^^Oh fuck yeah, humanity will never be wiped out by zombies -- we've got guys at sea that could survive for months without ever coming ashore. By then the undead would surely have starved.

^Distance travel after things start will be next to impossible, with roads littered with abandoned cars and, you know, hordes of zombies everywhere.

[Edited on April 16, 2005 at 2:51 AM. Reason : ]

4/16/2005 2:50:23 AM

better than just sitting on your ass and hoping for the best

4/16/2005 2:51:59 AM

you guys are scaring me right before bed

talk to me about butterflies and things that are sweet

4/16/2005 2:52:58 AM

zombie butterflies are scary in a not-so-mcuh kind of way

4/16/2005 2:54:00 AM

4/16/2005 2:54:06 AM

aw cute

4/16/2005 2:54:24 AM

Don't be scared, you'll be protected by the kinds of folks that sit around and plan for zombie attacks.

On second thought, uh...butterflies, yeah.

Bigman, nah, you're talking suicide. Hole up and wait them out. Have an escape plan, but don't leave unecessarily.

[Edited on April 16, 2005 at 2:55 AM. Reason : ]

4/16/2005 2:54:38 AM

if you don't get out while there are only a few of them, you aren't getting out

4/16/2005 2:55:36 AM

they are fun n stuff

man now im thinking of scary movies ive seen, whats the one where the underground city ha s"died" so some people go down to check it out, and the city killed everyone, but they turn into zombies, and theres this meaty dog chasing after everyone

fucking creepy

i hate scary movies

4/16/2005 2:57:43 AM

Quote :

"Office buildings would be almost impossible to secure -- too tall"

Actually I think they would be quite manageable, as long as you could be certain they weren't compromised to begin with. The great thing about them are the few entrance points. If they are zombie free when you enter, you only have to worry about them coming from below. The only entrance points would then be a few stairwells, and for a short time elevators. Office buildings would be an ideal place for equipment to block those stairwells as they tend to be filled with big heavy desks and file cabinets that can easily be piled in the stairwalls creating a great blockade.

For example say you enter a building of 50 or so floors, you could enter and create the blockades at around the 5th floor. Then for the next day or so you can go to each floor raiding the vending machines and stockrooms of food and drinks. When doing this take all the supplies you acquire to the top floors. After you raid each floor of its food and drinks create another blockade behind you. By the time you are done you will have over 40 floors of blockades that the zombies will have to crawl through to get to you and you would have a ton of supplies. The elevators can create a problem if the power stays on for an extended period of time, which is why I would reccomend that either the power to them be cut off, or just prop them open on the top floor so they can't move. And if they do somehow manage to over run you, just go to the roof and jump down if you don't want to become one of them.

4/16/2005 2:58:30 AM

Quote :

"if you don't get out while there are only a few of them, you aren't getting out"

Easy to say now, but if there's ever "only a few of them," you'll think of it as just that -- only a few. You won't feel the need to flee until it's too late. I mean, what would people say about someone who ran like a Frenchman after two zombies appeared?

Besides, the statement is flat out wrong. You'll get out as long as you're clever enough to outlast them. I can't predict the zombies surviving for more than two or three months before they starve or otherwise waste away, and that's a liberal estimate.

Now, if you've got access to a boat and a waterway, that works. If you can get in the air quickly, that'll work. But don't expect to be able to get around on the ground with much ease.

4/16/2005 3:00:48 AM

Poe -- a fine plan, as long as nothing slips up.

For one, securing the building at start would be a bitch. If you search the whole blame thing for zombies first, you're leaving the front door open -- but build the barricade first, and you've got no idea what's going on in the rest of the building. You are, at best, taking a big gamble that the building was zombie free from the moment you got in up until you finished all the blockades.

Next up, your plan leaves you trapped -- if a reason ever came to leave the building, you'd have to dismantle all of your barricades to get out, which consumes time and precious calories.

And the problem still remains that if you aren't in the building already, you likely won't have time to get to it, especially not in time to do the extensive work you're talking about.

4/16/2005 3:05:49 AM

^ YOU GOTTA PUBLISH A MANUAL OF THIS STUFF AND GIVE IT TO EVERY FRESHMAN AT ORIENTATION.

4/16/2005 3:22:42 AM

You know, I'm pretty sure that NC State does research into zombie-related biotechnology here. What better place? We've got our own nuclear reactor, it stands to reason that we'd have our own zombie center, too.

4/16/2005 3:24:51 AM

Wow, thanks guys. I didn't realize that zombie invasion was such a serious threat.

