3....dicks at a time??

7/28/2011 4:17:07 PM

EDIT: And now it's back in Lounge so yeah.

[Edited on July 28, 2011 at 4:30 PM. Reason : v]

7/28/2011 4:29:45 PM

lol, i saw that...

are you tripping balls right now?

7/28/2011 4:31:23 PM

Just a bit confused. It was definitely in Chit Chat and then they moved it back.

7/28/2011 4:39:58 PM

sure they did

7/28/2011 4:41:22 PM

Sounds complicated, like you would need multiple calenders just to keep up with these relationships.

To me it seems like you just want some friends to do stuff with but want to have sex with them.

7/28/2011 4:51:59 PM

Well I've learned a few new words today thanks to this thread

7/28/2011 4:57:08 PM

Oh yeah, here's a new word too: Compersion-- being happy for someone you love when they find something or someone else that gives them joy.

Quote :

"Forgot financial stability and social responsibility, just give me someone who can do bondage and spins fire and does the the things I like. Does anyone else view this as naive and irresponsible. There must be more to life and relationships than good sex and similar interests."

Dude, I was giving examples. Financial stability figures in largely with relationships as well...And for example, if I like someone who is very socially active-- volunteering and protesting, etc-- but who sucks at maintaining his finances, I can love and support him without tying myself and my wallet to him, whereas in a monogamous relationship, a girl might admire what that guy is trying to do but wouldn't dare start a relationship with him in case they ask for more than she can give.

7/28/2011 5:48:15 PM

You can love an support him in political outings and romps in bed until he finds someone willing to actually be a life partner. That's not love, that's friendship.

7/28/2011 5:51:02 PM

Even if you find someone who is totally fine with you having multiple partners there's gonna be resentment.

"He's the one I really enjoy doing stuff with, and you're the one I'm gonna leech off of when I get sick or in debt"

7/28/2011 5:52:47 PM

^^ Yeah, I am concerned with the OP being pretty confused about the role of different people in her life. Seems like she hasn't quite separated out the ability to have friends for hobbies or different interests, without wanting to sleep with them all the time. That takes some compartmentalization ability she may not have yet. As well as emotional maturity to know when someone should be off limits and when they shouldn't be.

I'm also concerned about her getting wrapped up in monogamous relationships- if you don't have your own identity to begin with sleeping with 1 other person, how are you possibly going to keep yourself separate when you're involved with 2 or more people?

I was in one 'poly' relationship briefly in my college years (like 3-4 months), and I spent a significant amount of emotional and physical energy tending to each partner's needs (both guys). It also required a great deal of planning to schedule in 2 significant others, along with other real-life situations like work and school, friends and my hobbies. I found it quite frankly exhausting, even though I consider myself to have a strong, independent personality and be a decent planner.

I decided ultimately, that I was only going to pursue monogamous relationships from then on. When school gets going I barely have time for one boyfriend, can't imagine any more than that!

7/28/2011 5:57:01 PM

Quote :

"Seems like she hasn't quite separated out the ability to have friends for hobbies or different interests, without wanting to sleep with them all the time. That takes some compartmentalization ability she may not have yet. As well as emotional maturity to know when someone should be off limits and when they shouldn't be. "

The argument I think other people are making is that we should consider the modern world to have more options for relationships. So sure, if you have a hobby in common with someone and you don't want to commit but do want to screw, then that's a dynamic. As long as no one is being sold a product they don't understand, then I wouldn't look down on that or anything.

Quote :

"I decided ultimately, that I was only going to pursue monogamous relationships from then on. When school gets going I barely have time for one boyfriend, can't imagine any more than that!"

lol, my feelings exactly (...genders reversed). One person is plenty. Sometimes more than plenty regarding emotional aspects

7/28/2011 6:39:22 PM

Quote :

"Why invest all your time and energy in one person when you could invest a little in several people. Like investing money, you usually see better and more consistent returns when you have a diversified portfolio"

this is whorish.

if you can't leave your capitalist ethos out of your personal relationships, you've got a lot to learn.

7/28/2011 6:48:19 PM

I'm not reading through all this shit

But if you have relationship problems with one person, you sure as fuck don't need to have relationships with more than one person.

7/28/2011 6:52:16 PM

^^ Even if it is ... is there anything wrong with that if it's what makes her happy? The one person forever mold doesn't fit everyone. A lot of people go through a stage where they want to be with multiple people, but then because they grow out of it they assume everyone else should too and if they haven't they just haven't "grown up" yet. Just because she didn't grow out of it doesn't mean she's wrong.

However I agree it seems like she might have some issues regarding self image and the division between friendship and partnership, etc. But just because she might be looking at this lifestyle for what could be some bad reasons doesn't make it wrong outright. If she tries it and finds out ^ is true and that doesn't work for her, so be it.

