^^^
glad to hear it, yo.

10/2/2014 12:00:58 AM

Congrats. Working from home is great, but it can also be a little depressing at times if you don't get a lot of interaction with people. My work is pretty self-driven and I don't have to talk to anyone. I've had a few weeks where I realize my husband is the only person I've talked to aside from maybe some grocery cashiers. That can get lonely, but it sounds like even if that does happen to her it's leaps and bounds better than her old job.

10/2/2014 12:18:32 PM

For the most part, she hates every single person she interacts with at her current job. She's also pumped about getting to hang out with our dog during the day. He's been coming to the office with me for over two years and lets just say that he's a little more attached to his dad than his mom...and she's not a fan of that.

I'm sure she'll get a little stir crazy....but it's the exact opposite of what she hates right now....driving all over a large rural county for 5 hours a day and only working 3 hours a day. I'm surprised she hasn't run over anyone yet.

10/2/2014 12:52:51 PM

When we moved from Houston to LA my wife's job did't want to let her go so they are letting her work from home in LA. It's definitely a change but she likes it for the most part. The one thing she does miss is the human interaction and she can get a bit of cabin fever. She's looking into hobbies that she can take up to get her out of the house and around people so that should help. Your wife may want to do the same after the honeymoon phase wears off. Just something to keep in mind.

10/6/2014 2:50:02 PM

My wife is upset with me right now because she wants to have a baby...however she thinks that when she has a kid, that means that she gets to quit her job and be a stay at home mom because she doesn't want "anyone else raising our kid". I've tried to convince her that this is not fiscally responsible as I'm only making around 40-45k per year and we have a house, two car payments, bills, a college bill still, etc and I am not seeing how we could live a sustainable lifestyle on my paycheck alone. She said, "Well, I guess we just won't have kids then." and when I said "ok, i guess not" she gets mad. I can't exactly tell her to grow up and welcome to the real world of middle class-dom...but that is exactly what I want to say. That and if you want a kid and to stay at home, divorce me and marry a rich dude.

not looking for advice, btw...just venting

[Edited on December 28, 2014 at 11:06 PM. Reason : sdf]

12/28/2014 11:01:01 PM

hopefully that works out, and hopefully she is rational enough to understand the reality of your status

good luck

12/28/2014 11:09:17 PM

Quote :

" I've tried to convince her that this is not fiscally responsible as I'm only making around 40-45k per year and we have a house, two car payments, bills, a college bill still, etc and I am not seeing how we could live a sustainable lifestyle on my paycheck alone. She said, "Well, I guess we just won't have kids then." and when I said "ok, i guess not" she gets mad. I can't exactly tell her to grow up and welcome to the real world of middle class-dom...but that is exactly what I want to say. That and if you want a kid and to stay at home, divorce me and marry a rich dude."

Wow, that is a lot to manage in terms of payments for only 45K a year. I really don't see that lasting or going very peacefully. Here is the reason why: when you are the sole provider in the family and the other person is not working, even if that may be for a good reason such as raising a child, when all of your hard-earned pay just slips away towards the end of the month and you can't even go out to lunch with a friend without first checking your balance, then things get very frustrating at the house. Assuming that she makes enough to cover child care, which is very expensive in the States, I would say that you should strongly encourage her to keep working. Also, I think that a good daycare provider is actually very beneficial for babies and young children, as they learn to interact with other kids and it helps them with developing their language skills. I think that waiting until 4 to go to school or pre-K is way to late.

12/29/2014 8:12:01 AM

Does the wife also hate her job? That could be an even bigger reason than her just wanting to be a stay-at-home mom. My wife just changed jobs, but I have no doubt that she would want to be a stay-at-home mom if she were still in her old job. With her new job, she's already talked about how long their maternity leave is and day-care options once we have a kid (we're also having this discussion).

Maybe she needs to look at a career change?

