^aww, that's so nice!

We frequently enough have people who type in male and mial instead of mail when trying to set up OE, and it would be easier for us just to do it instead of waiting on them to figure it out

7!

7/26/2006 10:46:17 AM

A woman just came in looking for a "24-20" adapter.


I said let me see the 24pin PSU. You dont need an adapter.

I then slid off the 4extra pins on the end.


She then said I was a "god among men".

7/27/2006 11:52:22 AM

I had an IT Network Adminstrator call me one time to forward me an email about how he had been blacklisted for spam.

He was calling in on his router that was doing NAT out to the Internet. He was sure the router was sending the spam becuase the ip address on the website matched the ip address of the router. He said none of his computers used that ip address. He wanted me to get the router to stop sending spam so he could get off the blacklist.

I tried to explain NAT to him and said it was one his managed computers sending the spam, but he was mad that I wouldnt fix it and never called back. Hard to believe that actually happened from somebody getting paid to manage a network.

7/27/2006 12:43:14 PM

http://www.thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=423117

7/29/2006 12:10:09 AM

I've got two stories from my high school job doing isp tech support.

1) A woman called up and said her cable internet connection was down. The FIRST thing out of my mouth was "did you make sure the cable modem is plugged in to the computer, power and cable?" She replies "of COURSE it's plugged in!" I then proceed to walk her through the typical troubleshooting crap (reboot modem, reboot computer etc.). She gives up and says she'll call back later. I later heard from one of the other techs that she called back and said "the first guy I talked to was an idiot...the modem just wasn't plugged into the computer!"

2) Another woman calls up and launches into a description of a problem she is having burning CD's. I tell her that this is an internet access tech support line and that we don't handle that sort of problem. I then told her to call her computer manufacturer. She hangs up, and I immediatley get another call: the same woman. I guess everyone else was busy and it routed it back to me...she doesn't recognize my voice or my name and launches into the same description. lol.

7/31/2006 3:46:21 PM

I manage the backups for several thousand servers, among them a few major league sports teams. Today I got a request to restore a particular webpage for one of the teams we host. Well we do file system backups and I have no clue where the files are stored on the servers, plus these guys have multiple servers hosted with us.

The ticket simply wanted a webpage restored, so I email the guy and ask him #1 where is the file located, and #2 what server is it on. Of course he responds with "the file is located at http://www.nameofteam.com/folder/filename.huh" So I email him back to clarify that I need to know where exactly on the box the file is (like d:\website\filname.huh) and what machine it is on.

After about 30 minutes he responds back with "I asked around the office and none of us know. We're pretty sure it's on the [ipaddress] box. I had to RDP to the box and do a windows search for the file he wanted in order to do the restore.

It just amazes me that these guys probably get paid tons of money to do these professional websites but don't have the first clue about any of the little details like where the files actually go when they press the publish button on whatever webpage software they're using.

7/31/2006 7:59:51 PM

is it not your job to know?

[Edited on July 31, 2006 at 8:57 PM. Reason : seems like something the backupers should be able to manage]

7/31/2006 8:56:50 PM

nope. we just back up every file on the server. It's not a managed server just collocated. Every other customer that comes to us wanting a restore actually knows what files they want restored.

7/31/2006 9:10:44 PM

don't throw a 'tude because you actually had to perform the job you're paid to do.

7/31/2006 10:57:39 PM

oh Excoriator, how I've missed your lame attempts at trolling.

8/1/2006 9:16:39 AM

"MY MOUSE ISN'T RIGHT CLICKING"
"alright, what is it doing?"
"IT JUST AIN'T RIGHT CLICKIN"
"do you have a right mouse button?"
"...NO"
"are you on an apple computer?"
"...YES"

lol

8/8/2006 1:45:10 PM

haha

8/8/2006 2:12:57 PM

bumping up for more funny.

8/20/2006 11:48:38 PM

This lady on the phone keeps hitting Cancel instead of Finish, so we've had to set up her dialup connection 4 fucking times now

8/23/2006 2:11:02 PM

If he has a new Mac with a Mighty Mouse it can be set to right click, even though it doesn't look like it has a right mouse button.

8/23/2006 2:24:45 PM

old people are always signing the credit card machines with real pens...quite hilarious especially when they never realize it.

8/26/2006 12:20:31 AM

We just got a call from a guy who received an email from "director@companywheremishaworks.com" and he was all excited because we emailed her saying she won a million dollars from us and the prince of nigeria

he was actually sad when i told him that it was a spam message

9/21/2006 3:21:15 PM

so one of the tests we run is to see if a server can restart itself from a software crash via IPMI, and there's this nimrod on the OS team who is not the brightest bulb on the tree. we open a defect on a particular OS failing to restart properly via IPMI after the system is crashed (use your imagination )... and his response? "It seems you're intentionally trying to crash the server, how is this a defect?" we were pretty sure he was a dumbass for a while before this incident, which eliminated all doubt.

