I dated a girl for almost a year during high school - a year long hiatus, got back together right before college and now we're engaged (4+ years later).

It does happen, particularly when the reasons for the breakup were based on immaturity/fear/codependency.

Growth can pull people apart, but it can also make them more compatible than they ever were before.

9/16/2007 2:16:42 PM

i ♥ Jesus

[Edited on September 16, 2007 at 2:54 PM. Reason : .]

9/16/2007 2:43:46 PM

I think that timing has a lot to do with relationships, so I could see some instances where reuniting with an ex might not be a horrible idea. I've never done it though. Then again, I haven't really had a boyfriend in four years.

9/16/2007 2:51:57 PM

Quote :

"I'm willing to bet it didn't go down anything like this"

SandSanta FTW

9/16/2007 3:35:19 PM

so guys what's my next move? i've been working out like mad to bring my sexy back and keep my mind off it. should i persue her , tell her i still love her etc.? or let her do her thing with her new guy? i don't want her to leave him unless she was happier with me, other wise i want her to stay with him no matter how much it hurts me.

also is she allowed to ask for favors? i.e. she wants me to hook up her ipod in her car. i don't know if i should do it or be like get your new bf to do it bc i don't wanna be a dick but i don't want to have her new cake and some of the icing off her old cake too. but at the same time i don't want her to forget about her favorite handy man.

i'm thinkin best thing is no contact until she's broken up with homeboy, but i don't know HELP ME TDUB

9/16/2007 3:51:41 PM

best thing is no contact

9/16/2007 4:04:00 PM

theres only like 3 billion other broads in the world...

9/16/2007 4:08:45 PM

Quote :

"so guys what's my next move? i've been working out like mad to bring my sexy back and keep my mind off it. should i persue her , tell her i still love her etc.? or let her do her thing with her new guy? i don't want her to leave him unless she was happier with me, other wise i want her to stay with him no matter how much it hurts me."

do your thing, live your life, don't worry about her... keep your mouth shut until it's the right time to say something... it sucks, but it keeps you from looking like a fool and fucking things up more.
you can't control the willpower of others and whats the point of trying to convince someone to be with you that doesn't want to be with you... seems like a bad idea from the start
if it's going to happen it will, may take a while, but it will... things happen for a reason

Quote :

"also is she allowed to ask for favors? i.e. she wants me to hook up her ipod in her car. i don't know if i should do it or be like get your new bf to do it bc i don't wanna be a dick but i don't want to have her new cake and some of the icing off her old cake too. but at the same time i don't want her to forget about her favorite handy man."

don't do shit for her, be nice and social if you see her out and about, but don't give her any special treatment, she got another man that should do that for her also.
she has a new "handyman" now, why the hell should you sweat when thats his job now?

Quote :

"i'm thinkin best thing is no contact until she's broken up with homeboy, but i don't know HELP ME TDUB"

leave her alone, let her be happy... if she wants to be social let her, but it's not good for you to be worried about it

if her not being with you makes her happy, you should let it go... the high ground is sometimes harder to take, but it is usually what needs to be done

you know what you need to do...

[Edited on September 16, 2007 at 4:12 PM. Reason : d]

9/16/2007 4:11:48 PM

damn, this thread cuts like a knife... my girlfriend of 2 years just told me she wants a break. We've been long distance for a year now, and it has worked, but neither of us have put into it what we should've. On top of that, I was her first serious relationship, and so naturally she has in the back of her mind that she should date around some to make sure I'm really the one. Sucks for me though... yet another thing to add to my ever-increasing list of broken shit in my life. Sorry for the bitchin...

9/16/2007 4:31:14 PM

Quote :

"make sure I'm really the one."

Thats definitely not how female logic works.

More along the lines of: "what am I missing"

Sever.

9/16/2007 4:52:13 PM

my girlfriend of 1 year just told me she wants a break.

