Thanks for sharing

9/30/2015 9:42:38 AM

^ you are welcome.

Since no one (almost) read the 899th post:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130107110538.htm

Modern parenting may hinder brain development, research suggests

Very eye-opening, and a must-read for all current and future parents. Very short.

The research was presented at a symposium at Notre Dame University, and you can see the video of that here:

"Are we violating evolved, expected caregiving and does it matter?"
https://notredame.app.box.com/s/2mhbxl2oykrs7vzohspa

And download the whole slide deck as a pdf:
http://shaw.nd.edu/assets/85258/narvaez_violations_of_expected_care_use.pdf

10/3/2015 12:06:19 AM

that was a good read. thanks!

10/9/2015 9:49:49 AM

I haven't read through the whole thread, so this might have been addressed before.

We are having an extremely hard time with our 4 year old daughter adjusting to her new daycare.

Our daughter has always been nervous in new situations, and is very quick to be shy, anxious and get a little upset if she's unsure of a situation. She's also been very scared of new men she doesn't know. I have no idea why, that's just part of her personality I guess.

However, this past week has been awful. She started her new daycare last Tuesday, and everything went fine. She goes from Tuesday-Thursday. However on Thursday she came home in just a complete mess. One of her female teachers has a planning period every Thursday, and there is a male sub that bounces around and helps the teachers. He has 2 kids that also attend the school, and most of the people have said the kids love him.

However she came home and said that he hit her, and she was terrified and didn't want to see him again. Of course this scared us a bit, and we called the daycare and they were able to check their video surveillance. Nothing like this happened at all. Basically her female teacher left the room, the male teacher came in and she wasn't expecting it. She just started to melt down, and he did he best to calm her down. They were even holding hands while walking to the lunch room at one point.

After a while of her sticking to the hitting story, she then retracted and said she just didn't want to see him and wanted her other teacher. So ever since Thursday, she's been crying and saying she didn't want to go to school next Thursday (today) to see him. Seriously, every day she is crying about school and seeing this male teacher.

At this point I just don't know what to do. We've spoken to some friends and tried to research online and tried several methods of coping. We've done the play sessions where we have dolls and one of them is the male teacher. She laughs and makes jokes, but the second we stop playing she cries again and says she doesn't want to see him.

My wife dropped her off this morning and said she was just an absolute mess. The teachers are even considering moving the planning periods to one of the days she doesn't attend school, but I just think that's crazy.

How can I help a 4 year old cope with an irrational fear when she won't talk about it? We feel really bad about switching her school now, but she just has to learn how to learn to adapt to new situations because we aren't going to bend our entire life around this. Plus when she goes to Kindergarten next year what happens if she has a male teacher then?

It has only been one week so far, so maybe it will get better over time. I also thought the teachers would maybe have better ideas that we did at home, but if they are thinking about moving planning periods obviously they are out of ideas as well.

It just breaks my heart to see her so upset about a time in her life that I feel like she should really just be a fun loving kid.

10/15/2015 8:51:26 AM

Try this place. https://projectenlightenment.wcpss.net

Good luck! That sounds like a really difficult situation.

10/16/2015 4:56:26 PM

Yeah that does sound tough I think its probably best to try and push through it if you guys can even if it upsets her for a while. Kids have a way of making you think things are traumatic when in reality they just don't like something. I think the biggest lesson here is to understand you cant lie to someone that a person is hitting you. Luckily for you they had cameras and footage to review, but what if they didnt then you are stuck having to either believe the daycare or your child. Now after another week or two of dealing with the new situation and she still is falling to pieces she may need to see a counselor or something. As you said this is something you want to take care of now and get her used to as once she starts school there are going to be plenty of male teachers or figures around.

10/19/2015 8:42:15 AM

I will add that as a former preschool teacher and current daycare provider that sometimes it really is just a bad fit. We have had kids who did terribly with us and do better other places and vice versa.

10/19/2015 10:30:13 AM

So my parents are wanting to get Henry an outdoor playhouse for his birthday this year. Does anybody have one that they would recommend?

Here are a couple that they are looking at:

Little Tikes Picnic on the Patio



Step 2 Naturally Playful Front Porch



Anybody have either of those?

[Edited on October 20, 2015 at 10:04 PM. Reason : d]

[Edited on October 20, 2015 at 10:05 PM. Reason : f]

10/20/2015 10:03:39 PM

my nephew has the first one, although he is still too young to really use it a lot (few months from being two).

