Let me tell you my favorite bad BJ story. Omitting some details because some of you might figure out who it was; not a TWWer, but paths have been crossed. Anyway.

Several years ago I would run into this girl and a group of her friends every Friday night, and got to be pretty friendly with all of them. For your mental images: shorter girl, maybe 5'4", very slim with healthy boobage, ample hips and ass, bobbed brunette, pale skin. Sexy, cute smile belied a fierce gaze. I noticed her, she noticed me, but she was quiet and shy and over-educated so nothing came of it for several months.

Let me explain over-educated. Getting her master's in [something CHASSy], unabashedly feminist, and while generally sweet and pleasant in acquaintanceship she had her nose turned up to the world. Knew everything about anything, and was the type that when prompted for cooking advice would instead explain in aggravated tone how the fact that kitchens traditionally use diffuse fluorescent lighting is misogynistic and designed to keep women chained to '50s gender roles. I don't know, you get the drift, we didn't talk much.

Kinda wrote her off as nice to look at but a little too prickly on the palette and figured I'd leave her for those with no tongue. In fact, the only guys I ever saw her "date" were the quivering-puss marshmallow-in-the-corner type that wouldn't challenge her alpha-female notion of self.

So one night one of her friends shimmies up to me and says "hey Dave, when you gonna shag [that girl]? She's way into you, she'll be here in a little bit." I had no idea, but younger Dave was thrilled at the prospect of nailing a chick that generally hated men, the kind of girl that could have been a bulldyke if not for her got-damn vagpiece still pining for good ol' hot thick carnal penetration. So I said, "well, tonight I suppose." I was going to crucify this woman. I was going to dominate her, break her, make her accept that she will never, ever be what a man can be. Thereafter, she'd be lucky to have the opportunity to please me again. I'm getting amped just writing this as I relive the punishment I was preparing.

Now...she apparently had the same idea, in reverse. When she arrived at the joint and walked through the door, she went and said "hi" to her girls. Surprise, she had shaved her head. Whatever, fuck it. I made a bee-line for her, put my hand on the small of her back and said "walk with me." Those were the first three of the last five words I ever said to her.

We drove in intense silence the short distance back to my place, opened the door to my apartment, and what happened next I can only describe as a naked fist-fight. I would have said prelude to rape, but I'm not sure who was raping who. Somehow she manages to literally trip me, and falls on top of me as I fall back into a bean-bag chair. I clutch her by the neck ready to fling her off me when she stares me in the face and grabs my junk. Hard. She slides down to put it in her mouth, and at this point I made my mistake: I let her. Should have stuck with my plan and fucked her so hard she dropped out of college to clean my carpet, but I let her take control.

Second "surprise" of the night: she has no fucking clue how to suck a dick. The next couple minutes felt like days. She was a goddamn hurricane of convulsing teeth, sharp nails and rough throat-parts. She was repeatedly choking hard on it, but not in that good way. I'll give her one thing, there was no lack of enthusiam. But I was cringing in pain and disbelief. I went to grab the back of her head to basically jack myself off with her skull, but then I was reminded of that shaved head--I felt like I was face-raping a 12-year-old boy. It was the most confusing, disgusting sexual affair I'd ever been a part of. I then tried to push her off me so I could just fuck her and be done with it but she planted her feet on the wall, dropped to her elbows, retard-gripped my shit and got furious on it. Then the deal breaker--she started moaning.

Let me explain moaning. This isn't the sultry, pleased moans of a woman enjoying herself. This was guttural, hateful even, like a wildebeast faced with death redoubling the last shreds of fight it has against the alpha male for mating rights. It was fucking satanic. I was horrified. A starved dick-demon had possessed this poor little girl and my cock was its feast. The harder I pushed her the louder and fiercer it got.

Then I saw a spot of blood on her face, who knows whose it was, and I lost it. I hulked up, tossed her off me with every bit of strength I could muster, she slid about six feet into the dining room and sat up, dazed. Then I said my last two words, "we're done." The next several minutes were the most awkward of my life as we made sense of what was left of our clothing and put on enough to hide the shame. I drove her back to the bar and didn't say anything when she got out. She didn't even go join her friends, she just got in her car. And I never saw her again after that.

