Weddingpaperdivas is one of the sites I was looking at

^Whether or not it's considered rude by classical etiquette standards...I'd tell her. Especially if it's something that you know won't change.

And if necessary, end it with "I know that this might not be the most conventional time RSVP, but I really don't want you to spend money unnecessarily".

Then, if she
- won't be spending an extra money to send you an invite (say she's sending 97 from a pack of 100, or planning to)
- wants you to have the invitation anyways (for posterity)

She knows that sending the invitation is a formality.

1/9/2009 10:32:00 AM

ive already done this three times. and i position it that i already know i cant make it, appreciate the invite etc and know how expensive invitations and postage can be and not to worry about sending me a formal invitation

1/9/2009 12:25:35 PM

jesus do you just not like weddings?

1/9/2009 12:28:25 PM

actually, im not a huge fan of weddings but the main reason i have declined is due to the expense of a plane ticket, hotel, rental car, vacation time and a gift. i'd prefer to just fly out and see them after they're married and make a vacation out of it

every wedding i have ever been invited to has been out of town, that shit adds up

another one i declined, i had already committed to another wedding that same weekend so i wasnt even available to go

i going to at least 2 weddings this year and that's a lot in my world

1/9/2009 12:34:40 PM

my "friends" that didn't make it to my wedding are not as close to me anymore.


well i say that, but it was only one of my friends that it bothered me because he RSVPd yes and just didn't show up.

[Edited on January 9, 2009 at 12:42 PM. Reason : ]

1/9/2009 12:41:15 PM

Quote :

"question for the brides: how much are the bridesmaid dresses that you're picking out for your weddings? My friend just picked hers out and it's almost $300 for the dress. Plus I'm traveling down to Orangeburg, SC for the bridal shower, then two weeks later fly to charleston for the bachelorette weekend, then back to Orangeburg three weeks later for the wedding. And I live in DC. "

Ive loved the JCrew bridemaid dresses so after I got engaged I went to there website and the color that matched the flowers I wanted happened to be on sale plus JCrew was running a 20% off coupon. I called the girls that day, asked if they liked it and they all did so they ordered them. It cost them $80 shipped.

My maid on honor is in her final semester of Med. school so I offered to buy her dress for her. Shes in 2 other weddings in this spring cost plus not having a job, even though I knew she would buy it anyway I didnt want to put any kind of bind on her. She also knows I dont expect her to host any showers for me or travel back to NC for anything (shes 9 hours away). Yes I would love to have her there but Im realistic to know that its just not possible.

As far as other expences goes, my maid of honor and her sister both did dance and beauty pagents growing up so they are great with hair and make-up so they offered to do everyones hair and makeup if they want it. I will buy the girls the jewlery to wear, but once again my future sister in law does jewlery at trade shows so that wont be too bad. I dont care what shoes they wear.

Oh and invites, does anybody know a place that you can just buy the nicer envelopes? Luckly, my fiance is a graphic designer whoes hobbies include photography and screen printing, so we have a really nice printer that can print the RSVP cards and such and our invites will be made out of canvas and screen printed so we dont need to buy of those things from a 3rd party, but we are still looking for a deal on envelopes cause every penny helps.

1/9/2009 1:00:56 PM

omg... talk about knowing all the right people.

1/9/2009 1:22:03 PM

Quote :

"a place that you can just buy the nicer envelopes?"

http://www.paper-source.com is a good place to order online for the components to make invitations.

I have about 75 plain white (eco-white) size A7 envelopes and 75 smaller ones (A4 I think), if you, or anyone else is interested

1/9/2009 2:41:41 PM

good news (if anyone cared )

talked to my friend, she totally understands. her mom is chipping in part of my cost of the dress and another bridesmaid (but not the other two cause their families are loaded). plus she's choosing either the shower or the bachelorette party for me to go to.

and she appreciated me being upfront....

1/9/2009 3:55:14 PM

Quote :

"and she appreciated me being upfront...."

dang right she did...

1/9/2009 4:36:22 PM

Quote :

"Fyi on bridesmaids dresses, a friend of mine is looking into dresses shipped directly from china i think the website is http://www.lightinthebox.com someone else she knows used the website and was pleased with the results she's looking at around $80-100 for her bm dresses"

Thanks so much for that site! I'm going to get a "test" dress for a formal I'm going to in a month and a half, and hopefully order my bridesmaids dresses from there. I can't see paying triple the cost for David's Bridal dresses, and still having to pay for alterations, when I can get a cheaper, custom alternative.

1/10/2009 7:33:30 PM

Quote :

"it was only one of my friends that it bothered me because he RSVPd yes and just didn't show up."

That's messed up.

Quote :

"a place that you can just buy the nicer envelopes?"

If you're in Raleigh, there's that paper supply store near the Harris Teeter by the Western Blvd. Hillsborough split. I don't remember the name of it (Paper something something) but I used to have to go there to buy paper supplies back in the day and they had a good selection of envelopes. Assuming they're still open of course. You could even go there to get an idea of what you like and then find it cheaper online

1/11/2009 10:42:30 PM

^ Im in Greensboro but have family still in the Triangle so we come back often. Will have to check it out!

