What they should do is delete all accounts that post that in order to weed out some of the stupid on there

9/25/2011 3:13:33 PM

i'm going to make one:

Facebook news! Mark Zuckerberg is tired of the rumors about a pay site, so he is asking everyone to please report all posts related to this as spam! Facebook will then delete these users accounts by midnight! Copy and paste on your profile so your friends will know to delete their previous posts! Hurry so no one loses their account!



[Edited on September 25, 2011 at 3:25 PM. Reason : ]

9/25/2011 3:25:10 PM

Nice!

9/25/2011 3:29:24 PM

Quote :

"IT'S OFFICIAL! FACEBOOK USERS WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING THEIR FRIENDS COPY AND PASTE INTO THEIR STATUS MESSAGES! NOT ONLY WILL FACEBOOK START CHARGING YOU TOMORROW, THEY ARE ALSO GOING TO BILL YOUR CREDIT CARD FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS OF SERVICES. ...LUCKILY, EACH PERSON WHO COPIES AND PASTES THIS STATUS WILL RECEIVE A FREE UNICORN IN THE MAIL TOMORROW. IF YOU DON'T REPOST THIS STATUS, FACEBOOK CODE HAS BEEN SET UP TO AUTOMATICALLY SET YOUR COMPUTER ON FIRE AND HARM AN INNOCENT BUNNY IN THE FOREST"

lol

9/25/2011 5:53:14 PM

hahahaha

9/25/2011 6:16:07 PM

saw the extended version of that this morning and had to facepalm

Quote :

"FACEBOOK JUST RELEASED THEIR PRICE GRID FOR MEMBERSHIP. $9.99 PER MONTH FOR GOLD MEMBER SERVICES, $6.99 PER MONTH FOR SILVER MEMBER SERVICES, $3.99 PER MONTH FOR BRONZE MEMBER SERVICES, FREE IF YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS MESSAGE BEFORE MIDNIGHT TONIGHT. WHEN YOU SIGN ON TOMORROW MORNING YOU WILL BE... PROMPTED FOR PAYMENT INFO...IT IS OFFICIAL IT WAS EVEN ON THE NEWS. FACEBOOK WILL START CHARGING DUE TO THE NEW PROFILE CHANGES. IF YOU COPY THIS ON YOUR WALL YOUR ICON WILL TURN BLUE AND FACEBOOK WILL BE FREE FOR YOU. PLEASE PASS THIS MESSAGE ON IF NOT YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE DELETED IF YOU DO NOT PAY"

9/25/2011 6:17:23 PM

Quote :

"to the people who keep posting messages about Facebook charging a fee: 1) Search Google for the love of (insert deity here)...it takes 10 seconds 2) Use your head, would FB charge a fee now that they have Google+ as a competitor 3) Please don't vote- if you are swayed to post things by a barely coherent COMPLETELY FALSE message- you really should not decide the fate of our nation"

9/25/2011 6:47:39 PM

I like this better:

Quote :

"ATTENTION : IT'S EVEN BEEN SEEN ON THE NEWS, IF YOU DONT GO BUY(AND HAND DELIVER) A CASE OF BUD ICE(IN CANS) TO MY DOORSTEP BEFORE 2:00 A.M. TONIGHT!!! FACEBOOK WILL START CHARGING $6.99 A MONTH!!!! (PLEASE COPY & PASTE)"

9/25/2011 9:15:04 PM

triple exclamation mark >>> comma

9/25/2011 9:17:14 PM

Quote :

"?15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a "slut", no one knows she was raped at age 14. People call another guy "fat", no one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight. People call an old man "ugly", no one knows he experienced a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war. Re-post this if you are against bullying and stereotypi ng. I bet 88% of you won't,the other 22% aren't heartless and will.Hi, my name is Amy Bruce. I am 7 years old, and I have severe lung cancer . I also have a large tumor in my brain, from repeated beatings. Doctors say I will die soon if this isn't fixed, and my family can't pay the bills. The Make A Wish Foundation, has agreed to donate 7 cents for every time this message is sent on. For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much, but for those who don't send it, what goes around comes around. Have a Heart. Put this as your status"

88+22 = 110 % lol

9/26/2011 11:46:31 PM

wtf. how does this fit as a status

Quote :

"I was walking around in a supermarket when i saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back, the boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'' The little boy turned to the old woman next to him, ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' She replied, ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.' I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this, 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of himself. He was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she didn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll!'' OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said, 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!' Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' 'My mommy loves white roses.' A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state of mind from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine, and in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: (1) Copy & Paste this on your wall (2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart"

9/26/2011 11:47:20 PM

I heard that same thing but it was with egyptians and a drunk chariot driver. I reposted it then by carving heiroglyphs into a passerby

9/27/2011 12:00:49 AM

not a status, but probably the most redneck thing i've seen on the internet today:

10/1/2011 11:07:20 AM

$12 says the dude didn't go to unc

10/1/2011 11:07:40 AM

ding ding ding!

shoulda bet higher cuz the odds for that are pretty much always in your favor

[Edited on October 1, 2011 at 11:12 AM. Reason : ]

10/1/2011 11:12:00 AM

that's all the money i have.

10/1/2011 11:20:01 AM

Quote :

"If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson's No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?"

10/1/2011 11:26:23 AM

Quote :

"Just found out my kids r off on November 4th.... Now I don't have to take them out of school to go to the grave site!!!! "

10/14/2011 3:55:05 PM

^wtf?

