Make her want it and you'll get it. Do things around the house that you don't ordinarily do and take some of the load off.

Otherwise just rub one out like a man and move on.

12/16/2013 2:54:45 PM

I need to finish the career transition b4 she wants to do it with me.

[Edited on December 16, 2013 at 3:10 PM. Reason : Is it fair?]

12/16/2013 3:09:49 PM

Do you think she wants to do it with someone else?

12/17/2013 8:58:22 AM

If she doesn't want to do it with him, then she definitely wants to do it with someone else.

12/17/2013 10:11:53 AM

^, ^^ Both of your wives want to go to bed with me

12/17/2013 10:13:01 AM

Quote :

"take some of the load off"

12/18/2013 2:01:00 PM

I think that my wife and I have conflicting views on romance. Her idea of romance is that I will drop whatever pressing and urgent work that I currently have and be compassionate to her needs. My idea of romance is that I absolutely blast through my day so that I can be home in time to share the evening and night with her. Obviously these things don't mix well when she shows up randomly to my work.

12/18/2013 5:13:16 PM

Sounds like she needs to grow the fuck up and learn that there's a difference between spontaneous and irresponsible.

12/18/2013 6:10:43 PM

Wife has quit wanting to skydive and paraglide since she started BASE jumping this year. Honey there is more to life than mountains and nylon! There are also airplanes and nylon!

So relatable

[Edited on December 20, 2013 at 12:59 AM. Reason : A]

12/20/2013 12:59:29 AM

12/20/2013 8:05:27 AM

How you can afford your hobby AND a wife is beyond me.

12/20/2013 9:22:11 AM

She's a CPA and I work too. DINKs

12/20/2013 9:54:16 AM

We are almost DINKs (I'm working part time in grad school), and I could never imagine having kids and voluntarily making myself poor again.

12/20/2013 11:03:55 AM

^^
DINKs here too. Can't imagine children either. I finally have enough income and time in my life for my hobbies, to pay off debt, and to save, and you want me to go back to being sleep deprived, poor and lacking free time for the next 20 years? Jesus H. Christ, no thanks.

1/26/2014 2:02:01 PM

THINKERs

two healthy incomes, no kids, early retirement!

1/26/2014 11:14:07 PM

bunch of genetic dead ends.

1/27/2014 8:34:56 AM

Love the fact that my wife keeps a very clean and organized house. Hate when my wife decides to move something that I use on a daily basis and doesn't tell me where she puts it.

1/27/2014 9:31:36 AM

"you need to find a place for this"... it HAS a place... right there on the counter!

1/27/2014 10:20:05 AM

fuckin preach it

1/27/2014 11:07:47 AM

I do that, but only after telling him twice (or more) that it needs to be put away. I can't live in disorder forever.

1/27/2014 12:11:08 PM

I tell my wife I left in on the entry hall table (insert other location as needed) for a reason, and that if she moves it, it is no longer my responsibility.

1/27/2014 4:37:02 PM

Shit, I'm a THINKER right now....

working on a heartache.

I best leave all my money under a mattress....or to the UNCF just to piss people off.

1/27/2014 10:22:02 PM

My wife and I have basically decided that when I make the income to afford a divorce, that we will split. At least, I have informed her that this is my plan, and if she just sticks around then that it is her loss.

Also, she is having some serious bouts with depression lately. On sunday she got drunk and mad and wound up literally hanging out of the window ready to jump. Of course, I may have started the argument because I found out that she took out 100€ (we only had 500 at the time) from the bank to buy something without asking me. But I didn't intend on her getting suicidal, I was just dissapointed that she would not ask first.

Sucks for our son.

1/30/2014 10:07:11 AM

^yeah, wait until you make more money and have to write her a larger alimony/child support check every month.

1/30/2014 10:19:34 AM

Get divorced now before she takes out some credit cards and runs up a huge pile of debt you will be forced to pay off.

1/30/2014 2:53:46 PM

^^^yeah, some people just aren't meant to be married. she is one of them.

1/30/2014 3:11:05 PM

in all seriousness though, i don't know what the local laws are where you are, but i would make sure that behavior like that is documented. if she is willing to get drunk and "attempt suicide" (no matter how serious she was about it) she is NOT a safe person to leave your boy with, but the system (here anyways) is so rigged against men as far as custody goes, you need to get these behaviors documented in some way.

your actions from this point on need to be based on the well being of your son first and foremost.

