^^ Maybe don't do the logo but do the colors or something. Definitely want to give them something that they will use/weak later. I haven't played in the band in like 3 years but I still won't wear our old shirts.

5/6/2009 10:31:17 AM

right, yea I mean I would never wear our own stuff. I figured with some of these kinds of cuff links (ie any kind of kinda custom one) people probably wouldn't wear them hardly again anyways so it might not matter. But I do think thats a good point still.

I wish I had tons of money laying around. I could EASILY get each of them something really nice/useful for their respective instruments, but thats just too expensive

5/6/2009 10:35:34 AM

anyone have very cheap venue recommendations for either a 4hr (including setup and cleanup) vow renewal (this is for my folks), or a kinda-sorta-but-not-necessarily-REALLY-cheap place, for something, say 6-8hrs, that may or may not include setup and cleanup?

My folks are renewing their vows in august, and got word that they don't go to church enough to use the facilities for their vow renewal; my husband and I are still considering having our southern (as opposed to the northern one, in chicago, for his paternal family) reception immediately after my folks' vows, at my mother's request.

Mom says even the city of raleigh facilities (think of the clubhouses at lakes wheeler and johnson) are too expensive for them.

5/6/2009 12:22:54 PM

i don't know prices but i guess if the city of raleigh stuff is too expensive then maybe the arboretum (the ncsu one) would be, too??

it could be worth checking. because they have pretty spots for rent.

5/6/2009 4:31:21 PM

^^Have you looked at Bass Lake in Holly Springs? They have a BEAUTIFUL clubhouse with a gorgeous view.
http://www.hollyspringsnc.us/dept/park/basslake/rentals.asp


Call them and ask if you can just rent the deck. A coworker of mine did that for her wedding. It's not the cheapest, but they might be willing to work with you.

[Edited on May 6, 2009 at 9:14 PM. Reason : picture]

5/6/2009 9:10:26 PM

^^^ Why not just do a BBQ at one of the covered areas of Pullen or whatever? That's the sort of thing my great-grandparents did when they renewed their vows.

5/6/2009 10:19:09 PM

this has probably already been addressed, but there are too many pages to go through.

i need a father-daughter dance song, but not a sappy omgeverybody'sgonnacryone. the only one i've come across so far that isn't sad is james taylor's how sweet it is, but we don't dance and can't do much beyond the rocking back and forth.

it doesn't have to be faster, just not so damn sad. like i was telling dad and the dj last night, i'm not leaving, we live in the same town, i work for him and see him everyday. i've lived on my own for 7 years now (4 in college, 3 out).

halp

[Edited on May 13, 2009 at 8:58 AM. Reason : ]

5/13/2009 8:57:34 AM

My Dad and I are dancing to "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw. It's kind of sappy, but he picked it.
Here are some suggestions that are non-sappy: http://offbeatbride.com/2007/06/non-sappy-fatherdaughter-dance-songs#referrer

My fiance is dancing to "Simple Man" with his Mom.

5/13/2009 9:20:46 AM

we're doing "Father and Daughter" by Paul Simon...but we're doing a little bit more than rock back and forth to it...it's got a good cha cha beat.

5/13/2009 9:26:45 AM

yeah, no country. that my little girl song is super sappy. all country songs about daughters seem to be. the paul simon is a little too fast.

so far i have jimmy buffet - little miss magic...although it seems a little young but he LOVES jimmy.
and james taylor - you've got a friend

5/13/2009 9:53:16 AM

I suppose this could sorta go in the bar thread in the lounge as well, but neither of the options he presented are the ones that we want to pursue cost-wise. We are hoping whatever caterer we choose lets us bring our own alcohol. If some of our more professional options don't allow that we have a few people in mind who are good but that are more "out of house" caterers that we know through good friends that would probably let us do this. Basically I feel like alcohol at a wedding via catering options is just a ridiculously inflated cost that is not worth it one bit, especially on a tight budget.

My question is, has anyone had any luck with supplying your own alcohol at weddings? I really don't think that many people will be drinking there. I think we will have about 90 guests at the reception and my guess is that only about 60% will drink anything. And I would guess an even smaller amount (say half of that 60%) will have more than say 2 beers worth of alcohol.

