that's why i said kim kardashian level ass

1/24/2018 2:12:39 PM

So your saying it really comes down to you being a cheapskate, not being broke.

1/24/2018 2:18:23 PM

To me, it sounds like that groom needs to pick his friends better to me.

1/24/2018 2:47:47 PM

The old TWW would have already forwarded this thread to the groom for the sake of shananigans

1/24/2018 2:52:57 PM

If I had friends I would be in their wedding even if i had to rent a tux.

1/24/2018 3:12:47 PM

I would say you have not only the right but an obligation to back out of being a groomsman. That way, your "good friend like family" might realize what a prolapsed, fistulated rectum of a human being you are and quit wasting his time on you.

With luck, there will be enough warning for him to un-invite you to the wedding, so that he can save a few bucks on catering - or at least give your seat to somebody worth a damn.

You suck. You are a bad person and you should feel bad about yourself.

1/24/2018 3:17:19 PM

and may God have mercy on your soul.

1/24/2018 3:25:52 PM

What goes around comes around.

He won't have any groomsmen at his wedding. If he's ok with that, well, so be it. If he's already had his wedding, and this guy was there, then, he should feel shameful.

1/24/2018 4:01:30 PM

can you find out the type of tux and find a lower cost alternative?

also, you suck.

1/24/2018 4:14:11 PM

I've been a groomsman several times, and in most of those situations I was broke as a joke. My participation didn't impact some anal-retentive devotion to a theoretical budget; it had real and immediate impact on my ability to do things. But you know what? I sucked it up and tightened the belt and found a way to make it work, because these people were my best friends and that is what friends do. Once, when the groom knew about my situation and had the means to help, he covered the cost of the tux - again, because that's a thing that friends do. I'm going to have the opportunity to pay that forward in the next few months, thank God.

What friends don't do is say, "Yes, I'm honored, and I'd be happy to help as long as it doesn't inconvenience me in any way."

Jesus Christ. With the state of the world today, it takes a lot to move the needle on my disgust meter. But you've damn near broken the thing.

1/24/2018 4:29:44 PM

meh tuxedos are stupid. plus he said up front he wasn't paying for it. you cut ties right then, not send him a bill months later

[Edited on January 24, 2018 at 4:50 PM. Reason : that's some babyback bullshit]

1/24/2018 4:38:53 PM

I would hope this dude is just using this thread to 'vent' sawahash-style and that he's mostly just griping about the cost of a tuxedo (def pricy, considering you wear the damn thing for just a few hours) , but his second post confirms he's actually a cheap bastard and fishing for approval from TWW bottom feeders. But like Grumpy said, I've been the best man before and had to suck it up and budget for it during periods of my life where I was actually a poor person living hand to mouth (i.e college student during late Bush/early Obama years). He should make friends with sawahash's parents and have them help plan his wedding.

1/24/2018 4:54:31 PM

i feel like if there's any hesitation at all when a friend asks you to be a groomsman, then you aren't close enough to be a groomsman. i absolutely despise formal clothes and the whole wedding deal, but i know the times i've had to rent a monkey suit, they were for folks close enough to me that the thought of not doing it never crossed my mind. on the flip side, when i got married, i only asked guys who i knew wouldn't hesitate. they were guys i love like brothers and probably more. not the kind of love that $500 gets in between.

1/24/2018 5:25:12 PM

Well, we had a groomsman back out on us, but luckily we found a replacement. This guy lives in Mississippi and just started a new job and wasn't sure if he would be able yo get the time off to make the trip. Totally understandable. He is still going to be invited on the off chance that he can end up making it in the long run.

Also, we are being super nice to our wedding party. The guys are wearing grey pants and a white button up shirt, we are giving them ties. And the girls are wearing a Grey dress, of their choice. I just gave them a swatch of fabric and said just get a Grey close to this color. That way, they can get a dress that they might really wear again. I don't know how many times I've gotten a dress as part of the wedding party with the bride saying "you can totally wear this again" like no bitch, I will never need to wear a turquoise chiffon bridesmaid dress again, unless I'm in another wedding with the same colors.