[Edited on January 30, 2014 at 4:10 PM. Reason : ]

1/30/2014 4:09:45 PM

Yeah I would just get divorced while there are no assets to get tied up the divorce. I am not sure how much you trust her but if she is the type to come after custody, child support and stuff go ahead and start documenting how crazy she is in case you want to keep custody, otherwise the kid pretty much always goes with the mom.

If you still care about her you can always help her out but not be forced to by court order.

1/30/2014 4:15:52 PM

so, how do i document that? Not good with law.

1/31/2014 2:41:08 AM

$10,000 surgery and don't have ability to do anything fun for six months--guess we should buy a Tesla!

DINK Problems

1/31/2014 6:57:57 PM

wife is watching men's figure skating. complains that i'd rather play Kerbal Space Program

2/6/2014 9:08:29 PM

Not a "woe" yet...but is definitely a potential "woe".


My wife and I first met while working at a restaurant (me bartender, her server). But we also had day jobs (me attorney, her teacher). She got out of the game after we got married while I still pick up shifts here and there as favors to friends and when we need the easy cash. I've always expressed the desire to get back into the game on the ownership/investment side. In the past I've helped opened up (from the bar managerial side) several bars/restaurants as well as consulted on a few others. She has voiced her displeasure of me getting back in the game because of the time commitment (late hours) and mostly the money side. To her credit, the first few opportunities that presented themselves really would have put our finances thin and I would have had to go back to working a set schedule behind the bar to ease our financial situation. And I'm also with her with the time stuff. I don't want to be behind the bar anymore or working at restaurant til the wee hours of the morning. I want to own and/or consult, and that's it.

Fortunately for me, my friends who have opened up their own places have done really well (so I can point to them and say, "look at how well John Doe is doing"). The restaurant industry in Charleston in general is straight killing it right now. I just had a breakfast meeting with a friend who presented me with a really good opportunity to invest in his place. I trust the guy, I love his idea, its in a great location, and the money I would invest wouldn't put us in a financial hardship. It's still a good chunk of change, but it's not money we were setting aside for something in particular. We'll probably be upgrading to a bigger house in the next few years, but unless this restaurant is a catastrophic failure, my investment will be paid back and then some well before we get to that point. If I were single or just dating someone, this would be a no-brainer for me. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure she's going to say no and overruling her in this situation has the potential to be catastrophic. And although I do view our marriage as being equal, I make more than twice as much as her. Probably 95% of our savings come from my end...and I probably pay for about 70% of everything as well.

I'm going to crunch some numbers at the office today and present my own financial "plan" to her to show this opportunity in the best possible light...but I'm not extremely optimistic.

Pray for me t-dub...

2/12/2014 10:23:14 AM

If the restaurant idea is as good as you said it was, sounds like a no-brainer to me. You're at the 'building-wealth' stage of your life, so you gotta make sacrifices. She has to know this will lead to you guys having a more comfortable life down the road.

2/12/2014 10:56:07 AM

The "building wealth" part is where I'm at right now. I know I can make money in my profession and I've done a little bit of that already. But I don't love my job and I don't want to do it for the rest of my life. I think now is the time to start branching out and I don't want to miss good opportunities.

I've talked about my finances with her, but I don't know if she truly knows what I have in savings (or what the total will be after I pay my taxes this year). I'm a little worried because I can be a little preachy about spending too much...but the bright side is that I think we're on the same page in that regards. With that being said, I do worry a little bit about her seeing all of my money and going "we've got this much!!"

This could get interesting.

2/12/2014 11:02:28 AM

I wouldn't do it. My wife and I have known a few restaurateurs, and while they absolutely love their job and their business, it allows for very little time outside of running the restaurant. If you're working bar, serving, managing, consulting, you have the luxury of walking away from the job if other areas of your life need attention, but you can't do that as an owner.

My wife's aunt runs a very successful restaurant in GA, but she's been trying to sell it for years and get out of it so she can do something else. They have money coming in, even during the recession years, but its just not worth it if you're putting in 100 hours a week.

Not to mention, the restaurant market is much more volatile than others. This is why it requires so much attention from owners. Be prepared to leave vacations at the drop of a hat, take calls at 3 in the morning, miss kid functions (games, school plays, etc), having to decide between being the support for a friend or family or fixing last minute issues.

If its a financial thing, you'd be better off as a silent partner in a restaurant, or just invest your money in a business that isn't operating from 10am to 3am.

