The mature thing to do would be spray the kid with a super soaker.

12/21/2011 2:13:38 PM

Quote :

"Then the girl finally started unwrapping a candy bar and she goes, "Well, now I have to pay for that; see what you did?" She started paying for it and the girl started saying "I want the candy NOW!" "

haha, if my daughter had done that after I told her not to, it would go down just like this:

"Well, now I have to pay for that...but you're not going to get even a taste of it, and you're going to watch me eat it."

...and then if she acted out about that at all, she'd be going straight to the corner as soon as she finished watching me lick my lips after the last bite.



I think my personality coupled with having a rather authoritarian dad growing up (and a rather authoritarian professional atmosphere at times) makes me really, really hate being told what to do, and I can be as bullheaded and stubborn as anyone I know about it--and don't view that as a flaw. So, when my daughter exhibits the same behavior, on one hand I understand. I try to give her a fair amount of latitude, for a 5-year old preschooler. I try to give her a little bit of a voice, and start even now to develop her as an independent operator who can think things through and take care of herself. That said, she's 5--it's not like her judgment can always be deferred to. When she gets outside of the box I let her have, I make it a point to have an iron hand. Like someone else I know, she likes to push the limits, haha...I feel like I have to be consistent and unyielding. We've gone from tests of wills during her every waking moment to having maybe a couple of clashes per day, and probably 3/4 of those squashed quickly and without a significant tantrum.

12/21/2011 6:08:44 PM

I think one of the best was maybe a year ago, give or take. She wanted to play outside with the other kids on the street with her patent leather dress shoes on. I told her she could either wear the shoes, or go play, but not both--if she wanted to go play, she would have to go put on her tennis shoes.

She said she didn't want to put on the tennis shoes, so I said that she could either go back inside or sit on the front porch, but not to go run and play with those shoes on. She went and sat on the front porch.

A few minutes later, I look up and she's running down the street toward the other kids, still in her patent leather dress shoes. I ran after her and caught her, took her inside, put her in a chair in the kitchen facing the corner for time out, got her tennis shoes for her and sat them beside her, and told her to sit there until she changed shoes. I then went back outside. I went back inside and checked on her about once every ten minutes to make sure she was still in the chair, make sure she was still facing the corner, and remind her that she could get up and come play whenever she wanted if she'd just change her shoes. No dice--it went on for, no kidding, about 45 minutes...screaming and sobbing the entire time, haha. Finally, it was time to go somewhere, so I went back in and put the tennis shoes on her, put her in the car, and left. Pretty soon, she realized that the ship had sailed, and stopped screaming. I explained to her that in the end, she didn't gain anything--she still ended up changing shoes, and in the meantime spent 45 minutes crying in time-out instead of outside playing. I explained to her (again) why she couldn't play outside in her dress shoes, too.



You don't have to be harsh--during all that, I never raised my voice at all. In fact, it was mostly whispering in her ear (she'd calm down enough for me to talk to her when I'd walk in and put my arm around her...probably thought for a minute that I was going to cave, haha). You just have to be utterly unyielding, consistent, and leaving not even the slightest doubt about who calls the shots. Then you have to keep doing it for a long time to really make a last change in their behavior.

12/21/2011 6:21:12 PM

i don't believe that you need to act like an idiot toward your niece just because your sister does. if she tries to whine/scream with you, just let her know you're not putting up with that shit. my niece and nephew used to fuck with my dog a lot (nephew still does) and it really stressed out my dog. my sister would get super pissy and argumentative when my dog would bark at them, and make me leave the dog outside while every other fucking dog (at one point we had 4 there -- wtf?!) was roaming around the house knocking shit over. if your kids are going to be fucking dumbasses toward animals then i hope they get their hands chomped off. maybe they'll quit being such dicks.

[Edited on December 21, 2011 at 6:43 PM. Reason : ]

12/21/2011 6:33:50 PM

I think you'd be a pretty bad person. Family sucks, but we generally have to deal with it. Some people choose not to, and they are bad people.

