Quote :

"A year on her own and she might be starting to realize that she isn't going to find another man to take care of her anytime soon."

I think she can and will. I honestly think she's very resourceful in this department, even if it's subconsciously.

And she's definitely attractive enough to make it happen.

7/10/2006 2:37:03 AM

Keep 'em coming folks. I value your opinions.

7/10/2006 5:31:47 PM

This is just my point of view. To me, it doesn't sound all the bad. I mean, it would be different if she came and said "I have AIDS" or something along those lines, but all she did was sleep with another guy. If I had a partner like this, it would be fine so long as she didn't mind me sleeping with other women. Now, all within reason of course. It would be foolish to jump on anything that moves. Just seems to me people put to much emphasis on monogamy. No need to fight human nature IMO. But it seemed to be important to you, so I'm sorry for your loss FWIW.

7/10/2006 6:56:30 PM

You've probably never been laid in your life, who are you to talk about being monogamous?

7/10/2006 6:59:16 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that man.

but..I have no simpathy to cheaters. Like others said, once its done, its easier to do it again. You can never truly forgive her..because you can never forget about it. Be glad that it was still early...i guess. I'm sorry..i know there is really nothing to be glad about, but just saying that it could have been worse. The only way i think you should think otherwise is if your 100% sure that she suffered a lot for her mistakes...enough to deter her from ever doing it again. She has to realize that she fucked up bad...not shit like "you have to accept me for who i am"...

7/10/2006 10:20:21 PM

Quote :

"not shit like "you have to accept me for who i am"..."

And guess what I hear?

7/10/2006 11:18:45 PM

honesty, integrity and fidelity........harder to come by than you think


find someone who has and still believes in these character traits

7/11/2006 12:24:43 AM

I will be damned if I know where to look.

Bars ain't one. That's for SURE.

Church ain't one either. Churchgoin' females are WAY too devious!

7/11/2006 12:46:36 AM

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

7/11/2006 12:50:26 AM

Quote :

"This is just my point of view. To me, it doesn't sound all the bad. I mean, it would be different if she came and said "I have AIDS" or something along those lines, but all she did was sleep with another guy. If I had a partner like this, it would be fine so long as she didn't mind me sleeping with other women. Now, all within reason of course. It would be foolish to jump on anything that moves. Just seems to me people put to much emphasis on monogamy. No need to fight human nature IMO. But it seemed to be important to you, so I'm sorry for your loss FWIW."

If you take the view that sex "can be" the physical manifestation of love then it really is a big deal. Regardless of gender, if a spouse is cheating with another person its usually because the partner isn't in love anymore or maybe emotionally/mentally fucked up to the point where it doesn't seem wrong to them.

Now, there are swinger couples who can operate like that and are totally, completely in love. I don't really know how that works, and I'd never be interested but it does work. Its one of those things where both partners have to agree to it. And that definetly didn't happen in this situation.

7/11/2006 1:26:50 AM

how about the guy in nyc today?

7/11/2006 1:44:08 AM

Now THAT'S just a bit too much. Destroying something so that your spouse doesn't get it is TOTALLY third grade. Maybe Kindergarten.

7/11/2006 2:14:19 AM

yeah. at least hide it.

we have a 69 superbee at the shop that the customer has had since he was like 17. he had to hide it through 2 divorces because both bitches wanted to take it.

7/11/2006 8:26:53 AM

he was trying to kill himself. that building meant the world to him. he worked and lived there and it was where he wanted to spend the rest of his life. the divorce called for auction and split and we all know that you cant just go buy another building in plush upper eastside.

7/11/2006 2:04:48 PM

Quote :

"We dated for at least a year and a half before that...really almost two. We lived together for a majority of that time. "

This will sound like I'm trying to be a dick, but I'm not: I think that was a big mistake. Living together that soon after starting to date, just isn't a good idea, even if you're sooooo in love and all that. If its the right thing, it can wait a year and a half until you get married (or until you guys really, really know each other... but in your case you got married after a year and a half).

7/11/2006 2:52:46 PM

Oh I totally agree with the living together part. Especially under the circumstances. It initially created a lot of stress. I won't do it that way EVER again.

7/11/2006 4:01:11 PM

I've been cheated on before and luckily, I can say I wasn't married to the guy...he was just a boyfriend for 2 years. There was no way I could have ever trusted him again after that. It's that simple...once he burned me, that was it. I loved him, but I couldn't put myself through the torture of wondering where he was and what he was doing every second he wasn't in my sight.

7/11/2006 10:47:35 PM

Quote :

"And guess what I hear?"

"why do I HAVE to accept you?"

7/11/2006 10:48:29 PM

Good one. I mean, why do I have to? And I don't plan on it.

