Quote :

"He's a man. I can tell you no man really wants to attend ANY shower of any kind"

This exactly...and actually, it's true for me too. I find showers really boring. My MOH asked what kind of showers/parties I wanted and the only thing I asked for was a bachelorette party since it's just a night of fun and no pressure to give extra gifts.

So, I wasn't going to have a shower, but finally gave into the pressure from my stepmom. She kept saying, "It's what people do," "We want to do this for you," "There's only one time when you'll get this shower" etc. I still don't like the idea of everyone watching me open presents. My coworkers are also throwing me a shower. It's really sweet of everyone, but I still find the concept a little weird.

[Edited on August 11, 2011 at 8:43 AM. Reason : .]

8/11/2011 8:43:07 AM

It's not the photos that are the problem- it's the actual album she was supposed to have "designed". Technically I haven't paid for the album yet, but it's not even the money I am worried about. A big part of why I chose her is because she had awesome, unique albums.

We bought a dvd of the images for $1000, so I can take them to whomever else I want to make an album. It's just horrible to think we've waited almost a year for this album, just to have her give us something a ten year old can make with scissors, elmer's glue, and construction paper. I feel so deflated

8/11/2011 8:44:09 AM

^^yeah i agree about showers being lame in that sense. But this is going to be a mexican fiesta, with beer, catered mexican, bocci ball and cornhole, and plenty of margaritas and tequila. If there's going to be any opening of presents it'll be later and probably in a separate room. It's really just a wedding party.

^That does stink. Do you think if you told her that she could come up with something better?

8/11/2011 8:51:16 AM

since my question got skipped.. :\

Quote :

"how many bridesmaids are too many? I mainly ask because after wasting an hour on awkward family photos (when I should be working ), one bridesmaid picture had 8 of them.. and a lot of comments went along the lines of, "8 bridesmaids? Really?" (FTR, I'm having 7... and I love all of them and they truly are my besties - hell, I wish I could include more without looking like a psycho )"

8/11/2011 9:36:41 AM

i'm sure it's fine! how many people will be at your wedding? how many groomsmen?

8/11/2011 9:39:05 AM

meh i think "southern" weddings you're going to have more. i had a friend that had a dozen bridesmaids. just rather typical.

so i wouldn't worry about it.

8/11/2011 9:39:15 AM

Sam - Honestly, do what you want. I had 5 bridesmaids and it worked out nicely when we took pics with the groomsmen but with just me, we looked a little lopsided...do I care? No.

My friend is having 8 and it seems a bit overwhelming for her getting all 8 on the same page. I had enough trouble getting 5 to agree on a shoe and just let them pick their own dresses (which worked out so great!) Just remember, everyone you invite to be in your wedding, you should give a gift to so if you're on a budget, you may want to consider using them in other ways. Since my hubs didn't want to go with over 5 groomsmen, I asked two of my very best friends NOT to be bridesmaids because I didn't want them to be stressed and etc. So instead they did a reading and programs and I gave them a nicer gift than the bridesmaids got...but they were my closest of close friends and appreciated not having the extra hoopla.

8/11/2011 9:45:41 AM

Quote :

"I think too many brides are having to many "engagement shower/wedding shower/bridal shower/bachelorette party etc" for the same event."

Agreed. A friend of mine was complaining about this girl she barely knows who is getting married, and has invited her to THREE showers. Three! And she literally barely knows this girl. She was fretting over what to do about gifts because she's a poor college student. I told her she should only go to one shower, if that, and say she has to work the days of the other showers.

I also know a couple that explicitly stated they had a bunch of showers and invited everyone they know to their wedding so they could get lots of gifts. My compulsion to spend a lot of money on their gift was pretty nil after they told me that.

Quote :

"We bought a dvd of the images for $1000, so I can take them to whomever else I want to make an album. It's just horrible to think we've waited almost a year for this album, just to have her give us something a ten year old can make with scissors, elmer's glue, and construction paper. I feel so deflated "

Dear Lord, $1000 just for the DVD?! That's insane! And then a crap album on top of that. Are the photos themselves nice at least? How much does she charge for these albums?! You could probably make a nicer one on Shutterfly for a lot less money. I made one for my father-in-law that included our vows, ceremony, menu, etc, because he was unable to attend the wedding. When it showed up it was so nice looking I decided to order one for us too! I think it cost me $25 total with one of their 40% off dealies.

Quote :

"how many bridesmaids are too many?"

I think it depends on the person. If you're one of those people where you consider pretty much everyone a "close friend" then you end up with 10+ bridesmaids. For me, my circle of friends is really tight so I couldn't even think of 8 people I'd want to have as bridesmaids even if I tried my hardest.

8/11/2011 9:49:39 AM

I guess I just expected too much. Just figured to expect the wedding party to go to a wedding shower.