[Edited on September 16, 2007 at 5:01 PM. Reason : .]

9/16/2007 5:00:39 PM

tell her to have a nice life then

9/16/2007 5:04:33 PM

if i was an idiot, i would get back with probably one of my exes. Just because the situations around why we broke things off were so weird and things were going pretty good up until that point. But i think learning who that person was in both their good and bad points in life, made me realize thats not the type of person id ever want and that everything happens for a reason.

You really do live and learn.

9/16/2007 5:18:23 PM

Quote :

"my girlfriend of 2 years just told me she wants a break. We've been long distance for a year now, and it has worked, but neither of us have put into it what we should've."

Long distance relationships really don't work over long periods of time.

9/17/2007 1:56:31 AM

nm.

i dont know the guy and i aint gonna be mean.



[Edited on September 17, 2007 at 9:27 AM. Reason : ]

9/17/2007 9:23:49 AM

Quote :

"i dont know the guy and i aint gonna be mean."

Yeah, same. I had started to write something earlier but restrained myself because I know how this shit can feel.

9/17/2007 11:43:45 AM

Quote :

"I got back with an ex after a 6 month hiatus. now i'm married to her."

pretty much identical here...been married for 16 months now...

9/17/2007 12:17:38 PM

you guys don't need to hold back on my account... I'm fairly thick-skinned. Also, anything that you would say about her just wanting to go fuck a bunch of other guys or something isn't true. There may be some component of "wondering who else is out there", but she's way too cool/ mature for that to be the sole reason that she wanted a break.

9/17/2007 3:20:07 PM

it's much easier to just not care


I promise


and better for you

9/17/2007 3:28:22 PM

^^

dude, she's interested in being with someone else right now

that's how it works

9/17/2007 3:32:50 PM

^^ honestly, I'm finding myself surprised by how little I'm caring. I think the fact that we did long distance for a year makes the transition a lot easier.

Or it just hasn't quite hit me yet and won't until she says she's started dating someone else

9/17/2007 5:18:11 PM

I dont know the girl and normally am not a very judgemental person - but also remember than MANY times (just like men) girl will lie/ fabricate/ soften the blow by giving an explaination other than what she really feels.

I'm not ready to settle down right now = I'm not ready to settle down with you
I don't know what's wrong with me = I know I don't have feelings anymore for you

etc

9/17/2007 6:26:11 PM

^ that's helpful, and I think you're probably pretty on-point. She has said numerous times, "I don't know what's wrong with me" and I've even asked/ tried to work with her around the idea that it might be that she's fallen out of love with me. She said that she doesn't think that's it, but I have a feeling it probably is. In regards to the "settling down" comment, she said that since a lot of her friends are getting married she's been thinking about what she would say if I were to ask her to marry me. She said she wasn't 100% sure she could say yes. This comes as somewhat of a surprise since she and I had talked so much about marriage, and I would marry her in a heart-beat if we weren't forced to do long distance because of school. We'll just have to see how it all works out...

Thanks for the helpful and perceptive advice.

9/17/2007 6:45:57 PM

or MOVE ON.

9/17/2007 9:39:30 PM

^^ If you notice, all the "we got back together" was mostly after 6mo- a year.

So, get over it. If it happens down the road, it happens.

9/17/2007 9:50:40 PM

I wouldnt do it.

9/17/2007 10:15:35 PM

yeah i have a hard time waiting. that screws things up for me. i want things fixed on my schedule.

sucks for me.

i guess 6 mos will help both parties cool off.

9/17/2007 10:23:13 PM

HEY ITS WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET ATTENTION AROUND HERE.


bastards.

9/17/2007 10:41:39 PM

one more thing what's the procedure for her contacting me? she's called me a few times and imed me. she says "I still care about u but u made choices and i've made mine". i'm starting to think from the frequency of the calls and stuff that she's only dating this new guy to make me jealous.

9/20/2007 12:02:58 AM