10/14/2011 5:22:04 PM

God, so good

Quote :

"WELL IM sITN DOWN HERE AT THA CHILD SUPpORT OFFICE DUIN WAT I gTA dO BC AH SPECIFIC INDIVIDUAL DOES NOT!!! WELL I THINK iTS TYME TO EXPIERMENT WITH SUMN NEW... MAYBE AH CHICKO (HMM MAH BYTCH SAID IT WUD B wORTH IT LOL) WHO WANTS tA B THA 1ST... HEHEHE"

person i went to high school with, she usually has decent updates with this horrible slang but this one is a classic

10/25/2011 12:08:57 PM

Quote :

"Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree ?"

She took offense when I told her that it sounded like something single girls tell themselves to feel better about themselves. I am apparently both bitter and jealous of her.

11/1/2011 9:27:47 PM

Haha. I said the ones on the bottom taste so good in my mouth. She was not amused.

11/1/2011 11:46:33 PM

Quote :

"I am so proud of Mackenzie for making the AB Honor Role!!!"

11/3/2011 8:15:15 PM

Quote :

"She took offense when I told her that it sounded like something single girls tell themselves to feel better about themselves."

lol that's exactly what that is.

11/3/2011 8:23:14 PM

Quote :

"Thankful I have got a real Gentlemen, unlike my most recent encounter in the Target check out line! Seriously, are manners not valued anymore?"

11/3/2011 8:47:26 PM

this just showed up in my newsfeed (courtesy of Samwise16)

Quote :

"If this little boy gets 100 shares he can get his heart transplant for free"

with a picture of a kid in a hospital bed all tubed up



[Edited on November 3, 2011 at 10:51 PM. Reason : she didn't post it. just commented on somebody else posting it]

11/3/2011 10:48:24 PM

Did you see my comment?

11/3/2011 10:57:34 PM

Quote :

" Just fell down the stairs again. This time went all the way down. In bed hurting but i think baby is o.k. calling nurse to see what I should do :-("

..............................................................

11/6/2011 1:57:27 PM

^ oh wow.

11/6/2011 2:39:31 PM

The more pregnant you become the more clumsy and forgetful you get. I fell a few times while pregnant, but luckily never down stairs. That's some scary shit.

11/6/2011 3:03:14 PM

Quote :

""WELL IM sITN DOWN HERE AT THA CHILD SUPpORT OFFICE DUIN WAT I gTA dO BC AH SPECIFIC INDIVIDUAL DOES NOT!!! WELL I THINK iTS TYME TO EXPIERMENT WITH SUMN NEW... MAYBE AH CHICKO (HMM MAH BYTCH SAID IT WUD B wORTH IT LOL) WHO WANTS tA B THA 1ST... HEHEHE""

holy fuck who talks like this?

also has a kid? This person could be the poster child for forced sterilization.

11/7/2011 12:26:40 PM

Quote :

"You have to realize that every good break, every time you've been protected, every door that's opened, every advantage that you’ve had...that’s God working in your life."

11/7/2011 11:15:26 PM

I think I've chastised enough people via facebook that I've since been defriended by anyone who would post a stupid status update.

11/8/2011 9:59:08 AM

except me

11/8/2011 9:59:40 AM

Challenge accepted!

11/8/2011 10:35:50 AM

11/8/2011 10:45:35 AM

db and i's facebook rapport is bar none my favorite part of facebook

[Edited on November 8, 2011 at 10:46 AM. Reason : and it stupid]

11/8/2011 10:46:25 AM

Quote :

"Michelle Duggar had 20 kids and she got a TV show...my homegirl Keisha had 6 kids and all she got was food stamps "

11/8/2011 2:21:43 PM

Quote :

"I hope Penn State burns to the ground and the head of the committee that fired Joe Paterno gets killed. You have to be kidding me..."

11/9/2011 11:03:33 PM

Quote :

"flu shot today! :-( pray 4 me!!"

It's a flu shot, dickhole. If you're that worried just don't get one.

11/10/2011 10:52:56 AM

haha that guy i posted deleted it...

11/10/2011 11:14:08 AM

Quote :

"Sorry facebook but, I would rather spend my spare time with my children before I have to go to work, and watch people do absolutely nothing but talk about what they are doing, & get so far!!! ugh, it's so weird that I am running around all the time till 1 a.m., last night trying to go grocery shopping, etc., and there is like noBODY out, people are weird."

11/15/2011 9:24:39 AM

Quote :

"College girls are all so pretty. Even if they are not pretty...they are pretty!"

11/18/2011 10:19:41 AM

Quote :

" ---_¯¯¯_______¯¯¯_--- ---¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦--- ----¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦--?- -__--¦¦¦¦¯¦¯¦¦¦¦--__- ¦¦¦¦-¯_¦¦¦¦¦¦¦_¯-¦¦¦¦ Keep This Bear Going For Children In Need ? ? ? "

doesn't translate well to TWW

11/18/2011 6:35:06 PM

From a UNC fan:

Quote :

"soo typical of state to play like a real team when the only good acc team has a chance to go to a huge bowl game..way to blow it for the acc state way to blow it. State just ruins everything"

11/19/2011 8:50:41 PM

i notice you said unc fan, not student or alumnus

lol

11/19/2011 9:44:42 PM

Exactly.

11/19/2011 9:45:42 PM

I think that's implied

11/19/2011 9:46:00 PM

I wonder if UNC fans pulled for clemson when they played...

11/19/2011 9:46:14 PM

darthmattino has a super butthurt Clemson fan blowing up his status, lemme see if I can get some quotes

Ahahaha the guy deleted everything already

[Edited on November 19, 2011 at 9:59 PM. Reason : sry for the letdown]

11/19/2011 9:53:05 PM