We're planning to just supply some beer and wine and then punch (non alcoholic) for everyone.

We do have to fill out an alcohol permit or whatever for the location and get that notarized or whatever. The cottage supplied me with that. Outside of making sure I fill that out and finding a caterer who allows us to bring our own cake and alcohol I don't see a problem with this but I figured I would ask here.

5/13/2009 2:34:24 PM

It depends on both the caterer and the venue.

Some caterers require you to use their bartender (which they charge you for) and supply liability insurance. Even if you are supplying your own alcohol, they may charge you a "corkage fee".



[Edited on May 13, 2009 at 2:43 PM. Reason : f]

5/13/2009 2:42:14 PM

we are supplying our own alcohol. the caterer does not do it, although she could recommend a bartending service. we're going to have a table w/ beer & wine and there will be someone monitoring it to make sure kids aren't served. nothing fancy or elaborate.

5/13/2009 2:48:54 PM

i'm with you man. the cost for the catering company to provide our alcohol, and the choices between their domestic and premium package, was not what we had in mind at all. we're purchasing our own. This is what we came up with.

Total head count is ~140 people.
Approx 80% are of age, but we're anticipating 60% will drink (Sunday afternoon OOT wedding)

We know of the drinkers it will be split amongst wine and beer drinkers (that's all we're doing), with more beer than wine. To make things easier we just said 75 people would be drinking, and are using that number to puchase all beer and all wine instead of saying, "of those 75 drinkers only 20 will drink wine so we'll just buy enough for 20." Of the people that we know will drink, we've got some heavy drinkers in the bunch so we're not anticipating any beer left over (at least not much). We figure we'll only have wine left over, and we'll take that home or give away to members of bridal party or family after.

We're buying 12 cases of beer (which comes to about 4 beers per person) and 3 cases of wine (and some may scoff but we're getting 3 Buck Chuck).

Luckily, we didn't have to get a permit at our reception hall b/c they have a permit for wine and beer. If we were to get liquor we'd have to get a permit then.

Our caterer is charging us a $300 corking fee, and their usual bartender fee. We're still getting all of our non-alcoholic beverages from them, so we would have the bartender costs regardless. We're also providing our own coffee (courtesy of my uncle who works for S&D).

We're saving $600 purchasing our own alcohol, and we're having a better beer selection than what their premium package offered.

[Edited on May 13, 2009 at 2:54 PM. Reason : ]

5/13/2009 2:52:16 PM

if you need another cheap good wine, try Aldi's wine selection

5/13/2009 2:57:08 PM

thanks for all the responses, very helpful Pretty much exactly the kind of info/opinions I was looking for.

^^I was initially thinking 3 beers per person we thought would be drinking (close to the 4 you were using) and I wasn't sure how much wine to get so I might use your (^^) number as a start, scaled down slightly for the size of our wedding at least as a starting point.

I forgot about the coffee too, the fiancee definitely wanted that but I had totally forgotten since I'm not a coffee drinker

[Edited on May 13, 2009 at 3:11 PM. Reason : ]

5/13/2009 3:09:15 PM

you're welcome. and another note on the wine...3 cases comes to about 2 glasses per person for 75 people.

yeah we both drink coffee, but my grandparents are notorious for having a cup before bed EVERY night. we've rented 50 mugs. we figure some will stop drinking, and switch to coffee with their dessert or cake. the only cost is the mugs and the coffee maker since we've got the coffee, creamers and sugar for free from my uncle.

[Edited on May 13, 2009 at 3:16 PM. Reason : coffee]

5/13/2009 3:12:50 PM

Three weeks and a day until the big day and I'm not stressed at all. Either I have planned as well as I think, or things will go horribly wrong!