In light of this new information, I have decided to change my major to ZUS (Zombie and Undead Studies)

4/16/2005 8:09:36 AM

awesome thread.

4/16/2005 11:16:49 AM

Personally I'd head to the gym and steal a bow and all the arrows I could manage, after that, I'd have some fun in the brickyard.

4/16/2005 11:26:23 AM

4/16/2005 11:26:37 AM

nuke 'em from orbit, it's the only way to be sure!11

4/16/2005 11:33:25 AM

haha... I saw the new Dawn of the Dead last week and was thinking about this as well.

First off, not sure a mall would be a good place to hold up (I haven't seen a mall with THAT much food).

Second, why didn't anyone think of a Home Depot or Lowes??? I mean come on... no food, but if a zombie attack broke out, I'd head to crossroads and secure the Target/Home depot. They're connected, so you can go between the two through the sealing or go to home depot and make a hole in the wall.

Come on people... home depot has infinite amount of supplies to board up and make weapons!!!

4/16/2005 11:35:13 AM

^ 'FREAKIN IDIOT. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA EAT, FRIED WOODCHIP STEAK AND PLASTER BEER? GET YOU ONE OF THOSE GRILLS FROM THE OUTDOOR DEPARTMENT AND COOK YOU SOME ZOMBIE PATTIES.

4/16/2005 11:41:23 AM

^ did you not read TARGET/HOME DEPOT IN CROSSROADS??? They're connected...

4/16/2005 11:44:21 AM

Man, oops.

How would you seal those doors anyway, though? You'd have to do a Dawn of the Dead ala '70s version. You gotta have a black SWAT guy and a gun-toting leprachaun for that.

Good luck.

I'll be hiding it out in my room with a hammer

4/16/2005 11:53:54 AM

I would hope that the invasion happens like it did on DOD and happen before everyone goes to work and it's already locked u. Then all I would have to do is break into home depot, get some tools to break down the wall/into the ceiling door between Home Depot and Target. Then I'd be set.

You guys are welcome to come (I don't want to be alone and bored), but I will have to limit to 10 people (there's only so much food). We could build all kinds of shit . I can see it now... a high speed rock launcher mounted to the ceiling... that would do pretty well for not having a gun

4/16/2005 11:58:57 AM

THERE WILL BE A ZOMBIE INVASION TONIGHT AT KINGS!!

Hosted By:
Soulpreacher

When:
Saturday Apr 16, 2005
at 9:00 PM

Where:
Kings
424 S McDowell St
Raleigh, NC 27601
US

Movie premiere for the independent Zombie flick "Second Death". Featuring members of Soulpreacher! Soulpreacher / Blister / TBA

Halloween in April

Soulpreacher / Blister / The Oxygen Thieves

Movie premiere for the independent Zombie flick "Second Death". Featuring members of Soulpreacher!

Admission gets you a movie screening and live music. Prizes to be awarded for the best costume!

(Zombie Movie + Metal) + Costumes = \m/

http://www.seconddeath.com
http://www.kingsbarcade.com
http://www.soulpreacher.info

Click Here To View Invitation

4/16/2005 12:04:22 PM

zombie invasion = ass load of C4 strapped to Sharon Harris

4/16/2005 12:13:16 PM

yeah

because exposing us to radiation is really gonna help the whole senario

idiot

4/16/2005 12:17:36 PM

I with my katanas would save damsels in distress.

4/16/2005 12:22:50 PM

dude we're playing resident evil, not dynasty warriors

ok

4/16/2005 12:25:35 PM

yeah

because exposing us to radiation is really gonna help the whole senario

idiot

4/16/2005 12:28:24 PM

KYJELLY, HOW LONG IS THAT MOVIE

4/16/2005 12:29:47 PM

All right, let's dispense with the silly horseshit and get down to brass tacks. In the case of a hypothetical attack, establishing your own security is the most important first step, but you shouldn't neglect searching for the origin of the zombies. GrumpyGOP's article said "the basics of zombiology are always the same" and that "the only important distinction" is "the shamblers and the sprinters."

Wrong. It's important to understand the various processes that may result in zombies, for each imbues its zombies with unique characteristics and has its own weaknesses you can exploit. I'll summarize the more likely situations and highlight the different concerns involved with each.

