The last time Brasky stopped smoking, global warming reached a 30 year low. Brasky however creates his own greenhouse effect by his natural body heat.

11/9/2004 5:28:47 PM

Back during 'Nam, I took a bullet to my left shoulder and abdomen...nearly killed me....during a skirmish with Charlie in the Mekong. Nonetheless and by damn if that SOB Brasky wasn't vacationing on the Delta with his 43rd wife at the same time. Upon learning this I crawled out of the field hospital's ICU and tracked him down. I shared with him the account of my battle wounds during which he called me a big pussy, gave me a super-sized noogie, chewed off my right foot above the ankle, then doused me with a special blend of his earwax and diesel fuel... by damn (again) if my wounds didn't heal immediately. Brasky then stitched a jeep battery to my stump of a foot. The question of a purple heart came up during the ordeal to which Brasky responded by performing open heart surgery on me and packing my chest cavity with grape kool-aid powder and a fifth of Glenlivet. The experience was utopian of which I'm a better man for it. I subsequently donated my aunt (she's a lesbian goat herder) for the main course at Brasky's next barbeque at his Honduran Chinchilla ranch.

11/11/2004 9:55:42 AM

^ I shed a tear

Quite possibly the most touching Brasky story ever...

TO BILL BRASKY!

11/11/2004 10:11:23 AM

the story needed to be heard


TO BRASKY!

[Edited on November 11, 2004 at 10:13 AM. Reason : d]

11/11/2004 10:13:03 AM

I guess I shouldn't lie though...I couldn't shed a damn tear if I wanted to...


Brasky removed my tear ducts with a drinking straw once after I bet him he couldn't finish off a pony keg of Heineken in less than 10 minutes using said straw. Not only did he suck the keg dry in under 5 minutes, he crushed it on his forehead like a tin can and proceeded to sculpt a hanging mobile of goats which he hung over his and my wife's child's crib.

Before that though, Brasky was sucking down booze through that straw like the son of a bitch he is. He looked up at one point when his favorite TV show, Three's Company, came on. I shit you not the straw went right into my eye and Brasky never stopped sucking. He popped both tear ducts out and kept on drinking. To this day my sinuses have never been clearer.

11/11/2004 10:26:00 AM

a drop of braskys sperm once somehow found its way inside an empty coke can, which got covered in the same slime that mutated the teenage mutant ninja turtles

this is what grew

11/11/2004 10:27:39 AM

bill brasky has a fondness for gatorade, he calls it his special thirst quencher
and when i say "gatorade" i mean "forced sodomy"

11/12/2004 3:26:44 PM

damn this thread was great

thanks for ruining it folks...

11/15/2004 3:56:19 PM

I was on an Indian reserve outside of Needles, Nevada, having an Indian named Jojo Stormcloud carve a walking stick out of a likeness of my head.. i look over, and who do i see, that sunovabitch Brasky, who was nursin' a baby, so I just.. reached out and grabbed his one free teeter. Some say the fountain of youth does not exsist, but ever since that day, i haven't aged a day....and i'll be damned if Brasky doesn't make me suck on it 12 hours a day since i told him.


TO THE 'FOOT

11/15/2004 4:11:00 PM

11/15/2004 4:22:15 PM

Bill Brasky once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw

11/15/2004 4:34:06 PM

^that's page 1 stuff

11/15/2004 4:35:09 PM

yeah but it's a good one

it deserves to be on this page too

11/15/2004 4:36:17 PM

kinda like you

11/15/2004 4:36:51 PM

how many posts till we hit page 14?

perhaps we can start anew...

11/15/2004 4:37:35 PM

11/15/2004 4:38:17 PM

I once saw Bill Brasky eat fifty pounds of coal

and damn if he wasn't pissing diamonds the next day

11/15/2004 8:40:54 PM

^^^ bunches

11/15/2004 8:43:15 PM

Like a man on fire Brasky decided to go after Al-Qaeda himself armed with nothing but a case of gin and a wicked case of the runs he scoured all of Afghanistan in vain only to find that they all do taste quite good with a little worcestershire sauce and still lived to tell the tale.

11/16/2004 2:34:42 PM

Bill Brasky dropped his pants......and made a horse cry.

11/16/2004 2:49:13 PM

gg nerdchick
one of the best in a while

11/16/2004 5:20:10 PM

agreed, that was a good one


They say Brasky is the reason the dinosaurs are now extinct. He killed most of them for a feast one night and the rest he killed off by blocking the sunlight to earth with his head just to spite the bastards. During the subsequent ice age, Brasky developed curling and algebra.

11/18/2004 11:17:38 AM

i'm up to page 9 of this stuff...

we are some funny mother fuckers

11/18/2004 11:56:34 PM

^Brasky had three wooden feet. Don't know where he got em, but he had em.

11/19/2004 12:00:37 AM

Bill Brasky both started and won the 100 years war.

It would have been longer, but he got hungry and he needed to invent the steam engine.

11/19/2004 12:04:41 AM

soooo

i just copied and pasted all the good ones...

27 fucking pages of this stuff

gg

11/19/2004 12:54:42 AM

I once heard Brasky belch, the resonant frequency created an earthquake that registered an 12.9 on the richter scale, even though it only goes to ten. When Brasky found out, he found richters descendants and shot them all.

