7

2/13/2008 10:34:17 PM

^ the new Forte

[Edited on February 13, 2008 at 10:37 PM. Reason : page claimer!]

2/13/2008 10:37:33 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/sha/574818154.html

hah found it

2/15/2008 10:33:12 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/adg/573517263.html

It's even better if you read it with a creepy foreigner accent.

2/15/2008 12:51:53 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/573511596.html

Quote :

"NC State Locker Room - m4m - 39 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: pers-573511596@craigslist.org Date: 2008-02-13, 11:45PM EST Saw you Tuesday and like the tatoo of the Tasmanian Devil. Wouldn't mind seeing more..."

lol

[Edited on February 15, 2008 at 1:16 PM. Reason : .]

2/15/2008 1:13:14 PM

2/15/2008 4:02:37 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/crg/557152261.html

Quote :

"Event Photographer 2/27-3/2 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: gigs-557152261@craigslist.org Date: 2008-01-30, 4:37PM EST I am looking for an event photographer to assist with an event in the Bahamas from 2/27 - 3/2. You would be shooting candid photographs of participants at a sportfishing tournament. This event would involve approximately an hour of shooting in the morning before the boats leave the docks and a few hours of shooting in the late afternoon / early evening. You would be responsible for basic image editing and correction in photoshop and for setting up and breaking down projection equipment on Wednesday and Saturday evening. Most of your time during the day would be free time for you to snorkel, dive, explore the island, hang out on the beach etc. My company will pay for the following: airfare, on island transfers to the hotel, hotel expenses (you will share a room with another member of the production crew) and meals. You will be responsible for transportation to and from the airport in Raleigh. Photos would fall under a work-for-hire arrangement and remain the property of the company (although you may add them to your portfolio). They can not be sold or otherwise distributed. You do not need to have a lot of experience for this job but you do need three important things: 1) Familiarity with digital SLR photography (specifically Canon) 2) Familiarity with Photoshop for touching up and enhancing photos 3) An professioanl, optimistic and positive "can-do attitude". Your responsibilities will not be limited to simply taking photos. You need to be able to move around and set up equipment and not turn your nose up at a little manual labor. You do not need years of professional photography experience. Please reply with your daily rate requirements and resume."

2/16/2008 2:12:37 PM

Quote :

"Delivery - m4m - 41 Reply to: pers-575934680@craigslist.org Date: 2008-02-16, 10:40AM EST Long shot I know - - You deliver to the restaurant I work at in Cary/Morrisville and you are insanely sexy. Tall, dark hair, great face. We talk about you wearing shorts most of the year except for early mornings when its freezing outside. I'd love to help you with whats under those shorts sometime - relieve any built up pressure for you. Deliver early again next time if interested. * Location: Cary/Morrisville "

HAHAHA

2/16/2008 2:43:22 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/adg/575618036.html

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/adg/575740119.html

2/16/2008 6:19:30 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/etc/575156315.html

Quote :

" I am a 35 year old professional SWM looking for a female companion and personal assistant. Part time. Looking for help in data entry, research projects, and personal duties. Prefer someone with a laid-back personality. Flexible hours based on your availability. If interested, please respond, and I will send you an application via e-mail."

2/17/2008 9:34:22 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/adg/579507291.html

2/20/2008 12:11:50 AM

^Strippers get cavities too.

2/20/2008 12:15:29 AM

I advised both of my sisters to only strip at places that offered full dental.

2/20/2008 12:17:10 AM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/580045974.html

Quote :

"a short but wild ride! - 25 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: pers-580045974@craigslist.org Date: 2008-02-19, 11:05PM EST I saw you in the mirror again this morning. let me just tell you...wow! you didn't say much, but you didn't have to. you have that 'blue steel' look down pat. you pointed your finger like a six-gun and made a 'click click' sound out of the side of your mouth just before you said "it's too bad not everyone can be a sexual tyrannosaurus, just like me". I saw you check to see if you had any food in your teeth, but nope, all clear. be sure and check for boogers next time. you should pose nude for a microsoft paint-ing. I feel like we have a lot in common. why can't we be together all the time? Location: Cary it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests "

hahaha, wtf????