12/29/2014 10:17:13 AM

Maybe it's how you're saying it? Instead of abruptly ending the conversation, discuss how you can work towards having children in the future (e.g what jbrick said).

[Edited on December 29, 2014 at 3:53 PM. Reason : yeah, what he said]

12/29/2014 3:51:17 PM

I love my job and love my coworkers, it has been the hardest thing to go back to work without breaking down. I didn't imagine I would have such a hard time about it. I know working it for the betterment of everyone but God, it's so much harder than I could have thought. I mean, my own mother is watching him in my house so I have no reason to war,just that I feel like I'll miss out on him. So we are working our way to try and get me to be a stay at home mom, by working together to find a resolution. Compromise is everything.

12/29/2014 8:42:34 PM

my wife's wanted to stay at home with our daughter (and future kids) from day 1 but hasn't been able to - she'll be quitting and staying at home in april / may and i'm excited

12/29/2014 9:26:18 PM

^^ But your situation is after the fact. This chick isn't even pregnant...much less had a kid and developed an attachment.

I know men can also be detached from money issues...but I swear I only run into women that don't understand the costs of living and simple "money in, money out" basics (my wife included).

12/30/2014 11:04:48 AM

Quote :

"Maybe it's how you're saying it? Instead of abruptly ending the conversation, discuss how you can work towards having children in the future (e.g what jbrick said). "

The first time this became a discussion, I'll admit, I did get heated because I didn't understand how she could even think this were possible. Honestly though, ever since, I've been extremely calm while pointing out WHY this wouldn't work. Shes been like the damn Berlin Wall on the subject however and won't budge from her stance.

I believe I am going to make up a spreadsheet of all costs with just my paycheck every month and physically show her "these are the dollars we are going to be left with at the end of the month without doing anything besides pay bills/baby stuff". If that doesn't get into her head that this is impossible then I don't know what will because it is going to be a very very small number.

12/31/2014 7:34:40 PM

Quote :

"I know men can also be detached from money issues...but I swear I only run into women that don't understand the costs of living and simple "money in, money out" basics (my wife included). "

ok, well then ....

1/1/2015 5:43:32 PM

^ Yeah...I'm definitely over-exaggerating with a small sample size. Lots of talks with the bro-in law and friends who have wives who might over spend a little bit.

My sister is the definition of a penny pincher. So really its just how you are raised.

1/2/2015 9:50:31 AM

if this is how you really feel then you really should have a real conversation instead of avoiding it and chalking it up to how she was raised etc etc

show her the numbers if you have to, but I think that this is one of those things that you and your wife should be insync on to be successful. Eventually one of you will grow to resent it over time

/meddling

1/4/2015 2:30:51 AM

Why don't you both take a financial management class together? My wife and I took a couple of those before we got married to make sure we were on the same page before we locked it down.



[Edited on January 4, 2015 at 11:55 AM. Reason : or just sell one of the cars and go on a super strict budget.]

1/4/2015 11:52:34 AM

Quote :

"My wife is upset with me right now because she wants to have a baby...however she thinks that when she has a kid, that means that she gets to quit her job and be a stay at home mom because she doesn't want "anyone else raising our kid". I've tried to convince her that this is not fiscally responsible as I'm only making around 40-45k per year and we have a house, two car payments, bills, a college bill still, etc and I am not seeing how we could live a sustainable lifestyle on my paycheck alone. She said, "Well, I guess we just won't have kids then." and when I said "ok, i guess not" she gets mad. I can't exactly tell her to grow up and welcome to the real world of middle class-dom...but that is exactly what I want to say. That and if you want a kid and to stay at home, divorce me and marry a rich dude."

The only thing missing from the story is how much she makes. Nannies, childcare, and daycare is so expensive that it sometimes cancels out how much the mom makes working. If you have in-laws in town that will help with childcare that might change the calculation. I have had clients getting by on one teachers salary before, they had old cars, prepaid cell phones(like the kind with minutes), cheap clothes, thrift store stuff, magic jack house phone, etc. They told me they both worked before but it made more sense to lose one income until their kids are in kindergarden.

