Quote :

"Also, I think we should respond to messages with memes more. Like I got this one: Quote : "Such a beautiful smile. Very captivating." And I want to reply with... "

That....would be awesome. I have a few choice memes in mind already.

Got a message from some middle aged woman over the weekend asking for a mustache ride. I laffed...but did not respond.

Scrolling back through this thread reminded me of all those cringe-worthy internet experiences I've had.

[Edited on March 4, 2014 at 10:30 AM. Reason : ]

3/4/2014 10:29:26 AM

haha please respond with that meme

no one has messaged me in 3 days. I am so unpopular.

oh well

3/4/2014 11:53:19 AM

if you don't, I will be very disappointed. Wow.

3/4/2014 7:52:16 PM

What's your OKC name i'll message you haha.

I haven't logged in since sometime late nov early dec. Wonder if new cuties have popped up anyway!

[Edited on March 4, 2014 at 10:15 PM. Reason : ;]

3/4/2014 10:14:33 PM

We should start a TWW okcupid suggestion pm. Everyone share their profiles via pm and offer constructive criticism. Any takers?

3/4/2014 11:46:53 PM

I've gotten some good ones lately...

Quote :

"Hello. I'm looking for a lover. She needs to want a physical relationship, permit me one other partner only, respect boundaries and confidentialities, be disease free, and be flexible in getting together. If interested contact me."

Quote :

"Wow you're beautiful but do you date black guys? I'm just moving into the area from NYC so I can open my 3rd jean store/factory for women. I'm very surprise you're still single ?"

I never said I don't date black guys. I have no idea where that came from.

And the best one of the week:

Quote :

"How are you doing ? You have super cool and precise profile and yes, you are hopelessly pretty. I am sure you must have got better compliments here, probably more charming than this one. I don't know how should I advertise myself that you reply but I will recommend that at least you visit my profile and see if you find something that might interest you. If you are interested then may be we could even meet for a drink/coffee or something ? We live close, so it should not be a very difficult proposition. Writing this first message to a stranger on this website is one hell of an awkward job. Phew !!!"

Why do I suddenly have the urge to send funds to Nigeria?

3/10/2014 10:51:30 AM

Phew !!!

3/10/2014 11:01:39 AM

3/10/2014 11:08:13 AM

NCSUHippie -- from your last post, does that mean you are having more luck with receiving messages after changing your profile a bit? lol, even if they are from Nigerian scam artists...

3/10/2014 11:21:14 AM

Quote :

"How are you doing ? You have super cool and precise profile and yes, you are hopelessly pretty. I am sure you must have got better compliments here, probably more charming than this one. I don't know how should I advertise myself that you reply but I will recommend that at least you visit my profile and see if you find something that might interest you. If you are interested then may be we could even meet for a drink/coffee or something ? We live close, so it should not be a very difficult proposition. Writing this first message to a stranger on this website is one hell of an awkward job. Phew !!!"

I'm an idiot. So what's wrong with this one?

Just seems like a slightly insecure/nervous dude who is trying his best to meet you for coffee. A bit pushy and manipulative, but it's cause he wants to meet you.

What am I missing, guys?

3/10/2014 12:25:39 PM

slightly insecure? that whole message reeks of awkwardness and self-deprication. not exactly the most desired qualities for someone looking to date.

3/10/2014 12:38:59 PM

LOL, I am totally fucked. Or is it just men who have to behave desirably? I was hoping to skate by on being "quirky."

3/10/2014 12:46:08 PM

I don't find anything wrong with being awkward and self-deprecating, but that guy was laying it on real thick especially for a first message. It's almost like he was trying to shame her into a response...definitely kind of creepy.

3/10/2014 12:49:00 PM

The only acceptable reason for that person to be writing a message like that is if English isn't their first language, in which case they should probably try and figure out the social scene a little better before trying online dating. Not that there is anything wrong with a foreign person trying to find their American bride but they should probably stick to talking with friends and stuff until they have a better mastery of the language/customs. As she remarked, it sounds like a Nigerian email scam.

[Edited on March 10, 2014 at 12:50 PM. Reason : ]

3/10/2014 12:49:49 PM

I would love to read messages written by shoot

that might actually be fun...create a fake Asian account and then send creepy messages to random women written in terrible English

3/10/2014 1:37:15 PM

Quote :

"The only acceptable reason for that person to be writing a message like that is if English isn't their first language"

3/10/2014 2:15:14 PM

For the record, I really hate seeing every variation of the following:

Quote :

"LoL I don't know what to put here, I'm not good at talking about myself. Just ask!"

3/10/2014 3:18:04 PM

thats how you weed out the uninteresting

3/10/2014 3:19:55 PM

I actually got a slew of messages after making those small tweaks to my profile. I guess that saying I was busy did come across as "I don't have time to date".

And yeah, I don't feel like I have high standards when I weed out guys who can't seem to make a sentence without awkward help from Google translate.