[Edited on January 18, 2013 at 10:12 PM. Reason : asdf]

1/18/2013 9:55:12 PM

i was expecting a 'we opened the door, got on the floor, everybody walked the dinosaur' at the end.

1/18/2013 9:57:35 PM

^^ that was the omitting details version?!

1/18/2013 10:02:59 PM

haha yeah I guess the omitted details were more about her friends and location

1/18/2013 10:14:09 PM

Quote :

" I was going to crucify this woman. I was going to dominate her, break her, make her accept that she will never, ever be what a man can be. Thereafter, she'd be lucky to have the opportunity to please me again."

Haaaaaaaay.

But seriously. That whole story had me lol'ing and cringing simultaneously.

1/18/2013 10:33:23 PM

1/18/2013 10:37:13 PM

A+ would read again

1/18/2013 10:46:45 PM

Funnae

1/18/2013 11:04:08 PM

Hahaha that's awesome, in its own way

1/19/2013 9:36:47 AM

A+ would read again.

1/19/2013 10:16:35 AM

1/19/2013 10:28:13 AM

^

1/19/2013 10:36:04 AM

Met this chick one night at the Old Bar below Charlie Goodnights. She kept singing "I'm half the man I used to be". I thought she was just a huge Stone Temple Pilots fan. Took her back in the kitchen, she was definitely a post op tranny. Horrible.

1/19/2013 1:02:37 PM

I'll tell a short version cause I'm lazy typing this afternoon.

Guy's dog was in on his bed when we walked in and tried to kick the dog out. After failed attempts he asked if he can stay, I thought to myself, wow this is a little weird, but whatever, I let the dog stay.

We get in bed and we are doing our thing and the dog senses what's going on and hops in bed with us. Moments later the dog starts to lik my butt cheek and humping my leg( over the cover, thank god).

At this point, the guy doesn't even kick him out for good! Just smacks him in the fae gently and tell him to stop it, and be good. I have completely lost interest at this point and am pretty grossed out, but I just laid there and let him finish, when in hindsight I should have gotten dressed and left.

1/19/2013 1:21:02 PM

You kinky slut you

1/19/2013 1:35:20 PM

I lived in Wrightsville Beach the summer in between undergrad and law school. I bussed tables at MOI in the morning and bar-backed/door guy at a beach bar at night. In between I was either surfing, blacking out, or hooking up. I crammed about 5 years of debauchery and promiscuity into four months that summer.

About midway through the summer I became smitten with this girl that started coming in the bar. We flirted pretty heavy while I was working, but unfortunately, timing was off and it never happened before I left for grad school. I would usually run into her when I was with another girl and vice versa.

I came back to Wrightsville about 2 weeks into law school just to unwind and hang out with some friends. I got stupid drunk and ran into this girl at Fibbers. She was free, I was free, and it was a done deal. We got a cab and went back to my buddy's house that I was staying at. Me being so drunk, my reasoning was way off. Instead of just knocking this one out, I decided that we needed to keep drinking. I blacked out and woke up in the morning on the couch alone wondering what the fuck happened. I walked around the house and found the girl sleeping on a couch in the sunroom. As I looked at her sleeping, I realized my pants were wet. I had pissed my fucking pants. I quickly undressed and jumped in the shower. Got out and woke the girl up and she informed me that we had both passed out together but that I woke her up when I started pissing myself.

Fortunately for me, she was very forgiving that didn't ruin my chances and we ended up hooking up that morning. But I couldn't get the embarassment out of my mind and I had a raging headache from the night before. So although it wasn't horrible, the combination of the night before, the mediocre hook-up that morning, and the high hopes and anticipation I had coming...it was a pretty disappointing sexual encounter.

1/19/2013 1:36:57 PM

lol acraws story kind of reminds me of my dog. she stays out of the way during copulation but afterward she jumps in the bed and tries to lay between me and the girl like "this is mine"

1/19/2013 1:48:29 PM

LOL pee pants

1/19/2013 1:48:53 PM

lamp@jbrickmoo

[Edited on January 19, 2013 at 1:52 PM. Reason : wtf? my phone had seizure... lmao@jbrick is what I meant]

1/19/2013 1:50:51 PM

For some reason I'm never ashamed to tell that story. I know I should be...but I'm just not. I drank so much that summer I'm surprised I'm still alive.

