5

6/26/2009 1:08:49 PM

Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Ooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogurt!
Homer: That's good.
Shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings.
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate.
[Homer looks puzzled]
Shopkeeper: ...That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

7/10/2009 4:51:35 PM

Chief Wiggum: All right, show's over, folks. I'm afraid this horse is going to the dog food factory.
Homer: Good luck getting a horse to eat dog food.

7/27/2009 3:23:42 PM

"Barney, the call is from heroism. Will you accept the charges?"

7/29/2009 2:33:26 PM

Homer: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back...unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog.
Bart: Your right
Homer: Rats, I almost had him eating dog food then

8/7/2009 10:33:05 PM

[Edited on August 7, 2009 at 10:39 PM. Reason : i pick ken griffey jr]

8/7/2009 10:38:06 PM

Farmer 1: Well, well. Look at the city slicker pulling up in
his fancy German car.
Homer: This car was made in Guatemala.
Farmer 2: Well, pardon us, Mr. Gucci loafers.
Homer: I bought these shoes from a hobo.
Farmer 1: Well la-de-da, Mr. Park Avenue manicure.
Homer: I'm sorry, I believe in good grooming.

8/8/2009 7:49:19 PM

Marge: I didn't use to mind it when he'd sneak into the bathroom & snack off

Homer: Le grille, what the hell is that?

Chalmers: Bal-ding, why won't any respect the 'ding?
Skinner: I respect the ding, sir

8/8/2009 8:11:35 PM

Yarrrr, I'm not attractive

8/8/2009 8:22:18 PM

Everything from the episode "Homer and Apu"

James Woods: Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to fight aliens on a far away planet.
Marge: Oh, that sounds like a good movie!
James Woods: Uhh... yes, yes... movie...

Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service.
Homer: You're... selling what, now?
Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
[Slams the door]
Apu: He's got me there.

Apu: Now this is just between me and you...smashed hat. Hee hee --

8/12/2009 1:16:44 PM

my favorite is:

Homer: No TV and no beer make Homer go...something...something
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don’t mind if I do!!! A-woolagoolawoola!

8/12/2009 1:22:10 PM

[the Be Sharps are performing the Statue of Liberty's 100th anniversary 4th of July concert in New York City in 1986]
Homer: This next song is dedicated to a very special lady. She's 100 years old and weighs over 200... tons.
Fan: This enormous lady will devour us all!
[Screams and jumps into the ocean]
Homer: I meant the statue!

8/12/2009 1:22:21 PM

Lisa: Dad!!!!!!!!!
Homer: Huh -- wha -- Lisa! What's up?
Lisa: I just had a bad dream!
Homer: Oh, sure. You just lie down and tell me all about it.
Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the bogeyman was after
me, --
Homer: Aaaaaaah! Bogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun!

Homer runs into Bart's room:

Homer: "Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there
may be a bogeyman or bogeymen in the house!"
Bart: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!

Later, Marge arrives home

Marge: What happened here?
Homer: Oh, nothing, Marge. Just a little incident involving the
bogeyman! Of course, none of this would have happened if you had been here
to keep me from acting stupid.

[Edited on August 12, 2009 at 7:31 PM. Reason : ,]

8/12/2009 7:27:45 PM

dental plan

8/12/2009 7:30:02 PM

Lisa hands homer a empty suitcase to put on top of the car b/c is planning on running away
Homer: "Hmmm thats light"
Lisa: "Maybe your just getting stronger Dad"
Homer: " Well I have been eating more lately"

8/12/2009 7:53:24 PM

[the Red Hot Chili Peppers are performing on Krusty's show]
Krusty the Clown: Now, boys, the network has a problem with some of your lyrics. Do you mind changing them for the show?
Anthony Kiedis: Forget you, clown.
Chad Smith: Yeah, our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.
Krusty the Clown: Well, okay, but here where it says, "What I got you gotta get and put it in ya," how about just, "What I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss ya."
Flea: Wow. That's much better.
Arik Marshall: Everyone can enjoy that.

9/21/2009 7:32:42 PM

(Bart and Lisa are fighting)

Bart (to Marge): It's your fault for giving birth to my arch enemy!
Lisa: At least I was planned!
Marge: Stop it! No one was planned!

9/21/2009 8:27:01 PM

Bart: You lie like a fly with a booger in its eye.
Homer: [laughing] The fly was funny, but the booger was the icing on the cake.

10/1/2009 10:36:03 AM

all of these are good

10/1/2009 10:41:30 AM

i'm sure steamed hams has been mentioned already

http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/54624/detail/




also,

Martin: I drew him (President Eisenhower) with Canadian Prime Minister Louis St. Laurent. Their relationship was frosty at best.

10/1/2009 12:24:18 PM

Ralph: This is my swing set. This is my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. That's where I saw the leprechaun!
Bart: Right, a leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things.

10/1/2009 12:28:57 PM

Lisa: I was in the library at the time, but Janey told me that Principal Skinner and Bart's teacher,

Mrs. -- what's her name?

Marge: Krabappel?

Lisa: Yeah, Krabappel. They were naked in the closet together.

Marge: [gasps] Oh, my goodness!

Homer: Wait a minute. Bart's teacher is named Krabappel? I've been calling her Crandall. Why didn't someone tell me? Oh, I've been making an idiot out of myself!

10/1/2009 1:17:32 PM

Lisa: "Dad, we did something very bad!"
Homer: "Did you wreck the car?"
Lisa: "No."
Homer: "Did you raise the dead?"
Bart: "Yes."
Homer: "But the car's okay?"
Bart N Lisa: "Uh huh."
Homer: "Alright then."