7/11/2006 10:56:49 PM

I just felt like throwing this back to the top to see if anybody else wants to throw in their two cents' worth...

7/13/2006 8:09:19 PM

Good luck.

no advice, not from this corner of the peanut gallery.

7/13/2006 8:20:04 PM

Hate to here about all of this Dan. Sounds like your much better off with out her. You will never be able to trust her again. Trust is like glass it can only be broken once. You dont need that never ending bullshit always on your mind.
Take it from me .Ive fucked up plenty of good long term relationships. But never settle for good enough. Gotta find the one that just makes you happy and move on.

7/15/2006 1:18:17 PM

Quote :

"Trust is like glass it can only be broken once."

worst analogy ever

7/15/2006 6:38:46 PM

He's right to a certain extent. You always have a little something back in the very back of your mind once that trust has been broken.

And it's really hard to overcome.

7/15/2006 9:45:11 PM

yeah man

Second-order phase transitions are a bitch

7/15/2006 9:49:31 PM

I talked to her today and told her it's best if we go ahead and divorce. It was really depressing. Man, it's really hard closing a chapter of your life. We had a lot of good things and times together.

I hope she does okay in the future and gets her act in gear.

I hope that I will too, and I'm pretty sure I will. I have a lot of good resources from which to draw. But for now, I'm just kind of really down.

7/27/2006 6:05:49 PM

goto a strip club

7/27/2006 6:07:14 PM

I don't wanna be around whores, and I don't wanna be around alcohol.

Thanks for the advice, though.

7/27/2006 6:10:49 PM

I would suggest joining a meetup group or a socials group.

PLenty of single like minded people there.

7/27/2006 6:13:32 PM

Yeah, I actually met with a new psychiatrist yesterday. He suggested that maybe an AA meeting wouldn't be a bad thing (past problems with drinking). Ironically one of my best friends called me the day before and mentioned me doing that. Her boyfriend is a member of a good group (no holy roller, no groupie group kinda thing; good intellectual folks).

7/27/2006 6:16:13 PM

Fuck AA

Why do you wanna step into something with the premise that there's something wrong with you?

7/27/2006 6:17:01 PM

Nothing wrong with me. I've just had serious issues with drinking in the past, and it's something I feel very strongly about now. If this particular friend says something like this, then I take heed. She's very perceptive and has known me for a very long time...and through my heavy boozing years.

If it was the right kind of group, then I think I would really be interested. It's really depressing not knowing very many folks that don't go out and drink/get blasted to have fun.

7/27/2006 6:21:40 PM

join a hiking group

weightloss+meeting new people

2 birds one stone

7/27/2006 6:22:45 PM

Hiking group is a pretty good idea.

7/28/2006 11:41:45 AM

My friends got divorced after a 5 years of dating and a year of marriage. Their situation is kinda similar to yours. THe husband ended up taking a lot of road trips with his friends and going out at night. He is in a very good place in his life now and they have 6 months left till its final

7/28/2006 2:58:55 PM

5 years of dating doesn't count!

7/28/2006 3:00:31 PM

save it, gargsy. It counts for a lot. Maybe not as much as the absolute commitment that is marriage, but committed monogamy for long periods of time is pretty serious.

I appreciate your bttting my topic, but I'd really like to read something a little more worthwhile than what you just said.

7/28/2006 3:04:31 PM

I didn't bttt it.

also, lotsa people date. Living together isn't any sort of commitment

7/28/2006 3:06:38 PM

Hey-one of my good friends is going through a similar situation as you, and a few friends and myself were sitting down with him one night because ::surprise:: she wanted to get back together after being separated for almost the year (she cheated on him too). But one of my friends said something really obvious but something you dont think about: If you DO decide to get back together, then you are making a commitment (whether you know it or not) to accept her as she is and forgive her. You can't go back into a relationship thinking things will change because they will most likely be great at first, and then return to normal once things settle down. You can't chose to get back with her on a conditional basis-it will never work. i hope that helps

7/28/2006 5:04:50 PM

This afternoon...she came over so I could fix something on her car (she can't afford to have it fixed, and I can do these things with my eyes closed; I'm deducting it from the last support payment).

In a lot of respects it went just fine. We talked about this and that, and I told her why I don't think it's a good idea for us to get back together. She took it better than I thought she would.

I was reminded of a lot of the ways I was attracted to her today, though. There's a lot of good there if she can gain control of her life. i hope like hell she can. But she's gotta do that; I can't do all that for her, and I was a dipshit for thinking I could offer her that.

I think that I need to shut up with this shit now. I feel like a shithead kinda, but this has been good to type it out, see a few responses. It's really hard having to let go of somebody that you love, but sometimes you have to.

7/29/2006 5:30:44 PM