5/15/2009 11:01:01 AM

that's a popular weekend for TWWers...we're the 7th, and i think se7entythree's the 6th too

5/15/2009 11:23:26 AM

yup, the 6th

5/15/2009 11:43:59 AM

sunday weddings suck for anyone coming out of town - you are basically forcing them to take a day off of work - we've passed on some weddings we'd have gone to if they were on a saturday

5/15/2009 11:52:16 AM

ya'll got your license yet? we're going today

that online form was easy breezy! i hope it makes the act of actually going inside and getting it go faster

^thanks for the feedback of what we already knew...it was the only day our reception and ceremony site were both available this time of year. and of our 182 guests, 143 have RSVP'd yes w/ all guests being OOT and actually looking forward to a long weekend at the beach. so, you can suck it!

our wedding is also in the afternoon so people CAN get back home afterwards if they want.

[Edited on May 15, 2009 at 11:56 AM. Reason : time of year]

[Edited on May 15, 2009 at 11:57 AM. Reason : afternoon]

5/15/2009 11:53:04 AM

i don't understand why you'd want to get married on a sunday anyway, esp if you have out of town guests, but even if you don't. just seems odd to me...

oh, and, HALP again.
we need ties. green w/ a pattern w/ a tiny bit of orange would be awesome but i dont have much hope for that. the right green or the right orange w/ a pattern would be nice. the green is kinda lime-y. see http://watters.com/product.php?coll=wtoo&showid=1003&style=519, color swatch "midory". i do have a fabric sample and really just need ideas of where to shop. online will be tough b/c of matching colors. josabank has hideous ties

[Edited on May 15, 2009 at 11:56 AM. Reason : ]

5/15/2009 11:53:16 AM

Quote :

"our wedding is also in the afternoon so people CAN get back home afterwards if they want."

oh come on now - who wants to go to a reception - have some beers - then go hop in a car and drive home or hop on a plane - what time does the reception end?

i was only thinking of the adults too - the people with kids still in school will be more pressed to get back

5/15/2009 12:10:03 PM

I would hope that an adult can decide for themselves what is best for them as far as travelling to and from a wedding. If they can't do it, then maybe they are one of the people that decided to not come. If they can do it, and they've decided to come to our wedding then I'm very happy that they will be there and I can't wait to celebrate with them. What they've decided as far as travel is not my problem.

We've not invited many children to our wedding...the children invited are either in the wedding, or 1st cousins. According to our aunts and uncles, they are out of school by then.

It's not like my fiance and I said, "OOOH--let's get married on Sunday and really cause an inconvenience to our friends and family!!! YEAH!!!! that's a GREAT idea!!!"

We wanted to get married in late spring/early summer 2009. We knew where we wanted to get married. They were BOOKED EVERY SATURDAY until October 2009 when we called in August. We looked at other reception venues. They either weren't in our budget, we didn't like them, or they were already booked as well.

It was either getting married on FRIDAY which would cause our bridal party to take 2-3 days off from work, and guests 1-2 or SUNDAY which would cause 1 if people decided to stay after the wedding. We went with Sunday.

5/15/2009 12:27:02 PM

OmarBadu lay off.

It's not your wedding, you're not invited so it's no concern to you.

I'm excited because we will be able to spend an extra day at the beach for a good reason

5/15/2009 12:34:59 PM

im going to weddings the next two weekends. i'm super excited, they're the first of my close friends to get married. i havent been to a wedding in almost 3 years

they're both out of town and they're on back to back weekends. i dont care, i wouldn't miss it!

5/15/2009 12:52:37 PM

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/recession/articletkt.aspx?cp-documentid=18728080&ocid=RSKMoneyHUB

on msn.com today-- planning a wedding for $10k

maybe you guys can get some ideas

5/19/2009 1:42:52 PM

Is 10k supposed to be cheap? I know it's the culmination of every girl's "I'm a pretty princess!" dream, but that's a lot of money to spend on something that you'll have absolutely nothing to show for. The article says the average cost of a wedding is 27k. What a massive waste of resources.