[Edited on January 24, 2018 at 10:16 PM. Reason : ]

1/24/2018 10:14:35 PM

Quote :

"meh tuxedos are stupid. plus he said up front he wasn't paying for it. you cut ties right then, not send him a bill months later "

Yeah I mean if he hadn't told the dude as a term of acceptance I'd say he's a dick, but I think the shit he's getting on here is a bit undeserved. However, I don't live in this white people society where people invite me to be a part of their overpriced wedding so maybe I just don't get it.

1/24/2018 10:26:48 PM

You know, I started to rant, because sometimes its just fun to rant to random internet people, I knew I was going to rent the tux/hotel.

I also am pretty much coming to the 75% mark of my debt snow ball ordeal, so I base a lot of things I do on how close and how I can get there. So I was a bit too far up my own ass to see that / explain to a forum. For that, I say thanks TWW.

Tux was ordered today during lunch.

1/25/2018 1:59:50 PM

Glad to see that online shaming still works in 2018

1/25/2018 4:47:20 PM

Father GrumpyGOP absolves you of your sins. What we bind on Earth is bound on TWW, and what we loose on Earth is loosed in ChitChat. Go in peace, and may qntmfred be with you.

Seriously though, I do get it - the most expensive wedding attendance I ever had came when I was at my absolutely poorest. Had to cut all kinds of corners - couldn't stay at the fancy hotel the other groomsmen were staying at, and even then I had to split a room with someone else who was broke. And I was the Best Man to boot - the guy who had to front the bill for bachelor party stuff and then wait to be paid back by various ne'er-do-well friends.

It all worked out, at least until my wedding came around, and I asked the same guy to be my best man...only to have him call me a few weeks later and say, "My wife is pregnant and her due date is the day before your wedding." So he won't be there. However, "Birth of first child," along with "Is deceased," are the two acceptable reasons for a best friend to decline best man duty. If it were his wife's second kid, shit, she knows what she's doing and she can handle it on her own.

I've actually lost two groomsmen to this. I swear to God, there was a fucking condom shortage in September or something.

[Edited on January 25, 2018 at 10:06 PM. Reason : ]

1/25/2018 10:05:50 PM

The only bridesmaid that I'm worried about is my fiance's sister, she is notorious for being late to everything like so late, she will show up as everyone else is leaving (and then gets pissed that people are leaving and started the event without her). We're all hoping that she will consider all of the events that she needs to be involved with to be kinda important and she will actually show up when she is supposed to, but my fiance and their mom have both said that we won't wait around for her to show up if she decides to be on her time....so I may end up being a bridesmaid short.

But honestly, at this point, I've realized that if someone is invited, and they want to be there, they will be there (unless some emergency arises). There isn't any reason to worry over someone not coming. Now if no one comes, then I might have an issue.

1/26/2018 12:20:58 PM

If it starts at 5pm, tell her it starts at 4pm. If she ends up being an hour late, then forget her and proceed.

1/26/2018 12:44:08 PM

^^Typically the bridal party are there hours before the ceremony. The rehearsal is where you give out the itinerary so hopefully if she is late it will only be for the rehearsal.

1/26/2018 1:23:52 PM

That's my hope. We're going to be starting at 9 in the morning decorating, then spending the rest of the day at my parents house getting ready. I figured if we tell her nine, she might show up where she is supposed hopefully by noon. The ceremony is at 5, so she has plenty of time. Her boyfriend is the Best Man, but since he's gonna be with the boys, he won't be able to encourage her to get moving.

It's kinda turned into the joke, and we place bets on how late she will be. Like it will be time for the event to start or for her to meet us and she will just be getting ready to get in the shower...and it's like duuuuuuuuuude...

But we love her, she just goes to the beat of her own drum.