1/12/2009 11:11:42 AM

ambrosia1231, I realize my answer is a bit delayed - haven't been on tww in a few days... But to answer your question:

Quote :

"Just how much were those invitations (I spent a couple hours doing the guest list and looking at invitations last night with my mother. $2/each felt insane)"

I don't remember to the penny without checking my budget file (on a different computer), but I think they ended up being in the $5-7 range.

NCSUWolfy, not that you need my opinion, and others have already answered anyway, but I would say your approach is fine. I'm all for etiquette, but sometimes I think just keeping it simple and honest/direct is best. I'm sure your friend will appreciate the advance notice and savings (no matter how small) on the invitation.

1/12/2009 11:05:25 PM

Grrr. I have been checking EBAY religiously for that stupid dress. So far I have found it in 5 colors.....2 in my size, one could fit if altered; however, there is yet to be a dress in eggplant. (it is running around 40ish dollars)

1/13/2009 12:09:01 AM

^ Maybe it's on Yahoo auction?

1/13/2009 1:33:24 AM

how far is too far away for the reception location from the wedding? her church is out off fox rd / old wake forest rd and its next to nothing. its going to be a small wedding and small, cheap reception, but if we do it at her church i really dont want to just have the reception at her church like they have offered since its pretty boring. id have easy/cheap access to vintage 21 probably but its like 10 miles from the wedding.

shes open to moving the wedding, but i was just seeing what we could work out since her church was her first choice.

1/17/2009 2:31:25 AM

I once went to a wedding where the reception was a 45 minute drive from the wedding. So I think if you're talking less than that, you're fine. 45 minutes was pretty ridiculous.

1/17/2009 2:55:20 AM

My sister's wedding was a similar situation. It was about 15 miles from the church they chose, because there was absolutely nothing nearby. Most people don't think anything of it if you keep it under 20 minutes. It's pretty common for the wedding and reception not to be across the street.

1/17/2009 8:20:18 AM

Agreed, most people would rather drive than stick around at the church.

1/17/2009 10:43:16 AM

I think up to a 30 minute drive is reasonable! The reception location for our wedding was about 20 minutes from the church.

Do you go to Vintage21?

1/17/2009 11:10:59 AM

No I dont now, I live in SC but she is still in school in raleigh for one more semester. But I still have ties to that church and know a lot of people that go there (including people that book a lot of events) so I feel like it wouldn't be too hard to use it if it was available.

1/17/2009 11:13:12 AM

our ceremony site is ~13 miles, 20 minute drive, from the reception site if that helps ya

1/17/2009 11:26:05 AM

yes, all of your responses helped, thanks!

1/17/2009 11:33:25 AM

So the girl I am a bridemaid for was laid off today. Hopefully, she will see this as a time she need to help us save money.

[Edited on January 17, 2009 at 12:08 PM. Reason : ]

1/17/2009 12:07:52 PM

My mom sent me this yesterday:
http://www.cheap-wedding-solutions.com/cheap-wedding-cake-ideas.html

1/19/2009 11:46:42 AM

Tried on MY dress for the first time today! I'm pretty impressed, since they didn't have any dresses in my size in the store to try on, I was kind of worried about ordering it. But, it turns out that the fit is so perfect, we don't have to get it altered at all. The color isn't what I ordered though, and I'm a little bummed about that, but not enough to send it back. I ordered the champagne ivory I tried on, and they sent a very light ivory that's almost white. But honestly, they told me originally it didn't come in the white, so I'm bummed and happy with the mix-up at the same time.

1/19/2009 10:03:34 PM

So I work for a local bridal accessory company right near NC State and we are thinking of starting a line of casual bridesmaids dresses. I need input on what Brides/bridesmaids are looking for in their dresses. We are aiming to create a line of 6 basic styles in tea length-- simple and casual cotton dresses, almost like sundresses- meant for casual or outdoor weddings and re-wearable! We would offer a palate of colors as well as the option for custom dyeing to match any color for a little higher price. Looking at hitting between 80 and 130 for each dress. Any input would be SO appreciated as I'm doing my research-- send me a PM or reply here! Thanks!!

1/20/2009 11:17:03 PM

not trying to pretend like i understand women but.....there are plenty of dresses already available on the market that are wearable again that could be a bridesmaid dress that are "sundressy" and yet still brides typically pick non-cotton shiny bridesmaid dresses

are you guys really going to change that with your line? i guess it helps that it's in a bridal store but is that really enough? do brides typically shop for accessories before knocking out big ticket items like the dress and their bridesmaid dresses?

1/20/2009 11:23:07 PM

i'm looking for that exact thing for my bridesmaids. it seems like almost all of the dresses are strapless and some shiny synthetic fabric, and short. i'm looking for cotton or linen, some sort of strap, and mid calf length. this is not easy to find.

esp in the winter

oh and i like this dress http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Browse/WeddingParties/womens/forthebride/PRDOVR~93753/93753.jsp

[Edited on January 21, 2009 at 2:26 PM. Reason : bah]

1/21/2009 2:23:58 PM

Minus the rose, I like that a LOT!