5/19/2009 1:49:22 PM

i agree. im not sure i could spend $10k on a wedding but yes, that is the "lower" end of the average cost

people in this thread have all sorts of budgets and the article itself has a few cost savings ideas anyone could reasonable use

i never dreamt of a "pretty pretty princess" wedding, my dress or colors or any of that stuff. the planning itself is pretty crazy and personally, i cant afford all that and there is no "wedding fund" for me. but everyone should do what they feel comfortable with to celebrate their marriage

5/19/2009 3:04:57 PM

When I first started out, my MOH was more excited about planning the wedding than I was... we had just under a year to plan-- Now there are just under 2.5 months left. Our friendship is basically dead, and the rest of the wedding party is the same. I had heard all the stories of this happening, but I never would have imagined this happening to us. Now I dread the whole thing more than enjoy it-- when we got engaged I was thrilled that my MOH wanted to be so involved. She has essentially done NOTHING. Hell, two of my bridesmaids practically got us kicked out of a bridal shop for not knowing how to behave (trying on tackiest dresses they could find) after we drove all the way to Smithfield to see this partcular location. So far, I've done everything-- and I'm simultaneously excited and sick of my wedding all at the same time. I have tried completely not talking about the wedding, taking my MOH out for a pedicure to try to fix our friendship, e-mailing a website with typical MOH duties, and giving her a thoughtful note & book about being a bridesmaid (which she had previously expressed interest in)... Do you all have any other ideas? She & the best man are leaving for a 2 week vacation just before the wedding-- so crunch time is now. There isn't even a weekend date left when my TWO bridesmaids can both attend a shower because they waited so long to plan anything. Am I expecting too much of them? I have fully paid for their dresses & intend to buy shoes for them as well because I know the economy is tough. Do you all have any other suggestions?
(ps- sorry for the novel/bridezilla rant)

5/19/2009 9:05:19 PM

court house.

5/19/2009 9:13:46 PM

^^ Seems like really shitty, immature friends. And it also seems like you're being walked all over.

Advice wise, I would just suck it up and lean on your finace and other friends that may not be in your wedding to help you since you're "friends" who are in the wedding are not. Also, get a little bitchy. It seems like you've taken the nice route the whole time with buying them gifts (esp the moh) and even buying their bridesmaids dresses. Obviously they don't see how nice and unusual this is in weddings. So step up and be the bride and tell them they need to help and how much this is hurting you.

(and sorry if that sounds harsh towards you but it's really not. It just sucks to see friends who aren't respecting the bride and not even looking at this as a testament of your friendship - I mean you picked those girls for a reason, it's supposed to be a priveledge to be asked to stand up with your friend on their wedding day!)

5/19/2009 9:50:09 PM

^^^ how old are these people? do you know if they have had any previous involvement AT ALL in any other wedding?

in all fairness, i was my sister's bridesmaid when i was 19 and a freshman in college. i didn't know wtf i was doing and i lived in another state. she got mad at me at some point because i wasn't doing something she wanted me to and i was like.. uh hi my life revolves around drinking and pizza right now, i've never been involved in a wedding-- you should have told me what you expected of me!

now if these girls are older and have been in more weddings, its a different story. i'm 26 and have only been to 2 weddings in the past 7 years so if i was asked to be in a friends wedding, i'd likely need expectations set and i'm the kind of person to ask for that, but not everyone is.

[Edited on May 19, 2009 at 10:20 PM. Reason : jshdf]

5/19/2009 10:19:41 PM

well, I have 1 MOH, 1 bridesmaid, and 2 junior bridesmaids
MOH & bridesmaid are both older than I am and have FT jobs (neither is married & I'm 23 and FT student)
Bridesmaid was recently a MOH (less than a year ago) and from things she has said it is obvious she knows what a good bridesmaid SHOULD be doing...
MOH has been to a lot of weddings but has not been in any lately. This is why I sent the e-mail and gave her the book. I even sat down with her and went through things that would be helpful.
Ugh. I so do not want to be the bitchy bridezilla bride. I just want to plan the party of the century. If I have to spend this much $$ on a throw down (because it has turned into a family reunion of sorts) I want it to be awesome & fun-- not just a big pain in the ass.
Anyway- thanks for the thoughts! Back to happy wedding planning ideas!

5/19/2009 10:29:48 PM

what do you mean by...