1/4/2015 12:28:28 PM

It is not just the straight dollar figures either. I am in a similar situation with my wife and our first expected kid. Here's our situation (and I value input):

- I make a decent living, and currently pay for the mortgage, power, water, car insurance, and vacations. Both cars are paid off (we paid cash for her car last year and mine is 10 years old).
- She is a 3rd year teacher and making around ~35k (I don't know the exact wage). I know that after retirement savings, insurance, and other paycheck deductions she brings home ~650 a month. She uses this money for when she buys groceries, clothes, and other expenses that directly relate to her. She is a pretty good saver.
- I save about 2k a month, which goes into our savings and used for vacations and big purchases around the house (we just got a new shed, going to buy a new fridge because ours it 20 years old, etc)

Right now, we are both good with our financial situation, but now enters the kid.

- 900-1200 a month for day care, which would bring our savings down to 1k a month, which may make it tight to try to buy a bigger house (we are currently in a 3br with no garage) or take vacations
- baby shit, diapers/food/clothes/toys which will take another chunk

If she stayed home, we may net more money saved on paper - but she would no longer get be contributing to her retirement, pension, and we lose her benefits (health/dental insurance). The $500 we would save by her being home would quickly be eaten up by adding her and the kid to my insurance. I currently pay $220 for my HSA/dental, but adding her and the kid would mean another $465 I would have to contribute (health insurance is $196/$605 for individual/family and dental is $25/$75 for individual/family). I think adding the kid to her insurance is only another $150. We would net an additional $200 if she stayed at home.

Also that means that she would be in charge of the kids care all day, and then likely I would be responsible when I got home (since she did it all day). She also loses her career progress.

Since I already do 70% of the cooking/cleaning and 100% of yard maintenance/gardening/home maintenance, I don't see how it would be beneficial to us (and selfishly it would be worse for me) if she stayed home. Thankfully my wife only briefly considered staying home and I think she is planning to go back to work after the summer is over (but all that could change once the kid arrives).

The toughest part is justifying why I am preferring my wife to keep working to my parents and friends who have stay-at-home wives. They know my wife makes shit for income and don't see why I am thinking she should keep working. I have to politely find ways to tell them to butt out without disclosing financial details. But since you are the anonymous interwebs, I guess I feel more comfortable spilling the beans with you.

1/4/2015 1:05:11 PM

Quote :

"Nannies, childcare, and daycare is so expensive that it sometimes cancels out how much the mom makes working"

we pay $17,680 / year for daycare and it's on the higher side - 5k of it is covered by pre-tax dependent care - you'd have to pay a lot more for it to cancel out a 35k salary - the argument that it cancels out is rarely ever true unless the wife is working part time - especially when adding in things like retirement / insurance and by being home other expenses go up

Quote :

"She is a 3rd year teacher and making around ~35k (I don't know the exact wage). I know that after retirement savings, insurance, and other paycheck deductions she brings home ~650 a month. "

how do you not know how much your wife makes? people are pretty polarized on if they keep their income separate or pool it all together but situations like this are more easily handled i think by pooling it all so everything is transparent - once the kid is born and if she continues working then who will pay for the kids' items?

put all of the numbers in excel and discuss it

1/4/2015 2:17:39 PM

Teacher salaries are based on time in the system, so definitely point out that you would not only lose the $35k a year she would be making if she stayed home until the kid went to school, but also the however many thousand a year for the rest of her career because she has less experience now. Plus if she wanted to keep her license up so she could go back to work you would have to pay out of pocket for her continuing education.

1/4/2015 5:30:26 PM

thanks for the feedback, I was worried that I would get resistance here as well

Quote :

"how do you not know how much your wife makes?"

I don't know if it is 34,500 or 35,870, but it is approximately 35k. I didn't say I had no clue, I just said I didn't know exactly.

Quote :

"once the kid is born and if she continues working then who will pay for the kids' items?"