9/21/2006 7:14:53 PM

9/26/2006 4:04:35 PM

^haha don't be a silly head

9/26/2006 6:49:59 PM

That cartoon promotes canibalism! It was probably created by a Satan worshipper.

9/26/2006 7:19:03 PM

I just had a guy call in who's computer wasn't viewing webpages. We checked and the DSL and Internet lights weren't coming on his modem. Turns out it wasn't plugged into the wall

If it wasn't plugged in then he could have his computer more near the middle of the room where he really wanted it. He's going to look into wireless tomorrow

10/12/2006 2:27:05 PM

i may have mentioned this already, i can't remember, but a coworker here asked me a while back if she could do roman numerals on her computer or if i needed to install something.

<blank look back at her until she figured it out>

10/12/2006 3:41:04 PM

^ haha that's classic

10/12/2006 4:19:34 PM

my mom was looking in the phone book for a restaurant and then called them when she had issues bringing up the webpage.... they told her to go to http://www.nantucketcafeandgrill.com but she was still having issues with it... she calls me in to help her and I see she has the web address spelled exactly like the phone books entry.... http://www.nantucketcafe & grill.com....

10/12/2006 5:21:32 PM

fixing ladys home computer a few years ago

...
me: "I don't use AOL"
her: "So you don't have the internet at home"
me: "No, I just don't use AOL"
her: "How do you get on the internet then?"

which means AOL has done a great marketing job

10/12/2006 5:51:54 PM

^
My old boss was like that!

11/19/2006 11:35:43 AM

Ha, why did it take me so long to see this thread?

I work at a help desk. It is unbelievable how many people OUR AGE don't understand the concept of ***DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE: AUTOMATED EMAIL***, and then procee to respond to the email, asking "does this mean my ______ is ready?"

The AOL deal happened at my old work place. I helped install a new Compaq somethingortheother (I'm a Mac man, no clue what its specs were, but it was the usual garbage) to the network:

"So how are we going to connect to the internet"

"well, i need to set you up on the LAN..."

"wait, do you need an AOL CD? I have one of those at home, I'll bring it tomorrow"

11/19/2006 3:43:50 PM

aww it seems ive reached the end of this thread..

more funny please!

11/19/2006 6:39:21 PM

More about general incompetence than being technically inept.

Customer comes in with a beat up old style ipod shuffle and says that he's got a problem with it. He doesn't have a recipt but says he got it during first summer session. When we give him the Apple tech support and warranty information he gets annoyed. He then says he "heard from a friend" that he could just swap it out for one of the new style ones. When told that his friend was confused he then proceeded to ask everyone in the department the same question as though that would get a different answer. When he didn't, he then called the last employee he talked to a "fucking asshole" and walked off cursing under his breath.

Why do people have this weird sense of entitlement? Just because you bought something several months ago doesn't mean you get a free new one when a new model comes out... If something stops working after the exchange period (as in 4 times longer than the exchange period) there are still such things as warranties.

11/25/2006 11:22:13 AM

^haha...i used to work RTVs at home depot and it was amazing what customers thought they were entitled to. one woman thought that we should swap out her 5 year old pressure washer because they had it fixed through our repair service and it wasn't working. Turns out it had been fixed 2 and half years prior to them bringing it back in. When i brought that up, the lady said "well i've only used it once or twice since then"

11/25/2006 12:37:10 PM

And another one... A customer comes in with a 2 year old computer that is still under warranty. They didn't purchase any accidental coverage and the computer has been damaged. When told that the manufacturer will most likely insist on payment to repair the damage the customer caused, they do what can only be described as throwing a tantrum. After yelling and cursing a few times they then throw the computer into a trash can causing additional damage (to the screen this time.)

After the customer leaves a manager pulls the computer out of the trash and gets a repair quote from the manufacturer. The customer is also contacted and offered a computer to borrow for a short time at least. The original cost of repairs would have come to $104.96. Adding the damaged screen and some of the trash-can related cosmetic damage raised it to $597.54. Upon being told the total (no, they didn't rub it in that it WOULD have been almost 500 less) they returned the borrowed computer and said that they'd just get their parents to buy a new one. God I hate people.

11/25/2006 5:40:47 PM

Its amazing how many people swipe their card in a debit machine or credit card machine during a purchase and then use a real pen to sign the machine when there is one attached on the damn thing. Now everyone knows Roger Williamson has purchased smthg.

12/30/2006 4:18:38 AM

^^ Ahahah, this was quite the excellent experience I must say. I was tasked with working on that guy's computer along with you and some of the others in the department (of course). The damage to that system was fucking unreal.

