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ScHpEnXeL
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2/17/2009 9:10:38 PM

StateCole
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wat

2/17/2009 9:20:04 PM

rjrgrl
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i kinda wonder if this guy has found himself a gf yet. i could add him on facebook to find out, but dont reallllly wanna do that

2/17/2009 9:31:48 PM

qntmfred
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yo i'll do it what's his name

2/17/2009 9:32:57 PM

rjrgrl
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2/17/2009 9:35:13 PM

Tiberius
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link him to this thread!!

DOOO ITT

2/17/2009 9:44:01 PM

rjrgrl
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haha, id rather you didnt

2/17/2009 9:46:37 PM

ambrosia1231
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Quote :
"i kinda wonder if this guy has found himself a gf yet. i could add him on facebook to find out, but dont reallllly wanna do that

"

Last year while single, I posted ad on CL.

I still get emails from some of the guys.
A YEAR

2/17/2009 9:47:32 PM

rjrgrl
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this is why mine went to an email account i made up specifically for that ad. i dont have to deal with it

2/17/2009 9:48:27 PM

dyne
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just curious as to whether this dude actually thought that was going to work.

being unique is cool and all, but thats a HUGE stretch.

2/18/2009 12:30:42 AM

rjrgrl
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i have NO idea why he thought this would work
well, ok, if he'd done it A LOT less creepy (name of the prog, all the sexual references, all the refs to coming over to my house, etc....) it would have been a cute idea. but, he didnt and it wasnt

2/18/2009 1:04:32 AM

rjrgrl
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HERE IS EVERYTHING ALL IN ORDER

this is the day before our date - i guess i had just given him my legit email addy (i tried to log into match and pull our emails on there, but they are long gone by now )
Quote :
"From: David
Date: Tue, May 13, 2008 at 2:45 AM
Subject: test
To: jessica

goodnight pretty lady
goodnight pretty moravian

nice to talk to you!

Dave"

a little odd that hes bringing up my religion, but i guess i had been explaining it to him earlier?

i also thought it was interesting that he sent his java email to me and to his work email addy... like, did he want to SHOW it to his friends at work or something????

Quote :

"From: David
Date: Thu, May 15, 2008 at 9:29 PM
Subject: GOLDIES!!!!
To: jessica
Cc: David

Jessica,
Had a great time meeting you last night- although I don't remember getting a thank you for the drinks :-). Let me know if your "dating algorithm", after all inputs from inheritance class (source file) "MalesArousedByJessica" returns the correct object "david" from class "UltimateSexMachineJessicaCantLiveWithout" so I can take you out on a formal date. I could write a song or a poem, but just this time, for your highly intelligent left hemisphere, I constructed a Java Applet- just for you- called ManSorter.java. Using this application, you can clearly see why you should allow me to ask you out again.

import objectdraw.*;
import java.awt.*;
/**
* This program uses a novel algorithm to quantitatively analyze and assess characteristics of Jessica's male suitors
(includes real-time objective quantitative data on charisma and personality, goals-set/goals-attained ratios, penis size [and associated wielding skills], potential for a happy and successful future, probability of divorce, various dating statistics among 768 other int value data inputs).
The compiled algorithm yields object [name] of Jessica's best match, saving much valuable time and opening up a world of unprecedented happiness.
*/
public class ManSorter extends WindowController {
{
// Variables of qualities and ratings of suitors
private MalesArousedByJessica everyone;
private RealtimeSuitorStats dontDateLosers;
private ScheduledDatesWithRandomBoys notNecessary;
}

public void begin() {

public everyone statSort () {
return: list)
}

public void realTimeSuitorStats.arrage () {
return: list.sort(){
}
}

public void computeGuyJessicaShouldHangOutWithAndLetHelpWithHerNewApertment (){
return.topMan (){
{

Public void addToCanvas.topMan() {
{

{ topMan = DAVID. rank #1 of 5,301,000)

{

topMan.showStats(){
Mature
Successful
VERY well-endowed…
Can fix up your apartment in one day
Wont rush things
Think we have a chance
If you want more dating "experience" be my guest, but lets go out tomorrow night unless you have another date

public void manSorterSuggestions () {
Go out with David again.
Unless you're actually seriously dating someone else right now and not telling me (totally possible for all I know), there's nothing wrong with going on a date tomorrow night and hanging out at my apt. But, again, if you have something to hide or can't break your dating rules, at least let me know if I can take you out tomorrow night, or in a few weeks…