I imagine if my wife asks me to go shopping, I will end up paying for stuff for the kid. If she goes shopping by herself she pays for it. As it happened last summer, when her checking account gets dangerously low I just dump some of our savings into it.

Quote :

"more easily handled i think by pooling it all so everything is transparent"

We are both savers, so I trust her to not go on crazy shopping sprees (this has been a problem in the past for her). When we got married and she moved in, we both just kept doing what we have always done (I paid my bills, and she took care of herself). It's a system that works for us, but if it starts getting stressful I imagine we will work out a different solution. We have discussed our goals, and the main goals are making sure we are saving for retirement and living within our means. So far so good.

Personally I think it is helpful for us to both have a clear idea how we contribute financially to our relationship. If our money just got pooled together you lose some idea of how the money is coming in and how the money is going out. We both keep track of our income/expenses, and the other person is there to back them up. I work two jobs, and I doubt I would continue my consulting business if it just meant that money went to her new clothes or trips with her girlfriends. I value saving money, and the consulting job allows me to dump all those earnings into savings.

[Edited on January 4, 2015 at 6:03 PM. Reason : ]

1/4/2015 5:57:35 PM

Whenever I list a house that has a stay at home mom its almost always immaculate and the whole process of getting it ready to list (clean, staged, ready for photos) goes without a snag, most of it is done before I even get over there to see it. When its time to pack and move, they have everything done early too. After spending time getting to know hundreds of families feel pretty confident maintaining a household can easily be a full time job.

I get the impression that families where both spouses work full time have more trouble finding enough time in the day to get everything done. Usually they need some help (either hired or from family) to keep up with a household, the kids, and tending to personal business. The overall stress level of the family generally seems a bit higher.

In both scenarios the couples are working hard, its just that there is a limit to how much time and energy there is outside of work. Money may be the biggest consideration, but probably should not be the only consideration since both lifestyles have serious pros & cons.

1/4/2015 8:51:19 PM

I'm not married, but I outsource a lot of that stuff because I value my time.

Quote :

"I imagine if my wife asks me to go shopping, I will end up paying for stuff for the kid. If she goes shopping by herself she pays for it."

Hah. Statements like this always crack me up.

1/4/2015 9:53:10 PM

It just depends on personal preferences. Some families prefer to live in a slightly messier house and actually be able to afford to retire one day. Sometimes one partner is willing to work until they day they die to have the kids and house taken care of while they are working.

As a tutor, I've seen houses with stay at home moms that weren't in the best of shape, and some with both parents working that were clean enough I would eat off the floor. I don't enjoy cleaning and can't wait to graduate and get a job so I can afford to have someone else do it for me.

1/4/2015 11:31:10 PM

a cleaning lady is the best money we spend.

I'm clean. My wife is not.

We both work and if i'm doing all of the cleaning in addition to all the other chores around the house, we'd probably be divorced by now. (yes i'm exaggerating for effect before y'all pedantic fucks jump on that comment).

anyway, that's a couple dozen hours a month that we're not cleaning, and doing something more fun which is a worthy tradeoff.

1/4/2015 11:40:57 PM

Quote :

"Statements like this always crack me up."

Cracks you up? Hmmm. It's her way of asking for help with expenses.

On two occasions when I have not been able to clean the house before a party or people stay over my wife has hired a cleaning lady (usually pays for a groupon). The house always looks awesome after they come, and it does help a lot to remove some of the stress getting the house straightened up. If it was in the budget, it would be really nice to have a regular service.

1/5/2015 9:58:02 AM

I am going to chime in as the working spouse with a stay at home Dad. We made the same decisions that you are thinking about because financially, it cost just as much money to send our daughter to day care as it would have if my husband stayed home. It actually worked out to be slightly cheaper, since he was commuting 2 hours each way for his job.

