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10/11/2004 12:32:56 PM

Latin became a dead language when Brasky killed all the people who spoke it. A proud tradition he carries on to this very day

10/11/2004 12:34:29 PM

I remember one time Brasky and me as kids were walking down the sidewalk when I stepped on a crack in the sidewalk. Well, Brasky smiles and runs over to my house and cripples my mother. He walks out and says "step on a crack, break your mother's back".

10/11/2004 1:08:22 PM

I've been with the firm for fifteen years, and the only sick day Brasky ever took was the day he died...and I'll be damned if he didn't show up early next Monday morning!

10/11/2004 1:47:46 PM

you know he clips his fingernails with a toenail clipper

10/11/2004 1:54:21 PM

i must say that froshkiller tells some excellent brasky stories

10/11/2004 2:49:34 PM

I was talking to Brasky's wife about what sex with Bill is like, and the next thing I know, Mrs. Brasky has an earth shattering orgasm right in the middle of her living room. Next thing I know, shes one the ground, and a time/space wormhole opens up in her crotch, and out walks that son of a bitch Brasky
He'd been in there the whole time

10/11/2004 2:52:06 PM

He carries around a hip flask of Jack Daniels. Not the drink, but the actual man.

10/11/2004 2:54:24 PM

So one day, Brasky and me are digging a new swimming pool for his house and some kid walks by and says 'Hey, looks like you guys are diggin to China!'. So Brasky gets a strange look in his eye and says "We'll see about that." So for the next 3 years, we're digging through the Earth. Turns out the center of the earth is actually nougat. So Brasky and me finally dig through the other side of the earth and we end up in Korea. I'll be damned if Brasky didn't climb back in the hole and go all the way back to his house, find the kid and say "No, I dug all the way to Korea. Learn your geography you little bastard"

10/11/2004 6:18:07 PM

Bill Brasky was watching the television one day, and he didn't like what he was watching
So ol Brasky gets in a time machine, finds ol Philo Farnsworth and kills him, but I said to Brasky, "what if someone else discovers how to make tv?"
well, brasky goes back in time even farther and lays siege to the nations of europe, circa 1200

well, we get back to the present, and I'll be damned if the Inca's hadn't discovered televsion.

10/11/2004 6:24:36 PM

Brasky was the super-ultra-secret boss in Mike Tyson's Punchout

10/11/2004 6:29:27 PM

Bill Brasky's social security # is UP UP DOWN - DOWN LEFT - RIGHT B A START

10/11/2004 7:00:57 PM

Like a vampire, Brasky has no reflection. Rumour has it he killed it a few years ago when it looked at him funny

10/11/2004 10:50:22 PM

Brasky chooses all the Olympic cities based on the last place he beat a hooker to death

10/12/2004 12:04:34 AM

Bill Brasky was originally slated to star as Roseanne's husband on the show "Roseanne", but producers feared that women would spend the entire show gazing at Brasky, and miss the show going on.

To solve this problem, the producers gutted an 11 year old boy, transformed his carcass into a costume and allowed Brasky to take on the role of "DJ" Connor

10/12/2004 12:05:33 AM

Brasky has been known to suck blood out of drunk people like a mosquito on days where he feels his blood alcohol level isn't high enough

10/12/2004 12:10:55 AM

I was making some steaks one day, out on the grill when Brasky asked me what I was doing. I told him I was making dinner for my family.

Well, Bill Brasky being the good guy he is, explained to me that he had gone on a 14 week bender, and wound up in my backyard, and had taken to defecating in my grill.

Ol Brasky apparently has a problem where his stool gets dusty and hard when he does nothing but drink cheap liquor for more than 3 months, so it was clear that I happened to be using special Brasky Brickettes

But I'm not kidding, best damn steaks I've ever had

10/12/2004 9:50:59 AM

Bill Brasky has been bald since the 4th grade, but uses a special wig to remain so thick-haired. Brasky's wig uses a technology jointly discovered by NASA and the CIA, it manages to instantaneously move growing hair through space and time straight to Bill Brasky's head. Brasky has gone through two donors now, first he used Charlamagne and now he gets his hair directly from Mr. Paul Schaefer.