3/10/2014 4:21:52 PM

You people are crazy. His grasp of the English language is excellent. And it would be great to get coffee with someone who speaks a little differently.

He's a little manipulative, but he's putting himself out there, really trying to get a date. What's he supposed to do? Be super witty and awesome when he's not?

Give me that man's information. I'm gonna buy him coffee and help him charm some ladies.

3/10/2014 4:29:17 PM

at least he was respectful, which is pretty damn rare these days, i gather. or do all the backhanded compliments out there really work?

3/10/2014 4:33:34 PM

^^ If the guy has been on OKC for <1 week, then his message is a very decent and likeable ice-breaker.

If he's been on there for much longer, then the message is contextually strange and borderline manipulative.

3/10/2014 5:00:53 PM

Its pretty bad grammar. If I was trying to impress someone, I would read over my message a couple times so that it didn't read like a 7th grader wrote it.

That being said...the content seems pretty good.

3/10/2014 6:43:05 PM

Quote :

"He's a little manipulative"

Turning a blind eye to red flags probably won't net positive results.

3/11/2014 9:13:37 AM

how is asking someone to look at your profile and consider going out for coffee manipulative? that's the purpose of the whole thing, aint it. or are y'all really there to just get unsolicited dick pics?

3/11/2014 9:24:30 AM

Quote :

"If he's been on there for much longer, then the message is contextually strange and borderline manipulative."

if he's been on there longer he's probably just used to getting ignored and stopped caring how grammatically correct his messages are knowing they're likely to be ignored anyways

3/11/2014 9:30:08 AM

^^It's the parts where he gives a fine compliment, but he's all, "I dunno. You've probably gotten way better messages than that. I suck. You should feel sorry for me." And then at the end when he says they're really close so it won't be difficult for her to meet him.

I can relate to his tone. I do it honestly (I think). But I know some people do it manipulatively.

3/11/2014 9:58:56 AM

i guess it's not paranoia when everyone really is misrepresenting themselves and being insincere. dating site are the most jading thing in the world

3/11/2014 10:07:57 AM

I do try to be sincere, on the off chance I run across someone that is also genuine. From what I hear that is generally rare among the male section of internet dating.

3/11/2014 10:09:37 AM

I always went for the most casual site out there, as people had less motivation to lie about their intentions, but there are still shit tons very fake personalities there. Some of the 'casual sex god' personas out there are fucking hilarious, though. I just feel sorry for them, because if they accidentally find someone they really like, dropping down into their true self is gonna be so awkward.

3/11/2014 10:16:45 AM

he comes off sounding like he has "good guy" syndrome

[Edited on March 11, 2014 at 10:52 AM. Reason : also known as "nice guy"]

3/11/2014 10:46:26 AM

sweet jesus I hate good guy syndrome.

3/11/2014 10:48:08 AM

Ok, for those that question what I found wrong with this (beside the horrendous grammar), let me break this down:

Quote :

"How are you doing ? You have super cool and precise profile and yes, you are hopelessly pretty."

Hopelessly pretty? What does that even mean? It sounds like he's saying that I am too pretty for him. Which already implies that I will probably ignore him when I should be taking pity.

Quote :

"I am sure you must have got better compliments here, probably more charming than this one."

Yes, I have. People give me compliments about stuff that matters to me... they like my taste in movies or my quirky personality. Telling me I'm pretty isn't much of a compliment (ok maybe it's a step up from getting a whistle while walking on the street).

Quote :

"I don't know how should I advertise myself that you reply but I will recommend that at least you visit my profile and see if you find something that might interest you."

Why should I do this when he didn't? He mentions nothing about my profile. But I need to go check his out?!

Quote :

"If you are interested then may be we could even meet for a drink/coffee or something ? We live close, so it should not be a very difficult proposition."

So proximity is the only reason we should meet? Also, he lives quite a bit away from me. Carrboro, while only 30 minutes away... isn't quite a easy "meet-up for coffee with a random internet guy" type of drive. No it's not difficult, but that's not why I meet people.

Basically the message reeks of someone who is either very naive and doesn't realize their language issues will have an affect on their target audience. OR, they are being manipulative by coming across as a shunned nice guy that just needs a little help.

And I fucking hate the "nice guy" bullshit. If guys even have that as part of the profile name, and don't even pay attention to it. So maybe I'm a bitch, or you can say I have high standards. But I don't feel like I have to reply to every guy that's "nice" to me. I have more skills than being nice, and I want a guy that will be able to provide more as well.

3/11/2014 12:09:13 PM

After reading ^. I can see why guys are douchebags and assholes online.

3/11/2014 12:13:55 PM

Quote :

"And I fucking hate the "nice guy" bullshit. If guys even have that as part of the profile name, and don't even pay attention to it. So maybe I'm a bitch, or you can say I have high standards. But I don't feel like I have to reply to every guy that's "nice" to me. I have more skills than being nice, and I want a guy that will be able to provide more as well."

