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5/20/2006 3:18:11 PM

Are you near Rochester by any chance?

5/20/2006 4:27:38 PM

you guys make me laugh

5/20/2006 4:46:41 PM

Wow...

I'm sorry dude, but WOW.

5/20/2006 8:42:23 PM

despite the utter lack of respect i have for the person who started this thread, i do think it's a rather relevant and important topic for recent graduates

-ZiP!-

5/20/2006 9:13:35 PM

I think your putting way to much thought into this. i guess you could orchestrate a friendship, but thats just kinda creepy... I would suggest going to random things around town, like other suggest-that you are interested in, but then just strike up conversation with random people that are in line with you, sitting alone, that you are near, or just casually mingle. i think you do this a few times and you will make one or two people you can talk to. then you just branch out from there.

Also i mean this in the most non-creepy way. I dont mean stalk people or anything

5/20/2006 10:32:47 PM

Quote :

" I think your putting way to much thought into this. i guess you could orchestrate a friendship, but thats just kinda creepy"

^FYI, he's indian, so they do this shit for their fucking marriages. He has already asked his mom to find him some friends.

[Edited on May 21, 2006 at 1:10 AM. Reason : sdfsdf]

5/21/2006 1:10:05 AM

Quote :

"Maybe I'm missing something ... but why aren't you hanging out with people from work?"

Believe me, people at work are not always ones that you can see yourself hanging out with... especially in the IT/programming industry.

Church probably is the best. After that, go for something like Toastmasters (http://www.toastmasters.org/). Not only will you meet people but you will increase your public speaking skill. Also, look for something like a cooking class or wine tasting where you can be around people doing something social that creates plenty of its own conversation. Oh, and you would probably be well served looking for a local message board, maybe like eGullet or some other interest specific format.

5/21/2006 1:17:07 AM

Church is a bad place. Bible thumpers hate fun. Then again, that might be appropriate for gargs.

5/21/2006 1:25:37 AM

Quote :

"Church is a bad place. Bible thumpers hate fun. "

Church != Bible Thumpers. Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding celebration, how anti-party can he be? Just have to find a decent church with more than 4 people between the ages of 18 and 30.

5/21/2006 1:56:29 AM

just cause your indian doesnt mean you cant be normal... I consider myself pretty normal and im indian. But i also am very easy to talk to, so i usually dont have any problems just striking up conversation.

He could always revert back to what he evidentally used to do... ask people to lunch.. ha

5/21/2006 8:20:36 AM

Quote :

"so I am at a new place and out of school for a while. What is the best way to develop a good social circle? I am not talking about getting laid or going to bars. Just a fun group with likeminded people that you can plan activities with. "

Get involved in a club that interests you. Join a gym and get to know the regulars. Get roommates. Learn to play a social sport--golf, tennis, etc.

But at a basic level it will require retooling your personality. If you are a guy that people perceive as being cool and social, then they will want to hang out with you. They will invite you to parties, dinners, and the like. Your choice to form a friendship with someone is often based on that other person's social worth. Will that person elevate your social status or lower it? If you can elevate another person's social worth, then people will gravitate towards you.

Another way--in fact, the best way--is by simply talking to random people, both guys and girls. It's pretty straightfoward to do this in bars, but you can really do it anywhere--coffe shop, bookstore, anywhere. Girls will be more receptive to starting friendships than guys. Most guys will view it as gay. You can always make guy friends through the girls you meet. A relatively staightfoward way to do it is to go out to a bar; chat a group up; get them laughing so they want you to stick around; and then ask if they're on myspace. It's a great way to stay in contact with people without coming across as needy. Really, just talk to everyone.

You can always contact them later and say something to the effect of, "Hey, do you and your friends want to meet up for some drinks this weekend?" About 75% of them will blow you off. The other 25% will take you up on that offer. Go out with them; make an effort to be cool and social; and they will be your new friends. If someone did this for one month, they could generate a HUGE social circle.

But most people won't do this because they lack the courage to. So they will be stuck with one or two loser friends who drag them down. They will never realize the full potential of interpersonal relationships and will ultimately lead unfulfilling lives. This is why most people stay close to their hometowns--because they're afraid of being lonely.

Realistically, I could go to a new city where I'm a total stranger and make more friends in two weeks than most people would make over six months or a year. There is nothing inherently special about me. I just have the balls to put myself on the line and talk to new people.

In a wierd way, I find traveling helps with this. When you travel a lot and meet new people from all over, it just makes you an outgoing social guy. It makes being social in your hometown that much easier. But that's a tanget.

All in all, the choice is yours.