He seems to like it when he is outside, and it seems to have plenty to entertain kids (but what do I know?).

10/21/2015 10:37:58 AM

Playhouses with a roof look cool, but limit play, you cannot reach in to easily lift a kid out the top, ND wasps love to build in them

10/23/2015 7:45:06 PM

Quote :

" I think the biggest lesson here is to understand you cant lie to someone that a person is hitting you."

I'm not a parent, but this seems like the biggest deal to me as well.

10/24/2015 1:36:08 AM

yeah, I have got a boy that will turn four in March, and he tends to get very embarrassed and nervous when he is caught in something like a lie. Maybe she just has some anxiety about what happened?

11/13/2015 3:42:36 PM

Just a quick background check/refresher:

My son was born in Austin, but within a year we moved to Europe because I had found a good job there after my PhD and was like, wtf just take it. In Germany (as well as most of Europe), Kindergarten starts at 2 and lasts until the children our about 6. The schools are not just a "right of district", and you have to apply and interview for them like you would a private school in the US.

The Issue:

His Mom and I (since then have separated) looked fairly hard for a school in our city over the course of about 6 months, and didn't find one and eventually struck gold with our last chance. Now, I did have a written report from his previous kindergarten (German) that he could understand German perfectly for his age but was slower than the other Germans at speaking, and I think that this is a good assessment. So, I sold that pretty hard to them to try to get him in. However, on the very first day at his current school they noticed that he was slower than the other Germans (which I mean duhh, he speaks English with us at home and is learning GER as a second language) and filed in a report that he does not speak at all with the other children and has trouble understanding the teachers (of course I argue that it's a lie, as does his old school). This eventually led to him seeing a therapist, and now due to his deficiencies in German the school is basically advising the counselor that he needs services that they don't offer, and today I found out that the counselor was concluding that he shows signs of Autism (WTF!) and needs special treatment.

To my regret, and anger, his mother has kept me out of all of these developments. I thought that he was seeing a speech therapist, but basically she was going to therapy with him and the doctor and leaving me completely out of it. So, today they called me in to drop the big bomb on me, instead of her telling me.

Here is my problem:

They are claiming that apart from him not speaking to the children, the other major warning sign is that he tends to play with the same set of toys over and over again and at times does not seem motivated to socialize with the children. However, after I asked them direct yes or no questions, they did admit that in terms of behavioral problems such as hitting, screaming and excessively crying, he actually is one of the most easy-going of the bunch and doesn't cause many problems. He just tends to play with his trains too much (is this like actually a problem?), but he always stops playing and puts them up when they tell him to (in German of course).

Here is my take on it. A) I admit that he does communicate in English using complete sentences at the house, and his English is by far more advanced than his German, but it is not where most three year olds in America would be at. However, how has this developed into him having autism as opposed to needing help with learning German? B) They are claiming that he has not developed in any regard (speaking and socializing) since being in the school for the first four months, but in the same report they comment on how he has learned certain German words and has developed three buddies that he always asks for (again WTF?). C) To make things worse, my wife is basically totally supporting this, saying that he is a crying screaming mess at the house and she needs more help. I watch him now five days a week, and I don't have this problem with him. At. ALL.

Is it wrong to fight this? I think that school just doesn't want to deal with him struggling with German, but can't just kick him out. And they are pulling at his mom's heart strings because she is going through a divorce and is kind of a mess now.

If this is too long, I will edit it.



[Edited on November 13, 2015 at 4:39 PM. Reason : a]

11/13/2015 4:34:40 PM

Fight it tooth and nail. I am a firm beleiver that mainstreaming is the way to go. I speak as a person with severe dyslexia and disgraphia, as well as adhd. My experiance was one of taking classes based on how I did in each subject, normally AP or advanced classes, and getting tought how to overcome and cope with any issues I had, rather than gettign an easier class. I got pushed to do better, faster.

Autism Exists. However, it has become a buzz word for educators, and teacher diagnosed autism, just like teacher diagnoses ADD back in the 90's is a terrible thing.

Push for your child to be treated as a child, one who needs to be encouraged to speak more German, and more English. Being a polyglot is a wonderful thing, and will be a huge plus on a resume for him in the future. Pushing for a diagnoses can also occur when a parent has an issue due to parenting style, or is jsut having issues with somehting with the child. This then leads some to look for a medical or other reason why it is not THEIR fault that nothing works out, see, they are a victim, THEIR child is disabled. I know far to many people with disabilities and life altering illnesses who still live a full life to encourage those who want to use everythign as an excuse for special treatement, and bubble wrap.