12/21/2011 6:37:45 PM

<harsh>With so many of us in the 30-35 year old range much of the TWW demographic probably has 10-20 Christmases left with our parents. Some won't have that many. That's 10-20 opportunities to eat your mom's home cooking, in your parents' house, with your closest family members on a day that your parents probably worked very hard to make special for you every year of your life. I feel bad for you if you squander your time with them over a poorly behaved 3 year old. It makes me wonder if the 3 year old is really the immature one in the family. </harsh>

My advice would be to drink some whiskey and laugh at her tantrums while enjoying your time with your family.

But you could always catch up on episodes of Everyone Loves Raymond instead.

12/22/2011 1:22:17 AM

Awesome thread.

As much as you (and I as well) hate kids such as your niece, remember, it is not her fault, it the parents' fault. The child is not old enough to know what is right and wrong, and to make rational decisions, and to separate herself from her upbringing. I don't know at what age you can start blaming a child for bad behavior IF the cause is bad parenting. At what age are they mature enough to separate themselves from their upbringing? 10? 15? 18? I don't know. But I would say not till they are an adult, actually. Just think about it, how can one distance themselves from their upbringing as a child if they are still a child (of any age)? Because their upbringing is all they have, and that's who they are. Anyway, regardless of where you put the cutoff, 3 is well below the cutoff.

Quote :

"he thinks raising children is the women's job."

In my eyes, such men are the most worthy of loathing of any men, even more than mass-murderers, rapists, pedophiles, and African guerrillas who go around gang-raping villages with their gun butts and chopping off limbs and heads. SUCH 'FATHERS' ARE MAJORLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ASSHOLES RUINING THE WORLD, all the way from the common school bullies to the genociding dictators.

12/22/2011 3:03:31 AM

At least you don't have to deal with a 5 year old autistic cousin who throws tantrums that includes grabbing knives and rocks. I have pretty much guard my kids the whole time, which is lame for me and my kids. If we're lucky she'll just watch a dvd the whole time.

I don't totally blame her parents for her actions (they work very hard with her) but they don't keep a good eye on her at family gatherings and rely on other adults.

[Edited on December 22, 2011 at 9:06 AM. Reason : .]

12/22/2011 9:05:41 AM

Can't they just put the container filled with knives and rocks up higher where she can't reach it?


---


seriously though, that has to suck. When they're autistic, their behavior is not really their fault.

12/22/2011 9:30:36 AM

i suggest, when the child is throwing a tantrum, all "waaaaaaaa," just do it back at her but louder

a grown-ass man screaming WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH at a kid like the "i fucking love cocaine" bear will shut her up with confusion and terror

might want to video it though so you have something to show her when she's 15 and is all "i always hated uncle burro"

12/22/2011 9:41:22 AM

that is the dumbest fucking thing i have ever heard in my entire life. the best way to respond to a tantrum is to ignore. giving too much attention gives the child too much power.

12/22/2011 9:46:55 AM

As they say "If you know one child with autism, all you really know is one child with autism." They are all different.... but the autistic children I work with can usually be told to behave and they respond, it just takes a lot of attention. I can see how that would be physically and mentally exhausting to keep up for an entire visit home with the parents.

12/22/2011 9:54:03 AM

^^

Hey you, yeah you the girl who can't recognize someone being obviously facetious:

HE WASNT BEING SERIOUS YOU RETARD.

12/22/2011 10:26:36 AM

i wouldn't know, because many grown adults attempt to deal with tantrums in that very manner on a regular basis. i can't assume everyone who posts on here is not an idiot.

ALSO, casual and/or frequent use of the word "retard" is immature and unintelligent.

[Edited on December 22, 2011 at 10:31 AM. Reason : ]

12/22/2011 10:29:50 AM

ohhh you're one of those

12/22/2011 10:42:20 AM

^.