[Edited on May 21, 2006 at 2:30 PM. Reason : edit]

5/21/2006 2:21:58 PM

my primary method of making friends is through people i work with & go to school with

5/21/2006 2:40:15 PM

^^ it is amazing how much of you just said i have found true in my own life....

Quote :

"In a wierd way, I find traveling helps with this. When you travel a lot and meet new people from all over, it just makes you an outgoing social guy. It makes being social in your hometown that much easier. But that's a tanget. "

I went to europe and africa this summer.. and i have noticed a complete change in the way i approach people and didnt even realize it until my existing friends commented on it. Although i disagree with that whole 75% will blow you off... i think its a lot lower than that. If you got to know them at all when you talked to them the first time, i think you would know if you could ask them to join you again or not. It just seemed really high to be true, i havent found it to be the case, but i also havent gone out w/ the mission of only meeting new people.

5/21/2006 3:09:29 PM

you can also get a really easy service type job... or someplace that you find has interesting people... that way you HAVE chosen the people you work with... the fact that you have a real job makes it easier to not care about what your doing and work as little as possible...

I'm fortunate to like and hang out with hte people from work b/c there are a lot of people at least close to my age that I was able to find ones with similiar interests

[Edited on May 21, 2006 at 6:56 PM. Reason : EASY job... something that takes no effort... like best buy]

5/21/2006 6:55:50 PM

i'm still supporting the raquetball at the gym route

at my gym there are definitely three foreigners of your persuasion that i see regularly talking and playing with people who appear to be strangers

like i said

they don't care where you came from, what you are if you'll take them on in the hardwood cube

5/22/2006 10:47:03 AM

bttt

I am thinking of joining of a gym

getting too fat, too

6/6/2006 11:23:45 PM

The best way to do it is as soon as you are unsuspended, make as many posts as humanly possible on tww.

6/6/2006 11:30:24 PM

^^ i've been telling you that for years son

6/6/2006 11:33:48 PM

I was actively into racquet sports until a month ago

Now days I just play tennis.

6/6/2006 11:34:40 PM

find some bitches that dont consider you strange and play tennis with them and ask if they have any friends you can hook up with

6/6/2006 11:47:34 PM

this thread is quite relevant for the recent grad

I plan on doing a few things. First, trying out churches. Hopefully I can find some 20-~40 year old there that are cool. Next, the workplace. Hopefully they'll be cool too. Next, forum get-togethers. It may sound corny, but LAN parties, "Honda club" meets (or your vehicle of choice), or other interest meets (AVSForum, for example, you could arrange a theatre group meet) and meet people that way.

As for out in the real world, it's tougher to just talk to people. However, unless you really dig the bar scene and would seriously hang out with other folks that have nothing better to do but be in a bar (gotta watch the folks in bars is my point), then you may wanna try like a coffee shop or night club.

I dunno...I'm gonna find out in 3 weeks though!

6/7/2006 12:13:27 AM

haha my friend back home is doing the church shit and aint fucked the bitch in like 2 years

6/7/2006 2:55:41 AM

Quote :

"Church is a bad place. Bible thumpers hate fun."

Catholics do it better. No offense to my Protestant brothers, but we still like fun. (having a little fun lets not turn this into a religous thread).

Dart league suggestion is a good idea, likewise pub poker leagues are popping up all over the place (http://www.worldtavernpoker.com or http://www.nationalpubpokerleague.com/). It's the fad right now so you can meet a lot of people who are into it, but really any activity that you are passionate about, find a group that you can do it with. Everything people have said about putting yourself on the line is true, but its a lot easier in some kind of club because you instantly have one thing to talk about that you know the person won't just blow you off.

6/7/2006 8:04:47 AM

buy this shirt and wear it.


[Edited on June 7, 2006 at 9:28 AM. Reason : s]

6/7/2006 9:24:48 AM

maybe you could find somewhere to volunteer... places like that always have people that want you to come back and the people are usually pretty nice...

I think the gym idea is a good one, although you may not find the type of people you're looking for because you don't really seem like a 'gym-like' person (no offense). The regulars there may be very different from you-- but it could still be a great start.

I'd definitely say to meet your neighbors... even if they don't become your friends they can be a great asset to your life. Also, the right church could get you into a group of people fairly easily. -- Just keep an eye out for interesting people... and if the situation is fitting... talk to them!

Also, starting something new & out of the ordinary can be a great way to meet new people (i.e. new sport/hobby that is condusive to chatting)

6/7/2006 11:27:13 AM

well, yeah, I don't look like a gym type person, but I enjoy racquet sports.

And my neighbors suck...

6/7/2006 1:30:57 PM