1/26/2018 3:11:54 PM

she sounds severely depressed

or like someone with a traumatic brain injury

1/26/2018 7:39:59 PM

In all honesty, I really do think that she does have depression. Possibly bipolar disorder. However, she's 32, and we can't force her to see someone. We're all at a loss of how to help her. We're running out of resources, and everyone is slowly coming to the realization that she needs some tough love and we need to remove the safety net. She is so used to having someone bail her out that she is reckless with her choices.

We all know someone like that, someone that you wish that you could just let them see how much better things would be for them if they got help, but unless she is going to hurt herself or someone else, we can't force her to do anything.

1/27/2018 9:37:38 AM

Ok, I need some ideas on what to get an 8 year old ring bearer for a gift. I'm getting the flower girls a bracelet from DP Jewlery (if y'all know their bracelets, they are really nice), so I want to get the ring bearer someyhin g equally as nice

2/1/2018 2:34:13 PM

Is it something that you want to be used/worn in ceremony? Obviously Boys are not as into bracelets but a watch may be a nice gesture.

Also something to think about my sister had a little activity gift bag for the kids that were in her ceremony since to a kid the reception and taking pictures can wear on their attention pretty quickly.

2/1/2018 2:48:08 PM

A watch is a good idea! I'll look into that.

Also I have thought about the activity stuff. I know for sure we will have a babysitter (there won't be many kids there, the only ones invited will be immediate family and the kids of my MOH), so they may just prefer the babysitter, but we could definitely have some coloring books set aside for them

2/1/2018 2:50:33 PM

My fiance had a good idea. He saw Lonnie Chisenhall last night and got his autograph on a baseball for our ring bearer.

2/2/2018 2:26:22 PM

How would y'all word a limited bar on the reception info card in the invitation?

We're going to pay a tab of $1000 on alcohol, but when that runs out the guests will be responsible for it.

I'm thinking saying "Limited beer and wine bar will be available"

But I'm not sure if people will understand that.

2/9/2018 2:50:32 PM

can you limit it by time instead?

(does your venue require you to go through them for alcohol?)

2/9/2018 3:01:49 PM

Yes, we have to get the alcohol through the venue, and the event coordinator at the venue said it's better to not have a time limit because it may cause people to rush through their drinks and we may go over our alcohol budget.

2/9/2018 3:08:07 PM

they don't offer unlimited drink plans? we went waay over the top on alcohol, but when we started planning i remember seeing beer and wine plans start for <$20 per person for unlimited drinks for a certain period of time (maybe it started at 2 hours, but i can't remember)


If that's not an option, maybe you could do cash bar + drink tickets. I'm sure someone has figured out how to do that in a not-tacky way.
Edit: here you go, just copy one of these:
https://weddingshop.theknot.com/reception/wedding-reception-stationery/wedding-drink-tickets

[Edited on February 9, 2018 at 3:16 PM. Reason : .]

2/9/2018 3:12:06 PM

This is tricky since its a set budget. Drink tickets would be the ideal way to go and then say cash bar available. Not sure how to word the Drink tickets or limited bar.

This is where venues get you and a reason we did cash bar. The other thing you could do is cash bar and set aside the $1,000 dollars and use on the wedding party and your immediate family.

2/9/2018 3:15:17 PM

I do think the tickets are a good idea and we will probably go that way (since it will be about $1000) I'm just looking for a way to include in on the information card so that the guests can know they need cash.

According to the Wedding Wire Forum I am going to be very rude for not having a completely open bar that also includes liquor and paying for all of my guests to get trashed...geez!

2/9/2018 3:23:57 PM

You asshole.

2/9/2018 3:28:15 PM

^^You're always going to run into that crowd.

Weddings are expensive and if you are on a budget its hard and you are always going to end up ticking people off by not feeding their booze habit.

My wedding was on a budget, my wife her family didn't have the money to help pay for the wedding, so we paid for it and got out at about $10K with the honeymoon. It was still fun and our friends and family didn't mind the cash bar.

[Edited on February 9, 2018 at 3:33 PM. Reason : ^]

2/9/2018 3:33:43 PM

They kept using the comparison to "If you invite friends over for dinner you don't ask them to pay for each drink they have"

Haha, my circle of friends know that every event is a byob unless otherwise specified. Even if alcohol is going to be provided we know that we need to supply our own drinking habit.