1/21/2009 2:35:01 PM

yeah i hate the rosette...chris calls it the bunny tail...so it would definitely come off. what it would be replaced with, i dont know... ideas?

1/21/2009 3:15:17 PM

$850!?!!?!?!?!?!

:passes out:

1/21/2009 3:21:22 PM

all the other ones i've looked at are in the 3-500 range. i haven't tried anything on or seen anything in person yet though.

1/21/2009 4:44:20 PM

^^^You could probably replace it with some kind of broach... maybe you could find a nice antique one that fits your taste.

I dont know it it comes in this but if you by the tall, have a good tailor take fabric from the length and made a new mid peice. That might be a little pricey though and not even possible!

1/22/2009 3:34:02 PM

^^^good? bad?

i hope mine is cheaper..................

1/22/2009 4:02:05 PM

i'm not toooo worried about it (the rosette). we'll take it off and might not replace it at all. antique is really not my style, but thanks for the suggestion.

[Edited on January 22, 2009 at 5:22 PM. Reason : ]

1/22/2009 5:04:41 PM

mom and i are going to david's bridal off capital today after lunch. what other bridal stores are worth going to? we don't live in raleigh so i need to get some ideas before we leave.

1/23/2009 8:34:51 AM

Other than David's Bridal, most you will need an appointment to even go look at dresses.

But I hear MacGregor Bridal is good (107 Edinburgh South Dr, Cary, NC 27511)...and I know Enchanting Moments in Fuquay-Varina is a good store.

1/23/2009 8:48:42 AM

meh. i'm not really interested in making appointments yet. i'm getting pretty well set on that j crew dress and it's gonna be tough to find something i like more. i just want to look and see what's out there, not necessarily try something on. i dunno

what about bridesmaid dresses?

1/23/2009 8:55:01 AM

same thing usually. i had to make appointments for that too. they want to make sure that each bride gets personal attention. David's Bridal is really the only store you can just walk in, browse and buy.

1/23/2009 8:59:21 AM

good. i'm not much for personal attention. i'd rather just look and not be bothered unless i have a question.

1/23/2009 9:14:37 AM

personal doesn't mean hounding or hovering in all bridal shops (though it definitely does in some)...it means "let's make sure this bride doesn't break a zipper or step on and rip the train of our sample dress" they control the flow of how many dresses you have in the dressing room depending on their stock and how many brides are in the shop looking at dresses. that's why appointments are necessary.

all are different...some don't even let you take the dresses off the rack. some don't care. some just help you in and out of the dress and let you and whoever is with you have all the fun. some put in their 2 cents.

it'll be fun regardless of where you go!

1/23/2009 9:27:34 AM

i know i'm not in the majority here, but i'm not really looking forward to dress shopping/trying things on.

1/23/2009 9:40:23 AM

Quote :

"i know i'm not in the majority here, but i'm not really looking forward to dress shopping/trying things on."

Then why not just buy a normal white dress for $texas cheaper?

It's such a simple dress, you could have one made and save lots! Vogue has some nice formal and wedding patterns. Example: http://www.voguepatterns.com/item/V8556.htm??tab=evening_bridal_includes_designer&page=1

1/23/2009 9:57:00 AM

I just ordered my bridesmaids their dresses last night. We had decided on a David's Bridal piece, but I came across something very similar at White House Black Market that was marked down to $59 from $168. Luckily they had all we needed.

Like they have said earlier, if you're going to go somewhere and expect to be able to look, call ahead. We were turned away from a few places for bridesmaids dresses because we didn't book in advance. They wouldn't even let us browse. I thought that was a little over the top, and we didn't go back to those places, but it is pretty common.

1/23/2009 11:23:47 AM

^^just because i don't look forward to trying on dresses doesn't mean i don't know what i like/don't care.

basically we're going today because we've never been to david's bridal and just want to check it out. we will keep our eyes out for something mom might like, but we'll come home and order that dress from j crew for me. i haven't seen anything on the david's bridal page made of linen. i hate synthetics, esp shiny ones.

[Edited on January 23, 2009 at 11:35 AM. Reason : ]

1/23/2009 11:30:07 AM

I look at having one made as getting exactly what you want.

There are all kinds of matte silks that'd be great for a dress like that. Guess I just think J crew is a rip off because I can sew (but would NOT suggest making a wedding dress unless you are familiar with couture sewing techniques, which is why I mention having one made) and know how much it'd cost to make a very basic dress like that. Then it'd be unique as well, but whatever.

http://www.aurorasilk.com/fabrics/silks_matte_and_peace/index.html

1/23/2009 11:48:28 AM

anyone had any experience planning a wedding in Oak Island, NC?

1/25/2009 3:11:40 PM

I'm currently planning ours and we're getting married in southport...what's up?

1/25/2009 5:34:20 PM