11/13/2015 8:43:05 PM

Quote :

"n why it is not THEIR fault that nothing works out, see, they are a victim, THEIR child is disabled."

I think that this is what is going on with her side, and I just don't get it at all. She is telling his school and authorities that he is so much trouble when he really isn't.

I think that she is just one of those people that thrives off of playing the victim card.

[Edited on November 14, 2015 at 7:34 AM. Reason : c]

11/14/2015 7:33:37 AM

i'm not trying to be insensitive here, but why have you not learned the lesson that your crazy ass ex is completely psycho? (based on your posts here.)

why the hell is she the one speaking for your child? man up. assert yourself. make it known that her views/decisions/choices are not rational.

11/14/2015 9:24:28 PM

I am involved now the school and doctor and have a meeting set up for Monday. Remember, she told me that this was speech therapy and that I could not participate because it would be confusing for him. I guess by now I should have realized that I can't trust anything that she says, but I also can't control what she is doing behind my back.

11/15/2015 6:45:02 AM

Near guaranteed method to get little babies to stop crying within seconds! Pretty amazing, yet so simple.

https://youtu.be/j2C8MkY7Co8

12/2/2015 9:34:15 PM

Not to be an instant hater, but when kids are at that age calming them down is usually pretty straight forward. Either they are hungry and need a bottle/nipple, or they have an external distress and need a comforting hold such as this or any type of baby wrap that basically accomplishes the same thing. At least that has been my experience so far, but maybe I just got lucky.

I am sure that when he made this video, he screened out the babies with colic, as that can actually be a nightmare for some parents since they are in constant discomfort and cry endlessly.

[Edited on December 5, 2015 at 8:20 AM. Reason : h]

12/5/2015 8:19:27 AM

Just wanted to ask some advice or just vent as I am frustrated. As some may know I am a step dad to a 7 year old boy. His parents have 50/50 custody and he spends 50% of the time at each house. Due to this I have mostly tried to stay out of parental type decisions, but I am finding it more and more difficult as more things come up that I don't agree with.

The part that has gotten me frustrated in the past few weeks is staying home sick from school. I think he has missed 4 or 5 days in the past month and only one of those days I would have deemed him sick enough not to go to school. It has turned into saying my head hurts or my nose is running and I'm coughing and he gets out of going to school. The last time this happened I told her to take him to the doctor he probably has a sinus infection. Sure enough that's all it was they said take some Tylenol and these anti biotics you will be fine. I would have taken him to school that same day or at least the next day but neither of those happened. I feel like this only happens when he is staying with us so that makes me feel like I need to say more.

I have tried to give my opinion and get that whole you are overly strict and mean kinda response and since I don't have to take off work and stay home with him I just let it go. My opinion is if you are too sick to go to school there is no watching tv, playing video games, etc. You stay in your room and rest up because your job is to get better so you dont miss more time. Basically if you are staying home sick you aren't going to enjoy your day and if you are truly that sick all you will want to do is sleep anyways. It is pretty obvious to me that he has figured out his mom will let him stay home and have a three day weekend (this happens mostly on Mondays) if he just acts like he has a headache. My question I guess is should I just stay out of this one since it doesn't directly affect me or deal with the wrath of mom basically telling her that her son is lying to her and taking advantage and I don't believe he is actually sick?

[Edited on December 7, 2015 at 9:08 AM. Reason : .]

12/7/2015 9:06:09 AM

before making anything out of it, I would do some more research to see if it is hurting his grades. If so, then you have a case to talk about it and address it to his parents to see if he is playing hooky because of a challenging new course or something.

The only time that I remember playing hooky as a kid was when I was put into my first calculus class in HS and had some issues with it, but was too embarrassed to admit that I was having a very hard time learning the material.

12/7/2015 12:05:32 PM

Well he is 7 so... lol I just remember when I was a kid my parents always said if you are too sick to goto school you need to stay in your room and rest all day. Once I realized that staying home sick sucked I never stayed home unless I was truly sick and at that point I had no desire to do anything other than lay in bed anyways.

12/7/2015 1:08:55 PM

Find out the attendance policy. They can hold him back a grade if he misses too much.

