though was that the wedding is more parents' announcement of their children getting married, which is why it's customary for them to invite their friends whom you may or may not know. They're proud of you, so be happy about that.

And pretty much what everybody else has been saying.

11/22/2005 11:39:14 PM

Quote :

"I say this, KEEP IT IN PERSPECTIVE- a wedding is one day out of your life, but a marriage is a lifetime."

Excelent Point..

[\Thread]

11/22/2005 11:49:40 PM

she's the bride...let her do what she wants

11/23/2005 1:01:25 AM

Quote :

"For a wedding with 200 guests, $40k isn't all that extravagant. Especially up north. My wedding was about the same size and totaled around $30k."

Same here, and we invited about 140 (expecting just under 100). We aren't doing anything extravagant either. Ceremony at the Stone Chapel in WF (http://www.stonechapel.com/), reception at the Cotton Company in WF (http://www.thecottoncompany.net/), and catering is a sit-down by Catering Works (http://www.cateringworks.com/). The average wedding cost in America (according to a fairly recent CNN article) was at a little over $29,000. We are paying for this ourselves so I definitely have say in what happens but I'm so sick of it that she really just does what she wants. Whats funny to me is she will quibble over a $50 when looking at invitations but if minute amounts money were an issue we wouldn't be spending $30,000 on a wedding.

11/23/2005 8:52:12 AM

Quote :

"One thing my dad told me though was that the wedding is more parents' announcement of their children getting married, which is why it's customary for them to invite their friends whom you may or may not know. They're proud of you, so be happy about that."

My dad is in denial about me being married, and told my mom that I'm ruining my life. Soooo, I'm pretty sure that he's not proud of me.

11/23/2005 5:03:55 PM