I was also thoroughly amused when Jordan wrote his name on it...

I can't wait for spring semester shenanigans at the bookstore.

Sadly, I was not there when we got crazy cursing iPod shuffle guy.

As far as my own tales of the technically inept, I get a customer every couple weeks who comes in and says their computer needs to be reformatted, that they have backed up their files, and that they just want it back to the factory state. So far I haven't encountered one that knows what the blue button is on IBM/Lenovo Thinkpads. 5 minutes later they're all smiles when you tell them they can do this themselves whenever they need to if they just push that button on startup and click on the appropriate button.

My other favorite customers deal with wireless questions. Like every Thinkpad laptop comes with the bluetooth disabled, and dozens of people bought these laptops with bluetooth mice from the bookstore. None of them knew how to turn on the bluetooth (there are manuals for this that come with the system, but of course people would rather drive to the bookstore for answers first). My favorite was when one customer said his bluetooth mouse never worked and that he was so pissed at it that he smashed it to pieces (I was selling him another one at the time). I explained to him that it comes disabled on the Thinkpads and to enable it just press Fn+F5 while in windows and click the button next to "Bluetooth" to turn the bluetooth radio on, then to just install the mouse drivers and his mouse will work just fine. He paused, said thank you, and then muttered what I could only assume to be curses at his own destruction (BT mice ain't cheap).

Many customers have this same problem with the wireless too! Either they somehow turned the wireless radio off under the Fn+F5 wireless menu (I just call it that so I never forget the damn shortcut), or they were silly enough to turn off the little wireless button on the front of the laptop. I love it though, these are my fav type of tech support problems (speedy resolution, customers are always like OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH when you fix it).

12/30/2006 4:45:40 AM

New Tales of the Technically Inept!

1) I was talking to someone about the difference of Mounting a Drive and Symlinking a folder when I first started. We were talking about how permissions propogate etc and in the explanation the person I was talking to used "she" to describe his servers. "You have to mount her carefully and whatever you do don't unmount her". He said this kind of loud and my boss asked to speak with me about it later. We both laughed hysterically.

2) I was called by someone who does editing of their departments website about connectivity issues. This should have gone to normal IT but she didn't explain it well enough to make me think she didn't have internet at all. Just that she was getting a connection error when trying to connect. Knowing that trying to explain this to her not worth the time I went up and found her network cable was unplugged.

An hour later she calls again and tells me it's not working again. I ask her about the cable and she says it's plugged in. I come up and sure enough it is plugged in... to another computer. Her laptop. She thought that since there was wireless... as long as one computer was plugged in they would all work.

I think I actually popped a blood vessel in my head that day.

[Edited on December 30, 2006 at 9:30 AM. Reason : ! spelling!]

12/30/2006 9:29:53 AM

I don't even work tech support! I'm a receptionist at this job!

I just had a guy ask me how to 'get to NCCOB'.
He thought you went under 'My Documents'. This is a public computer. After making sure he did want to get on the internet, I told him to use firefox or internet explorer.


??

1/3/2007 5:15:18 PM

mo funnay puhlease

2/9/2007 4:33:54 PM

this thread is a goldmine, and people are fucking retarded

2/10/2007 3:16:26 AM

Quote :

"Like every Thinkpad laptop comes with the bluetooth disabled"

I loved getting the customer who then got pissed that they "crippled" his machine by disabling bluetooth. He didn't beleive me when I told him that most people didn't use bluetooth for anything and that if it was ON by default, it would sap some of the battery life. Sure, it might not be more than 20 minutes but still. He then went on a little diatribe about how "frustratingly gay" it was to ship a machine with features secretly disabled. Nevermind that there's about 3 ways to turn it on and 3 ways to see that it's off. Nevermind that even the insanely dumb tech support people in atlanta could have diagnosed this for him free after 12 seconds if he had called. The guy just wanted to be mad and blame someone else rather than accept he was a little dumb. Thing is, he only used bluetooth to sycn his pocket pc with it once a day. Of course he said he'd leave the bluetooth radio on all the time rather than just hit fn+f5 when he needed to sync... Go him.

2/10/2007 8:24:53 AM

...someone just asked how to 'make a dot D O C file to print?'

yes, they had it up in MS word, and couldn't figure out how to print.
Freshman or sophomore (judging by the lab report they were printing), and not an old geezer.

2/13/2007 2:43:01 PM

I guess some people are idiots. How in the hell did they make it to college?

