so you're going to make your family travel across the country instead of your younger affluent friends who like to travel?

10/26/2017 1:48:30 PM

I'm not 'making' anyone do anything. We'll probably get married somewhere in Mexico (Tulum, Puerto Vallarta, Cabo) tbh. Hawaii is an option, but it's a long ass trip for anyone outside of CA. The Caribbean would work too.

When you have family that lives on the other side of the country (let alone a poor/remote part of Eastern Europe) sometimes you have to do what you can to make it work.

10/26/2017 2:17:29 PM

You haven't even gotten engaged and this wedding planning already seems like it's "not fun"...

10/26/2017 2:18:35 PM

Quote :

"destination wedding = fuck you family and friends, use your vacation time and vacation budget to come to our wedding"

I'm doing a "destination wedding" because for us, this was unavoidable. Her whole family lives on the West Coast. My entire family lives in the Southeast. If we had a wedding where either of us lived, the other's family would get boned. In the end, we went outside of either of those. Now everybody has to travel. In my ideal world it would be within a short drive from everybody we loved and cared about, but it's 2017, people move around a lot, and I didn't invent geography.

(Admittedly our "destination" is Baltimore, so not exactly a Bahamas beach ceremony, but I'm still counting it because exactly one of our 110 initially invited guests actually lives in that city. It skews a little closer to my side of the family, but my side is poorer and generally less able to travel, and Baltimore is more convenient to us for planning purposes.)

10/26/2017 2:20:43 PM

Quote :

"You haven't even gotten engaged and this wedding planning already seems like it's "not fun"..."

Yeah deciding between Mexico, Hawaii, or the Caribbean sucks big time. I guess I should stop going on vacations and traveling altogether. Too stressful.

10/26/2017 2:24:25 PM

meh...we didn't stress during the planning of our wedding. I guess it depends on your disposition to these kinds of things.

planning was fun, wedding was fun, was well within budget, all was good.

10/27/2017 12:00:06 PM

That's impossible! Literally nobody has ever said that to any user in this thread before, so you're a fucking liar, and a bad one at that.

10/27/2017 3:07:57 PM

[Edited on October 27, 2017 at 3:41 PM. Reason : emojis not srs]

10/27/2017 3:41:21 PM

Update on the situation:

So I sent everyone in my family an e-mail telling them how I feel. Basically telling them that I understand their anger and hurt*, I told them to take their time in responding to me. I threw in some Bible verses being like "Jesus told us to forgive." I told them that I would like to have all of my living grandparents at my wedding and asked them if they would be willing to put their feelings behind them for one day.

Anyway, my youngest brother came back and said that if it will make me happy, he will be ok with them coming. My mom said that she wants the family to reconcile. My other brother and his wife haven't said anything back to me about it yet. And my dad responded back about 5 minutes later saying that they cannot come.
Yesterday, I went to my parents house and talked with them. I think I got through to my dad a little. My grandparents are still not welcomed, but I think I gave them some things to talk about. I got my dad to admit that he wants to repair the relationship with his parents.
I also sent my grandmother a text telling her that my family is ready to talk to her if she will reach out to them. She and I will talk probably once a week or every other week. I'm a little bothered that she hasn't responded to me yet. I'm hoping that she's not pissed at me.

At this point, I'm thinking of just sending out the Save the Dates to everyone that is not on that side of the family. I'm going to really push for something to happen on that side. So we will see where this goes. If my grandparents can't come, I will be sad, but at the same time, I don't know if I want to sacrifice 5 people in my family that I am very close with, with 2 people in my family that has distanced themselves from everyone else after saying quite hurtful things to them.

And as far as the stress level...this is honestly the most stressful thing about the wedding. We have a venue, dj, photographer, day of coordinator, church, pastor, and cake maker. We just need a florist and my wedding dress. Things have actually gone really smoothly so far. I'm thankful that I have a two year long engagement. It has made things much easier on me while I'm working 50 hours a week as well as taking classes at ECU part time.
I'm pretty easy with most of the things that I want.

I don't think my family is trash for not wanting me to invite my grandparents. I mean my grandparents did some pretty fucked up things to my family. I can't force them to forgive them yet, but I just want my family to see where I'm coming from, and I think they do. We will just have a big pow wow at Thanksgiving when my whole family is together, so we can all kinda touch base with how everything is going.


*Back story: My grandmother wanted to play White Elephant at Christmas dinner two years ago. My parents and my brothers did not. My grandmother (who had several glasses of wine) got upset that they did not want to participate and (After being pumped up by my drunk uncle) called my youngest brother too poor to participate in the game. So my youngest brother took $20 out of his pocket and threw it on the floor. Then my parents decided to leave the house. Emotions got away from everyone and my dad called my uncle's girlfriend's son a retard (he has autism) and my grandmother called my 2 year old (at the time) niece a bastard child with no name. My grandfather told my parents and brothers that they should have never come to Christmas dinner. I sat and cried the whole time because like wtf was my family doing.