10/12/2004 1:05:06 PM

One time Brasky told me that we were going on a float trip. We get in his truck and the next thing I know, I'm lying next to a pile of broken glass and what appeared to be a half eaten elevator somewhere in the rainforest. When i got back home, I asked Brasky what the hell happened to the float trip and all he could say was "Plans changed...Deal with it."

10/12/2004 1:09:25 PM

Did you know that the World Population Council once considered sending Brasky to India and China to eat the old people and newborn children?

He would have done it, too, if they had enough honey mustard.

10/12/2004 1:12:28 PM

Bill Brasky is this Year's scariest Halloween Costume

10/12/2004 1:13:12 PM

Bill Brasky was the inspiration for Pikachu, only with less lightning bolts and more innappropriate erections

10/12/2004 1:18:06 PM

One day Bill took me to the orphanage and when the lady at the desk told us they faced a grim future, Brasky strangled every last one of those kids, one after the other. He told us he'd done what he could, now it was up to the Lord to sort em out.

10/12/2004 1:20:23 PM

Brasky shot his man gravy on Alicia Key's chest...........

and the next morning, she had a full grown patch 'o hair on it.

10/12/2004 1:31:39 PM

To BILL BRASKY, the man who vomited on Margaret Thatcher and had group sex with Prince Charles's ears and the freshly exhumed corpse of Princess Di

10/12/2004 1:33:39 PM

I tried to call 911 the other day, and Bill Brasky picked up. Honest to goodness, I had dialed 912, which somehow is Brasky's mountain lodge in Colorado. He laughed as I told him my house was burning down and quickly hung up.

I called 911, but it was busy.

10/12/2004 1:39:19 PM

what a man...what a man...

10/12/2004 2:04:04 PM

Bill Brasky makes a great Ceasar salad, I promise you; best I've ever tasted. Brasky's recipe calls for the finest lettuce, 3 raw eggs, and an entire albatross.

Feathers and all!

10/12/2004 2:42:40 PM

BILL BRASKY

10/12/2004 2:44:01 PM

Like an Ananconda, Brasky's penis constricts and kills women before swallowing them whole.

10/13/2004 11:21:27 AM

I think its safe to say that this is one of the better threads ever

10/13/2004 11:23:40 AM

AGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


TO BILL BRASKY!!!!!!!

10/13/2004 11:24:15 AM

I met up with Braskey once while hunting in the woods. I had ben stalking a bear for three hours before I ran into Bill. Bill asked me what I was hunting and i told him I had following a bear that had just passed over the ridge. Well Bill gets this look in his eyes and stomps off over the ridge. A few minuets later I see Brasky riding the bear back over the ridge toward me. Bill takes my rifle, hands it to the bear, and demands that it shoot itself. Well sure enough, the bear fires on off into his own head and kills himself. I'll be damned if Braskey didn't laugh when the bear put three shots in me first though.

10/13/2004 12:17:46 PM

"Did I ever tell you guys about the time Brasky arm-wrestled Jesus? Anyway, Brasky is in a bar and in walks Jesus. Brasky being Brasky, he immediately challenges our lord and saviour to an arm-wrestling match. Jesus accepts and wins the contest easily. Brasky then becomes so upset he breaks a bottle of Everclear over Christ's head and says "No one bests Brasky!". Time went on and Brasky realized he was wrong, and even though he begs for forgiveness on a daily basis, Jesus isn't giving him any. And i'll be damned if Brasky isn't currently talking to the devil.

10/13/2004 12:23:00 PM

Brasky had his heart broken by his parents when they told him Santa wasn't real. He went on a killing rampage which had more deaths than the Holocaust. He later admitted that he always knew Santa wasn't real, but he was looking for a way to get back at his parents for keeping it such a secret all those years...Brasky was only 38 at the time too.