2/22/2008 5:32:41 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/w4m/585345160.html

Quote :

"Womans Add Posting Dictionary..What you guys should know. Reply to: pers-585345160@craigslist.org Date: 2008-02-24, 4:19PM EST This is what women really meant to say... 40-ish..............................49 Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends Athletic............................No boobs Average looking.................Ugly Beautiful...........................Pathological liar Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills Emotionally secure..............On medication Feminist............................Fat Free spirit..........................Junkie Friendship first...................Former slut Fun..................................Annoying Gentle..............................Dull New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places Open-minded.....................Desperate Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing Passionate........................Sloppy drunk Poet.................................Depressive Professional.......................Bitch Romantic...........................Frigid Voluptuous........................Very Fat Large frame.......................Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate................Stalker Widow..............................Murderer "

Good to know.

2/25/2008 12:24:57 AM

^haha that is great

2/25/2008 12:29:07 AM

I dont think this has been posted here yet (if i missed it and it was i apologize)

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/415707529.html

Rants and confessions from a Denver escort:

Quote :

"Why is it I expect the worst when a client walks in or I show up? Ok so you have a gimpy arm that is shorter then the other arm with knubs for fingers and a bit deformed. Even your elfish body and rounded chest sets you apart from other guys. You need love too. Since no one but me will fuck ya, I go at it bravely. But why WHY WHY do you have to be so creepy with that arm? I tried to ignore it, and you then proceed to touch me with it and call them your “special fingers” and then shove your knubly deformed half fingered hand into my vagina trying to ‘pleasure’ me. Not only does that creep me out, but it really makes me wonder what karma I have put out for you to show up at my door. Why must I be punished? Therapy….I need it… "

[Edited on February 26, 2008 at 11:10 PM. Reason : .]

2/26/2008 11:10:03 PM

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sfo/540076210.html

Pink Vagina Couch!

2/26/2008 11:14:16 PM

Hilarious

2/26/2008 11:23:41 PM

Quote :

"Friendship first...................Former slut"

lol... ITS FUNNY BECAUSE ITS TRUE>

2/26/2008 11:32:31 PM

Quote :

" Carton Of Irregular Cat Hats Date: 2008-02-07, 11:01AM PST Hello. I have a big box of used cat and kitten hats that I have collected over the years for various occasions. As of recently my cat, Snowman, is no longer living and thus I am forced to get rid of these precious memories. I would not feel right asking money for them so I am offering the whole box for free. There are many styles from formal to cute and funny. There is a variety of 14 different hats total. I just hope you and your pet can find as much joy in these hats as me and Snowman once did. E-mail me if you are interested and I will give you my address where you can pick them up. I can also arrange for a free delivery if you are not too far away. Thank you, Patty Location: San Diego it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 566171148 "

they updated the best of section but only added two entries

2/27/2008 3:38:13 PM

Quote :

"There is a variety of 14 different hats total. I just hope you and your pet can find as much joy in these hats as me and Snowman once did. "

Yes, because Snowman looks so thrilled to be wearing those stupid hats.

Oh, and I got an image of Angela from The Office typing up this add. That made funnier.

2/27/2008 3:43:29 PM

Quote :

"There are many styles from formal to cute and funny"

what type of occasion calls for a kitten to wear a formal hat?

2/27/2008 3:46:50 PM

lol

2/27/2008 3:49:23 PM

if you ever take your cat to the Kentucky Derby, you'll be all set

2/27/2008 3:55:34 PM

Quote :