1. Voodoo: There's no consensus on the specifics of the ritual practictioners of Voudoun use to create zombies, but there are three things we know are needed for sure: a skilled priest to perform the ritual (called a bokor), a living victim, and some sort of ritual component used to actually "zombify" the victim (the coup padre, probably a neurotoxin). Logically, taking any link out of this chain will ruin the process, which means no new zombies will be made. Scientifically, the "zombie" is still a living person in a strange type of coma induced by the "coup padre." The bokor's efficacy has less to do with his skill as a priest than with his knowledge of how to make the coup padre. Neutralizing the bokor outright is your best bet, though restricting access to the materials he needs to make the coup padre is a decent strategy provided you know what those materials are. If voodoo zombies are the type attacking, then that's good news. For one thing, it takes a lot of work for a bokor to procure that many victims and produce that much coup padre, so the numbers will be low. For another, voodoo zombies are still living humans, so they're vulnerable to anything that would normally incapacitate a person (short of psychological warfare, since their minds are destroyed, and any non-lethal deterrents like tear gas).
   
2. Viral agents: A popular scenario these days is the idea that some kind of aggressive super-disease could kills its victims and reanimate their corpses, creating zombies intent on consuming human flesh to power their respiratory processes, rebuild damaged tissues, and reproduce the virus. These zombies aren't too hard to foil. A viral infection might rekindle the ol' brain-flame enough for its host body to act on instinct and reflex, but fine motor skills and complex sensory processing would definitely be beyond it. These zombies are the ones referred to as shamblers: unable to communicate, run, jump, swim, etc. If they can smell your flesh, they're going to try to eat you, but you know what? You can put on some cologne and climb a tree and you'll be just fuckin' fine. Pain doesn't stop 'em because they're acting on pure instinct, but that doesn't mean raw physical damage won't. Good thing, too, 'cause these clumsy fuckers tend to damage themselves just fine—they don't know when they've pushed their bodies too far, resulting in many a torn muscle and broken bone during a chase. If you let them go long enough, they'll reduce themselves to paralyzed messes. Hell, their instinctive responses to stimuli make them easier to distract than a puppy, so just throw things to the other side of the room to buy time if you need it. For fuck's sake, people, the things still have to engage in respiration to survive; denying them a food source or even air or water will eventually kill them. The real threat here is the communicability of the virus...which in the worst case can be defeated by following the same protocols for defending yourself versus airborne pathogens that you learned in Health and P.E. in middle school. What a fucking joke.
   
3. Alien attack: This is where things get hairy. There's no telling what kind of fucked-up methods aliens would have for reanimating the dead, but one very well done representation of it that I've seen is in the movie Night of the Creeps. A few alien fuck-ups accidentally lose these space slugs on Earth. The slugs ("creeps") crawl up into their victims' brains (living or dead) through the mouth and take control of the body, which is largely controlled by instinct and reflex, though with more dexterity and intelligence than seen in the previous example. Decapitation, massive head trauma, and incineration were all great tactics to use in the film, so I recommend the same. What sets these zombies apart is that the creeps could also reanimate animal corpses, which means you might get zombies that not only run faster than you and can swim, but also zombies that can fly and burrow. The good news is that the creeps tended to wear out their host bodies pretty quickly, so their primary motivation in chasing down the living or finding more of the dead (usually by killing the living) was so they could jump ship and set up shop in a new host brain. The bad news is that the creeps multiplied startlingly fast. The best tactic to use against them is to isolate their nests and incinerate them, but of course there's a chance the aliens are your real enemy. Though let's face it, any species capable of interstellar travel probably has enough of a handle on physics to inflict massive kinetic damage on us directly (e.g. nukes) than to use this kind of bullshit strategy if they're really looking to pick a fight. Like I said, the whole thing was an accident in the first place, so if you're even aware of the aliens, you might consider establishing contact and inviting them to clean up their mess.
   
4. Assorted magic: There's no such thing as magic. Any zombie effect will eventually be explainable by scientific theory and is vulnerable to the application of scientific theory.

4/16/2005 12:31:03 PM

^IF I EVER WRITE FOR THE TECHNICIAN, I WILL MENTION TWW AND THIS THREAD...NOT NECESSARILY AT THE SAME TIME.

THANK YOU FROSHKILLER AND GRUMPY GOP

4/16/2005 12:32:12 PM

i think it's only 30-45 minutes.

4/16/2005 12:34:00 PM

hey, guys, I just want to let you know before you escalate this pedantic little arms race of prose any further... I think this is taking a turn for the pathetic. that is all.

[Edited on April 16, 2005 at 12:34 PM. Reason : *]

4/16/2005 12:34:23 PM

thx for ur input tibitchius

4/16/2005 12:35:11 PM

yeah

well

I BET I KNOW MORE ABOUT KILLIN ZOMBEES THAN U DO

LOLoloh my god.