ScheduledDatesWithRandomBoys = dull conversations and feeling of dissatisfaction;
}
}
}}"

the gmail convo that ensued

Quote :

"10:33 PM David: how's the sanding?
how's the sanding?
10:36 PM i can bring a power-sander!!!
43 minutes

11:19 PM me: ok, im not gonna lie to you, this email.... mn, there isnt an appropriate smiley for my response

suffice it to say, while its kinda cute that you wrote it in a programming language (even if its one that I hate), what I've read of it so far ... well it fucking worries me

11:20 PM David: haha ok
sorry

me: no, like really

David: yeah i just fired it off... maybe too much
well i guess that settles that
sorry

11:21 PM me: yea you could say that (about the "maybe too much")

David: it wasn't meant to be so literal, but i obviously missed the mark

11:22 PM me: oh im not saying im taking it all literally

David: so sorry if i offended you

me: truthfully, i havent even gotten past the first screen, and im not even sure if i should continue to read...

11:23 PM David: i just through it together... i was bored... it was dumb
threw*

11:24 PM me: im a little offended (i mean, quite frankly at this point in time, its a bit presumptuous to be telling me how well endowed you are)
but mostly, it makes me wonder what made you think some of this content was a good idea....

David: well you asked me if i was a virgin last night

me: no i didnt

David: that was quite unexpected

me: i said i tried to put that on my profile

11:25 PM David: and then you asked me if i was
well i dont know you well enough to be arguing with you
sorry for offending you
11:26 PM you seem really angry

me: no im not
im just, well shocked mostly

David: was it just me that set you off?
11:27 PM yeah, probably a little innapropriate... but now i know what shocks you
well i appologize again...
11:29 PM is it something you can overlook? you don't have a full understanding of my sense of humor... im typically not crude, rude, jealous... i can see how it maybe came off that way
11:31 PM i want to take you out again, but it sounds like you've got a lot lined up and you're still learning what's out there
but i could buy you dinner tomorrow night
11:33 PM im not an immature, just in it for sex, jealous, white trash guy

me: yea... i mean, im not gonna lie, the email was... wow yea
so, anyways, i mean i got this impression before last night and a little last night and now definatley after that email - you're just a little over zealous for me

David: it this was enough to turn you off then that's great we figured it out

me: yea

11:34 PM David: well... last night was the first date ive been on in about 2 years... so yeah... maybe i lost some tact over that period
11:35 PM well so i guess it's settled now...
bummer

11:36 PM me: i mean, you're a nice guy
but, just, over zealous, i think is the best way to describe it
and im sure there aer girls that works for
but it kind of scares me

David: haha
11:37 PM well, i'd say excited... and bored... and i miss being close to a nice girl
im not over zealous... maybe just a little tactless and a little too exced
11:38 PM well for the next girl i'll turn it down a notch
sorry i fucked it up with you

me: yea, its a bit overwhelming

11:39 PM David: you just have more dating experience than me... over the last few years

me: yea

David: like, how?
im not going to stalk you

me: like

David: ill never talk to you again after tonight

me: ok, i dont mean this meanly but this is the best way i know how to describe it

11:40 PM David: go for it...
i wont get mad

me: nah, nevermind

David: say it!
11:41 PM please
be nice

me: over-eager puppy, is the phrase that comes to mind

11:42 PM David: well... yeah... i was almost crippled... havent had sex in 2 years... just getting back in shape
so sorry
and thanks for the sympathy
but seriously... it's good to know that's how I came off
11:43 PM ill man up and get back in the groove
i was never rejected before this whole knee... 3 months stuck in bed thing
never had dating issues
so this is a first

11:44 PM me: sorry

11:45 PM David: i guess im just feeling so much better now and it's like i have my life back again so i want to jump right in... but to the outside it comes off a little desparate/over-eager

11:46 PM me: just... tone it down some, best advice i can offer

David: so honestly, how many other guys are you talking to now?
gotcha
i will

me: potential dates? 2 or 3
actually been discussed and planned? none yet

11:48 PM David: well are you patient enough to go out with me again... we can just have another drink at goldies tomorrow night

11:49 PM me: no, i dont think so
but i wish you the best of luck

David: you wont have to be patient for long"

[Edited on February 18, 2009 at 1:33 AM. Reason : part 1]

2/18/2009 1:16:38 AM

rjrgrl
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then the emails, after i blocked him on gmail chat