So, he finished out my maternity leave at work, and when I came back, he stayed home. She's now 18 months old and she started her first day in day care today. It just did not work for us. For some families, having a stay at home parent is awesome. It wasn't for us, even though he said it was the hardest, but most fun he'd ever had. This is why it didn't work for us:

-- I worked all day, and then when I came home, it was his turn for a break from the baby, and I was on duty until bed time. That meant that I never had "off" time. My off time counted during my lunch break and my commute times. But, I couldn't exactly demand "off" time if he's been with a baby for 10 hours and really does need a break too.
-- Money is way too tight. I didn't go to law school to never be able to eat out, or afford a baby sitter, or see a movie. Sure, we can always tighten up a bit, but why should I tighten up a bit when I bust my ass all day long every day?
-- The guilt of late evenings at work, when you know your spouse needs you at home.
-- Nothing was ever done. Dinner was never on the table, the house was never clean. Yes, I am grateful that I came home to a happy baby and she was obviously cared for, but each and every day our house looked like a bomb had gone off.
-- Some people just can't rock being a stay at home parent. If things are going to slip through the cracks, or dishes are going to pile up, then the working spouse is going to be miserable and resentful. Seriously, why am I going to give 150% at work all day, and come home to a wreck, and then you tell me you can't clean with a toddler, but I know she naps 2.5 hours a day?

The good:
-- Your baby will not be sick as often, so in turn you will miss less work.
-- You will always have the security of knowing your child is safe.
-- Your kids will get to do fun things like going to the park, and to the museum.
-- If food is important to you, you know they'll be eating quality things, and not processed foods.

Sorry for the rant - but these are things you need to discuss before either spouse stays home.
1) Can you afford it? I mean, really afford it. Can you go without your date nights and movie tickets, and cable TV or are those sacrifices you aren't willing to make?
2) What are your expectations for the home? Are you both on the same page?
3) Who is going to do most of the cooking?

I fully believe that Stay at Home parent families can work out well, if both spouses really are contributing 50% to the household, whether that's through physical or financial contributions. But when there's an imbalance, there will be resentment. And trust me, the "you have to go back to work" conversation is never a fun one.

My husband is an awesome father. He adores our little girl, and she loves him to pieces. I am glad they had that opportunity to bond. You can be an awesome parent, and not an awesome stay-at-home-parent, and that's okay.

[Edited on January 5, 2015 at 10:17 AM. Reason : ]

1/5/2015 10:15:53 AM

I'm a stay at home mom and I also keep a little girl same age as the Biscuit part time to bring in extra cash. The beginning sucked major ass for my husband because I kept having health problems and was sent to specialist after specialist and just kept getting worse. Pretty much every night my husband came home and took over with the baby and I went upstairs and sat in the bath tub and cried. That sucked for everyone.

Now that all that has finally been (mostly) fixed it works out really well. After the little girl I work with leaves Biscuit and I can run errands or just play. We have play groups here on Tuesdays and out on Thursdays (like minded mommies are key to sanity). We cut cable, we cloth diaper, I make the baby's food, we stopped getting season tickets to the hurricanes games, I shop consignment sales and the facebook buy sell trade pages and sell things we don't need anymore sometimes for as much as I paid or more. I never would have made much more than childcare cost and this way I bring in money and don't have to pay for childcare. And the bond I have with the Biscuit is priceless.

We were both definitely on the same page, though. I didn't really want a nanny job but we have a spreadsheet that we plug all our money stuff in to and it just wasn't in the cards for me to go jobless because we want a bigger car and a new house soon. Nannying is totally a good option for those that want to stay home but still need the money. I actually started my job hunt while pregnant and found another couple due around the same time and we had very similar parenting styles and it is just perfect.

1/5/2015 11:40:32 AM

Quote :

"If she stayed home, we may net more money saved on paper - but she would no longer get be contributing to her retirement, pension, and we lose her benefits (health/dental insurance). The $500 we would save by her being home would quickly be eaten up by adding her and the kid to my insurance. I currently pay $220 for my HSA/dental, but adding her and the kid would mean another $465 I would have to contribute (health insurance is $196/$605 for individual/family and dental is $25/$75 for individual/family). I think adding the kid to her insurance is only another $150. We would net an additional $200 if she stayed at home."

