wait--what?

12/22/2007 9:46:33 PM

*shrug*

12/22/2007 9:48:14 PM

you're just trying to fuck with me aren't you...

12/22/2007 9:48:57 PM

No, I just have a headache and am having trouble verbalizing my thoughts.

12/22/2007 9:49:30 PM

werd

12/22/2007 9:50:12 PM

went on a fishing trip with a family friend....asked friends mom why her father wasnt here cause he was here last 2 years(we went yearly for like 4 straight years)...she tells me he had died...i felt so bad...punched my friend for not telling me his grandfather had died

12/22/2007 9:52:44 PM

I read that as fisting trip.

12/22/2007 9:54:01 PM

I'm not surprised.

12/22/2007 9:54:36 PM

oh, yeah--i was talking to my roommate about the navy, and he starts telling me how LCAC (hovercraft) operators are considered pilots and what-not--to which i remark, "that'd be kinda gay", he then tells me his brother is an LCAC pilot

12/22/2007 9:56:50 PM

DNL, we all know what your most untactful line is:

Quote :

"I beat to your pics"

12/22/2007 10:57:42 PM

Not the MOST tactless thing I have said:

One time sophomore year at State I'm at this party talking with these girls, and I turn to one and I'm like "what year are you"

So she says "I'm a sophomore"

and I say "Cool I am too."

Then she's like, "In high school"



So later on I'm just kind of hangin around talking to this guy, he glances over toward them and I'm like "High school girls, I keep getting older and they stay the same age"

And he's like "That's my sister"



[Edited on December 22, 2007 at 11:16 PM. Reason : ]

12/22/2007 11:16:16 PM

aahhhhhh!

12/22/2007 11:18:13 PM

Since you guys contributed a lot... Here's one of several lines. When I was younger and didn't know better, I was eating lunch with a female friend of a female friend and thought how she really looked like a celebrity so I thought it would be good for her to hear it. I told her that she looked like a female version of Mick Jagger.

To this day I am still surprised that she didn't slap me. I thought I meant well, but I guess not. She really did look like a female version of Mick...

12/23/2007 12:51:43 AM

LOL, you look like a female version of Mick Jagger who mated with Steven Tyler.

12/23/2007 1:40:54 AM

Both of their daughters are hot though.

12/23/2007 1:49:20 AM

This one time I was drunk at 11 A.M. after taking an exam, and walking thru campus. I came upon these two chicks, one hot, one not, and took it upon myself to say

"Hi."
"Hello."
"Uhh, you probably get this a lot, but you have beautiful eyes."
"Yeah, I do get that a lot, but thank you."
"Are you, Asian, maybe?"
"No, but I get that a lot too."
"Well, you are really beautiful."
"Thank you."

then I turn to the other girl, to whom I feel obliged to say something, and say

"You're a 6."

at this, they both give me this wickedly evil look, and I just mumble "Uh, I mean an 8" and walk on.

12/23/2007 12:31:57 PM

that's awesome

12/23/2007 3:00:06 PM

One time I went to visit this girl I hadn't seen in a couple of years. We were talking in a room full of people and I just looked at her and said "You have a mustache." Then she started crying and ran into the bathroom.

She told me about a year later that she was glad I said it because she had noticed it too, but none of her friends were honest when she asked how noticeable it was. Thanks to me she got electrolysis and it's been all good ever since.

12/23/2007 3:09:03 PM

"aint no bitch sleeping in my bed without taking her pants off"

walking down franklin street for halloween, and a group of mexicans are approaching us: "hey look, frickin sweet costumes, theyre dressed up just like mexicans"

telling my old girlfriends roommate that i cant believe her and her boyfriend can fit in bed together

sursly, i could list these forever if i could just remember them all, im the absolute best at saying dumb mean things, sometimes because i dont realize it, most of the time because im a dick

12/23/2007 3:10:16 PM

haha sometimes the most untactful thing I've ever said was


"that sucks"

or, "oh I'm sorry" lol


haha I did tell this girl to hit the road once, the next day she kept texting and texting me

so I was like, "hey, my friends are swingers, wanna have a switcheroo?"

and then a few days later she started up the same thing...

I responded with, "lets have make up sex, but my boys gotta hit too"

12/23/2007 3:12:35 PM

Quote :

"A friend of mine told me a story back when he was in high school. He was walking down the hall and seen a female friend outside of class sobbing. He thought a boyfriend had broken up with her so he came up to her, patted on her shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, it was his fault." Little did he know that it wasn't about her boyfriend. She had gotten a call from her mom that her dad had just died in a car crash."

yeah, i'm sure if someones dad died their mom would call them to tell them about it.

wheres snopes when you need it

12/23/2007 3:17:02 PM

daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn

1/27/2008 12:15:08 PM

yesterday, @ KKC. I had gotten some jugs of water for JCASHFAN and his friend, because getting water was a clusterfuck. This girl walks up, asks if she can have some. I answered since he and his buddy had their mouths full, and I said "Sure, if you sleep with my friend" and pointed at Rob.

I never saw her face, and apparently she was like 14

1/27/2008 12:19:14 PM

I told her what time it was.