2/13/2007 5:06:38 PM

I have grandparents with a widescreen HDTV and digital cable. They bought it so my grandpa, who has limited sight, could have a TV with a bigger, better picture. They thought that since they bought a widescreen TV, everything would be shown in widescreen! The cable provider showed them how to make the TV show up in widescreen by either zooming in (the picture takes up the width but the top and bottom gets cropped out) or stretching (everybody looks deformed and 20 lbs. heavier). He also wired it so it would be easier to use, meaning use plain old coax.

So, they have a big widescreen HDTV displaying the shittiest quality picture possible.

I rewired it using component cables and took the cable box off of zoom mode. They were happy with the quality but didn't like having those black bars along the side.

I tried explaining about how not everything is broadcasted in widescreen. I used the analogy of when color TVs came. Sure you had a color TV, but not everything was being broadcasted in color, so some programs were black & white and others were color. Nowadays, there are programs that are regular sized and some that are widescreen. No luck.

They insist on using zoom mode, despite the fact that it blurs the picture to the point to where it hurts your eyes.

Oh, and explaining how to switch between cable, VCR, and DVD was a chore, too.

2/15/2007 11:58:43 AM

as it happens, they probably have worse eyesight than you so the "increased blur" that you're talking about is within their eyesight's margin of error anyway

2/15/2007 12:20:53 PM

^^ Just get them a harmony remote, so they press "watch DVD" and it switches for them automatically, and also has a help button in case something messes up.

2/15/2007 12:33:05 PM

^I was going to suggest the same thing.

2/15/2007 12:41:53 PM

I once had to save a customer from a $10,000 mistake my boss was about to make.

We were hired to provide a turnkey solution to replace the software and hardware of an old minicomputer accounting system (this sucker had serial green screen terminals and an old school disk pack that dropped into the top of the refrigerator sized processor unit).

They wanted to save some money and keep their old-ass line printer. It had a centronics interface and was built like a tank so I didn't think it would be a problem. My boss is trying to get them to spring for a new $10k line printer saying the old one won't interface with our new PC based systems.

He gives me two printouts side by side, one printed from the old system, one from the new system. "See, the new system prints out garbage, the interface won't work". After about 15 seconds it dawns on me that their old line printer isn't broken it only printers Upper Case characters. I look at the printouts, I pop open the printer and look at the printer band, sure enough it only had Upper Case characters, numbers, and symbols. The polite thing to do would be to map lower case characters to their upper case equivalents but unfortunately if the printer received a character it didn't recognize (anything lower case) it just inserted a blank space.

I told my boss to change the report headings to upper case and the problems would be solved.

I hated that fucker. Asshole shorted me on my final paycheck. Its OK though, karma is a bitch. He under bid the job and the customer's management had mob ties. Not exactly the types of people that would go for contract amendments. I'm sure they made him deliver it for his original price.

-- Dave

2/15/2007 12:46:21 PM

"i have a 80 gig computer is that fast?"

2/15/2007 1:31:10 PM

^we get customers like that all the time. "I HAVE A 60G COMPUTER BUT IT'S STILL SLOW!", i mean, this happens on a weekly basis and they don't understand that it's storage space.

Friday night I was doing tech support for my company and an this woman called in and she was LIVID that our mouse server was down.

"...our mouse server?"
"yes, it's not left clicking, your servers must be down! you guys are so incompetent, you make my computer slower, and now this!"

After 15 minutes of being yelled at I explained that she might have to go out and get a new mouse, which she was totally not cool with. Eventually we rebooted her computer and it started working again, and I pray to god that I don't pick up the phone when she calls back.

2/15/2007 2:03:38 PM

For the past year I've worked as a lobbyist downtown, and had to give up the job a few in early January b/c of my class schedule. My ex-boss (being a stereotypical "creepy old guy") hires an attractive and nice (but equally stereotypical) blonde girl in her early 30s to be a receptionist... and to take over his accounting (one of my jobs).

He had me start training her, and I should have known something was wrong when she asked "What's an 'Excel'?" when I told her to open a budget spreadsheet in Microsoft Excel. But the real entertainment came 2 weeks after I was gone -- she called my cell phone in a panic b/c the landlord and other vendors were complaining about not being paid.

After spending 20 minutes on the phone with her trying to re-walk her through using Firefox to get to the online banking website, I find out nothing has actually been paid out of the account since I left; she hadn't used the bill payment system even once. So I ask her to pull up the check register in QuickBooks (something else she had written down in her training notes), and nothing is entered in there either. I ask her what she's been doing and tell her it doesn't look like she's paid any of the bills. She swears she has, and goes "I've got the check register right here in my hands! I've written down every entry!"...

...after another few minutes of questions, I discover she thought the paper checkbook register was magically connecting to the internet and sending checks through the online billpay system whenever she wrote-in an entry  

2/15/2007 11:25:14 PM

sooo, what was she doing in those two weeks??

2/16/2007 12:51:33 AM