Some things to consider.

- at $35k, that's $2900/month pre-tax. How does she only net $650/month after taxes, retirement contributions, and health insurance? Did you mean $650 every other week? because that seems more likely with the figures you provided.

- early child care is a temporary issue. If she stays home, is that planned to be a permanent thing, or would she go back once your kid is in pre-school/kindergarten? If she isn't very career motivated, i'd assume that once she's home, she's probably never going back.

- Day care is expensive as shit for infants, but gets cheaper over time, so while it may negate her take home pay initially, it gets better. I would not discount the importance of the contributions to retirement, health insurance, etc. You may see a "net improvement on paper" i.e. cash flow, for the first year or so, but once the kid is a toddler, then daycare should not exceed her income. anyway, point is-- don't use a temporary situation to make a permanent career decision.

1/5/2015 12:42:18 PM

Quote :

"Cracks you up? Hmmm. It's her way of asking for help with expenses."

It cracks me up that a married couple still has to decide which parent pays for stuff for their kid.

1/5/2015 1:44:44 PM

I think that's pretty telling that all the money earned while she's a stay at home mom is going to be "his money" unless she needs something to "help with expenses." And that's not the mindset for staying home. You really have to see it as both earning and contributing, or it won't work. I promise!

1/5/2015 2:24:46 PM

Quote :

"at $35k, that's $2900/month pre-tax. How does she only net $650/month after taxes, retirement contributions, and health insurance?"

She maxes out her 403b and Roth IRA (35k - 18k - 5.5k = 11.5k pre-tax and insurance).

Quote :

"would she go back once your kid is in pre-school/kindergarten?"

I would assume so, but since she is planning on continue to work now we didn't have that conversation.

Quote :

"I would not discount the importance of the contributions to retirement, health insurance, etc."

You are preaching to the choir, and I think my wife is thinking along the same lines.

Quote :

"a married couple still has to decide which parent pays for stuff for their kid"

We both pay, just like we do for groceries and other shared expenses. Sometimes I do the shopping, sometimes she does, what's so hard to understand about that?

Quote :

"I think that's pretty telling that all the money earned while she's a stay at home mom is going to be "his money""

Calm down, you have definitely misread my words. We share expenses and resources, we just don't have a shared account.

1/5/2015 2:41:43 PM

My wife's sister and her husband do that shit. Split up the groceries at checkout like room mates, argue over whose bill is whose to pay, keep all earned income separate. They have both been through shitty divorces before so that might be why, but it baffles me. It seems like more trouble than its worth.

Also, how exactly does that work with children in the picture? Do you tell the kid if they want to be in soccer or ballet they have to get the other parent to match the half the first one agrees to pay??? Does one by the soccer balls and the other the uniform? No kid is gonna want to be in the middle of that. At some point the two people have to get on the same page, working toward the common goals of the family, or it kind of defeats the point of being married.

1/5/2015 2:45:12 PM

Quote :

"what's so hard to understand about that? "

^Exactly

1/5/2015 2:49:52 PM

yeah, we definitely don't do any of that.

If we go out to dinner, I usually pay. If she makes dinner, she'll stop and get groceries on her way home from work, same thing for me (and either of us will pick up whatever else is needed at the house while we are at the store). We don't keep tabs on who spent how much, and we never argue about money. With the kid, if there is something I think the kid needs I will get it (and same for her). If it is a bigger purchase, we usually discuss it. Since so much of her salary goes into retirement, the larger purchases and vacations come out of savings.

Like I mentioned before, the main thing that works for us is that we have agreed on our financial goals. We are both savers, and there is a lot of trust when it comes to how we handle our money. I don't care about her day to day expenses, and she doesn't care about mine. When her checking account runs low, we transfer some money from savings to her account.

