I thought the "rule" was you weren't suppose to invite people to a bridal shower that you wouldn't invite to actual wedding.

11/20/2011 12:08:39 AM

This whole thread continues to re-enforce my desire to remain unmarried.

11/20/2011 12:37:00 AM

That is the rule, but she was trying to tell me I couldn't invite certain people to my bridal shower if I wasn't going to invite them to the bachelorette party because it would be "beyond rude" - the real issue is I said I didn't want to be pressured into inviting my moms friends... I love them and they are my family friends so of course I would want them to come to the bridal shower but they were trying to tell me I would have to invite my moms friends to the bachelorette party because it would be rude not to


Basically, they aren't grasping this isn't their party for their friends. I have my own friends and no, it isn't rude not to invite them to the bachelorette party because IT IS A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF PERSONAL! I will go out with them when I'm visiting home, but my bachelorette party is a whole different level. In their group though, everyone is invited to everything.... My mom and sister need to step back and realize this is different than any old BBQ or party at our house. I have a bad feeling they have already started talking about it to her friends and now might have to back track. Brandi, I'll forward you the email. :/



I just dont think its right when I start crying over a hurtful email (and neither of them would answer me when I called to confront them, until my mom finally did at like midnight... My sister still hasn't called back or answered messages). This is all making me miserable. It's like I'm being punished for not being a procrastinator, for not barking orders at people... I don't get it. I blurted out to my mom mid tears that I don't feel lke a bride because of all this crap and she told me she didn't feel like a mother of a bride because I ever involve her. She has been one of the most involved people! I only started reallyyyyyy doing things all by myself those last two months or so... But I gave her a little leeway earlier this year because my sister was demanding, but she still helped me a lot. It only got really bad with my mom and listening the sooner WEDDINGOCALYPSE 2010 came up.


Am I wrong in thinking I shouldn't have to go through this? isn't planning supposed to be happy times and all that shit? Rainbows and butterflies?

11/20/2011 12:40:30 AM

if it's that big a deal, just have a secret "friends only" batchelorette party before or after and do something tame with sis, mom and mom's friends.

11/20/2011 1:18:19 AM

@ Sam: don't let them put you in that position. It might not feel great, or be the ideal outcome, but I'd recommend standing up to both of them by calling them out on their behavior. If they can't be remotely decent about these things, then they don't deserve to be involved. Mother/sister of the bride is just a title. It does not give them the right to go crazy.

My sister made the planning process horrible for me, and I really regret not putting an end to it when I could have. I kept hoping she'd come to her senses, but she never did. And nobody else was there to stop her for me. Her behavior has made me wish B and I had just eloped. (Just one example: I did not want a shower. She outright insisted, saying it's ridiculous to have a wedding without a bridal shower. Mind you, I live 500 miles away from my nearest friends, not to mention I simply didn't want a shower. She still gives me shit - over a year later - about not having one.)


Moral: it is NOT their wedding. but if you want them to knock it off, you'll have to be direct about it. even if it means telling them they are no longer welcome to participate in any planning.






[Edited on November 20, 2011 at 7:06 AM. Reason : example]

11/20/2011 7:00:59 AM

Yeah, I definitely stood up for myself and shit hit the fan.... I'm going to attempt to talk to my mom calmly today.

Greenjay, that's not possible. I live too far away to be going back and forth so much, and would be spreading myself too thin. I suggested having the shower in havelock 2 weeks later so my moms friends wouldn't be hurt but I'm sure someone will still bitch about it. And to be honest, I know going up there practically back to back is going to stress me out beyond belief I'm just sick of this. My mom need to remember that school and my career is more important to e right now than making crafts.


Oh, she was also pissed that I have taken offers from others to help with certain things rather than piling them all on her... Wtf?!

11/20/2011 9:25:15 AM

i'm not sure what kind of bachelerotte party you would want your mother's friends to come to....

bridal shower is a more traditional for everyone to be involved kind of thing. bach party is going out, having fun, being silly and drinking.

tell your sister to shut up and let you do it the way that you want it (i honestly wouldn't have the bridal shower and the bach party on the same day - lots to pack in and it might be overwhelming) but for guests traveling in from out of town, i guess it makes sense)

oh and bmel is right, the rule is that you wouldn't invite people to the shower or the bach party that you aren't inviting to the wedding....