12/7/2015 9:26:06 PM

I don't think he is in danger of that, surely someone would have said something by now. When I was in school it was like 20 days. However, missing days compounds itself over time as you miss out on lessons that you are then expected to know for the next set of problems in things like math. Obviously this becomes more of an issue later on but I don't want the norm to become I don't go to school because my head hurts.

12/8/2015 9:49:37 AM

It's hard to comment because I don't know how much of an authority figure you are for this kid, or for how long you have been involved in his life.

However, if you have expressed your concerns to the mother and she has told you to butt out (and you play a lesser role as an authority figure to the kid), then you may need to let this play out a little. As long as the kid is not in any harm, is not failing in his studies, and is not exhibiting other social issues, then give this some time. I absolutely agree that the kid should not be playing outside or playing video games when he is sick (and agree with your thoughts on how to handle sick days). But if the mother is the decision maker when it comes to the kid and she doesn't want to change her mind, then you are just picking a fight.

12/8/2015 10:46:13 AM

Agreed with ^

If his grades aren't falling and he isn't in danger of being held back then I'd stay out of it. You've only been his legal step dad for a couple months. Don't want to start the "you're not my real dad" shit for at least a year or so.

[Edited on December 8, 2015 at 10:54 AM. Reason : .]

12/8/2015 10:54:28 AM

That was kinda my thoughts I just realize that breaking habits down the road are a lot harder than fixing things quickly up front. I have been around him since he was 3, but like I said a lot of times I just let his parents handle things unless they directly affect me. He listens to me when I tell him things because he knows if I get involved I mean business. I suppose you are right though, I need to pick my battles and maybe this is one I should just let go for now.

12/8/2015 11:04:48 AM

This is a generally 'chit chatty' comment to the wolfwebber parents after being around a bunch of the 'new age' of late...

Please, for the love of God, beat your children more. Seriously. They probably need it. I will actually volunteer to beat your children for you if you sign a waiver

[Edited on December 8, 2015 at 12:59 PM. Reason : .]

12/8/2015 12:58:19 PM

^done and done

12/8/2015 2:23:46 PM

will do. she's not 1 yet, but I shall beat her mercilessly just for you.

yup...gonna beat this kid's ass.


[Edited on December 8, 2015 at 5:24 PM. Reason : nah...not really.]

12/8/2015 5:23:48 PM

Whose child has ever had the disease of Foot-Hand-Mouth? Mine just got it two days ago. It's supposed to end before Christmas healed by itself.

i certainly hope so.

12/17/2015 9:23:46 AM

I was all for beating children until I had one of my own. Maybe because he's not old enough to be an asshole yet but that innocent little thing no way deserves real pain. Yo

12/30/2015 4:30:49 PM

Great life-saving advice for anybody who unfortunately has a premature baby:

http://www.livescience.com/42445-42445-kangaroo-care-benefits-human-infants.html

http://www.livescience.com/53193-kangaroo-style-care-newborns-health.html

2/8/2016 8:19:50 AM

Need potty training help.

Henry is almost 3 1/2 and has potty training completely down at home and at school. But he refuses to go use the bathroom when we are out somewhere.

I have a foldable portable potty seat that I can keep in his diaper bag. We'll be in a place like Target and he'll say that he needs to go use the bathroom. I'll take him in there and put his potty seat on. He freaks out and refuses to go. I've tried to put him on the toilet without the seat and that won't work either. He still freaks out. Anybody else have this issue? And what did you do?

3/21/2016 3:48:12 PM

Any recommendations for car seats? At 11 months, my kid is just about to outgrow the baby carrier and we need to find a seat. There are about 4,000 options and I don't know where to start. Even through Target or BuyBuy Baby there are like 300 with 5 star ratings. There are no real budgetary restraints for us.

4/10/2016 8:12:21 PM

we have evenflo symphony elite car seats in each of our cars. I've had one in mine since my daughter was born and my wife switched from the chicco keyfit to it since the kid outgrew it.

4/10/2016 10:55:41 PM

^second the Symphony. Our 4 year old is now in a belt positioning booster, so we moved him to a slimmer seat, but he was in his Symphony for 3 years. Our triplets were in Symphony rear facing, but we found that 3x Symphony will ONLY fit rear facing in our back seat, so moved to a narrower seat.

4/11/2016 9:11:59 AM

5/11/2016 7:20:56 PM

not a fucking one of you said high five on the baby. so you're all mean. Had to get that in before the Armageddon

6/18/2016 1:10:23 PM

Lol yay you! When are you due?