7/28/2011 6:53:47 PM

Quote :

"Marriage forces you to be monogamous."

no one wanted to complain about that one either? if you were gonna be monogamous (as were they) anyway, it really isnt a big deal. worst case you can just get divorced (yes, i understand the problems associated with that).

likewise if you both don't give a shit, it isn't like your wife can't just let you fuck around. she's just your main in such a scenario.

7/28/2011 6:56:21 PM

Every single Poly person I've ever met was incredibly fucked up. Every single one.

It's hard enough to make it work with one person, why on God's green earth would it be better to try and involve multiple people? Why not just be a slut and hook up with whoever you want and leave the idea of a relationship out of it? Sounds much easier to me

7/28/2011 7:19:48 PM

If she wants lots of dick why doesn't she just find a guy thats into her swinging or cuckolding him? Then she gets the dude she wants and can get railed whenever. Or is that part of being "poly"? I don't know the differences in all these alt lifestyles.

7/28/2011 7:29:37 PM

Quote :

"Every single Poly person I've ever met was incredibly fucked up. Every single one. It's hard enough to make it work with one person, why on God's green earth would it be better to try and involve multiple people? Why not just be a slut and hook up with whoever you want and leave the idea of a relationship out of it? Sounds much easier to me"

Signed: UJustWait84
Member Westboro Baptist Church

7/28/2011 7:41:26 PM

I'm one of the most liberal people you'll ever meet. I live in San Francisco for fuck's sake. I've met plenty of Poly people and none of them have stable lives/jobs. It's not being judgmental, I'm being fucking descriptive.

7/28/2011 7:50:01 PM

Quote :

"Signed: UJustWait84 Member Westboro Baptist Church"

7/28/2011 7:52:01 PM

Quote :

"^^ Even if it is ... is there anything wrong with that if it's what makes her happy? "

No, there's nothing wrong with it.

She's just trying to find a term so that when people ask her why she's sleeping around, she gets to say "polyamory" instead of "because I like having sex".

7/28/2011 8:48:49 PM

^ Also it helps her attention issues if it causes a three page thread in the lounge.

7/28/2011 8:55:56 PM

Quote :

"I firmly believe that it is possible to have multiple loving relationships simultaneously with all parties being aware and consenting. Unfortunately, very few people want to be the secondary relationship. It's human nature to want to be the top dog -- to want your partner to "love you best." There are a lot of very basic human emotions that complicate these types of relationships. I think that the most successful polyamorous relationships are those that are also polyfidelitous because it mimics what we're use to in monogamous relationships. Personally, I don't recommend polyamory because it's fucking complicated. My husband and I were both separately involved in weird little love triangles before we dated one another. Someone always liked someone best and 9 out of 10 bitches just cannot handle it."

We've already covered this shit.

http://www.brentroad.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=587087

[Edited on July 28, 2011 at 8:57 PM. Reason : .]

7/28/2011 8:56:16 PM

So it sounds like I'm apparently just a crazy chick who just wants to fuck lots of people because I haven't found the right guy yet or because I have too many issues. Consensus is I won't be happy as poly ? are you trying to convince me or yourselves? Anyways issues aside this is something I figured I would try. Guess you'll all know when I make another thread in 6 months.

Also for the record poly is the name I'm calling avoiding a monogamous relationship.

[Edited on July 28, 2011 at 9:37 PM. Reason : F]

[Edited on July 28, 2011 at 9:38 PM. Reason : G]

7/28/2011 9:31:16 PM

ding a ding a ding ding ding

7/28/2011 9:32:08 PM

Is this slut even attractive?

7/28/2011 9:58:39 PM

Pretty sure half the people trolling you in the thread secretly have sex with animals.

7/28/2011 10:01:03 PM

i have a dog named lebron james

7/28/2011 10:02:27 PM

Thanks for ruining the secret, Joie

7/28/2011 10:06:54 PM

Hopefully she'd rather fuck Joie's dog than a miserably failed business owner.

7/28/2011 10:07:46 PM

I'm sorry, but is someone that's socially inept joking me about a business that is still in business?

7/28/2011 10:09:47 PM

You catch on quick.

7/28/2011 10:22:22 PM

but....my dog.


he's an NBA superstar.

7/28/2011 10:40:54 PM

did you rename your dog Dirk?

7/28/2011 10:45:36 PM

NO


HE IS KING JAMES

7/28/2011 10:52:35 PM

If you want to sleep around, sleep around. You don't need to church it all up with a fancy and misleading name like Polyamory.