" RE: WHY WON'T HE TOUCH ME? - 33 Date: 2005-01-17, 11:09AM EST The OP asked a question; I have provided a handy translation to help her understand what she's really saying: ---- Guys? Explain please? 8 month relationship...very intense...big time love on each side...*incredible* sex... Translation: Guys, I'm a little hottie. Sex with me is *incredible*! (Simper!) Just so you know. (Giggle!) We had a bad time..things got hard. We broke up. Translation: Shit happened. I'm not going to bother explaining how, let alone analyzing why, just like I didn't bother to work on the relationship after the initial lust wore off. Things just got "hard" and, you know, I'm too precious for that shit, so I got out. If things aren't handed to me on a silver platter, well what am I supposed to do? Get my hands dirty? I don't think so! Been three weeks and I finally stop by his house to see him tonight. Translation: I dropped by unannounced to see if my presence could still make his guts churn over any feelings he still has for me. Knowing I can still make him squirm make me feel powerful. He seems happy to see me. I am happy to see him. A little later, he says he is tired and is going to bed. Cool. I ask him if he minds if I stay over. He says no. I am lying next to him in bed. Rubbing his shoulder. No response. It's clear that if he wants to make love with me, he probably could. Translation: I won't actually level with him or explain what I'm doing back in his bed, but I'll let him assume it's because I might still have genuine feelings for him. Or we can both pretend to be "confused" so as to quench our horniness. But it's all got to be unspoken, so that tomorrow I can "honestly" explain that I didn't promise him anything, and it's so very unfair to me that he read into my rubbing against him -- and if he presses the point, I'll tell him he was taking advantage of my vulnerability! I love it when I can make him feel guilty for doing what I wanted him to do in the first place! Not that I am wanting that, but the fact that HE doesn't, especially when it is AWESOME between us and it's been 3 weeks makes me feel *totally* undesireable and think I should probably leave. He says "ok." Translation: See, I told you, just because I'm rubbing against you, as long as I don't say I want sex, I have what politicians call "plausible deniability". What I really want is the ego-boost of knowing he wants me. I want to know I can still manipulate him with my fine ass. It's so fucking unfair he won't let me manipulate him like he did when we were together. How dare he not find me irresistible -- how dare he isn't crawling for another taste of my luscious lips! Bastard! I go to give him a kiss goodbye and HE TURNS HIS HEAD. Says "Not really a good idea." Translation: I'll up the ante. He won't be able to resist after I get him in a lip-lock. Damn him for being so sensible! (But remember, I don't really want sex. I just want to make him tell me he wants sex. As soon as I get that validation, I can get out of here and have the further satisfaction of knowing he's sitting around with blue balls! I get it. We broke up. Translation:I mean, I dumped him because I didn't want to be there for him when he needed or wanted me. It just wasn't, you know, convenient, to have to consider another person's wants and needs, much less to actually give a crap about someone else. I mean, other people just aren't as, you know, real as me. Their feelings aren't as complex as mine. They exist for me, you know? But damn it, just because I kicked his ass to the curb, that doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to fuck him, or fuck with his head, on my schedule, whenever I want it. But how and why can he not want to be with me? Why won't he touch me? Won't even really look at me directly. Translation: I'm supposed to be irresistible, damn it! Daddy always told me I was the prettiest! Get with the program! Don't you know I'm perfect?! Answer me, swine! I don't want to get back with him, but geez, I still love him and love touching him...if HE wanted to make love with ME, I would welcome that. Translation: Ok, now I am horny. Why the fuck won't that jerk give me some dick? Bastard! Not as a permanent thing...right? Just "in the moment". There's sometimes sex w/ the ex, isnt there? Translation: Sex won't change my mind about ending the relationship, and it'll leave him even more confused, with any work he's done to get over me wiped away, but damn it, I want what I want when I want it and I don't give a crap what it costs him. Why is he being so unfair to me?? But he doesn't want anything to do with me that way. If you truly love someone, isn't that an overwhelming feeling when you ARE together? IN BED? Translation: See, the bastard never loved me anyway. I was right to dump him! And he just doesn't appreciate that I'm supposed to be irresistible, damn it! He says he wants to be "friends". I can't be his friend. I feel waaay too much. Translation: Of course I loved him so much that it would be too (sigh!) painful for such a sensitive girl as me to put up with him when I'm no longer pussy whipping him. I feel too much -- unlike all those little people who get in my way and annoy me when they don't do what I want. when I want it! My needs! My needs, damn it! It hurts to look at him. It hurts even more that he has somehow flipped a switch sexually. Why??? How can he just NOT WANT ME just because we broke up? I am a very good looking girl. Translation: doesn't he understand that his purpose in life is to validate my ego? How can a mere man not want me? Moi! C'est la roi! I'm the queen of the world! How can anyone not find me irresistible! Mommy! It's just not fair! The world is supposed to revolve around ME! Probably a really stupid question. Translation: I'm so self-absorbed that I not only do I not get it, I need to look for sympathy on craigslist! And rather than post in "Rants and Raves", I'll post in "Women looking for Men", 'cause fuck, I am fucking horny and more important, I need some man to worship my ass and re-inflate my ego after last night! My needs! this is in or around because you're a selfish idiot "