[Edited on August 11, 2011 at 9:57 AM. Reason : and not hold their own party at the same time]

8/11/2011 9:56:41 AM

These are definitely "besties" (and family... my sister is my MOH and Eric's sister is a bridesmaid)

If I had every really close friend (including my two cousins) I would be pushing like 15 and I'm aware that's a little much. So the people I would like to include but obviously can't because numbers I asked to be in the "house party".. and I'm asking some to do a reading, etc. Special stuff.


I just don't want it to look like I asked everyone and their brother for no reason. I guess those who know me will know exactly who the girls are (sister, Eric's sister, best friend ever since middle school, one of my best friends ever since high school, college roommate, and two of my best friends from college). There will be probably 200+ people at our wedding, but Eric's side will only have 4 guys he got all annoyed that I picked 7 but I guess my view on it is you should have those you really care about up there with you or at least having a special part, ya know? (Not a job though, because I hate saying that)

As far as attire, I just told them get a green dress and for shoes I'll probably just pick a color (not all of them can wear the same style shoe)



Just made me a little to see so many people think it's weird.

8/11/2011 10:02:29 AM

opinions are like assholes sam, everyone's got one

8/11/2011 10:11:36 AM

Quote :

"I guess I just expected too much. Just figured to expect the wedding party to go to a wedding shower. "

To be honest, I think you are expecting too much. Most guys view wedding showers as a chick thing. They probably figured you invited them just as a courtesy and didn't actually expect them to show up. Hell, not even all my bridesmaids showed up for my bridal shower/bachelorette party. No biggie.

Or you know, it could just be that the guy had a brain fart and forgot what day your wedding shower was. Have you even talked to him about it?

8/11/2011 10:11:47 AM

^





---

and good point LunaK I guess I should get used to that because Lord knows I've been telling myself that a lot concerning Eric's mother... she doesn't like my dress, shoe choice, almost flipped that we weren't having a cake topper, is questioning Gambit being in the ceremony, etc etc etc etcccc

8/11/2011 10:14:09 AM

exactly. long as you and eric are happy - that's what counts

8/11/2011 10:18:08 AM

Quote :

"is questioning Gambit being in the ceremony"

ugh my mother-in-law did this too and I eventually caved and left our dog out of the ceremony. I kind of regret it now although logistically it would have been difficult since the wedding was at the beach.

8/11/2011 10:21:14 AM

im about to book our honeymoon flights.....


to thailand.

8/11/2011 10:22:21 AM

bmel said she wants to walk Gambit and the venue said we can have him as long as he isn't running around (we'll probably have his crate there during the reception)


but she keeps questioning everything... and it looked like I slaughtered a puppy in front of her when I answered her question, "so... you're not having a veil?" with a big fat no



^ awesome!!!

8/11/2011 10:23:36 AM

^^ Nice! Just don't lose the bride's brother.

8/11/2011 10:27:53 AM

Went to a wedding with 18 bridesmaids with matching groomsmen. Was pretty ridiculous....but so was the wealth of both families.

8/11/2011 10:28:43 AM

i had a few friends (3 to be exact) who i always told them they would be in my wedding.


when the day came-they weren't in it and we stuck to only family members (my brother and cousin on my side.....cody's sister on his) and all of the girls i had promised over the yearswere A OK with it.

even the one who still included me in her wedding party.


just a thought-most people will NOT be offended if you don't include them, well in my experiences at least

8/11/2011 10:36:58 AM

Yeah only crazy bitches are genuinely offended by that sort of thing. And why do you want a crazy bitch in your wedding in the first place

8/11/2011 10:41:45 AM

Just got back from the honeymoon two days ago, Iceland was amazing. I'll upload some pics from the honeymoon and wedding later. By the way I'm not sure who had mentioned the idea tons of pages ago, but the polaroid guestbook was a huge hit and came out really well.

8/11/2011 10:59:25 AM

Quote :

"To be honest, I think you are expecting too much. Most guys view wedding showers as a chick thing. They probably figured you invited them just as a courtesy and didn't actually expect them to show up. Hell, not even all my bridesmaids showed up for my bridal shower/bachelorette party. No biggie. Or you know, it could just be that the guy had a brain fart and forgot what day your wedding shower was. Have you even talked to him about it?"

Yes and that's what happened (brain fart) but they just spent the past week in Vegas with the fiance so i figured they'd remember...so i blame my fiance mainly for not caring at all and/or for telling them that they shouldn't come (but I don't know what he said, this is an assumption).

Now I'm going to miss this guy's housewarming party, too, which also makes me upset.