7/29/2011 12:18:57 AM

Quote :

"church it all up"

d7freestyler said the exact same thing before i could finish explaining it
[Edited on July 29, 2011 at 12:24 AM. Reason : -->

7/29/2011 12:23:32 AM

3 pages in and the OP still hasn't freed dem polyamorous titties yet, WTF?

7/29/2011 12:34:10 AM

Quote :

"fancy and misleading name like Polyamory."

Yes, sooo fancy and misleading. poly = multiple, amor = love.

very. misleading. and. fancy.

7/29/2011 1:11:31 AM

do polyamourous relationships fail because theres not enough emotional shit? Or do they fail because there is the deep emotional bond, but because there is sex, one expects some priority and you eventually end up in a conflict of interest. Even if you split time evenly someone is bound to feel ripped off.



[Edited on July 29, 2011 at 1:21 AM. Reason : .]

7/29/2011 1:18:05 AM

Quote :

"So it sounds like I'm apparently just a crazy chick who just wants to fuck lots of people because I haven't found the right guy yet or because I have too many issues. Consensus is I won't be happy as poly ?"

/thread

and

Quote :

"Is this slut even attractive?"

nope

7/29/2011 2:46:31 AM

Quote :

"Yes, sooo fancy and misleading. poly = multiple, amor = love"

Yeah, misleading.

Humans are a pair bonding species, we're wired for that very function and while many (arguably most) people find sexually monogamous relationships dissatisfying, few are really chasing the chemical cocktail the body produces when it finds a genetic match.

PolyAMORY implies that you're investing significant emotional and reproductive energy in multiple partners whereas the OP stated right at the beginning that she only wants to invest a little in multiple people.

Swinging is at least honest in the fact that its is the pursuit of sexual fulfillment through multiple partners, but it is usually performed in the context of a emotionally monogamous relationship wherein both partners enjoy a shared sexual pursuit.


I have no personal qualms with people deciding what to do with their sexual or emotional lives, but seeking justification on a website like TWW is not going to cause people to take you seriously.

7/29/2011 4:11:59 AM

Quote :

"So it sounds like I'm apparently just a crazy chick who just wants to fuck lots of people because I haven't found the right guy yet or because I have too many issues. Consensus is I won't be happy as poly ?"

pretty much...though i'm leaning toward "too many issues" instead of "haven't found the right guy yet"

you're a perfect target for one of those guys that need to "fix" someone...you'll thrive on the attention and he'll put up with quite a bit of your crazy because that's what they do...of course it won't last, but you'll get more mileage out of each guy

i'll give you props for recognizing that that's not good, but you lose points for coming up with this polyamory bullshit as if that's going to fix your underlying problems

7/29/2011 6:55:44 AM

Poly can also take many forms. She may want 2 or more partners who give vastly different things. Some people have multiple partners who are monogamous with them, but they, at the center of the chart, get to pick who they are with when. Others end up in the spider chart of doom, aka every person shops Walmart style for each individual to meet each need. AKA, this girl has great ass and likes anal, this girl has no gag reflex, this girl likes to talk geek and nerd movies and snuggle alll night on the sofa.

Some folks have a Poly relationship that is very similar to a traditional relationship. They have defined roles int he relation ship, everyone involved knows about the others, and they seem to be just as stable as any other couple or group I know. For others the poly thing is more of an 'Open Relationship' type deal, where it means they can bring in new people for themselves, or for the group, at any time as they see fit. I have noticed a lot more drama floating around those I have known who do the no strings attached open thing.

The community aspect is a large part of it. You will always find that smaller subgroups of society tend to be treated as special, they have get together, trips to the park, meet and greet plans, even special guest speakers and conventions. You rarely see an advisement for the 'Heterosexual committed Monogamous couples day at the park.' And yes, I have also noted that I see mostly unbalanced 'group' poly relation ships. Aka one that is mostly female or mostly male, rarely one that is a strict 50/50 mix.

7/29/2011 8:37:55 AM

Quote :

"Humans are a pair bonding species"

Well... mostly

Quote :

"PolyAMORY implies that you're investing significant emotional and reproductive energy in multiple partners whereas the OP stated right at the beginning that she only wants to invest a little in multiple people."

Technically, they're all trying to avoid having kids anyway, or at least sylvershadow is. Yes yes, I know that's still what our biology is thinking even if it's not what our minds are thinking, but we're pretty divorced from the natural environment our instincts were designed for anyway. I guess what I'm trying getting to is that a "fuck club" could be called a freak of nature without loss of biological accuracy.

Quote :

"Some folks have a Poly relationship that is very similar to a traditional relationship. They have defined roles int he relation ship, everyone involved knows about the others, and they seem to be just as stable as any other couple or group I know. "

If reasonable people did poly relationships I think that is what would/should happen. ... it's not the rational ones who do that though.