12/22/2011 10:58:55 AM

Quote :

"if the kids mouths off at you, give her a piece of your mind"

QFT

My [future] niece randomly screams at people, and I don't mean a oh I'm so happy! scream. I'm talking blood curling screams for the sake of getting attention. One day I got sick of it and I did the same to her - she kind of stared at me funny as if to say, "Girl, you crazy" and stopped. Maybe if you mock her and throw a giant tantrum when she does, it'll get her to stop

12/22/2011 11:08:55 AM

Who knows? Kids are weird. Some kids that would only throw fuel on the fire.

12/22/2011 11:24:08 AM

I dont know how the phrase "Terrible Twos" came about.

3 year olds are WAY worse than 2 year olds.

12/22/2011 12:04:16 PM

^Yeah... because people do such a shitty job raising their kids at 2-year-olds so by the time they are 3 they know what they can and can't get away with.

12/22/2011 12:23:15 PM

Quote :

"QFT My [future] niece randomly screams at people, and I don't mean a oh I'm so happy! scream. I'm talking blood curling screams for the sake of getting attention. One day I got sick of it and I did the same to her - she kind of stared at me funny as if to say, "Girl, you crazy" and stopped. Maybe if you mock her and throw a giant tantrum when she does, it'll get her to stop "

lol. when I worked in retail this was my method of choice. Worked every time, I think I scared the shit out of some kids who had no idea who I was though.

12/22/2011 1:34:10 PM

Quote :

"that is the dumbest fucking thing i have ever heard in my entire life. the best way to respond to a tantrum is to ignore. giving too much attention gives the child too much power."

...because one single method of parenting works well with every single child. Painting with a broad brush, and all that...

Usually I agree that ignoring the kids is a good idea. However, that might not work and is likely to depend on the child.


I like this comment from the article on tantrums that was posted on the front page:

Quote :

"When my son (now 27) was 2-ish, he had a few of these episodes, and I was getting very frustrated at my inability to calm him or stop the behavior. One day, he acted out in the family room, and I couldn’t take it any longer. I said “Wait honey, you’re doing this all wrong! Watch Mommy." I promptly threw myself on the floor, rolled around screaming and wailing and waving my arm & legs. He stopped howling, and then began to laugh. He never did it again. I think that, once he saw how ridiculous I looked, he did not want to do the same."

So it sounds like, with some kids, showing them how stupid and ridiculous they look humiliates them into acting correctly.

[Edited on December 22, 2011 at 3:22 PM. Reason : ]

12/22/2011 3:21:21 PM

I'm in a similar situation.

Except it's my boyfriend's sister, and she's 23.

Then I found out Christmas was at her house... FUCK THAT. I said something along the lines of "why don't you just have a family Christmas and I'll sit this one out."

12/23/2011 8:59:12 AM

^Yeah, not being married does change things. Now imagine having to deal with that terrible bitch, but being married into the family. That's my situation. Everyone in my wife's family gets along with me except her mom (her sister if fickle so it's hard to get a good gage on her). I've moved past the "trying to get everyone to like me" stage and moved right on to the "fuck it and fuck you" stage where I just ignore her.

...I'd love to hear after the holidays of the OP ended up letting a 3 year old keep him out of a family event.

12/23/2011 9:11:53 AM

I had this issue w/ my niece. My brother/sister in law refused to correct her.

My parents finally stepped in and told my brother if he couldn't get his kid in control, he was not welcome at their house b/c it ruined things for everyone else. He got mad, but did come to the conclusion it's pretty damn bad to that your kids behavior bars you from things.

I also smacked my niece in the hand when she tries to grab things from me or punch me in the leg (Her cutest trait when she didn't get her way ) and she at least quit doing things to me b/c she knew I'd smack back.


Just pop in for a few hours, and maybe ask your parents, since it is THEIR house.

12/23/2011 9:30:03 AM

^FUCKING CHILD ABUSE

12/23/2011 9:33:56 AM