[Edited on October 2, 2009 at 1:19 AM. Reason : .]

10/2/2009 1:18:46 AM

Montgomery Burns: Hello, my name is Mr. Snrub. And I come from, uh... someplace far away.
Montgomery Burns: [to himself] Yes, that'll do.
Montgomery Burns: [back to Mayor Quimby] Anyway, I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant.
Waylon Smithers: I like the way Snrub thinks.


[Edited on October 3, 2009 at 9:26 AM. Reason : ..]

10/3/2009 9:25:23 AM

"I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's"

I use this one all the time

10/3/2009 9:50:31 AM

"Lisa, people do lots of crazy things in commercials...like eat at Arby's!"

10/3/2009 12:14:30 PM

Homer: "It seems that the cat burglar has been caught by the very man who was trying to catch him.
Skinner: "How ironic"


[Edited on October 3, 2009 at 1:26 PM. Reason : .]

10/3/2009 1:20:00 PM

Homer to Maggie:

And now I need to leave you where you'll be safe; under the watchful eyes of God.
And I'll be watching too in case God is too busy making tornadoes or not existing.



[Edited on October 3, 2009 at 2:09 PM. Reason : :]

10/3/2009 2:08:41 PM

homer trying to play some con on a stranger

-(in rediculous voice) hello I am Mr Burns
-ok what's your first name
-(in same voice) I don't know

10/3/2009 3:53:01 PM

Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Bart, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving
family?
Bart: No.
Fat Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal
a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Fat Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Fat Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price
that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no!
Fat Tony: Enjoy your gift.

10/7/2009 7:25:21 PM

Homer: "I have three kids and no money, why can't I have no kids and three money".

11/4/2009 1:31:27 AM

Is it "Let's watch Family Guy"?

11/4/2009 1:40:45 AM

Homer: What should I do with all my ill-gotten money?
Lisa: Well, there's a lot of needy children in the world.
Homer: I see what you're saying...I should buy a gun!

11/4/2009 1:45:21 AM

Martin Prince: Ah, my plan has come to fruition! Soon I'll be queen of summertime... uh, I mean king, king!

11/4/2009 2:42:51 AM

Krusty: "Kent, we have to pay for promotion, shipping, distribution....those limos out front, they aint free. Whatever's left over, we throw down the well."

11/4/2009 2:07:09 PM

Brockman: Thanks, Mr. Simpson. Because of you, we're all taking golden showers.

11/4/2009 3:15:39 PM

Marge: We're going to school for the Parent/Teacher meetings. We'll bring dinner home.
Lisa: What are you going to bring home?
Homer: Well it depends. If both of you have been good, pizza. If not, then poison.
Lisa: What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
Bart: Poisoned pizza?
Homer: Oh no! I'm not making two stops.

11/4/2009 4:38:31 PM

Audience: Boo! Boo!
Burns: Smithers...are they booing me?
Smithers: Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns! Boo-urns!"
Burns: Are you saying "boo" or "Boo-urns"?
Audience: Boo! Boo!
Hans: I was saying "Boo-urns"...

11/4/2009 5:02:49 PM

dying tickles

i'm idaho!

[Edited on November 4, 2009 at 8:51 PM. Reason : that is so 1991]

11/4/2009 8:50:45 PM

Lisa: I don't think anyone in this family could be capable of murder.
Grampa: You never know what people are capable of. I never thought I could shoot down a German plane. But last year, I proved myself wrong.

11/4/2009 8:53:17 PM

Gerald Ford: Say, Homer, do you like football?
Homer: Do I ever!
Gerald Ford: Do you like nachos?
Homer: Yes, Mr. Ford.
Gerald Ford: Well, why don't you come over and watch the game, and we'll have
nachos? And then drink some beer.
Homer: Ooh!

11/5/2009 3:28:59 AM

There are a lot of Arby's quotes. The ones that were already mentioned:

Quote :

"I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's"

Quote :

"Lisa, people do lots of crazy things in commercials...like eat at Arby's!"

And a few others:

Quote :

"If I can keep down Arby's, I can keep down you!"

Quote :

"Kirk: [excited] Oh, boy, what's going on? Patio party? Man: No, a possum drowned in the pool. You have any garbage bags? Kirk: Just throw it over the fence, let Arby's worry about it."

[Edited on November 5, 2009 at 7:30 AM. Reason : -]

11/5/2009 7:29:56 AM

^ same with Raleigh

Quote :

"Raleigh-Durham Skoal Bowl"

Quote :

"Aah, for the days when aviation was a gentleman's pursuit -- back before every Joe Sweatsock could wedge himself behind a lunch tray and jet off to Raleigh-Durham."

11/5/2009 7:39:34 AM

Quote :

"dental plan"

Quote :

"lisa needs braces"

Quote :

"dental plan"

Quote :

"lisa needs braces"

Quote :

"dental plan"

Quote :

"lisa needs braces"

11/5/2009 7:44:42 AM

Quote :

"doh!"

11/5/2009 9:41:31 AM

Dentist: "Why must you turn my office into a house of LIES!!!!!!!!!!!"


and

Dentist: "Lets look at the big book of British smiles"

11/6/2009 2:15:56 AM

The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more 'n a few.

11/6/2009 7:44:38 PM

lol@OP

11/6/2009 7:47:47 PM

Milo: Why did Mr. Smith kill everybody?
Homer: It was symbolism! He was mad.

11/10/2009 1:16:22 AM

Homer: And that talking coyote was really just that talking dog.
Dog: Hi, Homer. Find your soulmate.
Homer: Hey, wait a minute! Dogs can't talk!
Dog: [barks]
Homer: Damn straight!

11/10/2009 2:56:44 AM