2/12/2014 11:31:32 AM

I would be a silent partner (to a certain extent...I would give my advice when asked). I've worked in restaurants for over 912 years...I know all about them.

This is more about financials than actual restaurants. This is about as low-risk as it gets for investing in a new place (basically a turn-key, small, low initial investment)...for something that could potentially make me pretty good money on a yearly basis.

I just have to convince the wifey to let me write that initial check. So this question is more about having money disagreements...and big ones...not "should I buy this dress" type stuff.



[Edited on February 12, 2014 at 12:33 PM. Reason : .]

2/12/2014 12:29:03 PM

hopefully if you can frame it with that this is something you have a passion for and that you would always regret it if you didn't do it , then hopefully she can get behind it.


I hope it goes well

2/12/2014 12:43:03 PM

just m2c... keep your cool about it even if she hesitates. if it's a good chunk of change it's understandable that someone would have reservations, even if it's a great opportunity. i know people vary greatly on sharing vs splitting money in marriage but even if it's not been a problem before it could be volatile if you fall back to "it's my money... i earn more" etc. once you start looking at things as "mine vs theirs", it's easy to start forgetting that it's "ours".

/wishes he had extra cash to invest

2/12/2014 12:55:54 PM

Quote :

""it's my money... i earn more""

yes, stay as far away from this as possible..... she will resent you and the investment forever if this is said.

But I think jbrick knows better

2/12/2014 12:59:06 PM

If you're a silent partner in this investment and your wife still says no, I'd back off. If you're looking for investments, there's definitely an abundance of them to choose from.

And there's no such thing as low-risk when it comes to a restaurant. There may be safer options than others, but there are too many variables that can ruin a restaurant, even those run by the best.

If you want to invest in something I'd get her involved with the decision early on. Don't just drop an idea and ask to cut a check, get her involved in researching the investment, performing due-diligence and calculating the costs and the risks. By the point a decision has to be made she'll feel some ownership in it, and if its good one to make, you won't have to convince her.

2/12/2014 2:57:39 PM

Ugh, SO waited until it started snowing to leave work. Truck got stranded and now he's walked to a friend's place. So annoyed because I told him to work from home today, and now I am home alone with two bitchy cats and a gassy foster dog.

2/12/2014 3:03:58 PM

better than being stuck with a disobedient husband...

2/12/2014 4:41:35 PM

Probably did it so he didn't have to come home to you

2/12/2014 4:42:26 PM

Can we get an lewoods hates her husband thread?

2/12/2014 11:13:37 PM

Animals have been very well behaved and I got some peace and quiet, so it's all good. Dog stole some of the bok choy and I'll have to remake it without lamb fat, but that's the worst that's happened so far.

One of the cats wanted to go outside, but she saw the snow and turned around before I could get any pictures.

2/13/2014 8:01:29 AM

Quote :

"GASSY FOSTER DOG"

2/13/2014 8:02:35 AM

Quote :

"If you want to invest in something I'd get her involved with the decision early on."

The opportunity came up three days ago...so nothing being "dropped" on her. My friend came to me for legal advice, we started talking about his concept, then he asked if I wanted in. I told my wife that he asked for my legal services for the restaurant but held back on the investment "idea" until I knew more about the place. So I had breakfast yesterday with him and we went over the plan and numbers and that's when I knew I had a dilemma.

Good news is that I brought it up last night and it went over better than I thought it was going to. I waited until she was in a good mood (she was stir crazy and frustrated with being trapped with two dogs in the house on a snow day)...which was right before we started cooking. She definitely didn't give it the green light, but she was much more receptive than I thought she was going to be. She also hasn't seen the final numbers and I think she's of the mindset that this will put our savings at Zero, which it most certainly won't. Once I get more concrete numbers on the restaurant, I'm going to re-present her the plan and I think we might be good to go.

2/13/2014 8:16:16 AM

Dog wasn't gassy last night. I guess the probiotics kicked in.

2/13/2014 8:17:10 AM

Quote :

"two dogs"

wait, when did you get another dog?

[Edited on February 13, 2014 at 10:03 AM. Reason : why do I know so much about strangers on tww ]

2/13/2014 10:02:49 AM

^ dog-sitting her sister's dog while they are on vacation. The dogs are actually brother and sister so they are acting like maniacs around the house...it can be annoying.

2/13/2014 10:27:27 AM