Quote :

"when we got engaged I was thrilled that my MOH wanted to be so involved. She has essentially done NOTHING."

cause it's my opinion that other than buying a dress (which you've done for them), go to the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, stand by you on your wedding day & smile for pictures that a bridesmaid is not your personal assistant. so if you're wanting them to help you stuff envelopes, decide on centerpieces, etc...i think you are asking too much of them. it doesn't sound like it's too much, but that shouldn't be expected of anyone except your fiance.

so you expected them to throw you a shower? did you say those exact words at the very begininng? b/c sometimes traditions are different. some BMs throw showers, but many just do a bachelorette party instead. though i know that's not the case around the rest of the country, no one in my family has ever had a bridesmaid throw them a shower. it's ALWAYS been someone from the family. maybe they came from similar backgrounds and figured someone in your family would throw you a shower.

also, some people throw surprise showers--so maybe they are doing something and you just don't even know it.

but...all things aside. i know how you feel when someone lets you down when you're getting ready for the happiest day of your life. it sucks, and there's real no fix for it except for talking to them and putting yourself out there. good luck.

5/20/2009 7:42:32 AM

aren't showers just excuses to get more gifts?

if you're main concern is to "throw the part of the century" then focus on that and forget about the shower

5/20/2009 11:18:46 AM

^ you don't necessarily get more gifts due to showers - you just get the gift the person was going to give you at the wedding earlier most of the time

5/20/2009 12:56:46 PM

oh ok.. so what is the point of the shower?

socializing?

im serious, i dont know

5/20/2009 1:11:01 PM

^^no, the rule of thumb & what most people do is that if you are invited to a shower you are buying an extra gift on top of what you are getting them for the wedding.

the purpose of a shower is to *shower* the couple with gifts, or that's what i've always heard. if you're invited and you can't attend, you aren't expected to send one but it's a nice thing to do.

if you're invited to a wedding and you can't attend, you are expected to send a gift regardless.

[Edited on May 20, 2009 at 1:25 PM. Reason : ]

5/20/2009 1:24:48 PM

shower gifts are supposed to be less expensive right?

i'm going to a wedding this weekend, i was just going to cut them a check for $100-- i feel thats reasonable

they're flying back to switzerland after the wedding (in the US) so they have no way to haul gifts back with them

5/20/2009 1:27:05 PM

^^ i think you need to come back to reality

extremely close friends and family may do 2 gifts max if they come to a shower but in general you should expect 1 gift from each person that shows up and from about 50-75% of the people that don't show up - it's extremely rare to receive a gift at a shower from someone that doesn't show up and decided to send a gift anyways

i'm not talking about a lingerie gift at a specialty shower/bachelorette party and a registry gift - multiple registry gifts is what i'm referring to

5/20/2009 1:29:06 PM

yes, shower gifts are less expensive. i've read/heard that some people buy a gift for the shower but then give money for the wedding. either way.

i didn't want trillions of showers like people i know have had. i would have been fine without any. i think it's kind of greedy...and if you print "gifts optional" on the invitation then people think they're expected to bring one anyway. i knew at least 2 groups were going to throw showers, family & office.

we had a family shower a few weeks ago and the office shower was last friday. gifts ranged from lowe's gift cards (on our list of wants) to dishes to an outdoor umbrella for our deck furniture. it seemed like the vast majority of the gifts were kitchen related items (flatware, dishes, dish towels, utensils, etc). my uncle & aunt, who threw the shower, gave us $75 to lowe's. another of my aunts spend about $10 on 2 bowls. the prices vary a lot. some of the stuff wasn't on our registries so i have no idea how much was spent. the umbrella + stand, from my parents, was over $200something. chris's parents spent wayyyyy too much and bought all our flatware, noodle bowls, & dish towels at crate & barrel. i don't know if they thought they were supposed to bring the wedding present then or what.