I guess since I've been to weddings that had all different types of bars I don't really see anything as tacky. If we're having around 100 guests and the beer and wine will cost between $3-5 then I think the limit will be enough to have 2 or 3 drinks.

Also, apparently, if you do drink tickets at your wedding it's comparable to having a carnival, and you are a trashy whore.

Y'all, those bitches on wedding site forums make TWW look tame.


Edit: Just had an idea, what do y'all think?
On the information card put "Cash bar available but your first 3 drinks are on us!"

[Edited on February 9, 2018 at 3:59 PM. Reason : ]

2/9/2018 3:50:55 PM

i've only been to a couple cash bar weddings but i didn't really think twice about it or that it was rude. if i'm honest, a lot of times i would have loved to have the option to pay for a decent drink instead of the free bud light or crappy wine that was being served

dry weddings can fuck off though.

the "if you invite your friends over..." is pretty lame, because it's normal to bring the host a bottle of wine or some beer that they like. it's also not the same thing at all, most people don't generally invite 100 people over to their house and buy them dinner even though they are young and probably just starting their lives and don't have much money yet.

put cash bar available on the information card or website, or you could have it somewhere on the drink tickets and people will figure it out. If you do tear off tickets from a giant roll for drinks that's tacky and like a carnival, but if you print something that looks similar to the tickets in the link i posted it's fine.

2/9/2018 4:07:44 PM

I saw that staples had printable ticket paper that you can print your own design on. Maybe we could just say cash bar available then print out tickets and put them at each place on the table. That way when people come in and find their seat they will see the tickets that say something like "this one's on us" and realize they will get a few free drinks first. Also, we can make sure that the tickets are put at the seats of anyone under 21 or people that we know do not drink.

2/9/2018 4:15:54 PM

Ok, after talking with my parents and my fiance it's been decided....

It will be by word of mouth that people find out. They will receive 3 tickets for drinks on us, then after that they will have to pay for their own drinks.

That way it makes it fair to make sure everyone gets the same amount of drinks. Instead of people rushing to drink as many as they can before the set limit runs out and not allowing those who decide to pace themselves to get the same amount.

Honestly, I am genuinely surprised at how so many people consider anything less than a completely open bar is considered rude and tacky. I guess that shit is for those uppity snobs.

Bottom line, if people don't want to show up because they don't get all the alcohol they want for free, then I guess I didn't want them there anyway. You should be showing up for the celebration, not the alcohol. The alcohol is just a nice little bonus.

2/9/2018 5:06:25 PM

The alcohol is the celebration.

Seriously though I like the idea of CASH BAR: first three on us! And then a smiley/winky face.

2/9/2018 5:21:35 PM

I bet a lot of guests won't have more than 3 drinks anyways

2/10/2018 8:44:26 AM

Question about invitations. I know etiquette says that adult children living at home receives their own separate invite, but what if it is two brothers that live together away from their parents? I mean it seems wasteful to send two invites to the same house....

4/1/2018 6:23:54 AM

send 2 invites but one of them is photocopy from kinkos.

4/1/2018 6:35:26 AM

Bwahaha

4/1/2018 6:55:49 AM

SO. MUCH. STUFF. TO. DO.

Less than 4 months though.

4/3/2018 1:56:13 PM

if you feel rushed, you've been doing it wrong this whole time. you've had plenty of time to plan and execute this thing.

IOW: your roads are fine

4/3/2018 2:03:02 PM

Luckily I don't feel rushed.

Really just have to work on the centerpieces now. DIY is cheap, but it's a pain in the ass.

My bridesmaids need to get on it and get their dresses though!

4/3/2018 2:07:18 PM

Are you two waiting until marriage before getting freaky in the sheets?

4/3/2018 2:08:10 PM

Well, we live together, and share a bed....but we are waiting until marriage.

4/3/2018 2:09:14 PM