8/11/2011 11:09:43 AM

Joie, I definitely don't think they all were offended.. in fact, one of them (after hearing the idea of a house party) said, "So it's like being a bridesmaid except I don't have to buy a dress or any of that stuff?" After I said yup, she responded "That's awesome" haha

Another girl who I didn't include asked me to be a bridesmaid the other day and I was already planning on asking her if she would like to do a reading.. I felt guilty that I was in her's and she isn't a bridesmaid in mine but when I asked her she started crying - so at least I know it doesn't bother people as much as I think it does



Also, sidebar... but I thought I would share it here. My dad's girlfriend's late husband (randomly died of meningitis in his 40s ) pulled me aside recently and asked if I would like to use their cake topper. It's one of the bride/groom Precious Moments figures and man I started tearing up... we weren't planning on a cake topper but it really meant a lot to me that she even asked

8/11/2011 2:37:55 PM

Quote :

"My dad's girlfriend's late husband (randomly died of meningitis in his 40s ) pulled me aside recently and asked if I would like to use their cake topper. "

Is he a zombie?

8/11/2011 2:41:57 PM

hahahahaha I totally wrote that wrong


I meant to say my dad's girlfriend pulled me aside recently and her late husband died of meningitis

oops

8/11/2011 2:46:18 PM

Quote :

"We are having 2 wedding showers (only expect the wedding party at 1), a rehearsal dinner, wedding, reception, and brunch for the most important people/wedding party. Is that too much?"

My opinion yes, but I aknowledge that a lot of times, family throw these parties for the couple and it would be rude to tell them no.

8/11/2011 3:11:07 PM

^
That's basically what I'm having too. It just sounds like a lot since you spread it out but I count the wedding and the reception as one component. A rehearsal dinner is common. My family is throwing me one shower and work is throwing me another (so...different guests). My grandma also put together a bridal brunch for my bridesmaids and female immediate family on the day of the wedding. If any of the wedding party can't make one or the other (except for the wedding!), then I'm totally fine with it.

8/11/2011 3:24:34 PM

I just filmed my first wedding video for friends of mine that were getting married.. some highlights are below, set to "their" song. This made me appreciate the video from my own wedding even more. Turns out it is a lot of work, folks. So whatever money you are paying for your wedding video, you can be assured that the guys (or gals) were working for every penny of it.

8/11/2011 3:28:40 PM

Hi, i'm a bride that had a shit ton of pre-parties. Guilty guilty guilty.

Which is why we had one, and only one, baby shower. It was redunkulous for the wedding and we were burnt out and felt stuuuuupid.... But aside from wedding party members, I made sure whomever was hosting the party didn't invite someone that had already been invited to another shower. Like there was my side of the family, his side, friends, and work.
But it was crazy stupid.

And Sam, 7 is not too many and show your mom my wedding photos with my pooch in it. I can give you tips on what we did to keep her on her best behavior too

8/11/2011 3:49:57 PM

lol Samwise16 i wasn't really responding to your post.

just throwing in a 0.02

8/11/2011 6:50:57 PM

So for my work shower, I planned to write individual thank you cards even though most departments went in on a gift together. It will work out for the most part, but one department just signed their card from their department, not individual names. Is it ok to write them a group thank you and the rest of my coworkers individual thank yous?

8/11/2011 8:32:12 PM

katiencbabe

Quote :

"Overall, I was more excited about them meeting my family and my Raleigh family, but it's obvious they just don't care. I did not expect (and was never hoping) for any 'gifts' from them. Just a fun time, but oh well. My feelings are so hurt, and I know it wasn't intentional but it just sucks. Who knows if they'd be there for us a year from now (doubt it), so they shouldn't be in our wedding. "

If I was in a wedding where there were 2 showers + rehearsal + the wedding as an usher/groomsman and I heard the bride saying that about me, I would be out in a heartbeat.

Here's the deal dear, no one really gives a shit about your shower, especially when you're having two. Calling it a shower instead of a party sets the expectations that gifts should be brought and guys will be forced to hear the same boring wedding conversation that they've heard when every one of their other friends got hitched.

Be glad he's putting up with your shit and your multitudinous events, because I sure wouldn't.

8/11/2011 9:37:56 PM

so, I know in my sister's case both sets of parents wanted to throw a wedding shower, and the groom's aunt insisted on an engagement party. sometimes all these parties are to make other people happy, because it isn't just the bride's day, or even just the bride and groom's day. All final decisions should definitely be made by them, but a lot of times it is the easiest and nicest thing to do to just let your family have their way sometimes. people want to get involved, and letting them throw you a party and plan it all is a great way to do that without compromising your idea of a perfect wedding day.

people not allowing someone to throw them a party can be just as selfish as a person wanting a million parties.

8/11/2011 9:47:25 PM

i think people wanting to throw you parties and you setting up multiple parties - very different.

i would never do a bridal shower or wedding shower and expect the guys to come.

i think it's reasonable to have a bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, wedding and reception.

that's what we normally do in our family and i think that's perfectly fine

8/11/2011 9:49:06 PM

You guys should have a bunch of showers instead of me if you want because I'm not even doing one, much less two. I really don't like forcing people to spend money. I have almost all of the stuff (kitchen and home items, etc) I need already anyway.