I did a decent amount of sleepwalking and getting up to pee that summer. One time I stood up and peed on a friend's girlfriend while she was sleeping on a lazy-boy.

That was the only time I peed while still sleeping[laying down].

1/19/2013 1:52:51 PM

nothing embarrasing about that. im not a peer myself fortunately but i know plenty of dudes who are. Its more embarrassing to abstain from drinking so much that you might pee your pants

1/19/2013 3:00:04 PM

lamp@jbrickmoo

1/19/2013 3:15:30 PM

shut up, smath

1/19/2013 3:30:22 PM

I was just agreeing with you!

1/19/2013 3:44:04 PM

When I was 23, I dated a guy for several months who had serious erectile dysfunction due to a car accident. He would TRY really hard to have sex, but could never get it up. At all. Quite frustrating to be with a guy who insists on trying to make it happen. Nothing like a guy trying to jam a flaccid penis into your body.

He said that since his car accident 2 years prior, it simply hadn't worked. At all. I asked him to see a doctor, but he said he hated doctors.

Awesome guy on every other level. I was going to dump him because of the bedroom thing, but then I got a job offer in another state, so it saved me an awkward conversation.

[Edited on January 19, 2013 at 4:06 PM. Reason : r]

1/19/2013 4:05:38 PM

brutal

1/19/2013 4:11:50 PM

The one guy I ever asked out was cute and charming, and we had a nice spark between us. We were getting along really well, so we decided to go back to my place. That's where I discovered he was so bad at kissing that it instantly dissolved every last bit of my attraction for him. But that didn't stop him from dry humping my leg, telling me he wanted to shower me with flowers and candy, insisting we should take a trip together, and not picking up on my requests for him to leave. I should have straight kicked his ass out the front door, but I guess I was too nice to do that. I resorted to pretending to fall asleep so he would stop. He didn't.

At some point in there, I also found out that he wasn't an engineer as he'd told me before. He was "taking some time off" from studying engineering and working as a mattress salesman. He was 32.

1/19/2013 4:19:24 PM

humping your leg at 32 years old? that's high school crap!

1/19/2013 4:23:56 PM

Note to self: All thread content before this mark is certified to be free of posts by my ex's.

<---------------------------------------

Continue scanning here.

1/19/2013 8:47:47 PM

dave's story is epic ... i hate i missed it the first time

4/9/2013 2:36:27 PM

Quote :

"I felt like I was face-raping a 12-year-old boy"

, he said from experience.

4/9/2013 2:47:05 PM

This one chick i hooked up with right before moving to Raleigh to go to school here was such a let down. She was had a cute personality, bubbly and was pretty hot. I'd seen her at the gym and out at clubs, she'd always smile, but I was in a serious relationship and just blew it off. Well, once single and on my way out of town, was out with friends at a club and saw her. we danced and drank, ending up back at her place. We hooked up and she tried to invite me to church that morning, also got kinda clingy. She was some kind of fitness instructor, so almost all of her dance moves looked like fitness routines. I just thought she was being funny, but now that I think of it, she didn't really know how to fuck very well, either.

4/9/2013 2:51:04 PM

A++ thread. Would read again.

9/11/2014 5:28:14 PM

Excellent thread.

Not disappointing so much as painful... Was having that really good, crazy hotel sex that ended up with my head/torso off the side of the bed. He pulls me up fast to flip me over, but I hit my face on the wall and smash my nose on the window sill. Bloody nose halted the moment. And he thought it'd be funny to take a picture.

9/12/2014 11:36:04 AM

If you're being abused and need to talk to someone, let us know. We can get u help

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

9/12/2014 1:27:44 PM

Quote :

"A++ thread. Would read again."

9/12/2014 2:16:51 PM

I hate when a good roll in the hay gets ruined by something that kills the mood

9/12/2014 2:18:54 PM

yeah, like the dog coming up behind me and licking my balls

9/14/2014 11:51:03 PM

Always, ALWAYS lock your animals out of the room

9/14/2014 11:53:38 PM

go big red dog

9/15/2014 12:01:07 AM

Quote :

"At some point in there, I also found out that he wasn't an engineer as he'd told me before. He was "taking some time off" from studying engineering and working as a mattress salesman. He was 32."