hehe

2/28/2008 3:00:35 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/w4w/590514792.html

Wow, look at that tramp stamp + muffin top; and you'd expect no sex on the first night?

2/29/2008 12:16:12 PM

FWIW, she posted in w4w. Women are generally not as superficial (at least about weight) as men, especially lesbians.

2/29/2008 2:06:31 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/msg/590415722.html

2/29/2008 2:38:41 PM

^^^^thats awesome

[Edited on February 29, 2008 at 2:45 PM. Reason : and the analysis is dead on, lol]

2/29/2008 2:45:16 PM

well, she also is looking for someone in her size range and, to be fair, she's got a cute face and pretty eyes.

2/29/2008 2:49:18 PM

^.

2/29/2008 2:51:35 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/cas/591229056.html

2/29/2008 3:14:01 PM

haha pwnt

2/29/2008 3:58:35 PM

^LOL

2/29/2008 3:58:46 PM

who will claim that posting?

3/1/2008 2:24:24 AM

http://fayetteville.craigslist.org/m4w/585632344.html

3/1/2008 9:31:07 PM

Quote :

"'ve been told that my problem is with dating - 19 Reply to: pers-596923553@craigslist.org Date: 2008-03-05, 8:48PM EST Hello. I am 19. I have a four year old daughter. I am very honest, great sense of humor, caring, trustworthy, loving, intelligent, and considerably more independent than most women. I don’t smoke and only drink on occasion. Not much of a partier but don't mind the social scene either. Have had my heart broken one too many times and am looking to really get to know someone before committing to a relationship. I've been told that my problem with dating is that I'm too nice. Maybe so, but I don't plan to become the opposite to hang on to someone. If I sound like someone you would like to write and maybe get to know better, please email me. LOVE :-) "

Goddamn woman!

3/5/2008 10:10:06 PM

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/

New ones up.

3/6/2008 9:32:00 PM

Finally! There goes my productivity at work tomorrow

3/6/2008 11:52:41 PM

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/etc/598519341.html

3/7/2008 2:21:23 PM

3/7/2008 3:37:19 PM

Hell, I could definately go for that after a long day.

3/7/2008 5:23:58 PM

Score!
http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/596625126.html

Quote :

"Looking the La Cross Player at the Marriott Meadowmont - m4m - 35 Looking La Cross Player in lobby at Marriott Meadowmont. You were wearing brown pant, shirt & tie. Want to help you relieve stress before your game. Email me if you are interested. If you are reading this, chances are you are..."

http://raleigh.craigslist.org/mis/596628684.html

Quote :

"La Crosse Player interested in the dirty room - m4m - 35 I overheard you say you would take a dirty room, can help with that. Email me if you are interested."

3/8/2008 2:24:46 PM

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/590646068.html

3/8/2008 2:32:30 PM

Quote :

"who will claim that posting?"

That was me. I'm only sharing that because I'm amazed at the number of cock pictures that have been emailed to me since. I'm pretty sure that the guys on there just send the same email to every poster and cross their fingers.

3/9/2008 12:29:54 AM

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/

Even more up now.

3/9/2008 10:55:38 AM

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/590646068.html

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/min/589248160.html WTF

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/den/588567246.html LOL

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phx/578467547.html ROFL

3/9/2008 11:22:54 AM

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/110575058.html

3/9/2008 5:48:07 PM

america is going down the god damn drain

3/9/2008 5:56:56 PM