Quote :

"^^ i think you need to come back to reality extremely close friends and family may do 2 gifts max if they come to a shower but in general you should expect 1 gift from each person that shows up and from about 50-75% of the people that don't show up - it's extremely rare to receive a gift at a shower from someone that doesn't show up and decided to send a gift anyways i'm not talking about a lingerie gift at a specialty shower/bachelorette party and a registry gift - multiple registry gifts is what i'm referring to"

what?? i'm telling what the emily post book and all other etiquette books say about gift giving. i didn't want showers and lots of gifts...i'm just telling you how it is. i have never heard of a shower where anybody thinks you're not supposed to bring a wedding gift also.

[Edited on May 20, 2009 at 1:36 PM. Reason : ]

5/20/2009 1:34:32 PM

Quote :

"that shouldn't be expected of anyone except your fiance."

Both bridesmaids know that isn't an option as he is in the military, but thanks for your opinion.

5/20/2009 5:20:31 PM

well I didn't know that

and you did ask in your 1st post, "Am i expecting too much?". Maybe you didn't think that someone would say, "yes...you are," b/c your response to my saying it comes off as rather snarky. But AlliePaige is right--you gotta lean on others if you can't count on them, esp if he's not around and you're planning this alone.

and i'll say this again b/c I really DO know how you feel...it DOES suck.

Quote :

"but...all things aside. i know how you feel when someone lets you down when you're getting ready for the happiest day of your life. it sucks, and there's real no fix for it except for talking to them and putting yourself out there. good luck."

[Edited on May 20, 2009 at 7:03 PM. Reason : ]

5/20/2009 6:46:29 PM

I think I had one person that bought me a gift for the shower and the wedding. I wondered if she forgot about getting me a gift already, but maybe she just had "etiquette"

Anyway, I am a bridesmaid in a friend from high schools wedding on June 13. I live in PA and her wedding is in NC. I am SO frustrated with her I could scream! She doesn't seem to care at all about her wedding and everything is just "whatever". I couldn't get through her head that I needed to know what time things were such as her rehearsal dinner, where it was, etc. Did I need to get my hair and nails done or were we all going somewhere together. What time do I need to be at the place before your wedding...things like that. I finally just booked my flights yesterday, when I could have booked them 3 months ago at half the price, and I still don't know what time the rehearsal is on Friday, or even if there is going to be one. I only took a half day off of work on Friday so at least it wouldn't be a total waste if I got there and there wasn't a rehearsal dinner.

5/20/2009 8:52:43 PM

i usually bring gifts to shower and the wedding.

i like to get something small for the shower. a lot of times i don't even pay attention to the registry for the shower gift (whoops) i just get something cute/fun that i think the person would like. because usually when you're invited to a shower its because you are at least semi close to the person.

and then i get a registry gift for the wedding.

i dunno. that is just what my mom always told me to do.

example: the last shower i went to i got one of those wine/beer tub things (it was like what, $15 or 20) so that if they throw a party/cookout whatever they could throw ice in it and put the beverages in it. then for the wedding i picked some pieces off of their registry (~$50). the one before that i gave a $25 gift certificate to bed bath and beyond (kinda blah, but i wasn't feeling creative). then i got something off the registry for the wedding gift.

5/20/2009 9:13:58 PM

I bring a small gift to the bridal/wedding shower and then a bigger gift to the wedding. That is just how I was taught. Bridal showers are more intimate and for closer friends/family. People don't usually invite a whole ton of people, which makes it a more intimate affair.

Anyways, my point was, that all of the people I asked recently (includes my sisters, my mother, my cousin, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law) said they always bring a small gift to the shower and a bigger gift to the wedding. But, I assume that if you bought something expensive to the shower than you'd be covered for the wedding.

5/21/2009 12:15:33 PM

some weddings are completely different. my friend that got married had two engagement parties, a bridal shower and a just for bridesmaid shower, plus the wedding.

themed gifts were requested for each of the parties.....

5/21/2009 5:02:46 PM

^^^^ aha, I would almost think you were in the same wedding my friend is in this weekend. She's having the same problems with the bride telling her nothing about times and crap. She just found out today that they're not even going to do a rehearsal for the wedding I'm sure she'll report back with some interesting tales Saturday night.

5/21/2009 6:48:11 PM