Did he have a 4-letter name that begins with "C"?

9/15/2014 12:57:19 AM

There was a girl that I was into for a couple of weeks that I thought was nice and pretty attractive. She was kinda... just my type so to say. We got off great and eventually things ended up at her place after a couple beers for some more drinks. Now, it just so happens that at this point in time I was in between two different marathons, and so I was running and training daily. Unfortunately, I had developed a bit of jock itch that would flare up real bad after a long run or when it got real humid. So, although I was treating this regularly, we took a long walk in the hot and humid Texas summer back to her place, at which point unfortunately it had flared up a bit (but only slightly such that it was not that detectable). Little did I know, this girl was overly paranoid about STDs, and once I was ready to go she gave me a very thorough inspection whilst she put a condom on. Despite from her checkup totally killing the mood ( I kept wondering if she was into some weird shit), she also noticed the groin irritation, which caused her to gasp a little bit.

My first reaction was to play it cool, and to explain to her that it was from my intensive training, but she wanted to keep going on and asked me about five times if it was the Herp. I told her that herp does not even show up there that it shows up here and described this using my genitals, and which point she further inquired why I knew so much about it, and blah blah ... So, by the time that she was satisfied, I was completely over any feelings that I had for her and could only think in the back of my mind that she was crazier then normal and would cause problems eventually, so I just put my shit on and left.



[Edited on September 15, 2014 at 5:24 AM. Reason : g]

9/15/2014 5:22:19 AM

I'm not above quoting myself, even if it is to describe a time when I was the disappointing part of the encounter:

Quote :

"She comes and visits me. I finally make a move. Things are going well. We're in bed. Titties are out. Kissing starts...then she stops. "We should stop. I'm not in a place where I can do this right now." I stopped and we both apologized profusely. But then as soon as she goes back to DC she's begging me to come up there. She misses me, she says, and there is a strong implication that my presence will be the start of something. I go up and the same god damn thing happens. We start, things go great, then she stops me. Shit. Plus I've got to crash with her for two more days for a job interview thing in the city. The second day I try again and she doesn't stop me. Hot damn! Victory! Well...not quite. My dick would just not get hard. Now, my dick works just fine. It has gone through firing drills on pretty much a daily basis since the late 90s. But between the false starts ("the vagina that cried wolf"), the stress, the performance anxiety (at this point I hadn't been laid in a year or more)...it didn't work. She was very good about it. Then the next morning the same fucking thing happens. Of course, at this point I'm mentally shattered. I was like 26 years old. That is not soft-dick age. It wasn't her fault -- she was gorgeous. The third day I pulled out all the stops and finally had liftoff. From the tone of this story you can probably guess what happened next. "Two pump chump" would have given me credit for about one pump too many. I'm not even sure I was all the way in. She was polite about it. "I take it as a compliment," and all that. But when I left that day her communication with me dropped off a lot, and I was grateful. Every time I thought of her the bottom would fall out of my mental state."

9/15/2014 7:41:47 AM

We've all been there.

9/15/2014 10:01:24 AM

yeah, what is comforting about those situations is that it prolly happens to girls a lot, and thus they are usually understanding and give you time/second chance. At least that is my impression.

That exact shit happened to me on my first one night stand. She made a little joke about it that took the pressure off, and then it was no big deal.

9/15/2014 10:16:02 AM

Quote :

"The last girl I slept with was like this. She was skinny and bragged about how she was thin yet hadn't worked out in years. She had some nice tits though, and the sex was pretty good. Then again when you're fucking a bipolar chick with multiple personalities it tends to deliver. also, I'd wanted to fuck her 8 yrs ago but it didn't happen. Last month it did. I'd call that a win."

haha I bet that's someone I know.

Who was it? Spill it, TKE-Teg!

9/21/2023 9:48:55 PM

that's a fucking bump

9/21/2023 9:55:41 PM

paerabol, all I can say is, thank you

9/22/2023 1:39:33 AM

I haven't seen paerabol since like 2017. We went hiking at Red Rock Canyon.

9/29/2023 3:56:29 PM

Quote :

" So what the OP is saying is that he fell in love with a fledgling fatty?"

Better than a fledgling child creepo

9/29/2023 6:40:50 PM