8/11/2011 9:53:40 PM

This whole modern thing of making dudes attend showers is some bullshit.

8/11/2011 10:05:35 PM

Quote :

" i would never do a bridal shower or wedding shower and expect the guys to come. "

This. It's fine if your Aunt Mabel wants to throw you a shower but it's a little absurd to get upset when your husband's bros don't want to go.

8/11/2011 10:11:28 PM

this is also true. i guess if you want to party but don't want gifts that is when an engagement party should be thrown, not a shower.

and also, if you really want someone to be somewhere tell them. you can't be mad at someone unless you've expressed your feelings clearly and they still don't give a shit.

8/11/2011 10:14:40 PM

Quote :

"And Sam, 7 is not too many and show your mom my wedding photos with my pooch in it. I can give you tips on what we did to keep her on her best behavior too "

Well, it's Eric's mom so at this point I just think to myself, get over it and I don't think his dad really cares that much. Butttt I would still like those tips




My only beef with multiple wedding events is when people basically demand them OR invite THE SAME PEOPLE to multiple same events (if that makes sense). i.e., having a big chunk of people invited to like 3 different bridal showers. That's ridiculous.


I wish I could say no to some of these events. My mom and sister of course want to throw me a shower, and now Eric's mom wants to as well (in VA where his family is from). My sister is throwing a bachelorette party for me in Raleigh or somewhere around there and I recently found out all my friends in Bham want to throw me a bachelorette shower. :\

8/12/2011 12:18:43 AM

^ I don't think that's all that bad considering two of them will be not in Raleigh. Pretty much guarantees completely different groups of people.

8/12/2011 8:45:36 AM

occamsrezr

Quote :

" If I was in a wedding where there were 2 showers + rehearsal + the wedding as an usher/groomsman and I heard the bride saying that about me, I would be out in a heartbeat. Here's the deal dear, no one really gives a shit about your shower, especially when you're having two. Calling it a shower instead of a party sets the expectations that gifts should be brought and guys will be forced to hear the same boring wedding conversation that they've heard when every one of their other friends got hitched. Be glad he's putting up with your shit and your multitudinous events, because I sure wouldn't."

Uhhuh... They were invited to only one shower, and were told later not to bring gifts. And i don't care if they came (def wasn't expecting one of them), I just thought it was mean to host their own party that was to be held at the same time we were having a party thrown for us. That's the end of the discussion.

I'm sure no one would ask you to be there for them through their wedding/marriage, as you don't seem like a good quality friend. So fortunately you won't have to deal this, ever.

v none taken but his/her whole comment seemed unneccessary; my comment was in response to his/her last sentence. we picked our wedding party and our friends based on their good qualities, which include being there when you need them and during this important time in our lives, even if it's not the most important time in their lives. And like i said before i wanted them to meet my family, but if they didnt come it'd be a-okay it just made me very sad that the reason they wouldnt come is because there's a better party to go to. They absolutely did not do it intentionally but i didn't know that at the time. regardless they are still having the party and will just be leaving the shower early.

[Edited on August 12, 2011 at 1:41 PM. Reason : ]

8/12/2011 1:14:36 PM

^ No offense, but that last bit seemed unnecessary. And it didn't seem like a mean post - but it is very realistic. I highly doubt they did it to be mean.

8/12/2011 1:21:28 PM

Quote :

"This whole modern thing of making dudes attend showers is some bullshit."

hahah my boyfriend says the same thing. when we get engaged, there will only be 1-2 showers and no "couples" showers. since we've been living together for the past year and a half, there isn't much extra stuff we need. we probably will upgrade some of our current items but there isn't much "stuff" that we are missing that we desperately need now (or will ever need in the future). it's funny because when there is something my boyfriend mentions that we should buy for the home, i always say, "well let's just wait until we're engaged and then put it on the registry."

8/12/2011 1:42:13 PM

^ you shouldn't have any control over your shower.

8/12/2011 1:43:01 PM

^ I'm sorry, but that's silly. If you're an adult, you have a certain amount of control over your own showers. It's okay to put your foot down about these things.

8/12/2011 3:07:49 PM

^ agreed

8/12/2011 3:11:22 PM

^disagreed

8/12/2011 3:13:54 PM

Why is it not okay to put the nix on 5 million showers? At a certain age, you don't need tons of stuff because you two already have almost everything you need. One or two showers is MORE than enough for some folks.

If you must have the extra celebrations, then have a basic get-together but be clear that you don't want gifts.

8/12/2011 3:18:44 PM

We had one party together, but it was more of party with some bbq and there happened to be presents.

There are going to be a couple showers for my fiance, but I don't have to go to any of that stuff.

8/12/2011 3:20:27 PM