10/29/2017 2:41:51 PM

i hope things work out

sounds stressful

[Edited on October 29, 2017 at 3:33 PM. Reason : e]

10/29/2017 3:18:44 PM

I know it will. My parents are being really great about the things I want at the wedding. They have just asked me to be reasonable with my requests and so far I have been. I may not have everyone at the wedding that I want there, but ultimately, the only people that matter are myself and my fiance. At the end of the day we will be married and happy and it won't matter who is there to see it.

10/29/2017 6:25:03 PM

That's a great attitude, and it sounds like you've done all that's in your power to fix the situation. I'm glad you'll be at peace with whatever happens.

10/30/2017 11:08:38 AM

You may have set a new TWW record for maturity while handling a difficult situation. Best of luck... family events are hard...

10/30/2017 8:41:08 PM

Quote :

": My grandmother wanted to play White Elephant at Christmas dinner two years ago. My parents and my brothers did not. My grandmother (who had several glasses of wine) got upset that they did not want to participate and (After being pumped up by my drunk uncle) called my youngest brother too poor to participate in the game. So my youngest brother took $20 out of his pocket and threw it on the floor. Then my parents decided to leave the house. Emotions got away from everyone and my dad called my uncle's girlfriend's son a retard (he has autism) and my grandmother called my 2 year old (at the time) niece a bastard child with no name. My grandfather told my parents and brothers that they should have never come to Christmas dinner. I sat and cried the whole time because like wtf was my family doing."

10/30/2017 9:29:45 PM

maybe don’t allow your family access to the bar

10/30/2017 9:38:49 PM

On a completely unrelated note, who wants to crash this wedding?

10/30/2017 10:41:07 PM

It will be a fun wedding. I'm quite sure of it. I can't wait. I just wish I could invite more people. I could easily get over 200 invited (probably even 300), but right now we're trying to stick to around 100.

10/31/2017 2:50:02 PM

Question about rehearsal dinner. We're trying to figure out where it will be so we need yo figure out how many will be invited.

Is it normal to invite the coordinator and the pianist to the rehearsal dinner? They are being paid to be at the rehersal, so in my opinion the dinner (as a thanks for coming to the rehearsal) isn't necessary.

11/15/2017 10:17:48 AM

I would say coordinator yes, pianist no. I would invite the pianist/organist/musician if they were like a church member or something or maybe a student or kid who could use a free meal, but not just for some hired third party.

11/15/2017 10:23:46 AM

i wouldn't invite the coordinator either

11/15/2017 10:38:10 AM

This is gonna cost a lot since all of TWW is invited. You should downscale to a wedding at Shoney's.

11/15/2017 1:24:06 PM

Quote :

"I would say coordinator yes, pianist no. I would invite the pianist/organist/musician if they were like a church member or something or maybe a student or kid who could use a free meal, but not just for some hired third party."

This

11/15/2017 6:37:12 PM

Question about registry gifts and thank you notes. I know, when you receive the gifts, you write a thank you note and send it.

Is it any different when you receive registry gifts for Christmas? Traditionally, you don't give thank you notes at Christmas, since you're exchanging gifts. However, we told family if they wanted to get us something either money or something from the registry would be perfect.

What is the etiquette on that?


Edit: after talking with someone they told me that I receive those gifts as Christmas gifts and not wedding gifts, so no thank you note required. That seems logical to me.



[Edited on November 21, 2017 at 8:35 AM. Reason : ]

11/21/2017 8:11:50 AM

I mean....

*deep sigh*

Who honestly cares? Will you sincerely feel gratitude? If so, express it how you see fit. If not, don't.

What else matters? Suppose ten people posted a reply saying you shouldn't, under any circumstances, write a thank-you note for a Christmas present even if it came off your registry. Would it stop you? If so, why? If not...why are we even talking about it?

Suppose ten people say you should always write thank-you notes, even for Christmas gifts, and that you've been doing it wrong all these years. Would you change your behavior? Would you feel differently at all?

Would you rather act in accordance with your heart and be true to yourself, or would you rather adhere to arbitrary rules?

In a hundred years, we'll all be dead. Your aunt will have bought you an immersion blender that was on your registry because it was fifty bucks, and you will have used it a handful of times, and odds are you will forget who gave it to you, and she will have forgotten your note (or the lack of it) by February. What significance could any of it possibly have?

And yet if you need that immersion blender, and it gives you joy to open that box, fucking tell her before she's cold in the ground. There'll be a day when she's gone and you blend some squash soup with the fucking thing, and you'll reflect on whether you were as close to her as you wanted to be, and it will occur to you that you never made this soup for her, and oh my God you never even wrote a note

then you're in a hospital bed someday and you know there's something serious happening but you keep thinking about your aunt for some reason, but you can't think of her name, but she gave you such a nice gift (if only you could remember what she gave you)

then

it's fucking over

that immersion blender is in a box at your wake, and someone gives it to a young person in the extended family who is starting a home

there will be no note then

is any of this getting through

does any of this HELP

11/21/2017 8:34:42 AM

i don't think it's ever bad ettiquette to send a thank you note for a gift

11/21/2017 8:37:16 AM

Quote :

" Traditionally, you don't give thank you notes at Christmas, since you're exchanging gifts."

wtf kind of trash is this

yes, you are supposed to send thank you notes at christmas

11/21/2017 8:45:06 AM

Dear Grandma,

Thanks for the socks.