Quote :
"
On Thu, May 15, 2008 at 11:55 PM, David wrote:
what's the harm with just hanging out and talking. it doesnt always have to be about yes, or no. there's other things like visiting... talk, etc. you really didnt just block me did you? thats rough

On Thu, May 15, 2008 at 11:57 PM, Jessica wrote:
see, this is what i mean
over zealous

bye

On Fri, May 16, 2008 at 12:09 AM, David wrote:
Well, I've never met such a selfish "professional" dater... It's always just yes or no with you... so focused on what YOU think you want, so afraid of conversation or change... confident, attractive, intelligent, but maybe just selfish and insecure... I wish you the best of luck. I'm always willing to improve myself and work things out, you won't even offer yourself the chance to see how eagerly and successfully I'll take your positive criticisms. But it doesn't work with someone who has no regard for any sort of middle ground. I never even got a "thank you" for last night... Maybe that's a good tip-off for the future, too. I'm going to take this experience and learn from it... and change. I hope you can humble yourself enough to see if there are things that you can improve in your personal life. I'm willing to change... to prove myself to you, but you seem too self-absorbed and intolerant. I wish you the best of luck, and thanks for the advise. You will never hear from me again! :-)

On Fri, May 16, 2008 at 12:16 AM, Jessica wrote:
I did thank you.

And no, its not always yes or no. But, yea if I don't want to go to your apartment or don't want you to come to mine, on the first date, then a no is a no.

I've ignored warning signs in the past with guys, to my detriment and I'm working on not doing that this time around.
Sorry, I think its for the best for both of us.

And seriously, we shouldn't be having to "work things out" after the first date. That doesn't bode well for a relationship.

On Fri, May 16, 2008 at 12:39 AM, David wrote:
well talk less and listen more. maybe you'll be learn to distinguish between detrimental warning signs and genuine integrity"

2/18/2009 1:31:44 AM

dyne
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the dude failed because:

a. yeah, obviously if the girl isn't interested, pushing it will never work.

b. saying he'll basically change anything about him to agree with what you think. if a girl doesn't like you the way you are, then its probably not gonna work out anyway.

2/18/2009 1:36:56 AM

rjrgrl
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its like he couldnt believe that i really wasnt interested.

i also like how he "implies" in his "program" that if i don't go out with him it is because i'm sketchy and have a boyfriend / have something to hide...
Quote :
"Unless you're actually seriously dating someone else right now and not telling me (totally possible for all I know), there's nothing wrong with going on a date tomorrow night and hanging out at my apt. But, again, if you have something to hide or can't break your dating rules, at least let me know if I can take you out tomorrow night, or in a few weeks… "

[Edited on February 18, 2009 at 1:44 AM. Reason : .]

2/18/2009 1:42:38 AM

zxappeal
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Geezus...a flat out "no" is pretty obvious. What a clinger.

Match ain't too bad (ain't great either). With the same one I met over a year ago on Match.

2/18/2009 1:56:41 AM

TragicNature
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Quote :
"Didn't thank him for the drinks, who fucking cares?"

If I took a girl out and she didn't thank me I definitely wouldn't be asking her out again. Pretty fuckin' rude As far as "Who cares..." This sounds like the alot of females these days. "You better pay for the drinks....its expected....and btw....fuck you buddy"

I hope I come back as a bitch in another life....let somebody pay for my ass for a while.

2/18/2009 1:59:53 AM

rjrgrl
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^yea the thing is, that i did thank him.

[Edited on February 18, 2009 at 2:05 AM. Reason : also, i was paying for my own drinks. then he offered to buy me one, so i said ok.]

2/18/2009 2:04:29 AM

theDuke866
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this is like a Saturday Night Live skit or something!

2/18/2009 4:24:10 AM

j_sun
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wow

i'm staying away from GOLDIES!!!!

2/18/2009 4:59:53 AM

gunzz
IS NÚMERO UNO
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oh, already bumped.