10/13/2004 3:40:29 PM

Bill Brasky and I were at walmart, and he was checking items off of his shopping list.
Well, we get about halfway done, I remember we were on the cleaning supplies aisle, and I look over, and sure enough; Brasky is using the Magna Carta for his shopping list.

10/13/2004 7:30:41 PM

Brasky had his heart broken by a retired school bus driver who goes by the name "Bosky". It seems the thought of loving a man the size that Brasky is, forced her to drive off a cliff. In memorial, he pushes Buses full of children off cliffs every Tuesday at 3:30.

10/14/2004 10:23:30 AM

Jerry Seinfeld signed his soul over to Brasky to get his show on the air.

10/14/2004 10:36:19 AM

Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky taught me how to play poker? Well one night, Brasky takes me into a secluded bar and we sit down at a poker table with Kirby Pucket, John Leguizamo and a Centar. Well Braksy, sits down and says "the only game we can play is Cambodian Three card monty." Everyone was fine with it except the centar who was a Gin Rummy man. I had no idea how to play, but Brasky convinces me to jump right in. Well 8 hours go by, and sure enough the mortgage to my house, three of my toes, and my next of kin all belong to Brasky. But I'll be damned if it wasn't best game of poker ever!

10/14/2004 10:39:40 AM

He uses people in various stages of rigor mortis for surfboards

10/14/2004 11:07:00 AM

This thread is stupid!

10/14/2004 11:14:40 AM

That Son of a Bitch doesn't have to sweat because of a freak occurrence when he became a habitat for a family of beavers. While he first welcomed them for style purposes, they quickly became more useful as they began damming up his pores. May God have his way with me if Brasky doesn't supply half the electricity that allows the Denver Broncos to play at night

10/14/2004 11:15:48 AM

haha, bodi's thinks of bill brasky when he chokes his chicken

10/14/2004 11:17:43 AM

dammit

[Edited on October 14, 2004 at 11:26 AM. Reason : lkjhgfd]

10/14/2004 11:25:46 AM

That Son of a Bitch doesn't have to age because of a freak occurrence when he accidentally consumed Cher. Glen Carroll of the band "Sticky Fingers" hooked 'em up for a hot date on a Thursday night. Brasky poured some white wine, and simmered what had to be the most succulent Kansas City strip of the 20th century. The night went splendidly until Brasky finally realized that Cher, and "Sonny's Bitch" were the same person. In pure shock, Brasky's lower intestine all-but collapsed, causing a void-like vacuum to emit from his throat. When the storm settled, Cher, a chesterfield, and Brasky's favourite Pinehurst lamp were nowhere to be found. It wasn't until the bastard began hearing "If I Could Turn Back Time" rumble from his digestive system that he figured he swallowed her. When asked why she doesn't simply just leave Brasky's gall bladder, she simply replies, "The rent's cheap, and it's all inclusive".

10/14/2004 11:27:55 AM

Jesus man you don't have SHIT to do at work today, huh?

10/14/2004 1:03:36 PM

So Brasky and I are in Vegas a few years back at the craps table, when Brasky says, "You know dice were originally made from animal knuckles." To illustrate his point, he rips every 2 knuckles out of my left hand, paints them up like dice, and hands them to me. Sure enough, I won $100,000 that night using my own bones. To Bill Brasky!!

10/14/2004 1:22:18 PM

I thought this thread was about "Where Eagles Dare"

10/14/2004 1:24:01 PM

I heard he was the inspiration for the character the "Toecutter" in Mad Max, but not because he lead a vicious motorcycle gang. Rather, it was largely because he liked to cut toes.

10/14/2004 1:27:37 PM

Bill Brasky is the fifth dentist, the one who does not approve that gum to his patients that chew gum. Instead, Brasky suggests his patients chew the deceased.

Keeps a big pile of them in the back of his office.

10/14/2004 1:35:27 PM