Quote :

"Don’t invite anyone to a shower who won’t be invited to the wedding. Showers are intimate gatherings for people you know very well—not excuses to haul in more gifts. The only exception is a workplace shower to which a large number of coworkers contribute. (If an office shower involves only a few coworkers, thoughtful couples will probably include these colleagues in the wedding guest list.)"

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/154-bridal-shower-dos-and-donts

Quote :

"Bachelorette parties: Again, close female friend and family of the bride --usually those closer to her in age, though moms and aunts have been known to make appearances. if the gather is co-ed, close friends and family of both the bride and groom are invited. "

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/729-vermont-vows-who-to-invite

feel free to send her those links

11/20/2011 10:19:18 AM

Yeesh, Sam! I'm so sorry things have gotten so nuts. Your bach party is still gonna be awesome, though. I feel like you're gonna win this battle!


In other news, my engagement ceremony/family dinner is today

[Edited on November 20, 2011 at 10:59 AM. Reason : ]

11/20/2011 10:58:42 AM

Quote :

"but they were trying to tell me I would have to invite my moms friends to the bachelorette party because it would be rude not to"

Do they know what a bachelorette party is?

My shower and bachelorette party were on the same day. Almost every other shower/party I've been to were the same. Shower was two hours long max including a meal, then off to drinking. And the old people didn't come drinking with us and I seriously doubted they expected to. That's just bizarre.

11/20/2011 11:08:40 AM

So I picked up a wedding planning book thing. I guess thats a good start. Right now, I am thinking that Oct. 20 2012 or October 27, 2012 will be the date and backup date.

I decided I wanted the wedding and the reception to be outside, and even better on my friend's farm in Advance, NC right up to the Yadkin River. The leaves should be absolutely beautiful and the weather comfortable if not a little cool. I honestly don't feel like sweating a ton and I don't want my guests to either We will have massive tents in case it wants to rain.

We (fiance and I) are going to talk to the owners of the land formally to make sure its ok.

I also want to have a small engagement / christmas get together. Is it proper etiquette to invite mostly the people that will be apart of the wedding party even though these people may not know eachother?

In choosing the wedding the party: I am leaving the groom's side to the fiance. But there are a few friends that I lost touch with, but have reconnected with and I would like them to be apart of the party. I mean I am not like BFF since I was 5 with these girls, but they were definitely friends in college or where I worked etc. Should I ask these ladies, and if I should, what is the proper way of doing it? How do I select a maid of honor too?!

We are also going to be talking to the parents to see what kind of Budget we're dealing with. I have a feeling my parents will opt out of helping, and I feel somewhat uncomfortable with that :-/

But since our ceremony and reception will be essentially free, that definitely helps the budget out.

We want to do a pig picking with a pig cooker and other foods. Anyone know of a place with a cooker close to Winston?

Anyone know of any good photographers in Winston?

[Edited on November 20, 2011 at 3:37 PM. Reason : oops]

11/20/2011 3:36:28 PM

Sam, I'm sorry you are still having to deal with stuff like this. I had hoped that after your sister's wedding things would calm down for you.


But seriously, tell your sister she has had her day. You helped her and supported her even though they blatantly took some of your ideas and used them. It's now preparation time for your day. Your day. And while you appreciate her input, you get to choose how to handle your bridal shower/bachelorette party,

11/20/2011 6:12:06 PM

^^ select people for your wedding party you know are dependable and trustworthy. If you don't think they're the sort of person that would pull their weight in a group project or keep their opinion to themselves when they don't agree with decisions you make on your wedding, don't have them in your party. Ask them to be an usher or do a reading instead. It won't be worth the drama trust me.

11/20/2011 8:31:35 PM

Ugh, I just hashed it out with my mom. Have to talk to my sister tomorrow.

Hopefully me getting everything off my chest (and quite a bit of it was brutally honest stuff) will help turn over that new leaf and keep it there

[Edited on November 20, 2011 at 11:38 PM. Reason : ps... egyeyes, hope your party went well ]

11/20/2011 11:26:29 PM

It was awesome!! Pictures will be up by the end of this week hopefully. A good amount of my extended family that said they were coming actually didn't show so it was basically just our immediate family members and some priests.