4/16/2005 12:37:42 PM

Tiberius, that's what the non-survivors say. And you wanna know what non-survivor means in zombie terms? Lunch.

4/16/2005 12:37:45 PM

just watch resident evil, dawn of the dead, and 28 days later (optional)


you will know everything

4/16/2005 12:38:27 PM

There's no such thing as zombies.

4/16/2005 12:38:32 PM

4/16/2005 12:38:58 PM

I would go with Wallmart. Few entry points, guns/ammo, food, medical supplies, camping supplies, garden center. It should not take long for them to start to decompose but I would not want more than a handful of people inside with me.


After the movie my friend asked me what I would do if it happened that very second. I told her I would pick up the kid next to me and throw it to the zombies and run.

4/16/2005 1:31:34 PM

ahaha that's fucked up but i'd do the same

4/16/2005 1:33:06 PM

Join the zombies. The humans can't win. Our numbers would surely overwhelm you and, your non magical or primitave weapons. Every fallen increases the brood.

4/16/2005 1:43:52 PM

nah i will just wait for you to decay and get on with my life

4/16/2005 1:44:53 PM

4/16/2005 1:48:17 PM

this might be the coolest thread I have ever seen on tww

4/16/2005 2:02:32 PM

All Frosh did was basically to elaborate on the different origins of zombies. If you'll notice the distinctions he made regarding the actual abilities of the zombies are very few and very minor.

The voodoo case hardly bears mentioning, since it seems unlikely in the extreme to ever produce an actual outbreak of zombism. As Froshkiller himself admitted, their numbers will be low owing to various logisticial issues, and they will not be able to spread the zombification on their own. Ergo, fortifying yourself is unecessary in a voodoo zombie situation, and that will be apparent very early during the incident.

Frosh's greatest mistake lies in his explanation of so-called "virus" induced zombies, as he claims that these can only be shamblers, and that they are easy to distract. This is plainly untrue, and even a passing familiarity with zombie documentaries will prove it. If you take the man's advice, you will become one of them. It's that simple.

The alien situation will generally lend itself in application to everything I said, except in the specific case of the creeps, who could leave incapacitated host bodies -- a few minor alterations to one's security plans must be made to accomodate this ability.

Of course, alien invasion of this caliber is unlikely; if intelligent species use us as host bodies we won't be zombies, per se, and like Frosh said, it'd be much more efficient just to blast us than to zombify us with unintelligent (and thus useless) parasites.

Quote :

"You cannot win a war from an entrenched defensive position."

I might agree if we were talking about a war between sentient humans, but we're not.

Attempting to exterminate the zombies in open combat is as futile an endeavor as it is pointless. Except in the case of voodoo zombies (which is so minor it hardly bears mentioning), a significant portion -- almost certainly over half, and probably 90+ percent -- of the world's population will be zombified. What is your plan, ride around and shoot three billion zombies?

The two traits of zombies that make fortification such a good plan are their numbers and their mortality. The bastards are working on a time constraint. They're too numerous to fight, but they will die out. Remember that, historically, great fortifications only fell under long siege or heavy bombardment, two things which zombies are incapable of performing. They won't last long enough to starve you out, and it ain't like they're gonna build a cannon.

4/16/2005 2:19:48 PM

aha, home depot has generators incase the power goes out..........but you need gas, they have propane tanks you can use to either cook with or blow stuff up with

but with electricity you have NAIL GUNS and LOTS OF FUCKING NAILS just make your shots count

and target has food.........cuz remember your broodmares need 300 extra calories while they are breeding and 500 extra calories while they are lactating

just my .02

4/16/2005 2:23:29 PM

Target and home depot only have one big flaw -- hard to defend.

Yes, you have plywood to seal up the doors, but the fact remains that you've got a lot of doors and windows in the front to seal up -- if you arrive with plenty of time, you're set, but otherwise you're gonna be simultaneously battling the zombies and erecting your fortifications.

And I've though of something else to say to Froshkiller, who claimed that under my plan you could waste "months" building defenses. You could, I guess, but it's not what I'm recommending. No basic innitial fortification should take more than a few hours, tops, to erect. After that, you can customize your fort in accordance with the specific threat, but at the beginning time is a factor. Besides, as we've said, zombies aren't particularly clever; a simple physical barrier will get the job done. I'm not sure where Frosh, in his arrogance, pulled the "months" figure from, but there's simply nothing to it.

4/16/2005 2:28:25 PM