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 Message Boards » » Beardawg & Evan's Funny EMS Stories Page 1 [2], Prev  
jackleg
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Quote :
"lol

that's because we're good at telling stories

we all know just what to leave out"


there's a whole lot of ego going on in this thread, considering the number of doctors posting

1/30/2008 1:26:31 AM

Beardawg61
Trauma Specialist
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Oh yes, I'm well versed in HIPAA which is why I haven't provide any identifying information or I've falsified it.

1/30/2008 1:27:09 AM

brainysmurf
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other than the person who made reference to a known public figure


no patient identifiers have been used

1/30/2008 1:29:59 AM

Mr Scrumples
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5 on your side?

1/30/2008 1:34:38 AM

jackleg
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Quote :
"other than the person who made reference to a known public figure


no patient identifiers have been used"


other than the one guy that died today, no one has died today.

1/30/2008 1:35:27 AM

Mattallica
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attaboy jackleg

1/30/2008 1:38:24 AM

brainysmurf
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well, travis

bitch at the person who said it


not the people who havent used patient identifiers or have falsified unique information.

1/30/2008 2:15:37 AM

jackleg
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hey im not bitching, just pointing out cause it seemed like no one else cared. which was kinda weird to me considering you guys seem to love helping people and all that.

no big deal, im gonna watch tv and zone out, later

1/30/2008 2:24:50 AM

brainysmurf
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NOT MY STORY

but funny anyway


From Livejournal

Quote :
" Giant purple mushroom...
Last night in ER started out and continued on as such a crappy ass night! The psych patients were coming out of every crack and crevice known to mankind, and the psych facilities were all full... not to mention that ETS was giving us crap runaround... so we were full with crazy people all night, despite our best efforts...

The reward for our patience came at 0500 this morning, when, after 2 back to back SOB patients came in, we got the call for a third. "TRIAGE - SHORTNESS OF BREATH" rang overhead through the ER. This one was mine. So I go grab the patient and take him back to one of my beds... where we discover that he's hyperventillating, and not truly SOB. His wife communicates to us (because the patient was in a panic state) that he has a ring on his penis. Obviously, being a baby-ER nurse, I think she means a prince albert and he's embarassed about it... oh... how niave I was!! So we get him undressed, look under the hospital gown and discover a giant purple mushroom!!

"SWEET JESUS!!" I exclaim (in my head)... and foolishly ask no inappropriate questions... No worries, though... he offered up most of the details without prompting.

Apparently, at 10pm last night, after him and his wife had been fighting for some time, he wanted to be nice and surprise her... by wearing his WEDDING RING on his penis!! I can only imagine how he got it on there, maybe I really don't want to know, but over the course of the past 7 hours, his wanker had swollen to the size of a tennis ball and he had been too embarassed to come in to the ER to have it taken care of... he'd tried everything possible at home to get it off... mostly dealing with vaseline and other lubricants... until it got to a point where he started hyperventillating and his wife made him come in.

We were very fortunate that he had a sense of humour about it, and he even told us that he'd been so embarassed because he didn't want to end up as one of those ER stories that everyone hears about... but that he knew it would happen anyway... So we manage to cut the gold wedding ring off, with him squirming and writhing the entire time (made me truly glad that I don't have a penis to do that to... ), and almost immediately the colour goes back to normal... still swollen, but uniformly swollen, and he states that the pain is much improved... I assured him that in the ER we see all kinds of crazy things, and some of our senior nurses had seen the same thing before...

As I left this morning, I told him that I never had and that he'd effectively popped my cherry. We all laughed."

1/30/2008 6:28:31 AM

Mitch Taylor
All American
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HAY EVAN



DO YOU REALLY WORK ON THE WAMBULANCE?


OMG I'LL TOTALLY GIVE YOU VAG NOW

1/30/2008 6:29:54 AM

benz240
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Quote :
"there's a whole lot of ego going on in this thread, considering the number of doctors posting"


i dont think there's a single doc in here...just EMS's and nurses and techs

the ego rule still applies, however

1/30/2008 7:59:02 AM

qntmfred
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Quote :
"You can always tell because Dispatch will say "Be advised we have law enforcement en route" otherwise. "


rofl

[Edited on January 30, 2008 at 8:24 AM. Reason : luls]

1/30/2008 8:24:27 AM

Sputter
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^^ Yeah, I am pretty sure that the point of his post was to point out that no one was, in fact, a doctor.

Jackleg is somewhat sarcastic.

1/30/2008 8:32:32 AM

Mattallica
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touche

1/30/2008 8:33:06 AM

Mitch Taylor
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watch out jackleg

evan is a volunteer, he doesn't have to take your crap!

1/30/2008 9:06:19 AM

Beardawg61
Trauma Specialist
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I just worked a passenger car vs. dump truck head on. O_o

I guess that wasn't really that funny.

1/30/2008 10:02:12 AM

pttyndal
WINGS!!!!!
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ha. I guess that takes the meaning of cock ring to a whole new level.

1/30/2008 10:21:16 AM

Wraith
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So question for the EMS people, are the rumors about full moons true? I heard that there are significantly more amounts of crazy shit that occur on full moons.

1/30/2008 10:33:03 AM

Beardawg61
Trauma Specialist
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It's my experience that the call volume doesn't go up... just the "quality" of calls. The crazies come out of the woodwork.

1/30/2008 10:58:20 AM

smc
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I take comfort in the fact that gossiping medical personnel will be among the first to die in the upcoming pandemic.

1/30/2008 11:15:30 AM

colter
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Quote :
"2 guys I play hockey with responded to a call a few years back at home of the WRAL "5 On Your Side" reporter at the time (some blonde chick). Well, she had "lost" a small vibrator up her butt and couldn't get it out. The vibrations had started to make her sick to her stomach."


monica laliberte

hey, I'm not the one who signed the confidentiality statement

1/30/2008 1:45:33 PM

Sputter
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ewww.

1/30/2008 2:26:53 PM

benz240
All American
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^

Quote :
"some blonde chick"


FAIL

1/30/2008 2:54:34 PM

 Message Boards » Chit Chat » Beardawg & Evan's Funny EMS Stories Page 1 [2], Prev  
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