It was still a blast and we got tons of great photos out of it.

11/21/2011 12:04:11 AM

fall wedding dates are not good for college football fans

11/21/2011 12:17:12 AM

Let's see if this works...


The kokeshi dolls my cousin made for my wedding


cake/cupcakes


taiko drummers


bouquet

11/23/2011 9:08:31 PM

The kokeshi dolls are so cute/awesome! And I love your bouquet

11/23/2011 11:18:42 PM

that bouquet is gorgeous!

11/24/2011 9:17:09 AM

I love it all.. but those drummers are BAD ASS!!

11/24/2011 11:31:50 AM

That's awesome you had a taiko group there! Was it Triangle Taiko? My friend getting next year is trying to get her taiko group to perform at her wedding too.

11/24/2011 12:27:42 PM

thanks all! yeah it was triangle taiko. they were great and super nice. i did it kind of as a surprise for my grandma and it turns out she's known the two older drummers for 30+ years. ha.

11/24/2011 9:23:02 PM

that's awesome! congrats

11/25/2011 12:56:04 AM

got our invites in.

they're rad.

five months to go, feel behind, but not sure why.

11/30/2011 8:43:27 AM

What do they look like?


I think I found my bolero...

http://www.etsy.com/listing/78780677/ivory-sleeveless-bridal-re-embroidered?ref=sr_gallery_17&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=Lace+embroidered+bolero&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade

11/30/2011 7:32:19 PM

ooooooooooh

11/30/2011 7:38:30 PM

I'm hoping it looks good with my dress... I figured I should get a bolero that isn't the type of organza on my skirt (so it won't be overkill)

11/30/2011 7:39:27 PM

Very pretty

11/30/2011 7:40:42 PM

That is beautiful sam!!

12/1/2011 9:31:07 PM

Yay I'm making progress!

Appt with florist made, appt with DJ made, working on the save the dates (but it looks like we figured out what we want - will finalize and get a draft shipped early next week), bridesmaid dresses picked out and ordered, and started meeting with our designer for the invites.

Anyone else feel so "whatever" about this process? I feel like I'm going "yeah that works okay cool sure why not" which has made things easier and less stressful. It's weird - I can definitely be type A at times but definitely not like that here. Hell the color of the bridesmaid dresses isn't even some thing I had on my radar but we all liked the color and the price was great so we figured what the heck.

12/1/2011 10:56:06 PM

I'm "whatever" about most of it, too, actually

and now that we've got clothes, a location, a public notary and somewhere to eat afterward there's not even that much left to plan since we're keeping it so low key

initially it was hard for me to choose a dress because I didn't really want a white/ivory one, but that's been about the hardest part

but being type A about things like centerpieces is a waste of time to me... it's about the marriage, not the wedding

I'm just ready to do this thing and get it over with: we've been committed to each other for four years now, so it's just a formality.

[Edited on December 2, 2011 at 7:18 AM. Reason : .]

12/2/2011 7:15:00 AM

My mom will call me and say, "this person will give me a deal on this service." I just respond, "ok, book them." To which she says, "dont you want to meet them first?" Then I sigh and say, "if i have to." Then we meet talk 5 minutes and i tell my mom to book them.

12/2/2011 7:31:05 AM

I have been "whatever" about most things, except for photography, food, and music. But even on those I didn't go all type A - I just didn't bother racking my brain over it and simply took a pen down the list going nope, nope, nope, yes. I reefer no nonsense stuff. I'm not going to lose any sleep over decorations and whatnot.


I will say this though - I'm not even mostly excited about how everything will look, etc. I just can't wait to actually be able to stay in the same bed every night as him. Two years apart is really starting to get to me. But, it's almost over 3/4 of the way through it as of December 12th!

12/2/2011 8:06:34 AM

Yay!

I will admit, I am being very picky about photographers.

12/2/2011 8:08:12 AM

Kodiak picked the photographer

I was like "Sweet, one less thing to think about!"