[Edited on February 18, 2009 at 8:48 AM. Reason : lol]

2/18/2009 8:46:56 AM

grimx
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this is like the horror story of dating.

i think i may use this strategy if i get a creepy date in the future though.
copy all of that and send it to them

2/18/2009 9:00:27 AM

Snewf
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Quote :
"Had a great time meeting you last night- although I don't remember getting a thank you for the drinks :-)"

this guy is a fucking piece of shit

I bet he means "blow job" and not "thank you"

self-entitled, presumptuous piece of fucking garbage

2/18/2009 9:05:50 AM

pilgrimshoes
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Quote :
"i only did the one CL ad. actually did end up meeting and going out with 2 cute guys cause of it. one i'm saw for like 3 weeks and am still friends with. the other i dated for 3 months and turned out to be a lying cheating bastard, too bad too, cause he was hot."

i was raped last night....

2/18/2009 9:07:37 AM

WolfAce
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Quote :
"this guy is a fucking piece of shit

I bet he means "blow job" and not "thank you"

self-entitled, presumptuous piece of fucking garbage"

Yeah that's what I got out of it

I'm thinking his idea of a 'thank you' wasn't the verbal kind

2/18/2009 10:30:07 AM

Stimwalt
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I love laughing at other peoples' expense. Nothing is sweeter. That guy fails at life and code.

2/18/2009 11:40:47 AM

terpball
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WOW!!!!

This is GREAT!!!!!

Can I post this on an "Ultimate Dating Failures" blog?

2/18/2009 11:51:53 AM

quagmire02
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2/18/2009 12:03:01 PM

ambrosia1231
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holy hell

I wouldn't have even responded to his 'you didn't really just block me, did you?' email.

2/18/2009 12:30:01 PM

rjrgrl
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^^^hahaha sure

Quote :
"this guy is a fucking piece of shit

I bet he means "blow job" and not "thank you"

self-entitled, presumptuous piece of fucking garbage"

hmm, i hadn't thought of that before. that would be REALLY presumptuous of him, and delusional, to assume one $3 drink meant he should get some action

Quote :
"i'm staying away from GOLDIES!!!!"

its closed now i liked that bar

[Edited on February 18, 2009 at 12:37 PM. Reason : .]

2/18/2009 12:36:46 PM

jackleg
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wow i must really be a loser if you turned me down and dated that guy

2/18/2009 12:41:43 PM

rjrgrl
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i went on one 2 hour date with that guy
i should have listened to my gut feeling that told me to cancel the date cause he was a little off. but i didnt, and now we have this comedic gem to laugh at

2/18/2009 12:50:45 PM

jackleg
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i just wanted to go get ice cream

2/18/2009 12:51:41 PM

Sweden
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Wish I had seen this before, I definitely saw the CC to David's work email awhile back.

2/18/2009 12:53:06 PM

Aficionado
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Quote :
"wow i must really be a loser if you turned me down and dated that guy"

lulz

2/18/2009 12:54:17 PM

jackleg
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she's obviously flawed, most women would jump at the chance

2/18/2009 12:55:35 PM

rjrgrl
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i dont even remember you asking. at least not asking that i took seriously. i think i just figured you were teasing me or something

2/18/2009 12:56:35 PM

jackleg
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i smell a maybe!

2/18/2009 12:57:10 PM

rjrgrl
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hahah, i have a bf, it'll be 9 months tomorrow. sorry

2/18/2009 12:58:36 PM

BubbleBobble
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you could have mentioned you had a bf before you got anyone's hopes up you know

2/18/2009 12:59:51 PM

jackleg
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i dont see a ring on that finger, girl

2/18/2009 1:02:23 PM

rjrgrl
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i have mentioned it in other threads, and there are pics of us in my gallery
and i'm pretty sure we're facebook friends, and that says i have a bf too

2/18/2009 1:02:54 PM

jackleg
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did you get RD's hopes up, rjrgrl?

2/18/2009 1:07:32 PM

rjrgrl
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i guess so

sowwy

lol

2/18/2009 1:08:09 PM

BubbleBobble
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yea I was definitely talking about you jackleg, since you're the one trying to get laid itt

2/18/2009 1:10:22 PM

jackleg
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i'll just keep trying!

2/18/2009 1:12:19 PM

BubbleBobble
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sick burns itt

2/18/2009 1:12:39 PM

j_sun
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Quote :
"and now we have this comedic gem to laugh at"

thanks for your sacrifice

2/18/2009 2:00:14 PM

schwank
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i just read the whole blog

hilarious

2/18/2009 2:10:32 PM

terpball
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http://ultimatedatingfail.wordpress.com/

I'm sending this around work, people are lovin it

2/18/2009 2:17:41 PM

Message Boards » Chit Chat » UltimateSexMachineJessicaCantLiveWithout :crack:

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