7/29/2011 10:06:47 AM

Quote :

"Well... mostly"

As a species, we are. That is the reason people have affairs. They may want to sleep around but they've made a commitment both biologically and sociologically with another person and that bond isn't broken lightly.

Generally when you see deviations from this it is a societal situation where there are more females than males and, thus, men can have multiple wives. This makes sense in more primitive societies where genetic survival is at stake since there is evidence that women are more likely to produce female offspring when subjected to high levels of stress during pregnancy and more females = more offspring.

Quote :

"but we're pretty divorced from the natural environment our instincts were designed for anyway"

Agreed. Regardless, our instincts have not caught up.


I'm not saying that there aren't people who can have fulfilling polyamorus relationships, I just think they're exceedingly rare. Hell, I think fulfilling monogamous relationships are exceedingly rare and as difficult as it is to find one person who meets most of your needs, finding multiple people who are likewise bio-sociological outliers with mutually compatible desires is statistically significantly more difficult.

I don't reject the fact that different people have different ideas of sexual happiness, I DO think that a lot of people use sex as a substitute for emotional intimacy to compensate for unhappiness elsewhere in their lives. To each their own, but it is important that you are at least emotionally honest with yourself.

And hell, some people just like to fuck.

7/29/2011 10:57:00 AM

Quote :

"As a species, we are. That is the reason people have affairs. They may want to sleep around but they've made a commitment both biologically and sociologically with another person and that bond isn't broken lightly. Generally when you see deviations from this it is a societal situation where there are more females than males and, thus, men can have multiple wives. This makes sense in more primitive societies where genetic survival is at stake since there is evidence that women are more likely to produce female offspring when subjected to high levels of stress during pregnancy and more females = more offspring."

Where you use the word "species", "society" would probably be more correct.

Our biological predispositions has had a lot of light shined on it in recent years. lol, might as well post this:



Some primates have extremely strong pair bonds and thus have small balls. Because why bother growing bigger balls? Primates that sleep around like they're on MTV have giant balls (all relative to body size). Humans are... kind of half way.

The sex ratio thing is a part of the argument but not all of it. Humans, like many of our close relatives, produce fertilized eggs with a sex ratio of about 53% male and 47% female, the reason largely being that the ratio is then docketed as more males die in the womb and then they get themselves killed at a vastly greater rate than females as adolescents, leaving adult populations slightly biased towards females (hunter gathers, not today). I'm not convinced, however, that this fact has much to do with the size of our balls. The fact that we have relatively big balls is because our ancestors cheated, and there is almost no way around this.

But that doesn't mean that we didn't have pair-bonding. We did, there's no way around that too. It's hard to rule out swinger parties like sylvershadow's lifestyle as a part of our evolutionary history completely - all we can really say is that biological evidence shows that it doesn't comprise the majority of our history.

7/29/2011 11:12:19 AM

Yeah, I don't disagree with anything you've said.

I was reading a layman's review of a scientific article a while back about the predisposition of women to cheat while on their menstrual cycle. This is nothing new, but it backs what people have known intuitively for years. Women crave stable men 3 weeks out of the month. The accountant type with a boring but stable job who provides a good home and a steady paycheck.

But when she's fertile, give her that "super-dominant male monkey motherfucker" who will slam his superior genetic code deep into her ripe fallopian tubes and ensure that her children are bad mother fuckers just like him.

And then come back from her business trip and tell her husband how much she loves him. Now, this is admittedly hyperbole, but yeah. We're not a species that finds the perfect mate and settles down happily ever after. We're also not a species with a lot of tolerance for sexual non-exclusivity.

7/29/2011 11:26:37 AM

Quote :

""PolyAMORY implies that you're investing significant emotional and reproductive energy in multiple partners whereas the OP stated right at the beginning that she only wants to invest a little in multiple people."

I was making an analogy. I only have so much time and attention to give so instead of devoting it all to one person, I want to devote it to multiple people. Like any good investment, emotional bonds should grow stronger over time, they just won't grow as fast as if I was only dating one person. So I don't think polyamory "implies" significant investment in multiple people.

Quote :

"Some folks have a Poly relationship that is very similar to a traditional relationship. They have defined roles int he relation ship, everyone involved knows about the others, and they seem to be just as stable as any other couple or group I know. ""

Most of my poly friends are like this. Pretty much everyone knows everyone. They don't all sleep with eachother, and there is still some drama (usually centered around just a couple people). I'm not sure where I'll fall into since I have a couple lovers within the group, and then a couple fwb's I've introduced occasionally to people at parties but who aren't actually within the group.

7/29/2011 11:32:31 AM