12/3/2011 12:54:18 PM

Found the hairstyle (and color) I want



[Edited on December 4, 2011 at 9:24 PM. Reason : except right around shoulder length]

12/4/2011 9:24:06 PM

Came across this on Pinterest
http://www.loveolio.com/swoon/2011/09/harry-potter-engagement-shoot/

Harry Potter themed engagement photos



Pity the guy who ends up engaged to me because he probably, certainly will have to do something like this or doctor who related

12/5/2011 4:35:19 PM

That's kind of adorable in a super-geeky way. Guy needs to learn to jump a little better though.

12/5/2011 4:37:11 PM

Quote :

"montclair All American 1272 Posts user info edit post fall wedding dates are not good for college football fans 11/21/2011 12:17:12 AM "

That's what DVR and ESPN apps are for.

I honestly don't feel like sweating and our wedding is going to be outside when it's cool and the leaves look so pretty. I just want everyone to have a good time . Just getting back from my grandmas 80th with all of my family and my grandmother would feel awed if we had it on Oct 27th the day of my recently passed grandfathers bday. I would rather do the 20th to ensure maximum leaf colorage but I am not too picky. I just want my grandmother to be happy

12/5/2011 4:53:05 PM

Yeah if one of my guests were that torn up over coming to the wedding or watching football, they can stay home and watch football. Save my ass some money on the catering.

12/5/2011 6:09:38 PM

Date and venue finally decided.

We're taking a gamble and going with the Sunday before Labor Day. I have a lot of out of town family (that don't normally have big Labor Day plans), so I figured the extra travel time would be nice. Does help us save a little bit of money too.

Have the baker decided as well. Pending she still wants to come all the way to Raleigh.

12/5/2011 6:47:51 PM

I meant more for those that attend games in person.

12/5/2011 7:20:15 PM

And my point still stands

12/5/2011 9:36:02 PM

Ahhhhhhh I am so mad at Nordstrom! So my 2 bridesmaids picked out the dress last week and both ordered at the same time. Well they both get confirmation emails. The dresses were set to be delivered today - one bridesmaid gets her dress as planned and the other gets an email this afternoon saying "sorry the dress you ordered isn't coming." wtf! When she ordered the dress they had the size and if there was a problem Nordstrom should have emailed her the next day - not 4 business days later.

I went off on a twitter rampage about them and now their customer service would like to talk. I would have expected this kind of crappy customer service from Nordstrom. I hope they can remedy the issue.

In other news, off topic but the shoes from ideeli that I ordered claimed to be delivered today by UPS. Funny because another package I had offered came through UPS as well and came this evening but yeah no ideeli order. And on the website it says it was delivered! So now I have an email pending with them too.

12/5/2011 9:56:36 PM

Ahhhhhhh I am so mad at Nordstrom! So my 2 bridesmaids picked out the dress last week and both ordered at the same time. Well they both get confirmation emails. The dresses were set to be delivered today - one bridesmaid gets her dress as planned and the other gets an email this afternoon saying "sorry the dress you ordered isn't coming." wtf! When she ordered the dress they had the size and if there was a problem Nordstrom should have emailed her the next day - not 4 business days later.

I went off on a twitter rampage about them and now their customer service would like to talk. I would have never expected this kind of customer service from Nordstrom. I hope they can remedy the issue.

now it looks like we'll have to come up with another dress.

[Edited on December 5, 2011 at 10:07 PM. Reason : ugh nordstrom why would you do this to me? ]

12/5/2011 9:56:42 PM

Wow, let us know what their customer services says. That's ridiculous!

12/6/2011 7:56:37 AM

update: so Nordstrom customer service feels really bad - they're working on the issue. they said they are getting the bridal dept to try to track down a size 4 in the dress to ship to my bridesmaid. fingers crossed - hopefully something can turn up.

12/6/2011 9:54:18 AM

Yeah I really don't get that. If it's sold out, the inventory system should tell them that right away. Very bizarre.

12/6/2011 9:58:57 AM

another update (damn Nordstrom is on the ball today): they will be contacting me either today or tomorrow to discuss this mix up.

12/6/2011 12:03:08 PM

update again! Nordstrom found the dress in a store and are holding it under my bridesmaid's name until she can call to get the order processed. they will then ship the dress to my bridesmaid.

12/6/2011 1:46:17 PM

nice!

12/6/2011 2:00:05 PM