[Edited on January 27, 2008 at 12:21 PM. Reason : it's 10:33]

1/27/2008 12:21:02 PM

Quote :

"In high school, one of my friends comes up to me and she's depressed. I ask her whats wrong, and she says that she got into a big fight with her dad, my response "well its not like you told him you were pregnant or anything, cause that would suck"....yeah, she was."

in high school, my mom always volunteered in the office. one morning, she saw a couple that were friends of mine walk out of the bathroom, the girl looking like crap. she wrote them a note to get into class late w/o penalty. that night at dinner, she asks me "mike, is jessica pregnant?" i laughed it off, and brought it up at the lunch table where the guy and the rest of our group of friends always sat together. "hey mitch, my mom tried to ask me if jessica was pregnant. ha!"

boy, did i feel like a complete ass when a month or so later, they broke the news to everyone.

1/27/2008 12:25:21 PM

too many to name them....a lot of times i would rather not talk to people :/

1/27/2008 12:26:40 PM

what is this tact you speak of?

1/27/2008 12:28:17 PM

I remember once this girl was crying so hard in front of me and a friend. She wouldn't say why, and to my friend I made a gun sign to my head. She wasn't meant to see it, but she did. She ran outta the room crying even harder. I found out later that the reason she was crying so hard was cause her dad just shot himself in the head.

1/27/2008 12:31:10 PM

i told a bitch i hoped she had a miscarriage on tww the other day...thats pretty fucked up.....called jen all kinds of mean names yesterday...that was pretty douchey of me

[Edited on January 27, 2008 at 12:33 PM. Reason : recent examples]

1/27/2008 12:32:41 PM

you gotta think before you type son

1/27/2008 12:38:00 PM

I asked my mom what a moose douche was once based off of a Gallgher skit I had just seen on comedy central (I was like 8 years old or something). He had basically taped a shower head to a wine or champagne bottle or something and was spraying shit everywhere. Well I definitely didn't get an answer and when I found out what it was later I decided that whenever I saw something sketchy that I didn't quite understand I would look it up myself.

I'm glad to say I don't think I've ever pulled one of those "your mom blah blah" "my mom is dead" things or one of those situations where you make a shitty joke and it turns out that shitty joke is directly related to how somebody died. To you people that did that and survived the inevitable aftermath, I salute you (but you're still asses, hahaha).

If I didn't have urbandictionary I would have a LOT more to contribute here right now.

1/27/2008 12:46:34 PM

bwn ? i've actually done this before and it worked . . . just said, "bwn?" and it happened.

1/27/2008 12:47:28 PM

My friend told me he was at a party one time and he and all of his friends were chowing down. And a girl (not fat or skinny, just kind of average) was getting her eat on as well. He said something to the effect of "I'm glad you have a healthy appetite, most girls are too self-conscious to eat more than a little bit." The girl looked hurt and started to cry. Apparently her mom had been giving her grief about her weight and the fact that she ate too much. Obviously my friend didn't know this before-hand, so he tried to explain what he meant, but it just made it worse.

1/27/2008 1:39:42 PM

first thing that comes to mind

girl: "I hate texting. I always mash the wrong button."
drunk me: "Whattaya got fat thumbs or something?"

1/27/2008 1:51:38 PM

Once at work we were discussing natural disasters (it might've been around the time of Katrina or the hurricane after it) and I said "The next thing you know we're going to have locusts". Turns out someone at the table was Iranian and it was a problem when he lived in his home country.

1/27/2008 1:57:00 PM

I had a friend who was pregers, and I had constantly joked about her naming her first child after me. About a week went by w/o me seeing her, and when I did I asked "How's little Josh??" to which she replied:

"we lost him last week"

totally the most awkward silence I've ever seen!

1/27/2008 2:01:12 PM

This one girl was talking about how she was sleeping around. The next class I look at her belly and go, are you pregnant? She thought I was implying she was fat. She started to cry in class and everyone started to stare at me.

1/27/2008 2:55:16 PM

I was helping a friend of a friend move. I was decent friends with the guy (now we're really good friends) because I had only known him for a short time. Well the last thing we have to move is this huge trunk/chest that he had kept under his bed. I go to reach for one these leather handles on the side and he quickly goes, "Be really really careful with that chest, its got some important stuff in there." I lift it a little bit, notice that its really heavy and go, "What is there a freaking dead body in here or something??"

Then he pauses...and I'm like...you've got to be fucking kidding me. He said his dad's ashes were in there...or the urn that held his dad's ashes was in the trunk. He was really nice about it, but I definitely felt like a douchebag.

1/27/2008 3:01:51 PM

^ Haha. That could've happened to anyone.

1/27/2008 3:05:47 PM

You asshole.

1/27/2008 3:08:16 PM

Quote :

"I asked "How's little Josh??" to which she replied: "we lost him last week" totally the most awkward silence I've ever seen!"

WOW !

1/27/2008 3:08:18 PM

Quote :

"I've also said "I fucked your mom last night." "My mom's dead." "Oh." but I think everyone's done that"

ur doin it wrong.

"I fucked your mom last night."
"My mom's dead."
"Yeah, I know"
"WHAT?!"
"Your sister helped me dig up the body."

1/27/2008 3:14:10 PM

^lol

1/27/2008 7:41:54 PM

^I actually said that to a friend once.

1/28/2008 3:25:00 AM

I told this girl that she was too fat for my taste once. She got very upset. Fortunately, I drove us to the movie......so she really couldn't do anything except pout if she wanted a ride home

1/28/2008 3:27:31 AM

haha, how fuckin fat was she? had to be huge, we know you black guys are all chubby chasers!




for myself, my best friend in high school had a little sister that forgot to feed her bird forever and it died, so the next time I saw her, i said "so, [girl], killed any birds lately?"


she has never forgiven me

1/28/2008 3:45:57 AM