I agree 100%.


and more often than not, I've found the self-proclaimed "nice guys" to actually be not-so-nice, and/or severely lacking in more than one other department (intelligence, personality, social skills, etc). I feel like that's their go-to descriptor because they think it will be an easy sell.

3/11/2014 12:34:49 PM

NCSUHippie, I don't think you should actually meet the guy. I know you're busy, and you have to eliminate potential dates. And there's a good chance he sucks big time. However, I thought it was weird that he's the guy you single out.

On the previous page, you presented yourself as caring, trustworthy, and "really into harmony." And then a week later you're joking on this guy as the worst of the bunch when there's nothing all that terrible about him. You also said you liked the idea of planned communities...is your commune only gonna be for people who write perfectly and have flawless personalities? Cause that's not what they're for, and regardless, you wouldn't make the cut.

In short, y'all's a buncha haters.

3/11/2014 12:34:53 PM

while I do kinda just feel like being argumentative with you today, I also just plain disagree. before I read any of the commentary, I got a bad vibe from that guy's email, and I would never in a million years respond to him, for a lot of reasons mentioned ITT and by NCSUhippie.

you obviously feel differently, and if what your OKcupid account receiving that, you could do with it what you wanted. (including posting it as a "winner" email you received).

3/11/2014 12:37:34 PM

i'm getting some really disharmonious vibes in here

3/11/2014 12:40:07 PM

Yes, yes, Sheldon Cooper sent that email. 'hopelessly pretty' is pretty horrible. I wonder how many emails guys send out into space and never receive a response from. he's just at the beginning of his downard spiral on OKC. by the end he'll be sending penis pics and messages like 'you aren't that hot, but i'll still fuck you'.

3/11/2014 12:45:39 PM

I just take that message to be from someone foreign, who is new to online dating, and maybe isnt super confident but just trying to come across as a nice guy who wants to meet up for coffee sometime.

3/11/2014 12:46:36 PM

I'm reading a girl that is being cautious about not getting herself in a bad situation.
Who has been through the relationship rodeo once or twice and knows what to look out for.

I think that the compliment in movie choice would have been a better compliment than looks, but I still don't think that its a great compliment personally. (The personality would be the better way to go, although to be fair if I recall complimenting a personality doesn't garner much in the way or responses)

3/11/2014 12:48:15 PM

To be fair anyone who thinks they can tell someones personality from an internet dating profile is kidding themselves. So you are left either complimenting their picture or their interests (which people also lie about all the time).

3/11/2014 12:50:48 PM

Quote :

"GREEN JAY: I wonder how many emails guys send out into space and never receive a response from. he's just at the beginning of his downard spiral on OKC. by the end he'll be sending penis pics and messages like 'you aren't that hot, but i'll still fuck you'."

LOLOLOL

Dude, you crack me up.

3/11/2014 12:58:01 PM

maybe it's just me that gets messages like that

3/11/2014 1:00:32 PM

I, too, hate the nice guy schtick.

Generally, if they feel the need to mention this they are likely douchebags that have deluded themselves into thinking women owe them something because they put time and effort into being a semi-decent human being. And most of the time this effort is only made because they want to get their dicks wet.

If you're a decent human being you don't need to wave the nice guy thing in women's faces.

:dismounts high horse:

3/11/2014 1:01:10 PM

Quote :

"I wonder how many emails guys send out into space and never receive a response from."

i'd guess high end is 30% of the messages they send GET a response.

3/11/2014 1:01:16 PM

That critique to the message by NCSUHippie above is pure insanity. There is not a combinatorial solution within the English language that could not be similarly critiqued.

You want to meet up because we're close? That's a crappy reason.
You live far away? Message people who live closer!

And while we're at it, let's make sure that every thing the person says is indicative of a personality flaw. This is a method straight out of a Dilbert comic strip.

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2011-09-05/

3/11/2014 1:02:18 PM

Quote :

"Quote : "I wonder how many emails guys send out into space and never receive a response from." i'd guess high end is 30% of the messages they send GET a response."

That's an exceedingly high number, at least in my experience.

3/11/2014 1:04:02 PM

I don't think they're douchebags. The ones I've met have all been legit nice, but they are so boring, or awkward, or some other factor that I can tell is the real reason they can't get a girlfriend.

3/11/2014 1:05:02 PM

Quote :

"I, too, hate the nice guy schtick. Generally, if they feel the need to mention this they are likely douchebags that have deluded themselves into thinking women owe them something because they put time and effort into being a semi-decent human being. And most of the time this effort is only made because they want to get their dicks wet. If you're a decent human being you don't need to wave the nice guy thing in women's faces. "

this is basically where I'm coming from. but not necessarily dbags, like you said SKwinkle. I just find they're almost always lacking in something pretty major.

3/11/2014 1:08:55 PM