6/18/2016 7:10:32 PM

Any of you had Hand Foot Mouth Disease?
My son gave it to both of us. It feels like I'm recovering from hot coffee being poured on my hands and feet, and matches are being lit on my tonsils.

7/8/2016 12:43:57 PM

I never had it (as an adult). Our daughter had it, but it just went away on its own.

Congrats ssclark!!!! I wasn't keeping tabs on this thread, but you definitely deserve some props. That's a huge baby dick, so you should be proud.

[Edited on July 8, 2016 at 2:19 PM. Reason : high five on the baby]

7/8/2016 2:18:45 PM

Anybody have a nanny, and are you paying taxes or paying under the table. what is the best for saving money in the end, considering the refund you will get for the taxes paid.

7/27/2016 10:31:33 PM

^ I have a nanny I pay legally. It's a pain, but I'm not going to get dragged to court by the IRS either. I can give you tips and whatnot if you're looking to go that route.

7/28/2016 9:24:56 AM

Is anyone interested in a primer on how to legally pay and hire a nanny?

8/1/2016 10:11:05 AM

We're actually due 9/15. Wife is 9 months today having our 36 week ultrasound this week so fingers crossed and I'll report back.

Still a bit surreal

^ We would. My medical school will give me ~500 a month for child care... Would be nice to get someone in a few months for atleast a few days to give my wife a break

8/18/2016 4:09:51 PM

its the final countdown!!!!

8/19/2016 9:52:59 AM

Definitely!!

Ultrasound was all clear. 6lb 2oz at 36 weeks. Gotta try and nail down a pediatrician so we can ask all the ridiculous logistics questions I have with no way to really find out.... Like how many bottles do I need to buy!?!? Shit like that.

8/19/2016 1:35:38 PM

Legally Paying your Nanny
This is a very terse guide. I'll answer questions.

To get set up
You need a Federal and State Tax ID.
You're a household employer which carries special rules
Register with Social Security BSO
Register with NCDHHS
Register with NC DoR
Register with NC Department of Employment Security

To Hire
New nanny has to fill out W4, NC4, and I9.
Report the new hire to NC DHHS

All of our nannies were hired via care.com. Quality of applicants will vary widely and you won't know you've made a good hire for weeks. Our first nanny had a great attitude and worked for cheap but had transportation issues and wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. She quit when she got pregnant. Our next nanny we fired after a week when my wife discovered she left one of our then infant sons asleep on the couch unattended where he could have easily rolled off. Our next Nanny quit after a few months because she felt that a nanny should make at least middle 5-figures a year. We then hired our current nanny who has been great. She's experienced and reliable.

Paying Your Nanny and Withholding
Keep track of gross pay. Withhold Social Security and Medicare (currently a combined 7.65%). Make sure you're setting that money aside for the end of the year when you'll have to give it to the IRS. As a household employer, you don't have to withhold federal income tax or NC income tax. I do for my Nanny because she wants me to so as to reduce what she may owe on her personal tax return. Pay your nanny the net after withholding. See the relevant IRS and NCDoR publications for the current withholding formulas.

Keep excellent records. Keep track of hours, gross pay, withholding amounts, net pay, dates paid, check numbers, etc...

PM me and I'll share my spreadsheets which handle calculating the withholding amounts factoring in exemptions claimed and whatnot.

Quarterly
You don't have to pay the Feds quarterly. Since you're a household employer, you settle up with them when you do your personal taxes by filing a Schedule-H.
File an NC-5 online and, if you're withholding income tax, pay them.
File an NCUI-101 and pay your unemployment tax. (rate changes year to year and based on past payment history)

Yearly
By Jan 31
You need to generate W-2s and W-3s on the Social Security website.
Provide said W-2 to your Nanny.
You need to file and NC-3 which is pretty much the worst process ever.
By April 15
File your taxes with the aforementioned Schedule-H.

References
IRS Publications 15 and 15a
NC-30
http://irouble.blogspot.com/2014/02/how-to-pay-nanny-taxes-in-north-carolina.html
https://iamemilyanne.com/2013/06/05/hiring-a-nanny-what-you-may-need-to-know-for-north-carolina/
https://iamemilyanne.com/2014/02/25/tax-time-torture/


[Edited on August 25, 2016 at 3:26 PM. Reason : let's try to spell better]

8/25/2016 3:19:18 PM

how many bottles you need to buy depends on how often you plan on washing them and whether you are breastfeeding. start with 4 infant bottles and go from there.

8/25/2016 3:23:23 PM