Love,

NRR

11/21/2017 8:51:01 AM

whatever man

everybody knows you be giving your grandma wet kisses on the mouth

11/21/2017 8:55:22 AM

I hate gift receiving / giving outside of family or very close friends (which I don't do).

Do we really need to do this? Exchange stuff? I don't know what I would like for Christmas, much less you.

I'd rather we have a nice dinner together.

11/21/2017 9:01:55 AM

you just need to get in the christmas consumerism spirit. the US economy is depending on you.

11/21/2017 9:06:00 AM

Actually, Frosh, that does help. I plan on giving thank you notes for the wedding gifts, because honestly, there a quite a few things on our list that we will be thrilled to get. Even the immersion blender! And between what you said and what other people have said, I think it woukd be appropriate/acceptable to skip the thank you cards for Christmas gifts.

Also, not to start a debate, I have literally never given or received thank you cards for Christmas gifts, unless they were unexpected and gifts were not exchanged. I generally view thank you cards to be saved for Christmas parties.



[Edited on November 21, 2017 at 9:22 AM. Reason : ]

11/21/2017 9:17:45 AM

advice: ask for a better immersion blender than Froshkiller and the Mrs. put on their wedding registry

11/21/2017 12:49:28 PM

Quote :

"Also, not to start a debate, I have literally never given or received thank you cards for Christmas gifts, unless they were unexpected and gifts were not exchanged. I generally view thank you cards to be saved for Christmas parties."

no, we need to debate this

not writing thank you cards is rude and tacky

if you and your direct family don't write thank you cards fine, but for anyone else you need to send a card.

you also should send a thank you note for birthday presents, or house warming gifts, or to someone you visited to thank them for hosting, etc...

11/21/2017 1:08:45 PM

i don't think i've written a thank you card since high school graduation

11/21/2017 3:46:48 PM

i might've signed my name on the ones my wife wrote after our wedding

11/21/2017 4:09:44 PM

when in doubt, i'd err on the side of writing a thank you note.

i like getting thank you notes.

11/21/2017 4:34:03 PM

You should send a note for any wedding gift received, regardless of when.

Quote :

"not writing thank you cards is rude and tacky"

[Edited on November 21, 2017 at 5:08 PM. Reason : ]

11/21/2017 5:04:38 PM

I hear y'all loud and clear about the thank you notes. Notes will be written!

I have another question. I'm going dress shopping tomorrow. Any advice from the ladies on ways to make this experience as torture free as possible? I hate trying on clothes, and honestly, I'm both super excited/extremely terrified of what tomorrow will bring.

So how do I make wedding dress shopping as pain free as possible?

12/8/2017 1:07:36 PM

OK...so that was actually really easy. The 4th dress I tried on was the one! I totally cried. There will need to be some fittings to make it look even better. Also it was one of those Alfred Angelo dresses, so it was 50% off, which made it even better!

12/9/2017 2:45:32 PM

Glowsticks or sparklers?

Sparklers are more "classic" I guess, and we will be on the beach for that part so no worries about fires (unless it my hair or dress)

But glowsticks can be enjoyed throughout the whole reception and I feel like they aren't use at everyone else's wedding

1/20/2018 2:24:49 PM

Glowsticks, because then your reception can also be a rave.

1/20/2018 2:33:58 PM

I'm trying to decide if I should lay in a tanning bed or not before the wedding. Since I'm not going to get a summer jib this year I will be spending a lot of time on the beach and getting a natural tan, but I feel like if I do a tanning bed it will keep everything even and no tan lines.

Although, has anyone gotten a spray tan over a natural tan? Will it even it out or just make it look like a darker version of the tan you already have?

1/23/2018 2:07:23 PM

sparklers and a good airbrush tan + make-up job the day of.

And make 100% certain that whenever you're getting a tan, bed or sun, that you don't end up with crazy tan lines showing from behind.

1/23/2018 2:19:51 PM

Good friend like family asked me to be a groomsman. I reply I'd be honored, but understand if I have to buy another suit or rent a tux I'm out.

Fast forward 3 months, I get an email about a $275 tux rental.

Now my tab for this wedding is almost 500, as the hotel to drive 6.5 hours to the venue...

How big of an ass am I to back out of being a groomsman?

1/24/2018 11:21:56 AM

kim kardashian

1/24/2018 11:41:01 AM

well fuck that. I told him my terms upon accepting, and he agreed.

1/24/2018 11:49:54 AM

^ are you married? If not, repay the 'favor' when it's your turn to get married. If you are, just say you're broke because you're married.

1/24/2018 12:57:51 PM

not being able to come up with $500 for a "good friend like family" is extra broke

1/24/2018 1:06:59 PM

^I was thinking it, but you went ahead and posted it for the whole world to see.

1/24/2018 1:15:12 PM

I hate spending money on other shit than what I budget for.

Really comes down to, me not wanting to vs not having cash.

1/24/2018 1:46:42 PM