1/5/2015 3:00:09 PM

update us once you have the kid

1/5/2015 3:15:09 PM

My wife has significantly more money than me, significantly more power, and is significantly more charismatic than me.

She mostly just shits all over me, but I am happy. This thread has been enlightening. Her father is a big time doctor and her mother is a big time lawyer, so it is taking a lot to impress her family

Lately I have just been spending a lot of time messing around on the computer, but I will get my act together soon lol

This thread is eye opening though. There are always things to argue about. There was once a time when I had a lot more money than she did, and now it's like "payback time" because she has all the money now.

It never ends. Money & marriage......

1/8/2015 1:05:30 AM

My gripes:

1) Husband c/o about his weight, his bands, but refuses to change anything about it. Then I get called mean or unempathetic when making suggestions about how to resolve issues. (Surely he must know by now I am not automatically programmed to emote? My usual emotions rotate between anger, annoyance and casual disregard).

2) This house sucks money like a newborn baby on a teat. I'm saving up for our garage shed to be repaired, and it'll run me about $3K.

3) I wish we had neighbors who didn't suck. We have rednecks that scream at each other at night in the back, a super paranoid lawyer lady who ambushes me with homecare questions to the left, and
some people regularly getting arrested right across the street. I'm hoping the street will turn over to better neighbors in a few more years.

/rant

1/17/2015 12:17:52 AM

Quote :

"1) Husband c/o about his weight, his bands, but refuses to change anything about it. Then I get called mean or unempathetic when making suggestions about how to resolve issues. (Surely he must know by now I am not automatically programmed to emote? My usual emotions rotate between anger, annoyance and casual disregard)."

I definitely can relate, especially in the sense that my casual disregard gets me into trouble for not caring enough or lacking in some way

1/18/2015 2:33:05 PM

Mrs. Smath: "Hey I'm going to the grocery store, is there anything you want me to get?"

Smath: "Yeah... I have been craving a corn dog... I haven't had one in years. Will you get some?"

Mrs. Smath: "Yeah that sounds good and I bet the kids would like them"

.
.
.

THIS is what she brings home from the store:

7/21/2015 12:50:31 PM

Quite the sense of humor on that one!

7/21/2015 1:50:50 PM

^^ what a cunt.

7/21/2015 2:30:07 PM

yeesh

7/21/2015 4:23:45 PM

...and that's how a wife becomes an ex-wife

7/21/2015 4:27:05 PM

Lol smath

10/14/2015 10:18:17 PM

I have finally moved out and have been living on my own for about 2 months now. It is hard to explain, but everything in my life has been going smoother, and it has been such a relief for me to be out of that situation. I had imagined that I would spend a ton of time chasing down tail or going out on dates, but I spend most of my days exercising and playing music in my free time, and have not really even thought of pursuing somebody. The idea of it makes me a bit sick actually.

[Edited on October 23, 2015 at 5:56 PM. Reason : u]

10/23/2015 5:55:30 PM

Are you still paying her rent?

If so, nothing wrong with going over there to put it in once in a while.

10/26/2015 11:58:53 AM

No, she does that on her own. It is sad for my son's sake, because I know now that I will never willingly want to be with her again, but it may be better for him in the long run than to have parents that are not happy.

10/28/2015 1:10:36 PM

Not really a woe, per se-- mainly a question that i didn't really want to make a whole thread for (though maybe I should). Anyone in a non-monogamous/open/swinger relationship?

As I've gotten older, this type of arrangement has increasingly intrigued me. If anyone's got such an arrangement, i'm definitely interested in your experiences with it-- good or bad. I realize there are many variations on the theme, with specific rules, boundaries, etc., all of which is completely new territory for me.

It's not something I've spoken with my wife about (yet), mainly because I want to learn more first.

[Edited on December 7, 2016 at 1:09 PM. Reason : . ]

12/7/2016 1:08:36 PM