11/19/2004 1:07:06 AM

BILLLLLLL BRASKY

11/19/2004 1:08:01 AM

Brasky is often seen holding a steel rod in the air during a thunderstorm. He says the lightening strikes help flush out his colon.

11/19/2004 9:17:27 AM

1927, Lindbergh's flying across the Atlantic while Brasky is on his 9th morning lap swimming it. Lindbergh's plane has engine troubles and goes into a tailspin, but Brasky jumps right out of the water into the plane like a dolphin, climbs into the engine, and manually runs it for the next 18 hours, letting Lindbergh take a rest. As they near France, Brasky hops back into the ocean and gives Lindbergh the pilot seat again. Brasky was so pissed Lindbergh never mentioned it so he kidnapped and ate Lindbergh's baby. I'll be damned if that baby didn't survive Brasky's digestive tract and come out 400 pounds heavier. He swam to Scotland, where they called him Fat Bastard.

11/19/2004 12:44:28 PM

I HAVE A VAGINA

11/19/2004 12:45:26 PM

thats bullshit, no one survives a trip through braskys digestive tract.

although its been said that you can see aurora borealis in the upper intestine if its the right time of year


TO BILL BRASKY'S INTESTINES

11/19/2004 12:47:49 PM

Remember the time Brasky ate his own head? Of course that was after he first bit off the heads of all the children at the orphanage and took a crap down their throats. Would you believe it, they grew new heads and all were adopted the next day!

[Edited on November 19, 2004 at 12:52 PM. Reason : .]

11/19/2004 12:49:59 PM

from my Ellen thread:

Quote :

"BILL BRASKY TURNED ANNE HECHE GAY ON A BET, AND TURNED HER STRAIGHT AGAIN TO KEEP A PROMISE"

11/30/2004 12:54:28 AM

Bill Brasky has a glory hole in his windshield
if you can get it in the hole while the car is moving, he'll take care of business...

12/1/2004 9:22:58 PM

I can't help but remember the time Brasky tortured and raped my whole family, all my relatives and everyone with whom I had ever previously come into contact. It didn't actually happen; Bill kidnapped me once and implanted the permanent, graphically detailed memory into my brain, via a Total Recall style machine. Not only that, but he reprogrammed my brain so that I bark like a vicious dog whenever a policeman or psychiatrist is around and am compelled to violently rip off my fingernails whenever anyone says the word "the". The consequent excruciating pain of having bloody stumps for fingers made it downright impossible for me to continue on as a volunteer at both the children's hospital and as a firefighter. But what can you say about Bill. At the end of the day, there's nobody else, man or beast, I respect more and that's what really matters.

[Edited on December 3, 2004 at 1:03 PM. Reason : .]

12/3/2004 1:00:00 PM

7 for content

8.5 for creativity

12/3/2004 1:02:20 PM

Then there was the time he completely wholesale massacred everyone on this thread who, instead of posting a story or anecdote about him, chose to judge the stories, factual and truly historic as they are.

12/3/2004 1:09:20 PM

hmmm, I'll bump them both up to 9s for that witty retort.

12/3/2004 1:09:58 PM

so me and my girlfriend are in Hawaii for an STD conference. anyway who do we see sitting on top of Mt. Kiluea but that beautiful bastard, Brasky. before i could even ask him what he was doing , he rips off one of my ears, threads it down a piece of rebar, impales my girlfriend on said rebar, and then tops off his unholy kabob with my other ear, all the while explaining to me in latin that he hates fondu. he cooked it over the magma in ten seconds flat and offered me a bite. and i'll be a son of a whore if it didn't taste like prime rib marinated in triple malt scotch.

to bill brasky!!!

12/3/2004 2:04:48 PM

whoa

12/3/2004 2:10:47 PM

too much?

12/3/2004 2:35:34 PM

crazy

12/3/2004 2:41:22 PM

yeah
entries like those aren't going on the website...

so have fun with the "creativity"

12/4/2004 12:09:45 AM

John F. Kennedy was shot by a sniper hiding in Brasky's dense pubic hair. After the assassination, though, he was unable to escape and eventually eaten by crabs. Incidentally, Brasky only keeps the crabs so that everyone he has sex with has something to remember him by, other than a perpetual, indescribable pain in their rectum, a beautiful son, and the brand he sears onto them post-coitus.

12/4/2004 1:13:25 AM

i heard he once went 10 bareknuckle rounds, drunk as a skunk, against Dracula in Anchorage. crazy bastard won three casks of bermudan rum and Tennesee.



what is this website? pg-13 content or something?

12/4/2004 1:54:29 AM

It was me that fought so that all court houses be handicapped accesible.I have no disability. I'm just a lazy ass who hates stairs and has a lot of paternity suits.

12/4/2004 7:17:20 PM

I heard that he sharpens knives with his eyelids, but I can't hear anything else now since he screamed in my ear when I told him he shouldn't talk loudly in church. Aaah, but I'd do anything to hear that wonderful voice of his again. People do some crazy things for Klondike bars, but me, I'd literally do anything to let him burst my eardrums again if it meant hearing that voice just one more time. Life is just too short.

12/4/2004 9:56:59 PM

The phrase "eat a bowl of dick" was coined after Brasky, who at a party, was asked to pass a bowl being used to smoke marijuana. Instead, he orally violated the entire pot smoking circle. Everyone in attendance said it was the best high of their lives.

12/5/2004 9:07:22 AM

get ready for it......

12/5/2004 10:57:20 AM